PDA

View Full Version : Thinking of a cut to shoulder (from waist) :O :O :O



pressedflowers
July 13th, 2013, 06:05 AM
The last few days I've become pretty convinced I need to cut my hair. Most of the length is from when I wasn't taking very good care of my hair, including dyeing it with a chemical dye. It's thin at the ends and dry. When it was about BSL I used to get a lot of compliments on its condition but now that it's waist length, the curls have pulled out, it doesn't look as great, and the only remark I get is, "Oh it's so long." Which I do consider a compliment :flower: but I want to have long hair that's also healthy and beautiful.

I want to have long hair my whole life, so I'm trying to come to grips with this by telling myself I will grow the length back out in two or maybe three years at the most, and that it will be thicker and in better condition, so this is an investment into having beautiful long hair in the future. But a lot of my identity and feeling of being beautiful is wrapped up in having long hair, so I feel like I would be losing part of what makes me attractive, as well as something that I'm very emotionally attached to.

Does anyone have any advice? If other threads have discussed the emotions of a large chop I'd be happy to have a link to them as well. Thank you!!

jacqueline101
July 13th, 2013, 06:09 AM
You might consider a series of small cuts until you reach shoulder so you don't have cutting remorese.

Etna
July 13th, 2013, 06:16 AM
You can achieve the same end result by trimming an inch off every two months and maintaining where you are now. Over time you'll cut the same amount off and remove all the damage but you won't need to go short to do so. Also if you use protective updos to prevent damage this will be much easier at your current length than at shoulder. I'm not anti-chop in general, but from reading your post it doesn't sound to me like you would be happy with short hair. :flower:

longNred
July 13th, 2013, 06:18 AM
Yes, there are lots of cutting remorse threads... I agree, small trims is definitely the way to go. You may find you are very happy with a trim or two instead of a giant chop.

millyaulait
July 13th, 2013, 06:18 AM
As always - enforce the two week waiting rule! :)

I would take off a few inches first - sometimes that's all it takes. You could cut off a few inches, grow them back, cut them off again (and so on....) until you have thicker, happier hair. You would still have relatively long hair this way.

CurlMonster
July 13th, 2013, 06:19 AM
I'm in a similar situation to you - My hair is long but the majority of it isn't in a good condition. What I've decided to do is maintain it at the length it's at and just let the damage grow out that way. I figure whichever route you choose (big chop or maintaining) it will take a few years and the end result will be hair that is both long and healthy - So the choice is really if during the process you would prefer to have healthy hair or long hair. :)

Of the Fae
July 13th, 2013, 06:36 AM
I agree with all above. Wait a few weeks and consider maintaining length. You have nothing to lose by maintaining with trims and if, after a while you are still unhappy you might consider cutting anyway?

Kherome
July 13th, 2013, 06:44 AM
I'm on the other side of these opinions I guess. If it's looking thin and dry and bad, cut it. But not to shoulder. Cut to BSL first.

pressedflowers
July 13th, 2013, 07:07 AM
Also if you use protective updos to prevent damage this will be much easier at your current length than at shoulder. I'm not anti-chop in general, but from reading your post it doesn't sound to me like you would be happy with short hair. :flower:

I'm so conflicted because while I do wear my hair up sometimes for practical reasons, I really love wearing my hair down. I'm not good at braiding (I just learned how to french braid last week haha) and I have a round, chubby face such that wearing updos that are tightly pulled back from my face is unflattering. So maybe damage is inevitable :undecided

pressedflowers
July 13th, 2013, 07:09 AM
Thank you everyone... I feel so nervous because I'm very conflicted. I don't want to make a rash decision!!!! But I'm also tired of having dry, damaged hair :boohoo:

shutterpillar
July 13th, 2013, 07:15 AM
I think you should do one of two things. Either:
a.) Do small, one inch trims every 3-4 months (I have been doing this over the past year in order to remove my layers and heat damage, and it has allowed me to keep some length that I love, while getting rid of the damage I do not love.)
-or-
b.) Begin with the closest milestone length. If you are currently at waist, then I would trim at BSL and see how you like it first before doing something as drastic as APL. It seems to me like you are very hesitant to lose the length, so I worry you may regret such a drastic cut.

