PDA

View Full Version : I am at my goal length, and feeling very conflicted. (pic included)



Zesty
July 28th, 2013, 02:56 PM
So I was aiming for tailbone, and as of now I'm there. My hair hits exactly where I can feel the bottom of my tailbone. Here is a picture from about 10 minutes ago (excuse the bun dents and the fact that I didn't comb it before taking a picture):

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n120/Paisley_Love/2013-07-28162731246x500_zpsa8151c53.jpg (http://s110.photobucket.com/user/Paisley_Love/media/2013-07-28162731246x500_zpsa8151c53.jpg.html)

For months and months I've been going back and forth on what I want to do with it. Part of me is rooting for classic length. But on the whole I'm not super happy with my hair. I lost a lot of thickness during my stress shed about 9-ish months ago, and now that hair is growing back, which is GOOD, but it looks so stupid and unhealthy with all these 4-inch hairs all over my head, clumping together and sticking up and looking like breakage when it isn't. I wear my hair in a hair stick bun every. Single. Day. And I really feel that it isn't flattering, especially since I have all these shorter hairs sticking up. It's impossible to smooth them down. It doesn't help much that my birth control has given me acne that's (not super bad but) worse than I've ever had before in my life, since I've always had dry skin.

I really want to look good OUTSIDE of my length pictures. And I don't feel pretty. I feel frumpy. Sometimes I want to cut back to waist or MBL, sometimes I want to get a shoulder-length haircut. Sometimes I think that maybe bangs would make it look better in a bun, or I'd feel better if I wore it down more often, or if I started wearing makeup, which I currently don't, or if I lost weight. Overall I'm very, very conflicted. I'm much happier now than I was a year ago and I want that to be reflected in a change. I've been trying to scratch the itch by redoing my wardrobe (which was long overdue anyway), but I keep coming back to my hair. The two week rule is getting me nowhere because I go back and forth in the course of a week or even in a single day, but it HAS been building up. Right at this very second I'm ready to cut it off. But at the same time I'm scared. I've been using my hair as a security blanket, and as something that makes me special, which isn't psychologically healthy, I'm sure. I need to realize that I'm special and beautiful with any length hair. I've also gotten so used to being very patient and waiting to see each year how long it's gotten. Thus the siren song of classic length. But I just don't know.

What should I do? I want to feel prettier, and I don't know how that can be accomplished. In some ways I feel like I'm just clinging to my hair out of habit. At the same time, I'm afraid to make the call to set up a hair appointment when it's been years since I've been to the hairdresser. I'm afraid I'll regret cutting it. It shouldn't be this important, but I figured LHCers would understand.

TL;DR: I'm conflicted and keep going back and forth on cutting my hair. Thoughts?

Nellon
July 28th, 2013, 02:59 PM
Hey dear! I think your hair is very very beautiful. I'd say give it some more time... Is there any other styles you could do that suits and flatters you? Braids?

sisi33
July 28th, 2013, 03:11 PM
Zesty, you hair looks wonderful to me. That being said, if you are that unhappy with it, change it. Cut back to BCL or hip, get a fringe or face framing layers. I have a hunch that once you start, you will start to realize what you truly want to do with it. Hair grows back, and it's not worth the mental agony. :flower:

ouseljay
July 28th, 2013, 03:14 PM
Since you're considering cutting it anyway, you could do fun stuff with it that you maybe enjoy but have been avoiding for the sake of length. For me, that would be wearing it down a lot, letting it blow around in a good wind, and my current plan of dying the ends. (I personally would avoid doing anything that would damage the higher part, like straightening or blow drying.) Try different things that don't include cutting at first. It might help soften your attachment to it, or it might help you decide you really do want to keep it long.

massivecnqstdr
July 28th, 2013, 03:15 PM
If you're considering cutting it, just start with a small amount. I think waist is a good idea. Of course, it will always come back. I would say if you feel frumpy and stuck to updos, don't go to classic. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion, though.. :couch:

Zesty
July 28th, 2013, 03:15 PM
Hey dear! I think your hair is very very beautiful. I'd say give it some more time... Is there any other styles you could do that suits and flatters you? Braids?
Thank you for the lovely compliment. I'll try experimenting before I do anything rash. The thing is, most times braids (at least as I've been doing them) kind of have the same effect as a bun (no hair around my face). My hair is too sleek haha. Thank you for the suggestion, I will try looking things up on YouTube. That's what I've done in the past when I've gotten bored with my hair, anyway lol. Maybe a side bun with a looser top would help make it look nicer while still keeping it out of my face. :)

Skade
July 28th, 2013, 03:16 PM
Congratulations on reaching your goal. I think it looks beautiful. Dont cut it. At least not yet. Take some more time to think about it. And then cut it if you feel sure that's what you want to do. Just don't cut it right now when you feel so conflicted.

ExpectoPatronum
July 28th, 2013, 03:20 PM
Blah...I'm in the same boat with you with those stupid hairs that are growing in after a stress shed.

I say if you're unhappy with your hair and want to cut it, cut it a little at a time. Sometimes just cutting off a couple/few inches is all that's needed to refresh the look of your hair.

