Got a "trim" today, in need of hugs :(

[The-Young-Maid]

*I'm not trying to bash hairstylists! ... just mine*
Some background information - So I've been actively growing my hair since my freshman year of high school(Ill be a senior this fall).
I was inspired by a upperclassman who had a beautiful classic length braid. And recently made it to classic myself!
so excited you don't even know :P This summer I'm going overseas so my mom decided to get up hair appointments. I haven't had a trim in roughly two and a half years.

Now... my ends were thin. Not damaged but thin. I had straightened my hair a lot in middle school, because I didn't know how to style it.
But since lurking and joining LHC I learned my braided bun w/ amish pins. << been wearing it everyday since I discovered it<< my length was well off. But I admitted to my mom that I would like a trim, to even out my ends.

I decided to get two inches off. I have been going to the same stylist since my first haircut so I trusted her. But this whole visit... I felt uneasy the entire time. I got shampooed and combed quite roughly so my dandruff problem was stirred up. Great. I sat in the stylists chair and she began to comb through my hair again - she lifts up my ends and says "These are all dead." me>:disgust: *no really?* She slathers some unknown product into it and continues. "You have a lot of dandruff, what shampoo do you use? You must not be washing it out good enough." me> da f***? "Ah a dandruff shampoo." THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS I REPEAT "I JUST WANT TWO INCHES OFF - DON'T TAKE OFF MORE THAN TWO" MANY TIMES. Then she starts cutting... and won't let me see how much she took off. I ask her to show me and she doesn't.

I'm already a wreck because I'm nervous(for good reasons obviously) but now I'm mad. I'm mad because my mom is sitting right next to me watching her cut it and doesn't say anything. I end up loosing at least double what I asked for.*no I haven't actually measured yet* My braid used to brush my tailbone... now its ah waist I guess, its still wet. I'm not in the mood to take pictures right now. I started crying immediately. My mom, the stylist, my brother and everyone else in the salon probably looked at me like I had two heads. I was more than upset from loosing more length than I wanted cut, but I was also angry, angry because the stylist who I trusted commented on the condition of my scalp and ends and did what she though looked better. Also that my mom let her do it when she knows how much I care for my hair.

My mom didn't make things better when she told me "Whats the problem? Its just hair." Yes mother*who has been bob-pixie her entire life*, MY hair. I didn't ask for anyone else's opinion on it, I just wanted two inches cut off. Awesome! Now I have to fuss with my braided bun now because the ends are thick. Don't get me wrong I love having a nice blunt hemline but they should have at least asked me if it was alright to cut that much. Yeah thanks for the wonderful surprise. I was looking forward to having an ok looking classic length for graduation but never mind.

I won't be forgetting this anytime soon. My hair was the one thing I always looked forward too brushing before bed. If my mom wants me to keep my hair shorter than this just backfired on her. I will NEVER have anyone else cut my hair, I'll do it myself.*The sad part is I could have just cut off what I wanted myself anyway* I will keep growing even harder, I wish my hair and I could rally together. I will have the thickest, softest and most MAGNIFICENT ends that practically blind anyone who looks at them I SWEAR!

Sorry for this rant - and no I'm not trying to bash hairdressers. Writing this was actually very calming because I know everyone here will be supportive. Oh and also, I changed my side part to middle - if this wasn't the day for changes I don't know when would be better. So if you ladies could leave advise and kind words for me I'd appreciate it, I'll try to upload the before*yes I took a before picture* and after pictures if you want to see them. I'll be looking for the best leave-ins and conditioners to strengthen my hair so I could *genes willing* grow it to the FLOOR if I want!

Is there something I could have done or said to prevent this?:confused:

PS. I really need to change my signature don't I? *Sorry for the grammar and possible overreaction on my part - I just needed to fume.*

[purplebubba]

You have a right to rant. Its not what you asked for nor wanted. And you got mocked for it too.

I've been there. Its been half my life ago but I was there. I'm hoping you never have to feel that way again. Broken trust sucks.

Big hugs for you too (((((((Young Maid)))))))

[pressedflowers]

I completely understand!!!! This has happened to me so many times. Stylists just DO NOT LISTEN!!!! when it comes to long hair. They think they know best. So infuriating!!!

In fact, I got a trim tonight too and had a horrible stylist! She agreed to cut my hair dry (I have curly hair) then proceeded to BRUSH ALL OF MY CURLS OUT. Well what is the point then, might as well have wet it! She didn't want to take the time to detangle properly so she just grabbed fistfuls of my hair at the ends and took her comb over and over them as fast as she could. I asked for an inch and I could tell about 1.5-2 inches were coming off.

She also said my LEAST FAVORITE thing, which is "Don't you think you should donate this to Locks of Love?" I'm so tired of this question that I said, "No, I'm not currently planning to donate. Are you growing your hair out so you can donate?" Her answer, of course, was no. People who ask that question don't care about cancer patients, they are just looking for a socially acceptable way to judge long hair.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, but I just wanted to say that I completely understand why you needed to rant. I think it's time we learned to trim our own hair so we don't have to be treated this way!