If your signature picture is any indication of the condition of you hair, I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's beautiful! :blossom:

And an off topic question for you. Your henna'd hair is lovely! I am very seriously considering Henna myself and was wondering what your starting color was before you put the henna on your hair.

Anabell
July 13th, 2013, 07:22 AM
A series of monthly trims will give you better results that one big chop:
http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.de/2010/03/even-hemline-without-loosing-length.html
Look number 4 about chop.

panffle
July 13th, 2013, 08:19 AM
Don't cut off that much! You will regret it later. Trim maybe just an inch... and go from there, slowly. Like others have said.

sarahthegemini
July 13th, 2013, 08:35 AM
Wow, that'd be a big change! If it was me, I'd want to get rid of as much damage as possible so I would opt for the big chop but you don't sound like you would be happy doing that - I'd go with what everyone else has advised and just maintain your length by chopping off an inch or two every few months.

fairview
July 13th, 2013, 08:56 AM
Don't do it! If you are convinced you need a significant cut, find a compromise between your current length and where you and it and then only take half of that off. Dramatic changes in cut or color really improves hindsight. Also, you will be able to tell if your stylist is good or not. If your stylist is hesitant or suggests not cutting off as much, go with the recommendation. On the average hair will grow 1/2" +/- a month. Figure every 6" of growth to be an 18 month investment when including a trim every now and again to keep the ends in good condition.

Leeloo
July 13th, 2013, 10:07 AM
Thank you Anabell for posting the link to the taper and trimming article. It is so very informative.

nobeltonya
July 13th, 2013, 10:32 AM
Mine was the same way for years, although not from chemical damage but from not knowing how to care for my hair, ripping through knots, etc... you just have to SLOWLY cut out the damage.. don't do a huge chop. You'll regret it. Just baby your hair, oil at least the ends [if not the whole length] and since you like to wear your hair down [I also do most of the time] maybe try a leave-in conditioner. :disco:

earthybee
July 13th, 2013, 10:32 AM
I just did this myself. I'm growing it back out again. I probably should have went chin length but chickened out. I do regret it ONLY when I look at pictures. Then I try to focus on how nice it will look when it's healthy and long. It's a huge decision for sure.

Jenny31557
July 13th, 2013, 10:48 AM
Two week rule! I echo what the others have said, to maintain or microtrim until it grows out. But I would probably start with maybe two inches first, then see if that makes it any better, and maintain from then on.

dulce
July 13th, 2013, 11:40 AM
I agree with maintaining and just mini trims,plus always using a good conditioning shampoo and a leave in conditioner.When I grew out my previously damaged, dyed, dried hair to go silver[gray]I did this and the dye damage was slowly cut off,the conditioning made the damaged part look much better and over time ,to my surprise it made the damaged areas healthier.No need to cut in my opinion unless you really want to go short just to be short.I also cut bangs and side layers and a v hem to make my hair more interesting for me as I was getting bored of the all one length look.

Sowka
July 13th, 2013, 12:04 PM
I'm so conflicted because while I do wear my hair up sometimes for practical reasons, I really love wearing my hair down. I'm not good at braiding (I just learned how to french braid last week haha) and I have a round, chubby face such that wearing updos that are tightly pulled back from my face is unflattering. So maybe damage is inevitable :undecided

Maybe you should reconsider wearing your hair down such a lot. I'm at shoulder length right now (coming from the opposite extreme ;)). I had grown my hair "long" in former times (about 20 years and more ago), but in those periods I always found a lot of damage (split shafts), and had my hair cut to a pixie again. Now, with all the advice, I'm wearing my hair up while growing. And although I'm older and the condition of my hair generally is a bit more difficult than it was these years ago, my hair looks much healthier. And I guess this is due to the fact that I'm now wearing it up a lot.

There are styles that do not require you to pull back your hair so much while putting it up, and these styles are more easily achieved with longer hair than with just shoulder-long hair. I'm still in that difficult phase length-wise, and I can't wait to be able to be more flexible with my styles and hair accessories. So I'd also recommend just microtrimming and getting used to wearing the hair up on more occasions.

Firefox7275
July 13th, 2013, 12:09 PM
I would say cut no more than six months growth in one session, you can always cut another six months at a later date, then another six months until you get where you want to be. And if you freak at any stage it's not a three year journey back to a length you are happy with. If your hair was healthy enough at bra strap length before to garner compliments and you are now taking better care presumably it would be the same again?