Whether you cut it or not, have you tried searching for new updos on youtube? That's what I do when I'm in a rut and it really helps to give me ideas. You could also try some new hairtoys...Who doesn't like new pretty things?

As a side note, I think your hair is very pretty at the length it is. Even uncombed, it looks very healthy and smooth!

jel
July 28th, 2013, 03:37 PM
I was exactly like you about 3 years ago; I'd reached TB (BCL) which was my "ultimate" goal, and I wasn't that happy. On the other hand, it had taken me 5 years to get there, so I wasn't very excited about the idea of cutting back either. So, I kept prevaricating about the issue for over 6 months, when I realised my hair was well on the way to classic. That realisation helped me set a new goal, classic length, which I reached last year. I continued growing, thinking about fingertip length, but recently decided to go back to hip/BCL (before and after pics are in my blog).

The difference is that now it was a very easy decision to make. Having experienced longer hair for a number of years, I felt ready to go back to a length that is still very long but easier to wear down. I also wanted to get rid of some very tatty ends (due to my original layers in a V-shaped hemline), as well as cutting off some of the old henna I'm growing out. I'm probably going to grow towards FTL again, but if I feel like cutting back again, it will be easy.

So, my advice is, if you're unsure about whether to cut your hair - grow a bit longer, until you are sure.

Also, your hair looks lovely. If you feel frumpy, new makeup and/or clothes can change that - and both are much less irreversible than a haircut you might regret!

mzBANGBANG
July 28th, 2013, 03:37 PM
Your hair looks so gorgeous now! I know your feeling, though.
Maybe just maintain at this length for awhile? A bunch of trims over a year, and you won't have those annoying 4" strands.
Every time I think of cutting, I usually just go up half a marker, and find that I already miss the length.

oddelabop
July 28th, 2013, 03:44 PM
I think your hair is beautiful :) I am not one to believe in growing for the sake of growing, as i believe that its more about the quality of hair not the actual length! But you are lucky as you have both!!

I wouldn't cut it, or at least have a long think about it, because if you do something rash you may regret it!

As for looking frumpy, no way girlfriend!

I had a shed a while back during a stressful breakup, but I think sometimes, things that are more noticeable to ourselves, aren't to others. I really cant tell from looking at your pictures.
Maybe experiment with new styles, like curls, braiding etc if you are getting bored of buns.

Otherwise I think your hair is beautiful just the way it is!

jacqueline101
July 28th, 2013, 04:54 PM
I'd be happy you made it. I'd stay there then later grow out or stay at your goal.

Anywhere
July 28th, 2013, 05:12 PM
I would do a small trim and work from there, your hair is beautiful.

SerinaDaith
July 28th, 2013, 05:12 PM
I would recommend what my DH has come to call youtube research. I was at BSL before getting frustrated with my bleached, dyed, abused hair and I chopped more like actually buzzed everything to 1/4 of an inch (long before - came here). I always had my hair in a pony tail, it was damaged and frizzed and split. The buzz was probably for the best however if I had learned different styles I may have tried harder to try to do better with what I had. My point being there are a ton of not frumpy styles for your length. Hair taping to add color or parandis woven in without adding dye or heat. There are even a few tricks for making long hair look short without getting a chop.

feathers
July 28th, 2013, 05:14 PM
It sounds to me like you're unhappy with your hair. If it's making you feel frumpy and you want a change anyway, then you should change it. It is a scary decision (all of those years gone in few snips!) and haircut regret is the worst, but if you're unhappy you have to do something. Just avoid doing anything drastic, and try to think about what you like and don't like about your hair to figure out how much you want to take off. And of course trim a little at a time if you're not sure.

If you're just sick of the scraped-back-with-flyaways look, you could try some different styles. Two french or dutch braids, either bunned or not, would add some visual interest at the front and maybe help tame your new growth. You could try a pouf in the front, so it's not scraped back. Sometimes when I want an updo to be a little looser, I'll gather the top third or so, push it forward a bit, secure it with a little claw clip, make my updo, and then remove the clip.

New hairstyles aren't the same as wearing your hair down though. Do you think wearing your hair down more would make you feel better? And, are you not wearing it down much now because it's too long to wear down comfortably, or solely because you're worried about damage? Avoiding damage at all costs just isn't worth it if you're not enjoying your hair. Half-ups, pinning the sides back, or headbands can keep hair out of your face when you're wearing it down, but of course that doesn't help with it getting caught on everything. If wearing your hair down is what you're missing, then maybe you should cut back to where you can wear it down more comfortably.

Celebrate reaching your goal, you have beautiful TBL hair! But it's okay if you've reached your goal length and aren't completely happy with your hair. It's a perfect time to regroup and go for a change if that's what you decide you want.

Robot Ninja
July 28th, 2013, 05:25 PM
Try wearing it down sometimes, or in a half-up, or a less severe style like a loose side braid. If you're thinking of trying makeup, do it; adding a bit of color to your face might make you feel less frumpy. Maybe try wearing dangly earrings or fun barettes or headbands, just so you have something around your face when your hair is in a bun. Or try some clip-in bangs, and if you like the look, get real ones.

Your hair is lovely; I wouldn't suggest a drastic cut if you're not sure it's what you want.

swearnsue
July 28th, 2013, 05:33 PM
Braid your hair while wet/damp and let it dry that way for braid waves. This gives your hair a totally different feel and lift around your face. You could trim an inch too, sometimes that can make you feel better. Small trims makes my hair feel suddenly more bouncy, even if I cut 1/8 inch!

spirals
July 28th, 2013, 05:42 PM
Couple points:
--Buns make me feel frumpy, too. I only do them out of convenience, like when I'm running late and don't have time to detangle or it's just. too. hot. I favor various braids or half-ups that put 2/3 of my hair up. (The last 1/3 can just take one for the team.)
--Cutting back to hip might help. It's still really long to non-LHCers, but maybe easier to deal with.
--I have very wavy hair, so shorter hairs are not a big deal for me, so I could tell you they shouldn't be for you. I don't want to tell you how to feel about them, but maybe it would influence you to know that when I see them on fairly straight hair, I don't see unhealthy. I just see, you know, hair. It does that. Intelligent people will recognize hair grows at different rates. As for the ones wo don't, who cares?

Macaroni
July 28th, 2013, 05:55 PM
I'd trim it myself to waist with Feye's Method and give myself bangs. The bangs will highlight your eyes so wearing a little eye makeup is a good idea. Also a lipgloss/lipstick for balance. These are not drastic changes and just might satisfy your need for change.

Magalo
July 28th, 2013, 06:00 PM
Try wearing it down sometimes, or in a half-up, or a less severe style like a loose side braid. If you're thinking of trying makeup, do it; adding a bit of color to your face might make you feel less frumpy. Maybe try wearing dangly earrings or fun barettes or headbands, just so you have something around your face when your hair is in a bun. Or try some clip-in bangs, and if you like the look, get real ones.

Your hair is lovely; I wouldn't suggest a drastic cut if you're not sure it's what you want.

You said almost everything I wanted to say. :)

I would add: try curling your hair with heat free methods, pin a side back or do a half-up... I'm sure you'll get a ton of compliments!

Zesty
July 28th, 2013, 06:08 PM
Thanks so much to everyone for the suggestions. I knew LHC would come through. <3 I think I'll try going a few weeks without allowing myself to touch a hair stick and see what styles I can try to pull off. Either that makes the boredom go away and I keep my hair or I decide I really do want to cut it off. I just did a side rope braid in the mirror and it was actually rather fetching, so I won't give up yet. I'll just try to be less lazy. Also I think washing every other day instead of every 3 days would help, since having greasy hair is one of the reasons I wear it up, and of course that in itself doesn't make me feel pretty at all haha.

nanea
July 28th, 2013, 06:11 PM
Your hair is absolutely beautiful! So many people would die to have your length, texture, colour. :thudpile: I get exactly how you feel though. I always wish I could be prettier like I know that people think I am not the best looking. At nights I just wish all of the time I could look like someone else and imagine how much better people would treat me. So I thought growing out my hair long would help people look at me differently. Like I have something interesting about myself when people look at me. Long hair is so beautiful and I thought hey maybe it will make me more beautiful in some way. Throughout my process of growing, I have felt, like you, it is some sort of security blanket. I want it to keep growing and growing and growing.

Your hair is very very beautiful and I am sure with that amazing head of hair, is a beautiful person inside and out. It gets very frustrating having random tiny little regrowth hairs poking around. I have lost handfuls and handfuls of hair due to stress and depression. I would say if you want to keep the length and to help it grow and feel healthier to maybe do smaller trims a bit more frequently? Or cut back to waist and I am sure that would help a lot to get then ends in better shape. And it will also help the regrowth hairs to catch up. What I also like to do is look up clever heatless hair styles. Some heatless curls or waves will make your hair look even more stunning. :D

I hope my suggestions helped in a way? I am glad I have finally read someone's story much similar to mine. Stay strong and keep smiling. :))) I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out. I hope whatever change you decide to make will be awesome. Cheers! :flower:

Micayla47
July 28th, 2013, 07:10 PM
hi zesty. i think everyone has given great advice already. i just stopped by to say WOW! i love love love your hair! the color length and texture are beautiful. you have exactly the hair i want. and, yet, i understand how you feel because i'm already having the same problem even though i'm still at mid-back. i wear my hair up 95% of the time and i'm really itching to cut fringe or get a bob. i feel that the bun, or even wearing my hair down and straight, is too severe. but i'm worried that i'll regret cutting and fringe takes a year to grow out and a bob would take 2 years to grow out.
anyway, congrats on reaching your length goal. :)

UltraBella
July 28th, 2013, 07:39 PM
Zesty, I used to feel exactly the way you are feeling now. I was so tired of my hair, I felt boring & frumpy and over it. But, I had grown so used to having it and what if I cut it and regretted it ? I waited and put off making a change for quite a while out of fear.
Finally, I cut. To waist, then to mid-back, then BSL soon after. Collar bone length was next, with a graduated shorter back. I really felt un-burdened and free, I'll never go back, I don't enjoy my hair long. I *love* my hair now.

Think about it carefully, but do listen to yourself. If you're ready, cut it.
It's lovely long, it will be just as lovely shorter.

BrightEyes
July 28th, 2013, 08:16 PM
Your hair is stunning, I absolutely love the texture and length. I would agree with the others who said to wait it out for a bit, maybe maintain where you are at. Wearing it down or trying some new updos might help. And of course, new hair toys :D

Schipperchow
July 28th, 2013, 08:36 PM
First, congratulations on reaching your hair length goal. Second, it sounds like you are ready for a new look overall. Wearing your hair in a half up style or down along with makeup, accessories & a few new pieces of clothing can update your look so you no longer feel frumpy. Do you have to wear your up for work? Do you not like/prefer to not wear makeup?

Leeloo
July 28th, 2013, 10:47 PM
Congratulations on reaching your goal length! Your hair is very pretty and I LOVE your hemline! I agree with several LHCers here saying that if youre just board with your look then playing with new makeup and wardrobe pieces can take up a lot of your time and be quite addictive. Id try them first before cutting of the length. Also trying new styles is a great idea. I always wore my hair in a pony before LHC. Now Im trying to learn new styles and a lot of them take about 15 minutes to do. If you do decide to go shorter with your hair then just do it in stages like the next shorter milestone length (you can always go shorter later).

spirals
July 28th, 2013, 11:09 PM
Zesty, have you thought about face-framing layers? Mine are long enough that if I wanted to pull them back I could. Also, headbands or scarves uses as headbands can add interest around the face. I always liked the 70s vibe of a triangle scarf, but they're next to impossible to find. I will be getting some of my grandma's scarves, and if any are square, I'll fold them in half to make triangles. Another thing you can do with a square scarf is to cover a low bun with it, as if it were a snood.

Tea Lady
July 28th, 2013, 11:14 PM
I agree your hair is lovely. I am at the place where I am actually hoping for those short little post-shed hairs, because mine are only beginning and I am terrified they won't all come back. So from my perspective, having a head full of new growth shorties would be divine! However, I think I would eventually tire of them once I knew my hair was back.

I would give yourself another two months of doing only tiny trims. I would hope that the shorties would, in that time, perhaps gain enough weight to lay down flat and blend in. I agree with others about changing up your styles. I was in the hugest rut ever with a Ficcare-every-day-bun. I am having so much more fun now with the Nautilus Bun, the Knot Bun, and braided buns. With hair toys. Those will give even the blandest look a little sparkle, taking you out of boredom and into interesting.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Tea Lady

red-again
July 29th, 2013, 01:25 AM
Your hair is amazing, to me and lots of others here, but it's what YOU feel that's important, you have to live with it and you look at it more than anyone else. Take your time deciding though and I'm sure you'll come to the right decision and be happy with it if you haven't rushed in.
Two things though, you hate the new growth, and the sticky out look it gives, however short you potentially cut though, you'd still have those naughty bits. Unless you went very short!
And second, your hair will always look worse to you than it really does to anyone else. You are your hairs best and worst critic as you look at it lots and in different lights etc. I bet no one else thinks " look at Zesty's hair, all those sticky out bits, what bad condition" , more like they are thinking "wow, look at that amazing hair, length, texture etc"
Maybe do a quick ask around in real life to friends regarding what they think of your hair and I bet you'll be pleased at the responses.

tigereye
July 29th, 2013, 01:42 AM
Hmm. To me it seems like your main problem is those 4" hairs. I know the feeling- For the past couple of years ive constantly had them too from the cyclical stress of university. Speaking from experience, cutting the rest of my hair (even only from hip to slightly-layered-midback made it worse. It's usually just a case of damp-bunning with a little aloe Vera on wash day (so it dries slower and less dry and sticky-up) and its usually unnoticeable by day 3 post-wash.
What did help with a similar bun issue I had was long wispy bangs. It actually started off as ponytail-breakage (in the days when I actually wore ponytails - I know better now) and stress-shedding. I just liked it when the front part was long enough to reach my jawbone that I just cut them in properly and trimmed them. Bangs might help you - you could try with wispy bangs, and make them bigger if you want.

Alexblue
July 29th, 2013, 02:11 AM
Your hair is loooooooovely. Though I know how you feel wanting a change....
I had a big shed a couple years ago with all the little regrown hairs following afterwards. They are bloody annoying so I played around with hair scarfs and hair bands. The regrowth looked horrid when my hair was in my standard bun or ponytail so I was actually forced to try different styles. I'm not sure if you're on Pinterest but there are tons of cute hairstyles on there for hiding regrowth :disco:

SongofLove
July 29th, 2013, 02:27 AM
Zesty, you have gorgeous hair :) Yeah I think everyone's advice so far is pretty good. I would agree that cutting back just a notch (like to BCL or to hip) first would be good because you would find out if you'd really miss your hair or not. I cut back to waist once back when I was at hip, and I already missed the length, and it so it's wasn't too bad because it didn't take long to grow back.,

I also agree that if you don't have bangs/fringe you might want to try them. I feel that I don't look as good with hair pulled back either, so I've always had bangs (chin-length to shoulder length ones).

Also make-up is a ton of fun! You don't have to go all out and put on a full face of makeup if you're just starting out---I often like to just wear a bit of tinted lipgloss or lip balm, and maybe a bit of concealer and/or eyeshadow. You'll be surprised at how much just a little makeup can do! I notice my face looks a lot better just from evening out my complexion a bit with concealer, or highlighting my eyes a bit with eyeshadow. And it's really fun to experiment with different colors and stuff.

MissAlida
July 29th, 2013, 06:16 AM
It sounds like you really love your hair, you just need a bit of a change. I think you should go to a stylist, and ask them to cut some bangs. That way, if you wear it up, you can still have some hair around your face, so it doesn't look too severe all pulled back. If you don't like them, you can always grow them out. BTW, I think your hair is gorgeous, I would love to have as much hair as you, but I only have about half of that. :shrug: Grass is always greener I guess...

Mya
July 29th, 2013, 10:26 AM
I want to feel prettier, and I don't know how that can be accomplished.

Just feel prettier. If you impose an external condition between your wish and your goal, you'll hardly be happy. In this sense, I agree that you are just clinging to your hair out of habit. You are feeding your own insecurities. If wispy hairs were a noteworthy flaw, they would be out of our genetic pool. The way you are is fine. Your new short hairs won't magically blend in if you cut your hair (unless you get it very short obviously). Focus on what will really make you happy you did, not what your insecurities dictate.

Honestly, but this is just my opinion, your hair is beautiful and you don't need to lose weight.

Zesty
July 29th, 2013, 10:42 AM
First, congratulations on reaching your hair length goal. Second, it sounds like you are ready for a new look overall. Wearing your hair in a half up style or down along with makeup, accessories & a few new pieces of clothing can update your look so you no longer feel frumpy. Do you have to wear your up for work? Do you not like/prefer to not wear makeup?

I am currently a student, so I can wear my hair however I like. It's just very easy to put it up in a bun. And I prefer to not wear makeup for skin care, financial, feminist, and time reasons. But sometimes it seems very attractive, like if I wore it I might finally be pretty, you know? Haha. I guess that's probably not true though.

dulce
July 29th, 2013, 10:44 AM
I think your hair is beautiful,it is thicker than mine.I would just maintain it at that length and let the thickness move down.But it looks fine in the pic,maybe use a smoothing serum and a boar bristle brush on the surface to smooth down any shorter hairs if you feel they stick out.Also check out new hairdos and buy some new hair toys to have fun with your hair again..

Leeloo
July 29th, 2013, 10:49 AM
Make up is not going to make you pretty, because you already are very pretty. But if you want to fiddle in makeup there is no shame. It’s like adding some flowers to your hair style, it’s not going to make your hair pretty (because it already is also) it'll just decorate it in a different way.

Zesty
July 29th, 2013, 10:49 AM
Just feel prettier. If you impose an external condition between your wish and your goal, you'll hardly be happy. In this sense, I agree that you are just clinging to your hair out of habit. You are feeding your own insecurities. If wispy hairs were a noteworthy flaw, they would be out of our genetic pool. The way you are is fine. Your new short hairs won't magically blend in if you cut your hair (unless you get it very short obviously). Focus on what will really make you happy you did, not what your insecurities dictate.

Honestly, but this is just my opinion, your hair is beautiful and you don't need to lose weight.

Thanks. I know I don't need to lose weight, I'm at a perfectly healthy weight, I just meant as an aesthetic change. I am always telling women around me that they are beautiful at the weight they are and everything else, I've just always been super bad at taking my own advice. I know alllll about my insecurities haha. As I'm always telling DF, however, I'm not one who can just will a mental state into existence. I have to do external things, whether it's distracting myself or self-talk or whatever else.

chen bao jun
July 29th, 2013, 11:11 AM
Use two week rule.
You look like a pretty girl in your sig. I know I was feeling ugly with my hair up at first just because I wasn't use to it and then I saw some photos of it and realized I didn't look any different and that it looked fine up.
Your hair is beautiful.
the thing about rushing to cut is--it takes so long to grow back. so be sure! Your ends are not noticeably thin, btw

Mya
July 29th, 2013, 11:28 AM
Thanks. I know I don't need to lose weight, I'm at a perfectly healthy weight, I just meant as an aesthetic change. I am always telling women around me that they are beautiful at the weight they are and everything else, I've just always been super bad at taking my own advice. I know alllll about my insecurities haha. As I'm always telling DF, however, I'm not one who can just will a mental state into existence. I have to do external things, whether it's distracting myself or self-talk or whatever else.

Ha! I know, other people's problems are easier. :D

You may want to start something new, like learning to do something you've always wanted to. Committing to a project always puts things into perspective, plus learning/training will stay with you forever and will never betray you.

spidermom
July 29th, 2013, 12:36 PM
I have discovered recently that the difference between frumpy and attractive is often the placement or shape of the bun. YouTube is a great place to learn options.

If I were you, I'd try a little layering around the face or bangs first. Sometimes a little change can make you feel completely different about how you look.

