Does this happen to anyone else?

[vendethiel]

When I wear my hair down, people come up to me and say something like, "Oh, your hair is really long." (Which I never know how to respond to, is that a compliment? an insult? just knee-jerk response?) And then they say something like, "But I know someone else who has hair *much* longer than your hair! Your hair is short in comparison!" Sometimes they even comment about how the person they know has really healthy hair and then they look at my hair askance.

I used to actually believe most of these people, but now that my hair is quite long and I don't know anyone of my acquaintance with longer hair than me, I don't really believe them any more. So, why do they say this? Are they trying to prove something, like they know people with more hair or better hair than mine? Is this veiled jealousy? Some weird way of judging me? Are they just incapable of remembering how long someone's hair is, so if it was longer than what is normal for them, it must have been really long and, therefore, longer than mine? Are they trying to find a conversation starter and that is the best they can do? Are they just being rude? Or do they think they are being polite and interesting?

I don't understand. Does this happen to you? Do you understand? Do you have an ideas on how I should respond to this? They say this and then wait expectantly for me to respond and I have no response. Ideas?

[chen bao jun]

I would guess it just means, your hair is very long.
People are wierd.
I'm a very light-skinned black person and you wouldn't believe how often I am told by complete strangers (also black people), "I have a cousin (or I know somebody) lighter than you." Just apopos of nothing, I'll just be minding my own business and certainly not thinking about what complexion I have, and this will just pop out of people's mouths.
I think it just means 'You're unusually light' but people can't just say this alone, it sounds stupid (and brings up the question, why did they notice at all) hence the --verbal diarrhea?
I wouldn't lose sleep over it if I were you, neither would I bother to think of any response other than just a smile, and maybe an "oh, really" or "that's interesting" and move right on...
My 6 ft 7 brother also often gets told that people know someone taller than he is--I think when you are noticeable for some quality, people just DO this, I have no idea why.

[lunalocks]

At a party last week, on acquaintance who in the past has always been so complimentary said to me, gleefully, even - well, you don't have the longest hair (in the group) anymore and pointed at a 5 foot teenager with layered hair mid bum. Now mine is hip and blunt cut, but I am 5' 11". I guess it is debatable what "longer" means (inches vs body markers) but she didn't have to be so smirky.

[neko_kawaii]

Not long ago I happened to have my hair down because it had been quite damp when I left the house and I wanted it to dry a little more before putting it up and I exchanged "good mornings" with a gentleman sweeping the gutter. "I don't see hair that long any more," he said. "Oh, I see a few people every day with hair this long" (Mine is TBL.) "Really?" "People tend to wear it up." "Oh, right, it would be hot this time of year." "Yep, and it is hard to tell how long hair might be when it is up in a bun. Well, have a nice day!" "Have a nice day!"

When I see hair mid thigh and longer I am reminded of a woman I knew when I was a child who had a thick braid down to her ankles, and if I were talking to someone with hair longer than classic I would probably mention her. *shrug*

I would just say, "Thank you" to comments about your hair being long. You could engage them in a conversation about hair or change the topic if this was something other than a brief encounter.

Not everyone has a way with words. I have a friend who constantly amazes me with the grace she has in conversation. I don't expect everyone to perform social/linguistically on the same level that she does. I stumble and I expect others to stumble. I don't interpret their stumbles as intentional insults and I hope they give me the same leniency.

[bradlea]

That's funny you brought that up, chen bao jun, because I was just going to mention something similar! I'm caucasian and extremely pale. I have never met anyone with paler skin than me, including a couple of people with albinism I've known. It's not a big deal, it's just how my skin is, but people looove to tell me "Wow oh my god you're so pale! Actually though, like I know this girl okay, and her skin is like EVEN PALER THAN YOURS. Like, literally, WHITE." And I say something like "Yeah, it's weird how humans have different skin colors, yep!"

I think you're right, but I also think that once they notice something about you is "extreme", especially in a way that isn't necessarily approved-of by society, they want to make you feel less extreme for whatever reason.

To me, it's insulting, even if it's dumb. Just because it is kind of rude. It's like saying "Hey, I noticed something special and unique about you! But I don't want you to feel THAT special and unique."

It's almost like they, subconsciously probably, want to make you feel less extraordinary. Maybe because you make them feel less extraordinary, with your beautiful hair or unusual skin color or whatever it may be. Also I agree with what you said, vendethiel, they think they are saying something interesting. And I'm willing to bet money that this person they "know" is actually just like someone they saw on youtube haha.

[Quixii]

Huh, I don't think I've ever had that kind of conversation. I mean, the ambivalent statement ofmy hair's longness happens, but I can't remember it being compaired to anyone else's hair.

My suspician is they're flailing to create common ground. If they don't have long hair themselves, then at least knowing someone else with lengthy hair is a start. And some people just have this ingrained competitiveness. :shrug:

[jacqueline101]

I get compared to others and told mine isn't long enough.

[Ginger Kitteh]

I think people are just letting whatever thought enters their mind come out of their mouth. First they are surprised by a unique feature, and then they are reminded of someone similar and draw comparisons. Just a case of the verbal runs.

[trolleypup]

Heh...I just ask them where they saw the person and to describe their hair, and then act like I know them, even if I don't.