[Mesmerise]

That's clearly not acceptable! Wow! I can't believe she wouldn't even let you see as she cut it?! And your mom just watched? I'd be pretty darn mad at her too!!

The good thing is... hair grows and you learned your lesson. Now, you'll be able to cut it yourself and this sort of situation won't happen again. Honestly, I've had worse (asking for long light layers... like maybe APL at the shortest, and getting a thick chin length layer? Yup...).

So your hair is still long, and it's healthy and it will grow.

But yes, I totally understand your rant! I would have been furious too. Could you have done anything to stop it? Well, only something really drastic I think... Like stood up to leave when she wouldn't show you how much she was cutting (but to be fair, I doubt I'd do something like that myself...).

And to add... I never just ask for X inches off, I show very clearly between my fingers EXACTLY what I mean. Many hairdressers haven't a clue how to judge how much an inch or two inches is!!

And what is with a hairdresser suggesting someone donate their hair?? Sheesh if someone asked me that I'd ask if they'd ever considered donating their kidney... it's just rude!

[leslissocool]

:( :grouphug: I am so sorry.

It's not just hair to you, and it's not just hair to me at all so I COMPLETELY understand you.

I can only offer love and support. I haven't gone to a stylist in over 7 years because of what's happened to me. What bothers me is that you trusted her and she did this.

[faerielady]

I am so sorry.

I have a "don't talk to me" rule with hairdressers. Don't talk to me about what you THINK the condition of my hair is. Cut what I want off, not even a little bit more, and don't talk to me while you do it.

This is one of many reasons why I don't go to salons for haircuts anymore.

[Carrie Ingalls]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your experience today! I'm really sorry this happened to you!:grouphug:

I can't comment from experience as to what (if anything) you could have done differently because I've never actually been to a salon/hairstylist before.

Also, don't give up all hope of letting others cut your hair...but it is wise to exercise great caution in who you trust with that honor.

[starlamelissa]

Oh sweetie. It's not just hair, it's YOUR hair. it's a part of you, and you deserve complete creative control.

[purplebubba]

If and when you are able to go to salons by yourself without others do so or trim yourself. But I don't think letting your family "help" is going to. I never had an issue with the stylist myself it was the fact that I wasn't doing the talking. I'd get asked "what are we doing today" and I'd have to say "ask her"

[jacqueline101]

Im sorry you didn't get the service you wanted. It's sad people hear you and do the opposite.

[Sharysa]

Well, that just sucks balls. The stylist was rude and blatantly going against your orders--I hope your hair grows back out fast.

In the meantime, if you're okay with snipping off just a bit more hair, maybe you can simulate/restore the taper by twisting sections of your hair into a tube and cutting what sticks out? It's what people do to get rid of split ends without needing to trim off length. Doing that to the last few inches will make your hair taper so your buns will be less fiddly.

[akilina]

Oh wow I'm so sorry to hear. :(

Your post is in no way offensive and I very much appreciate that you never made rude nasty comments about hair dressers as a whole unlike some commenters here. *Grr* (edit: I mean here as in all over lhc in the history of time not here in the thread!!!!)
it's a nice change of pace than coming on here and reading that I'm put into a group of stupid rude people who can't do anything right, that I suck, and don't listen to anyone, plus all of the other Nasty hanus things that have been said.
You got to rant sometimes and Im glad you feel better. I can really feel compassion for your situation and it really is a bummer.
It sucks to hear people making rude a$$ generalizations about ALL of us. I know for a fact that I know how to cut and handle long hair. I also most certainly know how to listen haha.
Sorry not trying to hijack.
Do you think maybe your mom was in on this at all?? Maybe thinking something like...since you aren't an adult yet that she can still dictate things like this? :(
I do hope your stylist felt really bad. It's not okay to do what you think is best without discussion and consent from the client.
I also don't get how hard it is to properly cut off the right length. Most of our combs have inch marks like a ruler.

I agree with not giving up on letting others cut your hair but definitely DITCH this woman for good. Tell her she will never touch your hair again and why. this may make her open her eyes and maybe stop making her clients unhappy. Im sure you arent the first one to have this experience. Make sure to write a terrible review on yelp for others to see. I think she's taking advantage of you and your age in a way like she can just do what she wants since you've been to her for so long and has this complex to where she thinks she is the all knowing who knows best.

For future reference if you do try another....always ask to be shown how much they will be taking before cutting. Bring a ruler if you must!! im good with cutting exact but id say this action would make someone be vert very sure to cut exact lengths.

In the event they refuse like this woman then demand to see it...dont just let them walk on you like that. I don't mean to be rude but that right there may have been the mistake on your part. You had the freedom to stand up and stop the service all together or firmly ask to see. Even if you had the nape section a little shorter it could have been micro trimmed out over time.. Much better than having such a terrible experience :(
I am shocked that she would have the total indecency to not even show you. That isn't okay. I can't think of any situation where someone would appreciate not being shown length being cut off. Again...it makes me think that your mom might have had a discussion with her to override all of your wishes.

I hope your hair grows back fast in the summer sun :) luckily today was not the worst day ever to trim with the moon phase and sign its in.

[leslissocool]

Alkaline, no one comment was made generalizing hairdressers in this thread. Not one, words like "many" have been used but there is no hairdresser bashing going. Just support, from people, about HER decision of never letting someone cut her hair again. It's a very valid decision, and it's the best decision I have ever made for my hair, sorry if it someway offends you but it's true.

[joflakes]

Aww, that's totally awful. I hope it grows back really fast and that you manage to get to grips with bunning with your new hemline!

[akilina]

Alkaline, no one comment was made generalizing hairdressers in this thread. Not one, words like "many" have been used but there is no hairdresser bashing going. Just support, from people, about HER decision of never letting someone cut her hair again. It's a very valid decision, and it's the best decision I have ever made for my hair, sorry if it someway offends you but it's true.

Read the edit.
I'm not offended at all and have no clue how you could gather that. I'm not trying to convince her to change her views. I was agreeing with another poster here so is she wrong too??. I tried to explain thankfulness for her being kind even in this crappy situation when most people get very mean and hateful (although not without reason). I ended up elaborating too much, it happens but this post is not about me. I'm not on this hairdressers side and also feel very badly for her experience. I dont support what this lady did at all.

[kaydana]

:grouphug: That's awful. I don't blame you for not ever wanting someone to cut your hair again, it's so hard to find a hairdresser you can trust and there's a lot to lose in taking a chance on someone new. If you're happy cutting your own hair from now on, do that.

I'm wondering if your mum asked the stylist to do this. It just seems really odd that she would intentionally cut off a lot more than you asked for otherwise.

[DancingQueen]

Aww, I am so sorry. I will be rooting for you to get the most amazing hair, all the way to the floor. :grouphug:

It doesn't sound like there were much else you could have done to avoid it, I'm afraid. If I were you, I would get my hands on a Crea Clip, and start cutting it myself. That way, you can decide yourself how much you want off.

I hate to say this, but the stylists I have had so far have never known how to take care of my hair. They were always too rough; washing it like they were trying to rip it out of my scalp, ripping a brush through my curly hair, breaking half of it. Then proceed to tell me I have a lot of breakage - Really? And of course, when I ask for a 1 cm trim, I get 2 or 3 cm. I have been growing my hair for 3,5 years. Back then I was at chin (a hairdresser I had used for years - I ask for shoulder, and get chin...). Now it is past APL, but only because I have been cutting with the creaclip the last 9 months. I tried a lot, and found 1 hairdresser who knew how to care for it - and then she stopped, because she had a baby.

I think often, when you had the same hairdresser for a long time, she stops hearing what you actually say, and just do what she thinks look good. And combined, I don't think they are very good at judging distance; they don't know how much 1 cm is. Often, they just do what they think look good, not what the costumer asks for. (this is just the ones I have happened to come across; I am sure there are many good ones out there as well).

Hope you will soon reach your goal; happy growing. And sorry for the long post. :)

[missfaroe]

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experience at the hairdressers! Lots of hugs from me :grouphug:

I have also had bad experiences when I went to the hairdressers in the past. They always ended up cutting at least 5 cm of even though I only asked for 1 cm. so last year I decided that I might as well could trim it myself by using Feye's method.
First time I tried cutting my own hair was really scary but now I think it is easy and I especially like the fact that I can decide myself how much I want to cut of and I always like the result and my beautiful U shaped hemline :o

I would like to see the before and after pictures of your hair if you want to share with us? :o

[shutterpillar]

I'm wondering if your mum asked the stylist to do this. It just seems really odd that she would intentionally cut off a lot more than you asked for otherwise.

I was just about to say the same thing - do you think your mom asked her to cut it off since you are still a minor and the hairdresser might have been under the impression that what she says still goes? That's what it sounds like since she just sat there and watched and didn't say anything despite your crying and insisting that only two inches be taken off.

[Bagginslover]

I am so sorry this happened :( Why on earth wouldn't she let you see what she'd cut? thats very wrong IMO.

I do wonder if our definition of 1 inch differs from that of stylists. When someone here says 1 inch, they mean one inch from the very ends, even if they're super thin. Does perhaps a stylist think it means 1 inch up from where theres a certain thickness of ends? If we could figure this out, maybe we could help others avoid this in the future.

[purplebubba]

I also think that its possible this was a family intervention however if it was thankfully it wasn't something much worse. I mean it would still feel the same in the "I feel violated" department but it would have been a larger hair growth setback.

I just hope you're not in one of these "My house, my rules, get your own place" situations.

The bottom line is that none of them cared. It wasn't their hair so it was just hair. So your trust was violated and it took your hair.

[Kaelee]

Wow!!! I'd be pissed off too. :( I cut my own hair, for many reasons, not the least of which is that something like this can't happen (I sometimes feel like finding a good stylist is taking a huge risk...though I do know a good one I prefer to trim my own hair now because it's just a lot less hassle and expense.)

[spidermom]

I have the suspicion that your mother told the stylist how much to cut. Thank goodness hair just keeps right on growing; you'll get your classic length back plus more. Happy growing!

[spidermom]

I completely understand!!!! This has happened to me so many times. Stylists just DO NOT LISTEN!!!! when it comes to long hair. They think they know best. So infuriating!!!
!

