Funeral hair

[Kherome]

Sunday morning at the age of 65 my father in law passed away very, very suddenly. We don't know for sure yet but it appears to have been a massive heart attack. My husband is taking it quite hard, as is my mother in law. We're arranging everything now and tomorrow is the Memorial. Prior to this I have only dealt with one other funeral as far as arranging it goes.

I'm trying to put together what I'll be wearing, and I was wondering, is there any sort of "funeral hair" protocol? Do people usually wear their hair up for funerals? (I wear my TBL hair up everyday anyway) Does it matter? Any suggestions? My FIL was one who liked people to make a little extra effort in their appearance for "functions" so I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to do that this time.

[Calaelen]

Hi. Sorry for your husband's loss. I wish you all the best getting through this time. As for hair, putting it up does seem to be most common, and is definitely appropriate. Simple styles are good, and for some reason low chignon buns seem to work exceptionally well. A low bun is pulled together, sophisticated, and looks respectful. To me, that speaks to your father in law's appreciation for that little extra at functions.

[Anje]

I think the usual protocol is simply not to have happy, attention-grabbing hair. For longhairs, that generally means to put it up with non-blingy tools, since wearing it loose tends to attract attention. I'd say sticks and forks are fine, but keep the colors low key and avoid sparkles.

[redtuss]

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I usually do the headband-tuck for funerals with a thin and discreet darkly coloured headband, a guide is here http://www.freckled-fox.com/2012/08/hair-tutorial-easy-headband-tuck.html (although I position the band a bit further back on my head and also don't tease the hair, with some volume powder it still stays up). The Gibson tuck is also appropriate for these occasions in my opinion.
The only times I've had loose hair when it's long for a funeral was when I was a child and also when a very special woman passed away, she had long hair herself and wore it loose so it felt like I paid her respect by wearing my own hair loose like she always did. Although I still side with the other posters that hair in a up-do feels more suitable for a funeral when it's long.

[Firefox7275]

I would wear 'interview hair' - professional type appearance/ smart up do, plainer than you'd wear for a night out. Exception might be if FIL had a particular hairstyle of yours that he loved.

[Kherome]

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I usually do the headband-tuck for funerals with a thin and discreet darkly coloured headband, a guide is here http://www.freckled-fox.com/2012/08/hair-tutorial-easy-headband-tuck.html (although I position the band a bit further back on my head and also don't tease the hair, with some volume powder it still stays up). The Gibson tuck is also appropriate for these occasions in my opinion.
The only times I've had loose hair when it's long for a funeral was when I was a child and also when a very special woman passed away, she had long hair herself and wore it loose so it felt like I paid her respect by wearing my own hair loose like she always did. Although I still side with the other posters that hair in a up-do feels more suitable for a funeral when it's long.

That is a cute style, but I don't see how I could get my TBL hair into that style.

[missfaroe]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I would also go for a low chignon or a Gibson tuck.

[redtuss]

That is a cute style, but I don't see how I could get my TBL hair into that style.

Oh, I'm sorry, didn't think of that! Maybe a Gibson tuck then?

[jacqueline101]

I'd say a plain simple bun.

[leslissocool]

I'd wear a french twist (hypnotica has tutorials for long hair french twists) and maybe get some veils to cover your hair completely. Those lace ones.


Back where I'm from they use full coverings. Reason behind it is that often the closest family is crying for days, face puffy and and they like to cover it up so they have huge hats with veils. They also wear suits and pencil skirts with a black blouse. Very formal.

[Kherome]

Good idea, I may go with the french twist. That one I know how to cram all my hair into.

[heidi w.]

Wearing hair nicely somehow is all you really need to do, up or down or half and half.
heidi w.
when I went to a funeral I had very long hair, so I wore it up cause it wasn't about me whatsoever. I remember waiting in some kind of back room. And they forgot to arrange a car for me to get to the actual funeral. It was awful. I was thoroughly forgotten about, and the next morning, they asked me to make breakfast for everyone in a house I've never been in at all.
heidi w.

[torrilin]

Hair up in whatever is my current favorite plain bun. Black dress if I have one, as plain as possible, or white blouse, black suit. Basically, I shoot for job interview type formal and as matte and plain as I can get.

[Vanilla]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(. You could also do a braided bun. I find that those hold really well, and I'm not fussing with my hair.

[DarkSunny]

These are some pretty good suggestions here. I'd like to add that you should choose whatever feels right for you personally in regards to the funeral. For my grandmother, I chose to wear more white than black and to keep my hair down. It wasn't quite the usual black and hair up, but somehow felt right as my own personal way of sending her off.

[lunalocks]

So sorry to hear of you family's loss.

I think it depends on how conservative your community and family are and if it will be a small, family gathering or an every important person in town gathering. In my community, with my more liberal circle, no one wears black and no one wears veils. When my father died, I wore my hair down (mid back) and no one thought anything of it. But classic length, I would probably put it up.

When my mother dies, she wants me to host high tea for her closest friends. I am sure they will all wear flowery dresses, and, perhaps, fancy hats.

[CoyoteSarah]

I'd do a low bun with a nice fork, I think. I can't remember what I did with my hair for my grandmothers funeral.I probably wore it down- I had BSL hair then and wore it down alot when I was sad or angry. For my husband's grandfathers funeral, I was wearing a hijab and wore plain, black matte from head to toe(matching scarf and a robe called an abaya). I also tied my hair up lower than normal, under my hijab, so that it wouldn't look as poofy. Some of my husbands relatives showed up in ugly sneakers and inappropriate,super casual dresses, with unkempt,unwashed hair and I found it very disrespectful. Especially for a military funeral, you know, where everyone is dressed up. I think its always better to be too formal than not enough.
(I always tell my Dad that when he dies, I'm showing up in full Victorian mourning, complete with veils and parasol... ^_^)

[Seeshami]

I have worn it in a half up, a bun, down, a braid. Anything simple that doesn't bring to much attention to your hair will be okay. I have never heard of a protocol or a wrong or right hair do.

[spirals]

I would agree with something that doesn't call attention to you. A low, simple bun with pins or a plain stick or fork would work. But make sure it's comfortable, since you'll likely have it up all day.

[Bagginslover]

Personally, I think it depends on how you usually wear your hair. If you usually have it loose, putting it up might look like you're trying to dress your hair up, same if you usually wear it up, but wear it loose for the day.

If you usually wear updos, choose something comfotable, and plain, a simple stick, for or pins to hols it (nothing bright or sparkly). If you usually wear your hair loose, a half up will keep the hair out of your face, but still have you look the same as you do everyday with the length loose.

I am very sorry for your familys loss.

[Sharysa]

My condolences for your husband's loss.

Definitely echoing the "not too attention-grabbing" kind of hairstyles. You could always try just a plain braid, if the buns or other updos don't work.

[Iolanthe13]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would definitely recommend keeping it up, as a general guideline - not necessarily just because it might be a distraction, but because you might have to fuss with it. If you cry, stray pieces might get wet and stick to your face, and if there is an outdoor burial, loose hair might blow around in the wind. A low, simple bun is probably best, because it's easy to re-do if you need to, but you won't have to worry about it. If you want to put in a little more effort, you could do a subtle braided accent at the front or something - elegant, but not attention-grabbing.

[Ligeia_13]

I attended a family funeral today and I just put my hair in a pencil bun, low on my head.

It's not like anyone is going to focus on hair anyway.