Killahkurlz
July 29th, 2013, 12:52 PM
So I was aiming for tailbone, and as of now I'm there. My hair hits exactly where I can feel the bottom of my tailbone. Here is a picture from about 10 minutes ago (excuse the bun dents and the fact that I didn't comb it before taking a picture):

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n120/Paisley_Love/2013-07-28162731246x500_zpsa8151c53.jpg (http://s110.photobucket.com/user/Paisley_Love/media/2013-07-28162731246x500_zpsa8151c53.jpg.html)

For months and months I've been going back and forth on what I want to do with it. Part of me is rooting for classic length. But on the whole I'm not super happy with my hair. I lost a lot of thickness during my stress shed about 9-ish months ago, and now that hair is growing back, which is GOOD, but it looks so stupid and unhealthy with all these 4-inch hairs all over my head, clumping together and sticking up and looking like breakage when it isn't. I wear my hair in a hair stick bun every. Single. Day. And I really feel that it isn't flattering, especially since I have all these shorter hairs sticking up. It's impossible to smooth them down. It doesn't help much that my birth control has given me acne that's (not super bad but) worse than I've ever had before in my life, since I've always had dry skin.

I really want to look good OUTSIDE of my length pictures. And I don't feel pretty. I feel frumpy. Sometimes I want to cut back to waist or MBL, sometimes I want to get a shoulder-length haircut. Sometimes I think that maybe bangs would make it look better in a bun, or I'd feel better if I wore it down more often, or if I started wearing makeup, which I currently don't, or if I lost weight. Overall I'm very, very conflicted. I'm much happier now than I was a year ago and I want that to be reflected in a change. I've been trying to scratch the itch by redoing my wardrobe (which was long overdue anyway), but I keep coming back to my hair. The two week rule is getting me nowhere because I go back and forth in the course of a week or even in a single day, but it HAS been building up. Right at this very second I'm ready to cut it off. But at the same time I'm scared. I've been using my hair as a security blanket, and as something that makes me special, which isn't psychologically healthy, I'm sure. I need to realize that I'm special and beautiful with any length hair. I've also gotten so used to being very patient and waiting to see each year how long it's gotten. Thus the siren song of classic length. But I just don't know.

What should I do? I want to feel prettier, and I don't know how that can be accomplished. In some ways I feel like I'm just clinging to my hair out of habit. At the same time, I'm afraid to make the call to set up a hair appointment when it's been years since I've been to the hairdresser. I'm afraid I'll regret cutting it. It shouldn't be this important, but I figured LHCers would understand.

TL;DR: I'm conflicted and keep going back and forth on cutting my hair. Thoughts?


not saying u will but I've heard a few times girls who had long hair that cut it missed their long hair after a few weeks. if u do cut don't do too too much if ure unsure but want to

Silverbrumby
July 29th, 2013, 01:02 PM
Great hair but I totally get wanting to mix it up. Ponytails, combs, braids, new buns. Maybe make the next two weeks about finding great hair jewelry, styles on you tube and even just going out out and about and soaking in the gasps from people appreciating your hair.

I sometimes find I have to force myself to get past funks I fall into. Its hard work but even trying out a few new things with hair or clothes or makeup might just give you a spark. Then if you cut off of at least you had fun. I'm all for cutting back a bit of that's what it takes to bring more joy into a person's life.

Kherome
July 29th, 2013, 01:45 PM
But at the same time I'm scared. I've been using my hair as a security blanket, and as something that makes me special, which isn't psychologically healthy, I'm sure. I need to realize that I'm special and beautiful with any length hair.

Hair doesn't make you pretty, nor special in any way. Anyone (for the most part) can grow long hair. Perhaps you could try a little therapy? It sounds like you're struggling with a deeper issue of self-esteem/self worth.

Unicorn
July 29th, 2013, 01:47 PM
I'm seeing a beautiful head of thick healthy hair. If you're thinking of cutting anyway, maybe enjoying wearing it down more, would help? The face framing layers many have suggested also seem a good idea. I can't really add anything new to so many positive suggestions, but I just wanted to let you know that you have hair than many would give their right arm for. :)

Hopefully you'll find something in these suggestions that does the trick and allows you to enjoy your hair again.

Unicorn

Zesty
July 29th, 2013, 02:19 PM
Hair doesn't make you pretty, nor special in any way. Anyone (for the most part) can grow long hair. Perhaps you could try a little therapy? It sounds like you're struggling with a deeper issue of self-esteem/self worth.
I'm working on it -- I am both in therapy and on medication for mental illness-related issues, and I realize that that comes through in my post. Thanks for your concern. :flowers: However, there is also an issue of boredom involved, which, as some have advised, could be filled by changing hairstyles or taking up a hobby or experimenting with other appearance-related things.

leslissocool
July 29th, 2013, 02:37 PM
I am currently a student, so I can wear my hair however I like. It's just very easy to put it up in a bun. And I prefer to not wear makeup for skin care, financial, feminist, and time reasons. But sometimes it seems very attractive, like if I wore it I might finally be pretty, you know? Haha. I guess that's probably not true though.


To me, it Sounds like you need a change and I would personally do it gradually.


I'd honestly start with braided fringes, and a bun. Twist braids are my favorite and they take less than 5 minutes to do.

http://jp2.r0tt.com/l_c67eaa90-a682-11e1-b320-fd17ed900002.jpg

I'd start playing with the hair first. I did this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjLras8Gc4I&list=TLuwjlO0_T4M4) one but bunned it instead and everyone actually thought I had cut my hair. I felt really "edgy" :lol:. Bun's don't always have to be lazy or super tight/clean, in fact if you spend 10 minutes before going out on decorating, it can make a huge difference.

I personally find short hair boring to style. Never enough! I now have a field day, my daughter reached BSL and if I can finally do intricate braids.

ravenreed
July 29th, 2013, 03:01 PM
I am a feminist and I wear makeup. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Anyway, I suggest that unless you are certain you want to cut your hair, you work on some more flattering feeling updos. I often wear double buns or comet buns when I want to feel less frumpy and neither take that long. The hardest part with double buns for me is getting them even! I like comet buns because it lets me feel like I have some hair down, while still keeping it up and out of the way. Something else that might help is changing up your accessories. I feel much less frumpy if I have a flower or pretty barrette in my hair. I also occasionally wear crown braids and people go nuts for them, even though I don't think they are that flattering on me. As for the regrowth, I have gone through that several times in my life. It is really, really annoying, but eventually it will grow out again. In my experience, once it gets about shoulder length, it becomes unnoticeable.


I am currently a student, so I can wear my hair however I like. It's just very easy to put it up in a bun. And I prefer to not wear makeup for skin care, financial, feminist, and time reasons. But sometimes it seems very attractive, like if I wore it I might finally be pretty, you know? Haha. I guess that's probably not true though.

Zesty
July 29th, 2013, 03:11 PM
I am a feminist and I wear makeup. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Anyway, I suggest that unless you are certain you want to cut your hair, you work on some more flattering feeling updos. I often wear double buns or comet buns when I want to feel less frumpy and neither take that long. The hardest part with double buns for me is getting them even! I like comet buns because it lets me feel like I have some hair down, while still keeping it up and out of the way. Something else that might help is changing up your accessories. I feel much less frumpy if I have a flower or pretty barrette in my hair. I also occasionally wear crown braids and people go nuts for them, even though I don't think they are that flattering on me. As for the regrowth, I have gone through that several times in my life. It is really, really annoying, but eventually it will grow out again. In my experience, once it gets about shoulder length, it becomes unnoticeable.
I would never want to imply that makeup and feminism are mutually exclusive. Everyone does feminism their own way, but for me personally it feels wrong because I feel like it's compulsory for women and not men, which isn't fair. I don't want to wear makeup but I feel pressured to by society/advertising/sometimes my female friends. To put it this way: in a world where men and women could do whatever they wanted, I would personally not wear makeup. There are feminists who would wear makeup even in this perfect world, and that makes it a perfectly legitimate choice. To each their own, after all. :) But I suppose this is a discussion for a different forum.

I will definitely try your hairstyle suggestions. And I am SO glad to hear that regrowth eventually becomes unnoticeable, because right now it's driving me crazy. They blow around in the wind and make me look like a baby duck haha.

spirals
July 29th, 2013, 03:14 PM
I usually do twin braids for sleep, after detangling, but last night I was lazy and just did a loose single braid to the side without combing out. When I got up it looked nice and romantic. I only re-did it to make it sit at center.
I know you don't have the spirally waves I do, but loosening up a braid can give you a new look. Mine was an english braid, but you could do a loose french where you only add hair once or twice on each side and leave a long tassel.

And judging by your sig pic, you don't need makeup. I do understand having self-esteem issues despite being told you're pretty.

starlamelissa
July 29th, 2013, 08:07 PM
When in doubt, do nothing. Keep wearing it in a bun, maybe try a different shampoo (new smells!) or a cheapie lipstick. Your hair is unique, and we are all our harshest critics.

ravenreed
July 29th, 2013, 09:08 PM
Yep, I have so been there. I lost a huge amount of hair after both my sons were born, and had waist length hair. I looked like a dandelion for a while. It was so annoying. More recently, I lost another huge amount of hair after surgery. It has been two years or so, and it is slowly filling in again. In a bun I don't see any difference, but I can the more dramatic taper in my braid (no one else would notice, however!). The good news is that since all those hairs have grown since joining LHC, they are all really healthy. Hang in there!


I would never want to imply that makeup and feminism are mutually exclusive. Everyone does feminism their own way, but for me personally it feels wrong because I feel like it's compulsory for women and not men, which isn't fair. I don't want to wear makeup but I feel pressured to by society/advertising/sometimes my female friends. To put it this way: in a world where men and women could do whatever they wanted, I would personally not wear makeup. There are feminists who would wear makeup even in this perfect world, and that makes it a perfectly legitimate choice. To each their own, after all. :) But I suppose this is a discussion for a different forum.

I will definitely try your hairstyle suggestions. And I am SO glad to hear that regrowth eventually becomes unnoticeable, because right now it's driving me crazy. They blow around in the wind and make me look like a baby duck haha.

MeganAimee
July 29th, 2013, 10:23 PM
Wow, your hair is beautiful! We have the same hair goal. :)

verylittlecarro
July 30th, 2013, 02:27 AM
I second the youtube suggestion, but what you really need is a Pinterest account. Begin collecting photos and tutorials of hairdos you love, and flick through them each day to see what you fancy trying. One of the quirks of lhc is that most pics are of the back of heads, when what we see in the mirror is our face, obviously, so if most focus is on the back, the front can be blooming dull. Lets face it, from the front, a bun is a bun is a bun.
Looking at pics which inspire you to do something more satisfying visually for yourself can help renew your enthusiasm for your hair.

And if that doesn't work, then cut. Perhaps to whatever length allows you happily to wear it down most of the time. You need to enjoy your hair!

Zesty
July 30th, 2013, 05:29 AM
I second the youtube suggestion, but what you really need is a Pinterest account. Begin collecting photos and tutorials of hairdos you love, and flick through them each day to see what you fancy trying. One of the quirks of lhc is that most pics are of the back of heads, when what we see in the mirror is our face, obviously, so if most focus is on the back, the front can be blooming dull. Lets face it, from the front, a bun is a bun is a bun.
Looking at pics which inspire you to do something more satisfying visually for yourself can help renew your enthusiasm for your hair.

And if that doesn't work, then cut. Perhaps to whatever length allows you happily to wear it down most of the time. You need to enjoy your hair!

I am a Pinterest ADDICT (during my time off I basically become a professional Pinterest curator!). I have a hair board but I never thought of using it that way. I have no idea WHY, as I use it for almost literally everything else. I'll start sorting through them and taking out the ones that are hairstyles rather than just long hair pictures (ha) and putting them in a different board that I can refer to when I'm stuck on hair styling. Thanks so much. :flowers:

lulana
July 30th, 2013, 05:51 AM
Your hair is soo beautiful and as i read your post i nodded by myself because I'm also good into knowing what's good for me but never get the heck to realize it :rolleyes:
Hope that you find your inspirations on Pinterest and maybe share some Pictures if you do some of the hairstyles from there?

Zesty
July 30th, 2013, 07:08 AM
Your hair is soo beautiful and as i read your post i nodded by myself because I'm also good into knowing what's good for me but never get the heck to realize it :rolleyes:
Hope that you find your inspirations on Pinterest and maybe share some Pictures if you do some of the hairstyles from there?
Thanks so much! And I will try to remember to post pictures. :) Maybe on one of the hairstyle challenge threads?

verylittlecarro
July 30th, 2013, 01:37 PM
Oh yay! I've just reorganised my own hair board today to sort out a seperate "doable everyday hair" board, and today I copied a style which was a very loose wispy falling out low bun, with a section of french braid and some loosly pulled back sections. Took 5 minutes, a couple of spin pins for the bun and two bobby pins for the loose sections.

I looked ghaaaaaargeous. Obvs.

spirals
July 30th, 2013, 08:44 PM
I did something new today. I had washed this morning and grabbed a scarf to use as a headband. After I got to work I had to cover someone in a food area, so I needed to put it up quickly. I made a bun and used the scarf tails to cover it and tucked the ends in. No pins, no ties, just a scarf. It felt ancient greek or regency.

SoulOfTheSea
July 30th, 2013, 11:45 PM
Hi Zesty,

I at one point felt exactly as you feel now. I had hip-length hair for about a year, and I was SO happy that I had reached my goal of long, healthy, unique hip-length hair. I loved all my length shots, and how fantastic they looked. HOWEVER, in reality I was never able to wear it down AND have it look good at the same time. It was always in the way, became frizzy in less than an hour, and it was getting in the way of doing activities I love such as hiking. I always had to wear it in a nautilus bun or pencil bun because it never looked good down. I used to think to myself, "What's the point of having long hair if I can't wear it down and show it off???"

So, I finally decided to cut my hair back to waist-length about two months ago; I cannot be happier with my decision. I can finally wear it down without it getting in the way, it doesn't frizz as easily, and it still feels LONG! It's also much softer, I can go hiking or swimming without it being as much as a pain as before, and it doesn't get stuck in my seat belts, under my backpack, etc. I LOVE my waist-length hair, and I can still wear it in a stick bun when I feel like it!

Do whatever you feel is right for you; if you want to try a cut, why not? It will grow back anyways. If not, your hair is still beautiful. :)

HTH! :flower:

AliD
July 31st, 2013, 01:12 AM
I am currently a student, so I can wear my hair however I like. It's just very easy to put it up in a bun. And I prefer to not wear makeup for skin care, financial, feminist, and time reasons. But sometimes it seems very attractive, like if I wore it I might finally be pretty, you know? Haha. I guess that's probably not true though.

Just try some eye makeup it really makes a huge difference and wont give you acne! even if u just use little eyeliner it makes a big difference well for me at least since I don't use makeup normally

Wasy
July 31st, 2013, 05:25 AM
your hair is sooo beautiful!!! if you want a change, how about a different style... plaits (braids - in england we call 'em plaits lol), different types of bun, fringe, dying it with henna, putting wacky colours in the fringe, etc

RileyJane
July 31st, 2013, 06:03 AM
It honestly doesn't look terribly thin ; why not maintain it at that length for a while to gain some fullness back? That way you can just benign neglect it for a while, and then before you know it it'll be more you-thickness! I wouldn't cut it short, you would just seriously regret it, and I think it looks great even now! Give it some time and you'll be happy you didn't cut it:) also try some diff hairstyles, change it up a bit!