Worker was confused why my bun was so small since I had 2 chunky braids yesterday?

[glitterbug]

Hi all,

Right, I was at work just doing my thing the other day, I came in with 2 braids. A loud worker, said to me infront of everyone 'why is your bun small today, when you had 2 massive plaits yesterday?' I was like 'hmm dunno, thats just how my hair is'

I was really bemused to how she asked me that infront of everyone, but I didnt have a proper answer I could give her, I just did my chunky cinnabun. Could you think of a better answer I could of given her?

[PamelaViktoria]

I would say " haha there's bigger fish to fry! Did you hear the news this morning about the dollar's collapse?" And then talk about that.
I only soak up compliments. Anything else is like "who cares about me? I'm a speck in the world scene. My hair's even less important haha

[glitterbug]

I would say " haha there's bigger fish to fry! Did you hear the news this morning about the dollar's collapse?" And then talk about that.
I only soak up compliments. Anything else is like "who cares about me? I'm a speck in the world scene. My hair's even less important haha

Yeah I know right, Some people can get really funny like that. I never really make a big scene out of it. By the way this lady has very short hair and she always asks me and it makes me cringe LOL

[spidermom]

Some form of "You tell me," comes in handy for a variety of situations.
Example: Me with hideous orange hair from henna walking in Seattle.
Guy stopped at a traffic light: "what color do you call that hair?"
Me: "I was hoping you could tell me."

The light changed and we both went on with our lives.

[sarahthegemini]

That's a bizarre comment to make, perhaps she thought you had extensions in your braids to thicken your hair and was being a bit of an arse to try and embarrass you?

[melusine963]

That's a bizarre comment to make, perhaps she thought you had extensions in your braids to thicken your hair and was being a bit of an arse to try and embarrass you?

That would be my guess, too.

[WilfredAllen]

the hair is more compacted in a bun. With braids, there's space/ air between the hairs. That's all I'd say lol

[blondzai]

what a pointless thing to say...whenever i put my hair in a top bun i always get people asking me if its all my hair...i guess i like a bit poofy-er of a bun but i never really understood why anyone would even care

[ravenreed]

I find the phrase, "It's my super power," gets me out of all sorts of uncomfortable conversations.

[chen bao jun]

Having endured a similar remark recently from a friend (not that its worth thinking out, as the others have pointed out), I think people really have no idea what size true buns are. Most people who do a bun put it up with a claw clip (gives you no idea of true size), do a sock bun (ditto, the sock adds bulk), or even add fake hair (google 'bun' on youtube and you see a whole lot of videos telling you how to use hair extension hair to add your bun) or else they do one of those 'buns' where you spread your hair out and bobby pin it down to create an illusion of bulk. Most people, especially older women with the requisite short haircut, don't have long enough hair to do a bun, since there is no way their hair is BSL and she could really be confused about how a person with thick braids can have a small bun, since all the (fake) buns she's ever seen are large.

The only place, honestly, that I see honest to goodness large buns is here on LHC among the classic and longer set. Who basically don't exist IRL.

[jacqueline101]

I'd said your yelling scared it. That's why it's small.

[rileykathleen]

I find the phrase, "It's my super power," gets me out of all sorts of uncomfortable conversations.

I like that! I'm totally using that in the future.

That's such a weird thing to point out the way she did, though. There are better things to worry about.

[Crumpet]

I had a (male) friend ask me about my bun once. It was kind of awkward. I don't think that non-LHC people understand that it can sometimes be hurtful to say someone has a small bun. He was genuinely worried that I had cut my hair because it looked so much smaller than when my hair is down. I pointed out a sock bun and said 'there's a sock in there -- my bun is all of my real hair.' He was astonished that not all buns are just hair...which may be part of the bun problem for people as well these days!

[Kaelee]

I find the phrase, "It's my super power," gets me out of all sorts of uncomfortable conversations.

Oh man I have GOT TO remember this!!!

I have one coworker who consistently tells me that my hair looks fake. :lol: She means it as a compliment (albeit it's an odd one) and I take it as such, but I always am inwardly shaking my head because...who says THAT?

[LAG93]

Oh man I have GOT TO remember this!!!

I have one coworker who consistently tells me that my hair looks fake. :lol: She means it as a compliment (albeit it's an odd one) and I take it as such, but I always am inwardly shaking my head because...who says THAT?


Uh huh maybe on the outside its a compliment, but really it's not, she wants you to think she's giving you a compliment when really she's telling you: I bet you have extensions don't you? But by saying it with a smile she hopes that you think, on the outside, she's complimenting your perfect hair but she also hopes to get across discretely enough that you cant call her out but not too discretely that you miss the point: that she thinks she knows you use fake hair, and she secretly wants you to understand that insult through her "compliment"


I always wanna tell people I know what their little minds are up to when they give these insulting compliments but....it's one of those unsaid things, you both know what just went down but you both go on acting like its allll okay!

[&rea]

YES! I hate that! I was in the ladies room at the work once, just washing my hands. There was a co-worker next to me. We happen to make eye contact and she exclaimed "Wow! Your eyes are huge!" It didn't seem like a complement so I didn't thank her. I think I actually said something along the lines of "Uh... yeah. They're a little big." Then she explained how her eyes were really little and I must be able to see really clearly because they are so open (logic, right?). Most people would have just said "Oh you have nice eyes", if they felt the need to say anything.

[woolyleprechaun]

The non-hair community population always seem a tad baffled by bun sizes. My mom always shrieks when I let my hair down- 'Where were you hiding all that?!' lol.

[oktobergoud]

Maybe she was just genuinely wondering why your hair looked so different?? She was saying you were wearing MASSIVE plaits the other day, so I think that's more like a hidden compliment. Like 'how can you hide all that hair in that bun??'. I often wonder why my hair looks so thin in a bun but so much thicker in a braid, or how it looks so thin in one braid but thicker in 2 etc. etc. I mean, it's not nice to say it in front of other people, but I'm sure she meant no harm! I'm sure she didn't want to upset you or embarrass you, she was probably just genuinely wondering how it could be? :)

[AnnaB]

ah people never fail to amuse me...Sometimes the way people phrase things can be misinterpret to what they are actually trying to say.

I would of said...'Oh I hoped nobody would notice, I'm wearing a different wig today' or something like 'It's not all about the size ;)' or 'you know what they say, 2 massive braids...one small bun. Have you never heard of it? Oh well maybe when your hair gets longer your can test it out'

[chen bao jun]

I had a (male) friend ask me about my bun once. It was kind of awkward. I don't think that non-LHC people understand that it can sometimes be hurtful to say someone has a small bun. He was genuinely worried that I had cut my hair because it looked so much smaller than when my hair is down. I pointed out a sock bun and said 'there's a sock in there -- my bun is all of my real hair.' He was astonished that not all buns are just hair...which may be part of the bun problem for people as well these days!
yup this is true

[chen bao jun]

Maybe she was just genuinely wondering why your hair looked so different?? She was saying you were wearing MASSIVE plaits the other day, so I think that's more like a hidden compliment. Like 'how can you hide all that hair in that bun??'. I often wonder why my hair looks so thin in a bun but so much thicker in a braid, or how it looks so thin in one braid but thicker in 2 etc. etc. I mean, it's not nice to say it in front of other people, but I'm sure she meant no harm! I'm sure she didn't want to upset you or embarrass you, she was probably just genuinely wondering how it could be? :)

I think this can be true in many cases and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
In the case of my friend, though she is my friend and usually nice, she meant to insult me. She was accusing me of claiming my hair is thick and telling me that its not, totally out of the blue. She had told me the week before that my ficcare looked like a cheap plastic hair clip. I don't know what's up with her. She has hair that's very much longer than mine (she's at midwaist and I'm bra strap and I don't look that because I'm curly, I look like shoulder) and I told her I am trying to grow my hair and now she thinks its a competition or something. She likes to make remarks along the lines of 'I'm glad I'm not curly like you' and to tell me that she does 'nothing' with her hair when she's dyed blond, has a curly perm (yes, she does, even though she tells me she's glad she's not curly) and puts extensions in to appear to have thicker hair (I know because I was with her when she bought them). This is the only thing she's obnoxious about and she's VERY obnoxious and I'm not sure how to handle it because I want her to stop but to keep her as a friend.

[Night_Kitten]

Uh huh maybe on the outside its a compliment, but really it's not, she wants you to think she's giving you a compliment when really she's telling you: I bet you have extensions don't you? But by saying it with a smile she hopes that you think, on the outside, she's complimenting your perfect hair but she also hopes to get across discretely enough that you cant call her out but not too discretely that you miss the point: that she thinks she knows you use fake hair, and she secretly wants you to understand that insult through her "compliment"


I always wanna tell people I know what their little minds are up to when they give these insulting compliments but....it's one of those unsaid things, you both know what just went down but you both go on acting like its allll okay!

Yep, I know people like that... I've found that if you treat their hidden insult as a compliment only without the underline insult and they realize you "missed their point", it seems to annoy them (probably because the final result is exactly the opposite of what they were hoping to get - instead of being insulted you feel complimented)... So the best way to "combat" such people is taking their remarks as crystal-pure compliments :)


I think this can be true in many cases and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
In the case of my friend, though she is my friend and usually nice, she meant to insult me. She was accusing me of claiming my hair is thick and telling me that its not, totally out of the blue. She had told me the week before that my ficcare looked like a cheap plastic hair clip. I don't know what's up with her. She has hair that's very much longer than mine (she's at midwaist and I'm bra strap and I don't look that because I'm curly, I look like shoulder) and I told her I am trying to grow my hair and now she thinks its a competition or something. She likes to make remarks along the lines of 'I'm glad I'm not curly like you' and to tell me that she does 'nothing' with her hair when she's dyed blond, has a curly perm (yes, she does, even though she tells me she's glad she's not curly) and puts extensions in to appear to have thicker hair (I know because I was with her when she bought them). This is the only thing she's obnoxious about and she's VERY obnoxious and I'm not sure how to handle it because I want her to stop but to keep her as a friend.

Isn't it amazing how strange some women can get over other women's hair?
From what you've written I think her long hair is an important part of her self-esteem, and so far she was the only one with that "advantage". When you said you want to grow your hair long, it probably made her feel threatened, as you might "rob" her of her big "advantage", and she will no longer be the only one with the long hair, so now she is doing everything she can to make you feel bad about your hair and eventually cut it... Though it could be something else that bothers her, and she's "letting it out" on your hair...
I'd say think whether your friendship with her is worth keeping, and if it is, then try talking to her about it in a relaxed neutral environment to try to get at the roots of the problem (no pun intended), that might diffuse the situation.

[Leeloo]

Hi all,

Right, I was at work just doing my thing the other day, I came in with 2 braids. A loud worker, said to me infront of everyone 'why is your bun small today, when you had 2 massive plaits yesterday?' I was like 'hmm dunno, thats just how my hair is'

I was really bemused to how she asked me that infront of everyone, but I didnt have a proper answer I could give her, I just did my chunky cinnabun. Could you think of a better answer I could of given her?

Well, I suppose that you should be nice to her and say something in the lines of “well braids always look bigger then buns”, but since she has an attitude, then maybe something like “I’ve noticed that you’ve been paying a lot of attention to me lately, I’m flattered that you have a crush on me, but I’m not interested”.

Best answer here is still “It’s my superpower!”

[glitterbug]

I like that! I'm totally using that in the future.

That's such a weird thing to point out the way she did, though. There are better things to worry about.

Yeah, I know, I'm glad i'm not the only one who found it really odd!

[gnome82]

Some people don't know when it is time to shut their mouth :bigtongue: :shrug:

[door72067]

I would have said something like "I had eggs for breakfast yesterday and cereal today, that's probably why."

I like to give random answers to dumb questions

[sparrowswing]

I had a similar experience a few months ago, only in reverse. I was visiting my parents for the first time in several months (and hadn't really had my hair down around them much during that previous visit either). For the first day my hair was up in a nautilus. After my shower that evening, I was finger-combing my hair, and my dad walked into the room and exclaimed, "Where did all that hair come from!?" He couldn't imagine such long hair fitting into such a small bun. Even at fingertip length, my fine hair compacts into buns smaller than some of the BSL hair around here; texture, thickness, and coarseness all make a difference. Factor in things like sock buns and extensions, and people really don't have a concept of hair-to-bun ratios.

