Emotional hair issues!

[bunnylake]

So, I have been toying with the idea of cutting my hair for a few months now. It is currently tailbone length, and my original goal was classic, but I if I were to cut it I would want it to be about collar bone length. I love the way both long and short hair look, and I am really itching for something new, and to feel lighter. To me, there is something about short hair that just seems more relaxed and carefree. That's what I'm dying for.
Here's the problem: I'm afraid to cut it. I'm afraid of having "ordinary" hair. I feel like having shorter hair will make me look/feel less "special". I know that sounds lame, but it's the truth. My long hair sets me apart from other people, and I feel a sense of accomplishment about how long I have been able to grow it. However I'm not sure I like it so long anymore. I feel like I have more bad hair days than good. I don't like how I look in updos, so it just hangs either loose or in an english braid. I spend a lot of money on henna, and my length takes to it differently than my roots due to past damage, so the color is subtly uneven. I have this weird frizzy halo that doesnt go away no matter what. My scalp gets oily very fast, so my roots go flat and lank within a day. My hair is just not happy. I have tried many products and routines, and theres nothing that really has ever made me fall in love with my hair.
I miss the pre-LHC days, to be honest. I'll never leave you guys even if I do cut my hair! But... I miss my carefree shorter hair days. Less drying time, no fussing with braids before bed, no split-end freak outs, etc etc. Will I feel better about myself with shorter hair? Or will I be upset that all the time and effort I put into growing it so long will be chopped away? I just don't know. It feels like long hair has become part of my identity, and I need something new now, but it's scary.
Can anyone else relate to this? I feel so lame about it.

[Kaelee]

First off- cutting your hair does not in any way make you LESS anything. It just means you have less hair. That's it, that's all. And I wouldn't call it "ordinary"- it might be a similar haircut to someone else, but it will be unique on YOU.

I honestly decided that I'll never cut my hair shorter than it is now UNTIL I get older and go for a pixie. I love pixie cuts. But when I get one, it will be a lifelong commitment, because I do NOT want to go through "growing out" ever again!!! Nor do I want to have the "awkward length where I can't get my thick hair into a bun" that for me takes YEARS to get through...but that's a practical decision, mostly. I think collarbone length hair would drive me up a tree- it would be impossible to keep out of my face!!! At least it was last time I had it. I lived in half ups at that length. I want to be able to put my hair UP or not have it there at all.

If you would be happy with shorter hair, by all means, go for it! You certainly don't need our approval.:agree:

[MidnightMoon]

I feel exactly the same way...My hair is even a similar colour and length than yours (look at my siggy).
One part of me would want short hair which I could dye black or redish, and straighten it (my hair has an uneven pattern of waves/curls which is pretty ugly most of the time) and make it look nice without caring about the damage. I usually wear it up, to protect it, but then it gets dirty and knotty and when I look at myself from the back it looks bad most of the time.

But the other part of me wants hair that looks original, which is 'difficult' to achieve, because straight short dyed hair is very easy for anyone to have. I want to feel like a medieval maiden or something (lol), and look as if I was from another era or something...
I convince myself that I'm just having a bad hair day and stuff...Plus, I even have a hairstyle planned for my wedding which requires very long hair and I'm not even engaged or something(!)

I really don't know what to do, I fear I will regret cutting it but at the same time I fear it will never look as I want it to look...it's never going to be almost straight, thick coarse hair...

[Leeloo]

You have to do what makes you happy with your hair. But that said, very long hair does set you apart from the rest and in hair length way it does make you more unique just because there are a lot more people with shorter hair then yours (please do not confuse this with being more beautiful or more special as a person, that has nothing to do with hair). The halo or shorter hairs around your head is constant breakage from the pillow. Have you tried silk pillow case AND silk sleeping bonnet? Sleeping caps are something you need to get used to though and they are not for everyone, but they do protect your hair from forming that halo type damage and in like a month that breakage will start growing out noticeably and you'll be able to incorporate it in your braids. If you do decide to go for a cut then maybe doing it in stages to waist length first and then shorter may help you decide if you like it shorter before you give up the whole length. You are so close to your goal of classic though!