Leslissocool, somebody most certainly did make a comment bashing stylists as a group, as if they were all the same.

[Kaelee]

I have the suspicion that your mother told the stylist how much to cut. Thank goodness hair just keeps right on growing; you'll get your classic length back plus more. Happy growing!

I suspect as much too. And if that's the case, then the stylist wouldn't show you how much she was cutting because you would have told her to stop!

[leslissocool]

Read the edit.
I'm not offended at all and have no clue how you could gather that. I'm not trying to convince her to change her views. I was agreeing with another poster here so is she wrong too??. I tried to explain thankfulness for her being kind even in this crappy situation when most people get very mean and hateful (although not without reason). I ended up elaborating too much, it happens but this post is not about me. I'm not on this hairdressers side and also feel very badly for her experience. I dont support what this lady did at all.


Right before the *grrr* you said some of the comments in there were so rude and nasty here. Thank you for editing, because without the edit it seemed that all the supportive feedback the OP was getting was rude to you.



Leslissocool, somebody most certainly did make a comment bashing stylists as a group, as if they were all the same.

Sadly this has been the case in LHC, not listening regarding how much length. Still this wasn't a rude nasty comment to the point of going on a rampage on this thread. Had I been the OP it would have bummed me out. Problem solved though, I see it was not that intention.

[HintOfMint]

Oh man, I am so sorry this happened. What a sketchy situation, you were asking to see how much she was cutting off and she just refused??? And your mother wouldn't say anything knowing that you're asking? Sounds like she had an agreement with the hairdresser along the lines of "it's for the child's own good, never mind what she says." Which is pretty condescending if you ask me.

I know teenagers are pegged as super-emotional and to a certain extent they are (trust me, I would have reacted exactly the way you did, tears and all, at 17) but it seems like they were really treating you like a child, which bothers me the most about this situation. It didn't matter what you wanted, it only mattered what your mother and hairdresser wanted FOR YOUR HAIR.

I do have to ask though, have you been talking about your hair a lot with your mother or being visibly emotional about it (aside from this incident)? I'm not saying you brought this on yourself, not at all, but I'm wondering if your mom got worried that you were obsessing about your hair and that this cut would be "good for you."

[patienceneeded]

Wow, I'm sorry this happened to you. I've never had a bad stylist experience and LOVE going to salons to get my hair done. However, to me it sounds like she was prepped ahead of time by your Mom. Broken trust indeed.

I would see if your Mom was willing to sit down and talk with your about what happened. Try to be calm and speak rationally to explain how this experience was negative for you and how you no longer feel you can trust your Mom or Stylist in regards to your hair. If she won't have "the conversation" or gets emotional/non-rational/won't listen, then you know that she needs to be left out of all your hair-related decisions. Mom (probably) pays for your haircuts, maybe other hair-care stuff (?). If that is the case, then save a portion of your own money (do you have an after-school job?) and make a point of only spending your own money on your own hair. Sometimes parents can feel that they have an ownership of their child if they spend their money on your style choices. I have had a job since I was 15 (I'm 36 now...an old fart. And a parent) and I never let my Mom buy my beauty supplies or my clothes once I started earning my own money. She never once acted like she "owned" me and let me be myself, we were fairly poor and I wanted to help by buying my own stuff. She was able then to save more and allocate more of the budget to my brothers. However, I had friends whose parents definitely felt that "It's MY money you're spending. You'll look and dress how I want." Taking away that piece (but it's NOT your money, it's my own) of the parent/child puzzle helped. This may or may not be helpful to you. I hope it is. If not, feel free to ignore me.

Next time (if there ever is a next time) walk out of the appointment the moment your stylist refuses to listen or acts like your opinion and thoughts on YOUR hair don't matter. There are lots of good stylists who will listen to you. I wouldn't take Mom with me again, though.

Best of luck. The good thing is - you won't need another trim for a good, long time. You'll still have beautiful hair for your graduation next spring. That's almost a year away! You could gain almost 6" more length by then. :)

[alexis917]

I'm so sorry!
Thankfully, it'll grow back, and now you'll have a blunt hem to grow off of!
I'm sure your hair is still beautiful.

Every time I go to stylists around here, they assume I want my hair thinned out.
I'm trying to grow out so many layers! I love my thickness!
Sure, sometimes it's a bit hard to manage, but I think it makes me unique in a family with thin hair, and peers with thin hair, too.
My worst experience was at a local salon. They did the usual, oh you must want layers...
But styled them a little awkwardly. I looked very....seventies!

On that note- I'm a big fan of Feye's Self Trimming method.
I'm too paranoid to have someone else cut my hair now.
Saves money, saves time, and if it goes wrong- which it hasn't yet, even though I'm super clumsy- I can only blame myself.

Good luck growing it back! Big hugs for you- one day, you'll find a great stylist, though!
They are out there! ...believe it or not.

[sumidha]

Well, the good news is that your hair is long enough now that you'll never have to go to a salon again, all you need is a pair of hair cutting scissors (nothing ridiculously expensive) and Feye's self trim method: http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/

*hugs*

[Jenny31557]

I'm sorry this happened. On a more positive note, hopefully it will make you even more dedicated to growing your hair healthy and not feeling like changing it by bleaching it or anything. Try to make the best of it, your hair is still long even by LHC standards.

[GrowingOut]

Honey, you'll pull through, and your hair is going to come back. ((I'm praying you hit a growth spurt and get back to your wanted length A.S.A.P.))

The stylist should not be trusted again, she's broken it. Your mother shouldn't be asked for help either.

[lapushka]

I won't be forgetting this anytime soon. My hair was the one thing I always looked forward too brushing before bed. If my mom wants me to keep my hair shorter than this just backfired on her. I will NEVER have anyone else cut my hair, I'll do it myself.*The sad part is I could have just cut off what I wanted myself anyway*

The only good thing that's come out of this is that now you've decided to trim yourself. It's easy. Just take a look at Feye's self-trimming method (http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/) (it's on LHC as well).

I'm sorry this happened to you. And of course you're not bashing anyone. She should have treated you with respect, and she didn't.

[chen bao jun]

The hairdressers that do this (I know its not all but there are many)--don't they know they lose customers this way?
I hope you feel better, honey and I hope you feel supported.
Do not decide that your mother had a hand in this without asking her, preferably after you've recovered your temper a bit. As a mom, I know that moms most often mean their children well, believe it or not. I could see as a mom myself going to the hairdresser we've always done to, having my daughter explain things to the hairdresser herself, and just kind of zoning out standing there, thinking about all the things I have to do later in the day and assuming all was well, and then once seeing that you were upset, just trying to calm you down and not have a scene. She probably doesn't mean you ill so much as that your hair does not loom large on the scale of things she thinks is important, like getting dinner cooked, paying bills, personal family matters you may not know about..She probably has a little checklist on which 'get daughter haircut' was just checked off and while it is huge to you (which I totally understand), she may honestly not even notice that its that much shorter and may have moved on to other things, just thinking you look good and that;s good enough. Parents really are mostly not that Machiavellian--I can't see one plotting to have an extra two inches snipped off your hair, the time factor involved in calling the stylist before hand and plotting seems like that's very unlikely. So I would say, don't make assumptions about your Mom, learn how to self trim, NEVER go to that particular stylist again if you do decide you can face stylists again, cry some more about your hair if you need to and realize it is still beautiful and you WILL reach your goal by graduation. Best wishes meanwhile for all of us.
Oh, and get the dandruff checked out. You might have seborrhea or something that a dermatologist can quickly fix up. In my experience, dandruff shampoos are garbage that keep you flaking more by drying out your scalp, and often its not actually dandruff. Not that it was the stylists' business at all.

[kittengirl]

I'm so sorry! I trim my own hair because I feel more comfortable with it. I do go to a hairdresser for my bangs (actually I cut them and shaped them myself and then went in to get them polished up a bit) and I think I probably drive them nuts because I am so specific and picky! I hope it grows fast and you can avoid problems in the future.

[lapushka]

Do not decide that your mother had a hand in this without asking her, preferably after you've recovered your temper a bit. As a mom, I know that moms most often mean their children well, believe it or not. I could see as a mom myself going to the hairdresser we've always done to, having my daughter explain things to the hairdresser herself, and just kind of zoning out standing there, thinking about all the things I have to do later in the day and assuming all was well, and then once seeing that you were upset, just trying to calm you down and not have a scene. She probably doesn't mean you ill so much as that your hair does not loom large on the scale of things she thinks is important, like getting dinner cooked, paying bills, personal family matters you may not know about..She probably has a little checklist on which 'get daughter haircut' was just checked off and while it is huge to you (which I totally understand), she may honestly not even notice that its that much shorter and may have moved on to other things, just thinking you look good and that;s good enough. Parents really are mostly not that Machiavellian--I can't see one plotting to have an extra two inches snipped off your hair, the time factor involved in calling the stylist before hand and plotting seems like that's very unlikely. So I would say, don't make assumptions about your Mom, learn how to self trim, NEVER go to that particular stylist again if you do decide you can face stylists again, cry some more about your hair if you need to and realize it is still beautiful and you WILL reach your goal by graduation.

I fully agree with you. Moms often have a different list of priorities. Your mom cannot possibly understand the importance of a few inches more of hair, as we all understand it here. I wouldn't just assume mom was in on it.

[PetuniaBlossom]

The one good thing that came out of this traumatic experience is that from now on you will explore the options of cutting your own hair (whether Feye's method or the Crea clip.) I think, in the long run, it'll turn out that this unacceptable hairdresser actually did you a favor, in that sense. You can now take total control over your own hair, save a ton of time and money, and have gorgeous super-long hair!
And it's good to learn, at your young age, that ANYONE who violates your boundaries and disrespects your stated wishes, is a person you should walk away from, fast and permanently.
So hugs for what happened, and best wishes for turning this sour lemon of an experience into sweet lemonade!

[purplebubba]

Just want to say that I hope this was not the Mom's doing. I also hope the stylist didn't mean to take too much or the other things she did.

If the mother really was involved then maybe it would have been worse if she truly didn't want you having long hair. 4 inches on your long hair probably wouldn't be a big enough change for that kind of plan. Unless that was supposed to be some sort of test length to see your reaction.

But yes like the others have said you can do what you can to take control. You can trim your own or never sit in a chair again without making your intentions clear. Or bring a friend who will stand with you on your side and let you know what is happening.

My emotions got a bit high and I blamed the mother but even if there was no plan nor intent, the fact is that based on YM's version she was mocked for trying to stand her ground and ganged up on. Or she felt she was.

It was too much of everything at one time.

[The-Young-Maid]

First off I'd like to say thank you to everyone for the kind words I really appreciate it. It was helpful to hear everyone's POV of my predicament. I feel much better now that I mulled it over a while. I'll try to respond to everyone-

purplebubba - Its nice to know others have also been in this situation, unfortunately, and as awful as it was they did learn something. I really did trust the stylist because every other time I went she did what I asked even if the cut might not have suited my hair type at all.:doh: But I just can't walk into that salon again, I was nervous going in and now... well you know. - I hate to think of how much growth I lost because she didn't just cut off the very ends. - I just couldn't believe that nobody told me what was happening, they just kind of ignored me. She won't have the chance to cut anymore, I'm never going back - this is something I'll never forget.

pressedflowers - I was angry because they did what they wanted. They thought it looked better. But they don't have to walk around all day with my hair attached to their head do they? I eventually wanted to trim off about 4-6 inches off anyway but not all at once! I was in shock! At least I waited till I got in the shower at home to sob. < And I NEVER sob. I'm sorry to hear about your experience as well, why can't stylist just listen? And BRUSHING your curls out?! :mad: Then LOL? Really? While your sitting in the chair? I like your response though, I've gotten that question enough but I usually just mumble "Ah... no." I'm not very assertive irl.

Mesmerise - At that point I was certain something was happening. I even tried to turn around but she told me not too. And I'm really not very assertive, especially when an adult is telling me to do something - I do it. Saying "Only take off two inches." was hard enough and I didn't want to make a scene.(Crying ruined that plan.:rolleyes:) Or be too dramatic and loose more length(you never know)

leslissocool Thanks for the hug. :) That hurt the most - I trusted her and my mom because its-my-hair-why-would-they-care? And when I started growing it the styleist even told me I should use EVOO on it! Talk about mixed messages!!

faerielady - Thats a good rule for sure! I was annoyed that she was complaining she couldn't comb through my ends. 1) My hair is wet what do you expect? 2)You didn't put any detangler in *I was watching* I brought my own. 3) The shampoo girl didn't leave any conditioner in it!

Carrie Ingalls - *hug* I will definitely be getting my own scissors. I could have trimmed my tassel at home in like two seconds but no... I gave the hairdresser one last shot.:doh:

starlamelissa - Yes, its my hair not theirs. They didn't grow it out of their heads. Oh well, it grows back.

jacqueline101 - Yeah, they don't seem to hear you even after the eighth time you say it.

Sharysa - Thanks but I think I'll be staying away from everything sharp for quite a while.;)

akilina - Yes, I didn't want to offend any of the long hair friendly hairdressers on here because it's unfair to judge all hairdressers by the actions of one. And mine had been good until yesterday. She even told me about EVOO. I think my mom was in on it because she goes regularly for upkeep. They talk a lot so I'm sure one brought up the subject at one point. But on my last trim when I asked her to show me what she took off *I said dusting* she showed me right away - just an inch. So I trusted her because she listened to me before! I know I could have stood up but where could I have gone?*I can't drive* I'm not an assertive person so I didn't think getting up from the chair was a realistic option at the time. *sigh* I'm glad the moon phase was ok - I don't really know much about it but I worried about it on the ride home!

joflakes - Thanks. I just don't like the feeling of these ends at all, they are difficult to handle. My bun doesn't look as sleek now as it used to.

kaydana - I was in shock because she had always listened to me before. My mom must have had something to do with it, I would be very surprised if she didn't Later my mom said, "I don't know what your upset about. Nobody sees it anyway." If no none sees it why did you want so much cut?! The thinner ends made updos EASIER! I've been wearing my hair up everyday for at least a year now!

Dancing Queen - Thanks for the hug! I know my hair will grow - it will just seem really slow now. I love seeing your hair grow too! I think what you said about hairdressers is probably true.

missfaroe - I'll proably panic the first time I try it but I know I'll be able to do it. I just need to be careful about keeping it even. I think the stylist might have given me a slight U shaped hemline. I can't really tell now because my hair is still wet. I will try to upload pictures soon, I just need to resize them in PS first.

Bagginslover - At first I did wonder if it was a misunderstanding but I kept saying two inches so idk.

spidermom - Thanks, I feel like it cant grow fast enough!

HintOfMint - I really don't think she could have perceived me growing my hair as being obsessed. I might have mentioned it occasionally but never like ermahgerd-you-touch-my-hair-i-cut-you. I would go and shop for hair products with her and she seemed passive to almost supportive on occasion- thats why I was so surprised.

patienceneeded - I thought about getting a job this summer but with my scheduled I might not be able to. She did bring me a peace offering though *the first decent strawberry from our garden* she still insisted that she didn't do anything but whatever. I can forgive but I never forget. Thanks, I know my hair will grow pretty fast, I think it grew at least 6 inches last year!

alexis917 - I'm sure things will look brighter once my hair dries and I can really see what it looks like. I got my hair thinned once- NEVER AGAIN. My hair likes to poof plus the humidity... and I didn't know any updos yet. yeah it was bad. *hug*

sumidha - I shall look for a nice pair (any suggestions?) and wait patiently. ;) *hug*

Jenny31557 - I appreciate your kind words, it's nice to know that its still *long*.

Growing Out - Yep, I'm never letting anyone else touch my hair. I'll be keeping it up so people at school won't notice and ask me about it. And by the time graduation rolls around and I go to college - my mom can't guilt me into a trim. When she suggest it I'll just say "Oh of course I'd like to go back to the place where I was traumatized and mocked for another much needed trim. BAZINGA!"

lapushka - I gave her one last chance and she blew it, never going back. She will never see me again. Thanks *hug*

chen beo jun - Yeah you'd think they would do whatever the client asked to a T. But hopefully she learned something yesterday like I did. I think it's possible that my mom kinda planned the trim because you'd think that since she was watching she might have said something- but oh well. She there frequently so she had time to - never mind I really don't want to think about it. She will never have the opportunity again. I don't think she anticipated my reaction because she seemed POed that I was crying. I was embarrased that she said anything about my dandruff at all. I don't know exactly what the cause is but it doesn't bother me. Its not itchy or whatnot just flakes, maybe build up? I'll think about what it could be and look at causes/symptoms and all that.

kittengirl - I got bangs a few years ago(now down to APL i think?) They didn't really suit me.

PetuniaBlossom - I think a Crea Clip is a good idea, I'm most worried about it being even. Thanks for the hug! And speaking of lemonade *gulp*

To sum up, I have made peace with both my mom and brother. I didn't leave my room until noon today (i wasn't hungry) until my mom came up and gave me a strawberry from the garden. I never tasted anything so sweet. Thanks for all the support *hug* I'll try to respond to anyone else who post. I spent nearly an hour on this post!

[bahoban]

Alkaline, no one comment was made generalizing hairdressers in this thread. Not one, words like "many" have been used but there is no hairdresser bashing going. Just support, from people, about HER decision of never letting someone cut her hair again. It's a very valid decision, and it's the best decision I have ever made for my hair, sorry if it someway offends you but it's true.

I totally agree with you leslissocool

[AnqeIicDemise]

I would be livid too. I cannot say otherwise. I'd be in tears as well, so I can definitely empathize. That was a triple whammy. You were judged, lied to and were left out to dry.

But as others said, the good news is that your hair will grow back, and hopefully quickly. Try to focus on the positive things or else you'll just have a ruined, ruined bunch of days and that's just horrible.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug.

[Nymphea]

Hey, dear, here's a hug from me! :)

As the previous LHC members said, what happened was in no way pleasant nor good, but what is good is that you'll learn how to self-trim! There is no better feeling than having complete control of your hair! When I finally got courage to self-trim... I was delighted! At last - I could decide if I want 0.5, 1, 2, 5 or however inches off! And I could play with it - try to take off a little, than more, or the opposite way, whenever I want, however I want.

I self trim since I was 19 - it's not hard at all! And of course, I had to learn it hard way, just as you did :( (but my hair went from classic to barely shoulder in one salon visit... Don't ask how - it's still trauma for me even though it occurred almost 20 years ago :rolleyes:)

[Suze2012]

I'm sorry to hear this but how much was actually cut off?

6, 8 10 inches? Instead of the two you wanted?

It's horrid having too much cut off but your reaction must mean it was a hell of a lot!

[labailaora]

Oh, no! :grouphug: I'm so sorry this happened to you - I know the feeling all too well! I had basically the same exact thing happen to me when I was 17, except it was my best friend who took me to her stylist and (without telling me!) directed him to cut all the "damaged" hair and give me layers. My tailbone-length hair barely brushed my shoulders when he was done. I cried.

I know it's pretty terrible right now, but hopefully you'll be able to make the best of the situation - you've got nice fresh ends, and the opportunity to take care of them as your hair grows. And it will grow. With any luck, all the way to the floor!

Definitely do learn to self-trim, though, it will save you time, money, and further disasters like this. Once you start, you'll never go back!

[FrozenBritannia]

Well, hopefully you won't need to trim for another year or so! I'm hoping to not have to have my hair trimmed for at least a year at a salon- unless I figure out how to trim layers, in which case I'll just do it myself! I hate when things go wrong with scissors and hair. :(

[LaurelSpring]

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. It is very traumatic! I have been through this so many times and got stalled so many times with "dead end" trims that I finally started cutting it myself and I am very happy with it. I am just too antsy to sit in a salon chair anymore. Big hug!!

[Kaelee]

Definitely do learn to self-trim, though, it will save you time, money, and further disasters like this. Once you start, you'll never go back!

Couldn't agree more. Once you get over the fear of doing something horribly wrong, it's so easy to self trim (I use Feye's method). It takes literally minutes, versus having to go to the salon, wait, sit there while they trim it, walk out of there with hair stuck all over your face/body (no matter how hard they/I try I can NEVER get all the hair off my face without a shower!) and on top of all that pay for it! Whereas when I self trim, I can do it in the 5 minutes before I jump in the shower. Never going back.

[juliaxena]

Something about the description of this almost sounds as assault. I also have a creepy feeling your mother asked her to do a thorough trim when she scheduled your appointments.

I am sorry for what happened. I think you shoudl go back to the salon and tell them what they did was unacceptable.

[vendethiel]

Oh! Lots and lots of hugs for you!

I’m so sorry, I had a bad experience at a stylist when I was quite young, the stylist bullied me, my mom didn’t know what to do, so we ended up just caving. So, I wouldn’t blame your mom too much; it is really hard for someone with short hair to understand how we feel. (I’ve had this problem countless times; they just can’t comprehend how much work it is or how much we love our hair.) Also, your mom might have been embarrassed and didn’t know how to handle the situation or she might have fallen for the classic blunder of believing that the “stylist” knows best and since you want what is best for your hair you have to listen to the "stylist". (I have seen this happen a lot, people believe that someone is an expert and you have to do what they say, no matter what!) Your mom might even have thought that she was helping you by getting rid of your thin ends. (This happens too, people have such different tastes, some think fairytale ends are unattractive and want to "help" people by giving them blunt ends. Some people even think they know more about long hair. If I had a dollar for every short haired person that came up to me and told me how to take care of my long hair, I really would be rich!)

There is always the possibility that this was intentional and malicious, but she is your mom and she loves you (maybe in her own special way - I have relatives like that), so she was probably just trying to help, in the common, but misguided way. So, just remember that she loves you and start trimming your own hair. (I do it all the time and it gets easier and easier each time.)

I hope your hair grows fast! (And it just might, since you treat it so much better now.) Anyway, I’m so sorry. Lots of hugs!

[eros]

I agree with the self trimming thing, but what I've always been wondering is, how do you trim when you have a specific hairstyle you want to maintain? Like, say, a layered cut? That's hard to do on your own. Feye's method is just for the hemline, that's it. :(

[lapushka]

I agree with the self trimming thing, but what I've always been wondering is, how do you trim when you have a specific hairstyle you want to maintain? Like, say, a layered cut? That's hard to do on your own. Feye's method is just for the hemline, that's it. :(

There's the so-called compact haircuts, where you ponytail the hair (on top of your head, or near your forehead), and cut it all off in one go. That will give you (respectively) a short layered cut, and a longer layered V-cut.

[CSallaround]

That is just a horrible thing to do! It really bothers me how (some, not all of course) hairdressers think they know what's best for your hair and especially that they think they have the right to treat paying costumers with such manners!

[StephanieP3]

Wow I couldn't imagine, mine is about 12 inches from the tail bone and OMG I would be shrieking around that salon like a harpy! I haven't gotten my hair cut at a salon is over 4 years. Because I can't afford a salon, but still. I've been cutting my own hair since I was about...17 I wanna say? So about 10 years. The good thing about doing it yourself is you can do a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. So you get exactly what you want without risking your length. Good luck on your growth!! <3'z

[purplehippo]

This has happened to me too and I was furious too. But, try to focus on the benefits of cutting it a little more. Do the ends feel thicker? That's what I focused on-- that the ends felt thicker and the hem line looked much nicer. I was able to get through it well.

Why not try cutting your own hair next time? I trim mine a new mm every month at the full moon.

[martyna_22]

I am so sorry for you :( To be honest, I also went to a hair stylist last week and she was so rough with my hair that I was getting the impression that she wanted to fight with me and I didn't know whether or not I should start pulling her hair. I'm not going there anytime soon...

[pressedflowers]

Leslissocool, somebody most certainly did make a comment bashing stylists as a group, as if they were all the same.

Hmm, well sorry about that. I am still kind of new to LHC and didn't know that "stylist bashing" was such an epidemic or a touchy topic. I reacted emotionally to the OP because I had just had a trim the same day (or day before maybe) with a rude stylist who ripped her comb through my hair for 10-15 minutes trying to get my "tangles" (curls) out, then asked me if I was donating my hair to LoL which as I mentioned in my post is a societally-approved way of saying "Your hair is too long for my taste and you should cut it so you will be more stylish and in fashion." So, I tacked on a rant to the OP's rant, so to speak. I am sorry I offended some members.

To be honest, I have never had a good experience with a stylist once I started growing my hair long when I was about 17. The stylists I have had always take off too much, don't seem to understand the phrase "LONG layers," have no idea how to deal with my curls/wurls (see above). One gave me a "trim" of about six inches and this was when my hair was BSL - she took me back to shoulder! I was furious and refused to pay. These are the experiences that shape my opinion of stylists. :shrug: I'm glad others have had more positive experiences! :)

[Ashenputtel]

Awe sweetie I totally understand, I am also recovering from a bad haircut I had to fix it myself. I had midback hair with long layers and now I have not even BSL withshort layers. I will also cut my hair myself in the future. I hope your hair will be back to classic soon.