[Nae]

Hmmm....

Look at her with a "well duh...." expression and say without a smile. "Of course it looks smaller, my hair is magic. I KNOW I told you that before."

[Kaelee]

Uh huh maybe on the outside its a compliment, but really it's not, she wants you to think she's giving you a compliment when really she's telling you: I bet you have extensions don't you? But by saying it with a smile she hopes that you think, on the outside, she's complimenting your perfect hair but she also hopes to get across discretely enough that you cant call her out but not too discretely that you miss the point: that she thinks she knows you use fake hair, and she secretly wants you to understand that insult through her "compliment"


I always wanna tell people I know what their little minds are up to when they give these insulting compliments but....it's one of those unsaid things, you both know what just went down but you both go on acting like its allll okay!

I choose not to read negativity into things that much.

[Indigo Girl]

I would have said something like "I had eggs for breakfast yesterday and cereal today, that's probably why."

I like to give random answers to dumb questions

Haha awesome. I would have done similar.

[chen bao jun]

Isn't it amazing how strange some women can get over other women's hair?
From what you've written I think her long hair is an important part of her self-esteem, and so far she was the only one with that "advantage". When you said you want to grow your hair long, it probably made her feel threatened, as you might "rob" her of her big "advantage", and she will no longer be the only one with the long hair, so now she is doing everything she can to make you feel bad about your hair and eventually cut it... Though it could be something else that bothers her, and she's "letting it out" on your hair...
I'd say think whether your friendship with her is worth keeping, and if it is, then try talking to her about it in a relaxed neutral environment to try to get at the roots of the problem (no pun intended), that might diffuse the situation.
Appreciate this feedback.
You might just be right, she is extremely proud of her long blond hair and very anxious to say that its 'natural' (she was a blond child.) I know she doesn't like going grey, which has been happening for awhile and she has expressed jealousy that I am a slow grey-er.

Now that I think back, she has tended to get upset when I get complimented on my hair around her. This happens a lot just because I have curls and people tend to compliment and be fascinated by curls. She has told me how her husband wants her to stay blond and how he loves blondes better than other women, but he does keep complimenting my curls (not in a I'm-hitting-on-you way, of course) and I'm remembering now that this always makes her shake her hair out and start playing with it and combing it, looking extremely annoyed.

We were all out together, me and my husband and she and hers when she made the nasty remarks about my hair, both times.

Hmm, I bet the problem will be solved if I can get her husband to stop paying me any more hair compliments.

She is really a good friend and I would love the situation to stop.

[teddygirl]

I don't think there's any need to be rude to her, just give a real straight up answer.

[ravenreed]

Maybe you can enlist your husband to compliment her hair when her husband compliments yours?


Appreciate this feedback.
You might just be right, she is extremely proud of her long blond hair and very anxious to say that its 'natural' (she was a blond child.) I know she doesn't like going grey, which has been happening for awhile and she has expressed jealousy that I am a slow grey-er.

Now that I think back, she has tended to get upset when I get complimented on my hair around her. This happens a lot just because I have curls and people tend to compliment and be fascinated by curls. She has told me how her husband wants her to stay blond and how he loves blondes better than other women, but he does keep complimenting my curls (not in a I'm-hitting-on-you way, of course) and I'm remembering now that this always makes her shake her hair out and start playing with it and combing it, looking extremely annoyed.

We were all out together, me and my husband and she and hers when she made the nasty remarks about my hair, both times.

Hmm, I bet the problem will be solved if I can get her husband to stop paying me any more hair compliments.

She is really a good friend and I would love the situation to stop.

[rosey4exclaim]

I probably would have just stared and said something like, "What ... I don't know." And then there would be an awkward silence. lol

At one job, I usually wore my hair down, and one day when I wore it up in a bun, some guy asked me, "Did you cut your hair? Or is it all up in there?" I found this more amusing than anything, though. He was young, just out of high school and probably had no idea how girls did anything with their hair. lol

[chen bao jun]

Maybe you can enlist your husband to compliment her hair when her husband compliments yours?
That's a thought. Thanks.
She does have pretty hair (though dyed and fried by LHC standards), so he shouldn't have much of a problem doing that. I hope it sets things straight.