One time, someone said...I just saw etc... and I could say, mmhmm, she's my girlfriend.

[spidermom]

You might be overthinking this.

I do get "your hair is very long," which I always take as a compliment because very long is exactly what I'm going for. People usually stop there, although very rarely someone might mention somebody else they know with very long hair, even longer than mine. I don't think they're trying to one-up me or anything; they're just trying to relate. That's how I see it.

[neko_kawaii]

You might be overthinking this.

I do get "your hair is very long," which I always take as a compliment because very long is exactly what I'm going for. People usually stop there, although very rarely someone might mention somebody else they know with very long hair, even longer than mine. I don't think they're trying to one-up me or anything; they're just trying to relate. That's how I see it.

Exactly. It is probably the very rare person who actually means, "I see you have something unique that you may well be proud of and I'm going to point out that it isn't as unique as you thought it was because I need to puncture your pride."

[starlamelissa]

I also think people are just trying to relate. I have butt crack long hair, and rarely see anyone with hair like mine. When people talk hair with me,I hear every so often about a mythical person who's hair is as thick as a child's leg when braided, that goes well past their knees (in said braid). Or of a former classmate that had shiny jet black hair that she could sit on.

I assume that I must look fairly special to join ranks with these other memorable heads of hair.

[Mommyof4]

I think they are trying to compliment you, and after that, the may feel like they are being perceived as awkward or a little too into your hair/appearance, so then they throw in they know "someone" that's even ***** than you, like, meaning, "hey I didn't mean it like a bad thing if that is how you took it???"

Hard to explain, but I kind of tried lol

[Egana]

About once a week someone tells me that I have big hair, or curly hair, or red hair, or that it must be really hot in the summer, etc. I think people notice something, and then want to use it as a conversation piece, but they don't really know how. I just smile, agree, and keep moving.

[kitschy]

It's strange. I am an older woman with hip length curly hair. It is quite unusual, but never, not once has anyone commented on how long my hair is. Once in a while I will get a compliment on my graying blonde color, and quite often a comment about the curl. But I've never had someone comment on the length of my hair. I have gotten the follow up comment about knowing someone who has curlier hair. ...like only twice in my life. weird.

[honeybunnie8]

I also never get comments on my hair except from my husband who humors me to tell me how long and luscious is is. lol

[chen bao jun]

Exactly. It is probably the very rare person who actually means, "I see you have something unique that you may well be proud of and I'm going to point out that it isn't as unique as you thought it was because I need to puncture your pride."
Yes.
I actually don't even think they are trying to say that you are not unique. Like with my brother. If they know ONE other person (or saw one at some point) who is taller than 6 ft 7, when they know hundreds or thousands of people, they're still basically saying that he's pretty tall.
Sometimes I do tell people that where I was born, most (black) people are this color or even lighter, so no, I'm not especially unique. But that's only if I feel like making conversation. I still don't think that you are obliged to say anything other than, oh, really or even nothing at all--That would be a way to make them feel stupid, actually, if you think they are being spiteful. How do you feel when you make a remark and the person you are talking to just simply doesn't respond? I bet you'd get a subject change awfully fast...

[woodswanderer]

What I always get is people saying, "Your hair is so long! Don't EVER cut it!" This, from complete strangers when I would never care about their advice one way or another, or in fact, ever see them again.

[DancingQueen]

I have often been told by my cousins and aunts that my hair is getting thicker? I used to straighten every day for years, and they don't seem to understand the concept that flat-ironed hair is, well, really flat, and curly hair adds a LOT of volume. They don't comment after that, though.

I think people are just facinated with the length. I don't know why they would say something like that afterwards, maybe because they were afraid they insulted you, and let you know you are not 'alone'/the only one, since it is quite unusual. Just smile, ask a question or two about this girl, and move on with the conversation. :)

[purplehippo]

Haven't had this happen but I'd probably say something like: Really?!?! That's so cool, do you have a picture?; and well, be too interested in the fact that I got one-upped in hair length competition to feel any insult etc.

[vendethiel]

I guess it makes sense that this could be the result of awkwardness. They don't know what to say or don't want to seem too interested, so they try to come up with some response. I usually smile and nod, but I used to wonder if it was some secret competition that I didn't understand or some way to bring me down a notch or something, from now on I'll just figure they are as self-conscious as I am and smile and try to find a subject with more common ground. I am glad to know that I am not alone!

[Natalia]

I dont understand it either. On the occasion any comments about my hair (only when its down which is rare) its to say wow its long and then if they add anything its usually something like "its so thin/flat". yes this i know i have fine/thin light colored hair and light colored skin, im aware i look like im balding thank you so freakin much for pointing that out :rolleyes: . Since my hair is up 99% of the time im out and around people and my buns are big people assume i have BSL-ish hair.

[Bagginslover]

I've had the 'your hair is long' comment a few times now, and I just say 'yep, it is!'. That usually stops them in their tracks, and they realise how silly the comment was ;)
If anyone did then go on to compaire it unfavourably to someone elses hair, I'd just say 'Oh, good for them!' and carry on. I'm not competing with anyone, and I'm not going to be drawn into it by a third party either, because I just know the kind of person who tried that will go back to the other person and say 'Baggins said such-and-such about your hair!'.