Also maybe do a chelating wash then use ingredients that help patch repair and penetrate colour damage - eg. coconut oil, hydrolysed protein, ceramides and panthenol - actually colour treated or porous hair often does not benefit from 'moisture' as many believe, it needs more elasticity and reduced porosity from penetrating ingredients.

Also maybe wear protective styles *some* of the time and hair down *some* of the time or even half ups? Scraped back styles are not good for hair, I damaged mine wearing a 24/7 ponytail that was not even that tight. There are loads of 'how to' videos on YouTube for relatively simple up dos, also a book for curly/ wavy styles called 'Strictly Curls'.

Artisticat
July 13th, 2013, 01:10 PM
I agree with the other wise posters to cut incrementally. Perhaps the shortest you should go is BSL at this time. You would still look like you have "long" hair, without feeling remorseful. It's taken me 1 1/2 years to get to BSL from a bad and unexpected chop to just below shoulder! I felt so "ordinary" with a longer bob...just was not "me". :rolleyes:
I think your hair looks beautiful in your avatar - so my vote is take it inch by inch. Good luck whatever you decide! :)

lbellm
July 13th, 2013, 01:35 PM
I typed this once before but it's not showing up so if it does, I'm sorry.

I know I'm new here but I've done this before. I'm 61 (doesn't make me smarter alas) and in the 60s I cut my hair very short in rebellion to my mother. I'm 6' tall and people thought I was a guy. Messed me up my whole life. Then in the 70s I cut my hair to shoulder length and was immediately upset. I totally aware of cut-it-too short remorse. Mine is extreme of course. LOL

IMHO, I would cut your hair in increments. I've also done that and had the chance to say "when." KWIM? Good luck with whichever you decide! :sun:

LBellM

HintOfMint
July 13th, 2013, 01:51 PM
I made one of these big cuts (BSL-waist-ish cut to above shoulder) years ago to get rid of damage and I did not regret it. It sucked sure because I liked having long hair. But I wanted to have long healthy hair so the cut was a good sacrifice. Unless you're keeping the length to do intricate updos, I don't think there's a point in keeping stringy and damaged hair just for length's sake. It's not there to keep you warm, it's for vanity, so you might as well enjoy it.

And in the end, I now have tailbone length relatively healthy hair that I'm quite proud of and happy with. Most importantly, I was happy with it as it grew out because it was relatively undamaged and healthy most of the time.

ETA: along with the cut I also stopped doing a lot of the habits that damaged it in the first place so it was a clean starting-over point in more ways than one.

McFearless
July 13th, 2013, 03:44 PM
I'd cut it back to BSL. Your issue with curls stretching out are apparent at waist, so BSL length should keep them bouncy and those inches off should take away a significant amount of damage. Re-evaluate once you are there, if you'd like to go further back to APL or shoulder.

jeanniet
July 13th, 2013, 04:48 PM
I would cut back to BSL. IMO if you are unhappy with your ends, and they're thin and damaged, trimming as it grows out isn't going to improve things for at least another six months to a year. Why wait all that time if you can cut back to a in-between length now and enjoy it as it grows? I'm not a big proponent of hanging onto length that doesn't make you happy.

lapushka
July 13th, 2013, 05:08 PM
If you feel the urge to chop and chop big, go slow, whatever you do or decide. Just take your time. Trim an inch to a few inches first, and see how you like it. If it's not enough, chop more, and so on and so forth. You'd be better off doing it this way, slowly and with no regrets, than doing one big chop and being unsure of how you'll like it.

leslissocool
July 13th, 2013, 05:11 PM
I'm on the other side of these opinions I guess. If it's looking thin and dry and bad, cut it. But not to shoulder. Cut to BSL first.


This is what I would do too.

kysgrl
July 13th, 2013, 06:10 PM
Dont cut it that short! I agree with others that you should do small cuts until it feels better again.

jeanniet
July 13th, 2013, 07:10 PM
If you're really unsure, I would cut back in increments of about 2" until you reach a length you're happy with. If you can do it yourself, all the better (and cheaper). I started doing this in late March, because I wasn't enjoying the length I had (BCLish, thick and heavy). I must have cut it 8-10 times between then and now. I'd cut a bit, live with it for a week or so, then decide it wasn't right and cut more off. Eventually I did go to a salon and had it brought up to the length I thought I wanted, and then yesterday I went back and had another 4" taken off and now I'm just past shoulder and happy as a clam even though it's considerably shorter than I originally planned. My only regret is that I didn't have him cut to this length four weeks ago when I first went to the salon, because I could have saved $80. Live and learn. Anyway, my point is, if you're not sure or if you're the type of person to regret doing too much at once, do it in increments. That way, you only have 2-3" to regret instead of 12" or whatever.

twinklingbell
July 13th, 2013, 07:50 PM
Hello! I'm a newbie but I would like to make a suggestion. You said that wearing updo's tightly pulled back from your face is unflattering to you. I don't know how you feel about bangs, or if you've had them already and didn't like them. Maybe long "bangs", like face-framing layers would make you feel better about wearing your hair up. I know that it's hard to grow out bangs, and many people don't' like the long ones getting in their face. But the long ones are easiest to grow out and they usually blend in with your hair, and can be put in updos. You could cut them from a very small amount of your hair to start, and cut a little more if you wish. Or, you could get "faux" clip on bangs if you don't want to take a cut. About your length, I agree with most of the others. Start slow. Sometimes an inch or less is all takes to really improve your hair! You can always cut more if you want. Good luck with your decision and your hair is very pretty already from what I can see. :) I hope my advice helps you out!

SongofLove
July 13th, 2013, 08:08 PM
I agree with what a lot of people are saying---it's probably better to cut gradually rather than from waist to shoulder. A few years back I cut from hip to waist (which is not that much of a different for me because I have a short waist :) ) and I remember that it felt strange in a bad way ("I miss my braid tassel tickling the crook of my elbow!") I also agree with twinklingbell. I have chin length bangs and they really help frame my face for updos.

Macaroni
July 13th, 2013, 08:34 PM
How long is the damaged section?

pressedflowers
July 13th, 2013, 09:02 PM
Hey everyone. Wow, so many replies. I was at a family cookout earlier so could not respond.

Here's some more info about my hair. I recently (about a month ago) cut off two inches in an attempt to improve the condition prior to doing henna. I was hoping henna would add some strength and thickness but I really haven't noticed a difference. :( I have been oiling the ends after every wash (coconut oil), and doing a deep condition or coconut oil soak once a week. None of this has really helped my hair. That's what's pushing me towards the bigger cut, having already cut some off with no benefit gained.

Here's the other reason I am thinking shoulder instead of BSL. This is what my hair looked like at shoulder. Big, bouncy, shiny curls. (Sorry about the poor quality, this is an old school ID that I found a few months ago so it's scratched and has some reflective coating on it as well.) Ever since I found it, I pull it out and admire my hair. I'd love for my hair to look like this, but long.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/q71/944229_10200137938362199_1399458753_n.jpg

I think part of the issue is my self-esteem. I'm overweight and have NO fashion or makeup sense, lol, so the way I feel beautiful is by having hair much longer than the average woman. So I'd be losing that by cutting. But I also don't feel that my hair is beautiful anymore, so I'm not sure I'm accentuating my "best feature" by keeping long hair that is dry and damaged. My hair looks pretty good on day 1 hair, but I usually go to day 3 or even day 4 before I wash again (because it's so dry) so from day 2 through 4 it doesn't look so great.

I will look into some of the updo's that have been mentioned... I just really, really don't like wearing my hair up due to the roundness of my face. My hair feels luxurious and unique when it's down.

dulce
July 13th, 2013, 09:39 PM
Pressedflowers,have you tried CO washing?If your hair is that dry ,it might help..

spidermom
July 13th, 2013, 09:48 PM
I've done it both ways, and I recommend maintaining where you are and cutting an inch off about every 2-3 months. Meanwhile, take very good care of it. Give it deep treatments as often as you can. Dry, damaged hair can't be cured, but you can certainly make it look and behave better.

Nightshade
July 13th, 2013, 09:48 PM
Thank you everyone... I feel so nervous because I'm very conflicted. I don't want to make a rash decision!!!! But I'm also tired of having dry, damaged hair :boohoo:

I grew out hair that was so damaged it broke off from my hips to BSL. :( It took time and patience, but I did it without any big chops :) Check out the damaged hair article linked in my siggy, you might find it helpful! :flowers:

Sowka
July 14th, 2013, 01:01 AM
Hello :)


I think part of the issue is my self-esteem. I'm overweight and have NO fashion or makeup sense, lol, so the way I feel beautiful is by having hair much longer than the average woman.

If I may add something: I think you should also try to find more aspects to base your self-esteem on. I always find it dangerous if someone has "just one thing" that they like about themselves, that they draw satisfaction from.... One aspect can be lost easily, and then it might be difficult to find new sources for one's happiness. [I'm a good example of that: Several years ago, my major source of happiness was playing the piano. And then I started losing my hearing... I had very difficult months at that time, and I'd like to spare other people the experience.]

Life is rich! We are rich! :blossom: We have many facettes that we can develop and be proud of.

So I think in addition to taking care of your hair you should develop your fashion skills, for instance, in spite of the difficulties you see with this. And find and develop some of your other features that make you unique, to create a broad basis for your happiness and self-esteem.

IGIT
July 14th, 2013, 03:31 AM
To be honest pressedflowers I don't know how your hair feels to the touch but at the sight it is just speechlessing! If your hair is that dry you should consider another treatment. My kids and I have dry rough hair and if I wash then oil it, it leaves our hair dull, dry...but when I do the opposite, oil then wash (either with diluted shampoo or just plain warm water!) there you have beautiful shiny curly soft hair!!!:cheer:
Maybe give it a try. But don't cut so much you would regret...

pressedflowers
July 14th, 2013, 06:18 AM
Pressedflowers,have you tried CO washing?If your hair is that dry ,it might help..

Yes, I do cowash :) I use Tresemme Naturals on my scalp and V05 on my length. I've tried a few other conditioners but those two are my favorite. Tresemme kind of "suds" up so I can get a good scrub, and V05 has the right amount of slip so I can coat most of my hair in it.


I grew out hair that was so damaged it broke off from my hips to BSL. :( It took time and patience, but I did it without any big chops :) Check out the damaged hair article linked in my siggy, you might find it helpful! :flowers:

That was a great article! I'm currently going through the links.


So I think in addition to taking care of your hair you should develop your fashion skills, for instance, in spite of the difficulties you see with this. And find and develop some of your other features that make you unique, to create a broad basis for your happiness and self-esteem.

I agree with you :) I've been noticing this lately, especially with regard to how I dress. I've been wearing the same things since high school (I'm almost 25). I'm trying to get promoted at work, and I think I need to dress more professionally (dressed up), in styles that flatter my body type. I'm doing a lot of research on that right now. That might help me feel better, too.


To be honest pressedflowers I don't know how your hair feels to the touch but at the sight it is just speechlessing! If your hair is that dry you should consider another treatment.

Thanks!! That's one advantage of having dark hair... once you get 2-3 feet away from it you can't tell what the heck it looks like anymore ;) Unfortunately I spend all my time inches away from my hair, and it's distressing to see it so rough and dry. I wish I could photograph it better so that this would come across.

Thank you everyone... I still haven't decided but I will take time to be sure before I cut it!

Ara
July 14th, 2013, 06:43 AM
Personally, I'd cut 4-6inches off then after leaving it at that length for a week or two, decide if you need to cut off more at that time and then cut another 4-6inches at that point.

This not only helps make sure you don't cut more than you "need" to, but with curly/very wavy hair it also prevents you from accidentally cutting way more length than you thought you were (depending on how your curls/wave is on cut day ... they may spring up a LOT with the extra length and weight gone making your "BSL length" actually APL or even shoulder length next time you get it wet and the curl re-forms)

spirals
July 14th, 2013, 10:00 AM
We have a similar curl pattern. I think dryness is just a quality even healthy hair can have, due to a raised cuticle. I do realize you have damage that is contributing to that, but it looks gorgeous. So I suspect you issue is how it feels. Me, too.

If you really feel you must cut, do two inches. Just do it yourself. If you want a straight hemline, divide the hair in half. Bring the right half over your left shoulder and make sure it's all combed as straight as possible. Cut, using a mirror, parallel to the floor. Do the left side over the right shoulder. For a V-hem I pull the right over right and left over left.

As for the dryness, try a few things first.
--Do a heavy coconut oliling overnight and then wash. Make it a clarifying wash if you want with baking soda or use a chelating 'poo. I haven't used one, but they come highly recommended here.
--Use a leave-in. I'm not necessarily opposed to silicones. They can seal your ends until you cut them off, meaning you can let it grow a while before cutting, and you won't have to go to BSL.
--My curl has relaxed, too. At APL it looked like your high school pic. I personally don't mind, though I thought I would. Getting a lot of the moisture out while it's still up in a towel/cloth helps. I use a microfiber towel right after washing, but what really helps is to use a thin cotton pareo after it's been in the towel for 10 minutes or so. I never go swimming, so I use the pareo for my hair. It really wicks away a lot of moisture while my curls are scrunched up in it, so it encourages curl. Layers in your air would help it bounce, too, but I know many of us eschew them anywhere past BSL.
--I have an oval face, but every month I retain so much water that my face looks fat. Bangs look ridiculous on me no matter what, but face-framing layers help to slim my face. The shortest is at chin. I graduated them to my shortest overall layer. I have seen people with only the face-framing layers and a largely straight hemline, and I think that looks good. Arc691 comes to mind, though she has full-on bangs. There has to be just a bit of blending at the sides if you have no other layers, though, so maybe a professional cut?

HintOfMint
July 14th, 2013, 01:16 PM
Hey everyone. Wow, so many replies. I was at a family cookout earlier so could not respond.

Here's some more info about my hair. I recently (about a month ago) cut off two inches in an attempt to improve the condition prior to doing henna. I was hoping henna would add some strength and thickness but I really haven't noticed a difference. :( I have been oiling the ends after every wash (coconut oil), and doing a deep condition or coconut oil soak once a week. None of this has really helped my hair. That's what's pushing me towards the bigger cut, having already cut some off with no benefit gained.

Here's the other reason I am thinking shoulder instead of BSL. This is what my hair looked like at shoulder. Big, bouncy, shiny curls. (Sorry about the poor quality, this is an old school ID that I found a few months ago so it's scratched and has some reflective coating on it as well.) Ever since I found it, I pull it out and admire my hair. I'd love for my hair to look like this, but long.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/q71/944229_10200137938362199_1399458753_n.jpg

I think part of the issue is my self-esteem. I'm overweight and have NO fashion or makeup sense, lol, so the way I feel beautiful is by having hair much longer than the average woman. So I'd be losing that by cutting. But I also don't feel that my hair is beautiful anymore, so I'm not sure I'm accentuating my "best feature" by keeping long hair that is dry and damaged. My hair looks pretty good on day 1 hair, but I usually go to day 3 or even day 4 before I wash again (because it's so dry) so from day 2 through 4 it doesn't look so great.

I will look into some of the updo's that have been mentioned... I just really, really don't like wearing my hair up due to the roundness of my face. My hair feels luxurious and unique when it's down.

I have to say, your hair looks so beautiful at shoulder (which isn't really shoulder since the curls eat up so much length), really full and glamorous. I don't think you'd sacrifice any beauty by cutting it shorter. Looks infinitely nicer than when I did my sacrificial chop, lol. I understand not wanting to wear hair up and you should do what makes you feel good. I think your hair looks plenty striking and glorious even at shoulder.

pressedflowers
July 14th, 2013, 08:41 PM
We have a similar curl pattern. I think dryness is just a quality even healthy hair can have, due to a raised cuticle. I do realize you have damage that is contributing to that, but it looks gorgeous. So I suspect you issue is how it feels. Me, too.

As for the dryness, try a few things first.
--Do a heavy coconut oliling overnight and then wash. Make it a clarifying wash if you want with baking soda or use a chelating 'poo. I haven't used one, but they come highly recommended here.
--Use a leave-in. I'm not necessarily opposed to silicones. They can seal your ends until you cut them off, meaning you can let it grow a while before cutting, and you won't have to go to BSL.

Thanks for your post! I appreciate the advice :) My hair actually looks (looked... I cut it!!!! about to post pictures) pretty bad. I really appreciate the compliment, but it's so hard to get the true condition across in photos. It just looks... bad. I don't even know how to describe it. Dry, yes, but also rough, if that makes sense. Part of that has to do with curl, of course, we will never have the softness and shine of straight-haired ladies. But despite everything I had been trying (including coconut oil, shea butter cream, and using a leave-in of either V05 or Knot Today), plus doing a 6.5 hour henna treatment, the condition wasn't improving :( It really came down to what would make me feel better, appearance-wise: keeping the long hair I love so much (and think is beautiful in and of itself), or having healthier, more beautiful hair but at a shorter length. I chose the latter in this case. I am about to make a post explaining why. But thank you so much for your post, I really enjoyed it and I will be putting your advice into practice as I grow out my length again :)

Tini'sNewHair
July 14th, 2013, 08:50 PM
Here’s my experience. I had long hair down my back (to my bum) but I ruined it by getting layers and dying it. My hair was half healthy and half destroyed! The healthy length tho, was only to my chin so the question was, should I cut it all to chin length or wait a few more years to grow it out… I decided to go for the dramatic chin length cut and im so glad I did!!!! Although my hair behaved horribly for the first year being so short, it made me feel at pace that my hair is at least HEALTHY. I would rather have to wear my hair up while is healthy than having it up but badly damaged. A year and two month after that cut, my hair is now down to my bra strap on my back… It feels amazing!!! I LOVE IT! I can finally wear it down again! And watching it grow is a joy from this point on  I hope that this helped somehow. Remember, hair grows back with patience… but the question is once again, would you let it grow while damaged or from a shorter point but healthier? Best of wishes with whatever you decide 

pressedflowers
July 14th, 2013, 09:00 PM
So... I cut the hair. I want to post a disclaimer if anyone else reads this that most people should spend longer thinking about it than I did (about a week). But my boyfriend convinced me that between everything else I'm worrying about (moving across the state to a new city in a few weeks, trying to find a new job in that city, dealing with urinary issues in my male cat, etc.) I don't need to spend another two weeks being conflicted over my hair. As a worrier - a CONSTANT worrier - I chose to make the decision that would benefit me the most, which was to cut the hair so that I could (a) stop deciding whether to cut the hair and (b) have healthy hair again which was my end goal anyway.

I was very emotional while she was cutting (tears were welling up so I just looked down and kept my eyes squeezed shut) and before it was washed - she brushed out all my curls so when I finally looked up at the mirror, I had this disgusting poof of short hair. When I got back in the chair after it was washed, it looked so much better! She did a GREAT job with the length, it is exactly what I wanted. She cut it dry so there was much less room for over-cutting, and I held my head down while she cut at my shoulder blade, so I knew when I held my head up it would be at least as long as my shoulder blade, which made me feel better. The weirdest thing is how light it is, and how much is moves. I don't dislike or like it, really - I feel oddly neutral. Probably because I know it's not permanent and that this time next year it'll be about six inches longer.

Here's what I cut off. Look at that nice henna color! (100% henna over chemically-dyed hair that was about 2 shades lighter than my natural hair color, shown in a mix of fluorescent lights and indirect sunlight from the big windows.) Now, this was with my curls brushed out, so it didn't look quite this bad in real life, but you can see the gross condition it was in.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/1070021_10200142654800107_742471804_n.jpg

Here's what's left. It's already much softer and shinier, and that's with a salon shampoo and conditioner in HOT, HOT water (I told her to make it cooler and she turned it down like a millimeter). Once I get a conditioner soak and cold rinse on it, it will look even better. I kept running my fingers through it, being totally weirded out that it was ending so quickly, so the curl is more relaxed than normal. Again, after a normal cowash/leave-in cycle, it will be curlier and a bit shorter.

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/q73/36491_10200142655000112_2069614595_n.jpg

So here is my plan, cobbled together from all of your advice:

-A long henna soak again, probably this week
-Wearing my hair up (I'm going to wear it down tomorrow because all of my coworkers will EXPIRE from heart attacks when they see it, lol, but starting Tuesday I'm going to do a 30-day hair up challenge)
-Overnight oilings (which I've never done before)
-I'm going to try a satin pillowcase. I don't sleep well with caps or other headdresses on.

Tini'sNewHair
July 14th, 2013, 09:28 PM
Your hair looks so healthy so radiant - its beautiful!!! well done! I know this wasnt a easy thing to decide - It took me months to take this drastic step and after it was done i felt much better but mine was cut a lot shorter and it was so so wild, i could only wear it up so your lucky that you can still have it down if you wish so :)

pressedflowers
July 15th, 2013, 05:07 AM
Your hair looks so healthy so radiant - its beautiful!!! well done! I know this wasnt a easy thing to decide - It took me months to take this drastic step and after it was done i felt much better but mine was cut a lot shorter and it was so so wild, i could only wear it up so your lucky that you can still have it down if you wish so :)

Thanks!! :D yeah, I love having my hair down. I can do anything for 30 days though, so I will try the challenge :)

Etna
July 15th, 2013, 05:20 AM
Your hair looks so shiny and healthy and fantastic in the after photo, pressedflowers. I guess it was hard for us to see any damage because your siggy photo is so beautiful and certainly doesn't show any. All said and done, it was your hair on your head and you're the one who had to detangle it and handle it each day, so you are in the best position to know its condition. You're happy now and look fabulous, so it sounds like the right choice for you.

lapushka
July 15th, 2013, 09:41 AM
Seeing those two pictures side by side in your signature pic, makes me sad you cut it, but it's your hair. :) On its own, it looks great BTW, and it looks like you got more texture to it too.

pressedflowers
July 15th, 2013, 09:56 AM
Seeing those two pictures side by side in your signature pic, makes me sad you cut it, but it's your hair. :) On its own, it looks great BTW, and it looks like you got more texture to it too.

Me too. It wasn't really real until I saw that. I've been a little emotional since creating that little picture and I might have to take it down, lol.

Jenny31557
July 15th, 2013, 10:18 AM
I think your hair looks lovely! And your hemline is soo thick! Good luck with growing it out again, it won't be long until it's at APL!

CurlyCaz
July 15th, 2013, 11:14 AM
Looks lovely.

Doesn't look as short as shoulder length (if that makes sense) like mine is shoulder length and yours look much longer.

Hope it grows quick and healthy for you! :cheese:

lbellm
July 15th, 2013, 12:11 PM
You said that wearing updo's tightly pulled back from your face is unflattering to you. I don't know how you feel about bangs, or if you've had them already and didn't like them. Maybe long "bangs", like face-framing layers would make you feel better about wearing your hair up. I know that it's hard to grow out bangs, and many people don't' like the long ones getting in their face. But the long ones are easiest to grow out and they usually blend in with your hair, and can be put in updos. You could cut them from a very small amount of your hair to start, and cut a little more if you wish. Or, you could get "faux" clip on bangs if you don't want to take a cut.

I totally agree with this. I have bangs because my hair is extremely unflattering when it's all pulled back. My hair is a lot more versatile with the bangs.

LBellM

share801
July 15th, 2013, 12:29 PM
New cut looks great!

McFearless
July 15th, 2013, 02:47 PM
The cut looks amazing! Shiny and bouncy :)

Sowka
July 15th, 2013, 03:04 PM
Very, very beautiful! :)

leslissocool
July 15th, 2013, 03:08 PM
I personally like it better.


I recently (in january) cut 6 inches off and my non damaged hair now is WAYYY better than back then. When I wear it down I get A LOT of wow's. My hair is very thick, like yours. The damage was noticeable IRL.

IGIT
July 15th, 2013, 05:17 PM
You chose health over length and you hair will thank you for that. It will grow back healthier in no time! :)

pressedflowers
July 15th, 2013, 07:56 PM
Thanks for all the wonderful compliments, y'all :) I do miss my long hair pretty intensely at this point but I love how thick and soft my hemline is... I keep making a ponytail and running my palm over the ends :) which, yeah, I need to STOP haha.

One thing I've noticed yesterday and today is that keeping it up is much easier now, emotionally and practically. When it's up I don't notice that it's cut, and when it's up it's not falling in my face or flipping constantly in front or in back of my shoulders. (I now remember why people used to accuse me of Valley-girl style hair-flipping!) So that's an unintended benefit - it made the choice between down or up a lot easier, which should benefit the condition of my hair at least until it's BSL or so and I go back to wearing it down lol. :doh:

lbellm
July 16th, 2013, 03:41 PM
That really looks great! I'm glad you like it!

LBellM

Leeloo
July 16th, 2013, 03:45 PM
Your new style looks great!

deb1211
July 16th, 2013, 04:14 PM
Your cut looks really great and healthy!

jeanniet
July 16th, 2013, 04:28 PM
I think it looks fabulous--very healthy, and I bet it has a lot of bounce now. Good job!