[spidermom]

It's a really good policy to reach one goal before you set a new one. You're so close now - grow your hair out to classic. This is a pretty important lesson in sticking to something you've decided because there are always 1,001 reasons/temptations to do something else. The hair in and of itself; no biggie. But you don't want to be flighty and all over the place about other life goals that matter more. So stick it out for the practice. Then you won't be lamenting that you were so close but didn't make it.

[Hootenanny]

It's a really good policy to reach one goal before you set a new one. You're so close now - grow your hair out to classic. This is a pretty important lesson in sticking to something you've decided because there are always 1,001 reasons/temptations to do something else. The hair in and of itself; no biggie. But you don't want to be flighty and all over the place about other life goals that matter more. So stick it out for the practice. Then you won't be lamenting that you were so close but didn't make it.

THIS. So many times, this. It's so true that following up on a goal in one part of life helps to build good habits for other parts of life. And think of this: if you achieve your original goal (classic), then your reward can be a totally new cut/style! :)

[chen bao jun]

Sounds to me as if you don't so much want short hair but want to have no halo and no annoying damage.
I would get the silk or satin pillowcase, grow it to classic and then cut off the damage to see if you like long hair once you have none.
You can always get your dream short hair cut later, while if you cut your hair off now after all this work, you might regret not having pushed through to your goal.

[bunnylake]

Thanks everyone, very much. I am going to take your advice and try using a silk pillow case, and I will be patient and grow it out for a few more months and see how I feel. I actually hadn't thought of my pillow case being such a source of damage, but maybe it really is.

Waist to TBL hair is actually becoming popular in my area. I'm on Long Island NY. I have even seen a handful of girls/women with classic length hair. So maybe my hair doesn't set me apart as much as I thought. :)

I'm feeling a little better after talking about it, and realizing that the issue is probably more about my self esteem than it is about my hair.

[BreeTheBoss]

Youre your own person. Your hair doesnt define who you are. Youre gorgeous and pretty. If you feel like your long hair is limiting you, cut it. Hair grows. If people only like you for your hair, then they werent true friends. Your personality defines you, and you will shine from the inside out even without long hair. If I were you, Id cut it. If you cant enjoy your long hair, whats the point of having it? To impress others? Do what makes YOU happy, not other people.

[thistledown]

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I often feel like I am my hair. I'm cutting mine to waist shortly and I'm more scared for that then I was getting my first filling!! If you're not happy cut it, if you love it keep it, only you can decide :)

[ghost]

I'm inclined to agree with Spidermom on this one. You're not very far from your goal of classic, might as well hold out a little longer and see how you feel once you get there, rather than chop your hair and wonder "what if?"
I mean, for me that's coming from a place of having done big chops before and regretted them every time, so I'm not exactly unbiased >_< But I also understand how much more frustrating a bad hair day is when you have long hair than when your hair is shorter. At any rate, if you grow out to classic, even if you wind up cutting your hair, at least it's something you can check off your list.

[YamaMaya]

If you are not enjoying your hair, what is the point of having it? The point of growing out long hair is that you want long hair, and you like how it looks on you. If you're looking for change that is natural, but it doesn't make you less of anything. You're still you, and you are not just the length of your hair, that's only a very small part of who you are as a person.

[FuzzyBlackWaves]

Try not to define yourself by your hair. Physical appearance might be a way to display your inner self, but it never determines who you actually are.

[Zindell]

It's a really good policy to reach one goal before you set a new one. You're so close now - grow your hair out to classic. This is a pretty important lesson in sticking to something you've decided because there are always 1,001 reasons/temptations to do something else. The hair in and of itself; no biggie. But you don't want to be flighty and all over the place about other life goals that matter more. So stick it out for the practice. Then you won't be lamenting that you were so close but didn't make it.

So. Well. Written. :blossom:

[shutterpillar]

Spidermom makes a very good point about maybe trying for your goal, BUT I think if you do not love you hair now, then you should do whatever you want to it so that you will love it again and feel good about it. You can always grow it back out if you ever want to, though I understand the feeling of losing all the length you worked hard for.

All in all, do what makes you happy - and please keep your word and don't leave the forums! :flower: