Saved by a shorty wig!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Hi!

One of the problems about being a ts who is not living f/t as their perceived gender is that people still treat you like you are you birth gender.

My boss decided that my hair was too long and that it did not look "Professional" (One of the most overused terms in the world today?)

Nnaturally, after all the work I have done to grow it as long as it is, with a plan to grow MUCH longer, I was NOT happy. But , I like the job, so what to do? (It would BREAK my heart to have to cut my hair!)

Went to a store where I buy my make-up and wigs and my consultant and I found a nice shorty wig that looks manly enough to do the trick, plus, it might work in other venues also.

It is a salt and pepper dark shade, not too poofy.

Anyway, I will keep you all posted, but I believe I just saved my hair:)

:cheese::cheese:

[Blueneko]

Excellent work!

My friend Janet was fortunate enough to work in a place where her transition was accepted quite smoothly. She was able to just be Janet 100% of the time and her boss never cared one bit. I am not sure if you love your job to pieces, but if you don't, I think you should consider finding a place that lets you embrace your identity.

I am glad you are keeping your long hair!!!! Never cut it!!!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Excellent work!

My friend Janet was fortunate enough to work in a place where her transition was accepted quite smoothly. She was able to just be Janet 100% of the time and her boss never cared one bit. I am not sure if you love your job to pieces, but if you don't, I think you should consider finding a place that lets you embrace your identity.

I am glad you are keeping your long hair!!!! Never cut it!!!

I never plan to:) I do like my job, plus they just gave me a 50 cent/ hr raise:):D

[Ohio Sky]

Might be OT here, but why don't you live as a female all the time? Or, are your coworkers aware of the transition to come?

It seems like if you're going to do it, you may as well start now... Or even if not, perhaps your boss would be more understanding if he was aware of the situation? You guys should be able to come to some of an agreement. :flower:

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Might be OT here, but why don't you live as a female all the time? Or, are your coworkers aware of the transition to come?

It seems like if you're going to do it, you may as well start now... Or even if not, perhaps your boss would be more understanding if he was aware of the situation? You guys should be able to come to some of an agreement. :flower:

I am a slow mover, I will have to breach the subject at some point soon, however? Most of the people, including the ass't mngr know, some have seen, but some newbies who have to be "educated?

[spidermom]

Hooray for wigs. I bought a couple when a costume store near me went out of business. When I bought them, they were a lot longer than my own hair. Now they're shorter (BSL). I could call them my shorty wigs.

I really don't get the whole switching gender thing, I'm sorry to say.

[Ohio Sky]

I am a slow mover, I will have to breach the subject at some point soon, however? Most of the people, including the ass't mngr know, some have seen, but some newbies who have to be "educated?

Well then I hope the wig works for you at least right now. I'm sure it's not an easy transition.

I agree with Spidermom - I don't get the switching genders thing, but then, I am happy with my gender, so I don't need to get it. Hopefully some day you can be happy with yours too, whatever it may be. :flower:

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Hooray for wigs. I bought a couple when a costume store near me went out of business. When I bought them, they were a lot longer than my own hair. Now they're shorter (BSL). I could call them my shorty wigs.

I really don't get the whole switching gender thing, I'm sorry to say.

This response can go for OhioSky too?

I knew I was a girl when I was 12, but the world still has issues with such stuff? I would rather be able to be living as a woman right now, but I know what I am inside:)

Does that help?

[30isthenewblack]

I really don't get the whole switching gender thing, I'm sorry to say.

I believe the OP's question was on wigs and not on switching genders so you don't need to understand it.

Back on the OP, congratulations on your pay rise. Your boss obviously thinks you are a valuable employee. I have been told all my life that I looked 'unprofessional' with my curly hair so I always made sure I wore it down to interviews because what you see with me is what you get & I started working for companies who were ethical and professional mature.

Please don't cut your hair. It's not worth it for a mere job. The wig idea sounds great & maybe this can be the catalyst for you to start broaching the topic of you changing your gender. It's a clear cut case of discrimination if he fires you & I think you would be hard pressed to find a court who didn't think so.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I believe the OP's question was on wigs and not on switching genders so you don't need to understand it.

Back on the OP, congratulations on your pay rise. Your boss obviously thinks you are a valuable employee. I have been told all my life that I looked 'unprofessional' with my curly hair so I always made sure I wore it down to interviews because what you see with me is what you get & I started working for companies who were ethical and professional mature.

Please don't cut your hair. It's not worth it for a mere job. The wig idea sounds great & maybe this can be the catalyst for you to start broaching the topic of you changing your gender. It's a clear cut case of discrimination if he fires you & I think you would be hard pressed to find a court who didn't think so.

I LOVE your chat and post handle!

That is true about discrimination, but I am not a "rablle-rouser" and like to educate rathere than confront. I do not have any intention of cutting my hair, I LOVE it the longer it gets!!

I am sure that we will make it work, the wig, though shorter than I would EVER want my ahir, is very nice looking, it tends toward the femme side, but not so much that he would have THAT issue? My consultant is good on matching wigs to complexions and stuff. I KNEW she would find something that worked:)

[30isthenewblack]

I LOVE your chat and post handle!

That is true about discrimination, but I am not a "rablle-rouser" and like to educate rathere than confront. I do not have any intention of cutting my hair, I LOVE it the longer it gets!!

I am sure that we will make it work, the wig, though shorter than I would EVER want my ahir, is very nice looking, it tends toward the femme side, but not so much that he would have THAT issue? My consultant is good on matching wigs to complexions and stuff. I KNEW she would find something that worked:)

Why thank you ma'am! I am a believer that age does not stop you from doing anything in life & you should live your life as you want to & not let society & others dictate your life.

I agree with you about educating and not confronting. Legal action should always be the last step & unfortunately even if you take legal action, you can be the one who looks like the troublemaker. The world is slowly changing Robbie. I assure you of that :)

Your consultant sounds like a charm. Hold onto to her :D Your hair is looking great as well! I checked out your profile last week I believe. It's great to feel your hair against your shoulders. :)

[Euphony]

Oh Robbi I'm so happy for you! Too many people in the world don't understand that some people are mentally one sex and physically another, it's not a choice like so many people think it is. You then unfortunately get the brunt of ignorance and sometimes it can get nasty. I am female in a female body, it wasn't a choice for me to be so - I just am, same as how you are - it's not a choice. Embrace who you are. Since you like your job and they obviously like you, I'm so happy you were able to come to a compromise.

[truepeacenik]

to the slight hijack, it isn't switching gender, it is affirming what you are.

article on a young TG girl
http://www.highlandsranchherald.com/site/tab9.cfm?newsid=19346255&BRD=2713&PAG=461&dept_id=559194&rfi=6
Explaining gender to kids
http://www.zwire.com/site/tab9.cfm?newsid=19343398&BRD=2713&PAG=461&dept_id=560243&rfi=6

Mods, I have permission to post these from the writer. It's me.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Why thank you ma'am! I am a believer that age does not stop you from doing anything in life & you should live your life as you want to & not let society & others dictate your life.

I agree with you about educating and not confronting. Legal action should always be the last step & unfortunately even if you take legal action, you can be the one who looks like the troublemaker. The world is slowly changing Robbie. I assure you of that :)

Your consultant sounds like a charm. Hold onto to her :D Your hair is looking great as well! I checked out your profile last week I believe. It's great to feel your hair against your shoulders. :)

YES!

My hair is very thick and soft. Unfortunately, with the large thin area on top, that presents issues, but I am working on that also. DHT Blocker is working well and it has that chinese hair-growth herb in its mix, so it gorws FAST too!

As far as being I appear public "en femme" a majority of the time and am perceived as a woman regualrly:)

[Nightshade]

I am a slow mover, I will have to breach the subject at some point soon, however? Most of the people, including the ass't mngr know, some have seen, but some newbies who have to be "educated?

A former man now woman in my company, but in another building from me, switched after he divorced his wife. He took a long weekend and they had a big meeting with everyone else in the building to say that when "Dan" came back he was going to be "Danielle" and would be dressing as a woman, etc. They got some sensitivity training, etc, and sorted out the whole bathroom issue (though I don't know the details on that one).

Many companies are very supportive of such a change, but I do think, at least in this case, that a "this is changing now" was easier for people to accept than a slow change where people felt uncomfortable without knowing what to say or what was really going on. :flower:

[30isthenewblack]

YES!

My hair is very thick and soft. Unfortunately, with the large thin area on top, that presents issues, but I am working on that also. DHT Blocker is working well and it has that chinese hair-growth herb in its mix, so it gorws FAST too!

As far as being I appear public "en femme" a majority of the time and am perceived as a woman regualrly:)

Have you checked out the monistat thread? I have been using daktarin cream as monistat is not available in Australia & it's been working a treat. It's hard to measure the overall growth as I haven't quite mastered putting it on my scalp at the back of my head haha but the crown of my head is much thicker & I have baby hairs galore. My hair is coloured also & I noticed yesterday that I seem to have six month's regrowth but I only got my hair done three months ago!

You hottie you haha!

[Tangles]

Sadly, your situation is just going to be difficult for most people to understand. That's a fact. however I really admire your determination to be non-confrontational about it. Now that takes courage.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Have you checked out the monistat thread? I have been using daktarin cream as monistat is not available in Australia & it's been working a treat. It's hard to measure the overall growth as I haven't quite mastered putting it on my scalp at the back of my head haha but the crown of my head is much thicker & I have baby hairs galore. My hair is coloured also & I noticed yesterday that I seem to have six month's regrowth but I only got my hair done three months ago!

You hottie you haha!

Haha! Welll, I am a MODEST hottie, I trust?

DHT Blocker I like because it is taken as a pill, rather than slopped on? It has risks, but never having been pregant, that is not a problem:)

[Stevy]

I'm so glad you managed to save your hair!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I'm so glad you managed to save your hair!

Not as glad as I am:)

I am dreaming up it touching my bra strap by next year:)

[Amara]

I'm so glad you found a wig that helps!!! Good luck with your work situation, I hope it's all smooth sailing!

[Tangles]

We're about the same length currently! Here's to BSL.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I am sure that the work situation will be fine:)

YES to BSL! (And even longer!)

[Aqua Gal]

Congrats on finding a solution. I can see why it might be easier right now for you to go with the flow. Hopefully, in time, you'll be able to just be who you are at work, just like at home.

For me, committing to wearing a wig daily might be a lot to bite off if I didn't have to. I've never found them to be comfortable for me for everyday...now, that's just me, so take it for what it's worth.

Good luck!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Congrats on finding a solution. I can see why it might be easier right now for you to go with the flow. Hopefully, in time, you'll be able to just be who you are at work, just like at home.

For me, committing to wearing a wig daily might be a lot to bite off if I didn't have to. I've never found them to be comfortable for me for everyday...now, that's just me, so take it for what it's worth.

Good luck!

Btter to ease in than be eased out???

I wear wigs so often (Since 2003) that is is "old hat." But as my hair gets longer, there is more to put under the wig now? (Nice problem to have)

[Islandgrrl]

Hi Robbi, I'm glad you were able to save your hair. I hope that the wig takes care of any problem.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I am sure it will, but they would drag me kicking and screaming to a haircut place, anyway!

[spidermom]

I believe the OP's question was on wigs and not on switching genders so you don't need to understand it.


The very first sentence OP posted was about the difficulties of not living transgender full time. Therefore, to me, the post is not only about wigs.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

T'is OK, I knew what you meant, it is tuff to understand this if you have never been there? HECK! It is tuff to understand when you are the one dealing with it!

HUGGSZ

[spidermom]

Thanks Robbi; definitely no harm or criticism intended, and I'm so glad to see that you realize that. As somebody not in your situation, well no wonder I don't understand, and that's o.k.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Thanks Robbi; definitely no harm or criticism intended, and I'm so glad to see that you realize that. Somebody not in your situation, well no wonder I don't understand, and that's o.k.

I was picked on pretty regularly as a young person, so I only get angry when I am "talked down" to. I really am glad I was born tg however? Kinda nice to see the glass from bloth sides???

Plus I look much prettier with long hair:)

[spidermom]

Now that I can relate to. I was picked on a lot, too. My home situation was bad; there were abuse issues. It made me into a weird kid. Other kids noticed.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Now that I can relate to. I was picked on a lot, too. My home situation was bad; there were abuse issues. It made me into a weird kid. Other kids noticed.

Awww. I hope you have created a better life for yourself now?

I was just "different" and everyone knoew my "not buttons" and pressed them constantly, and I was too dumb to get it until I was in HS:)

[spidermom]

I have (in most ways); thank you. I hope you've created a better life for yourself as well.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I have (in most ways); thank you. I hope you've created a better life for yourself as well.

It has its issues, but an old pal (I saw him the other day and he did not know me!) told me that I needed stress in my life or I would shrivel up and die!? LOLOL

[DecafJane]

I'm so glad that you found an alternative to cutting your hair, Robbi!

I was wondering if you have read the novel, "Sacred Country (http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Country-Rose-Tremain/dp/0671886096/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219881521&sr=8-1)" by Rose Tremain? It is a lovely work about a girl who, at the age of six, realises that she is a boy, and that being born as a girl was somehow a big mistake, and goes through to her later life trying to transition and getting to know herself/himself. The whole novel is about more than that, of course, but it was just nice to read a story that had this as an accepted part of the core of the concepts of the book. It isn't a topic that is addressed very much in mainstream fiction in such a sympathetic and loving way, and it really helped me start to understand the issues from a different perspective.

I am glad you have the strength to be yourself - it takes a lot of courage and honesty. :)

[intothemist1999]

Yay, Robbi, for sticking to your guns!

Who can say, really, what's easiest for the person and/or those around him/her...to do it quick, or ease into it. I'm sure there' can't be a right way or a wrong way.

As for "not understanding" I understand everyone has to be who they are. I don't "feel" like a girl, so I can't say that's how I "identify". I don't "not" feel like a girl either :) I guess if I were in a situation (or body) that didn't fit it might be more apparent to me. I tend to be the brawn in this household so I guess I'm a bit of a tomboy anyway :)

[MsBubbles]

What a great idea to use a wig! Yay for not cutting your hair :). Keep on growing!

[Elenna]

I think that gender and gender identity is what a person is born with. It is all about what you feel comfortable with. I did not realize that you were tg. You look very feminine to me. But having long hair is wonderful no matter which gender a person is.

[Xandergrammy]

Oh Robbi, I agree that cutting your hair would be unacceptable. I'm so happy that you found a good wig! :joy:

[Tap Dancer]

I'm glad you found a solution with the wig. No one should be forced to cut their hair for a job because there are other jobs out there where they won't be so...picky (for lack of a better word). When you fully become a woman, do you think your boss will let you lose the wig?

[Fencai]

i LOVE wigs!!! They are great! I had a few 3/4 wig caps that were my favs. (I dont use them now because they arent the right color) but have fun! I figure it this way, they wouldnt make wigs if they werent meant to be used and to have fun with!
Good for you!

[Nat242]

Robbi, I'm so happy you found a solution. I also hope that the day comes very soon where you be recognised for the woman you are 100% of the time :flowers:

[Hatsumomo]

Hiya,

I wasn't going to post in here because I've kind of distanced myself from trans issues recently but I can understand where you're coming from. I'm intersexed (no one realised until I was seventeen and had tests done for piece of mind) but was brought up as male (and had male puberty..the joys) and I currently work as male and socialise as female (my mental gender) which can get really confusing. My work are okay as long as I tie my hair up but I don't pass as male anymore so people are starting to ask questions which as you know can be slightly awkward but it's all worth it to be happy!

I'm so glad you've found a way to save your hair! Wigs can be great fun too! I truly wish you all the best in your transition and getting to where you want to be. It's definately worth it:)

[Loviatar]

Robbi dear I am glad you managed to sort out the hair/work issue. It's a great idea to use a shorty wig like that.

Have you thought of discussing the tg issue with your boss and seeing if some sensitivity training could be worked upon?

[ChloeDharma]

Do you have anti-transgender discrimination laws in the U.S? I don't know the in's and out's of it but here once you start transition it's illegal to discriminate against you.
It must feel scary going from deciding to change to actually changeing, but sometimes with these things it goes much smoother than you expect (fingers crossed) but if you have not yet started then it might be an idea to find someone experienced in that area (legal type i mean) and find out what backup the law gives you before you announce it at work. I think too many transexuals accept crap from people.

Anyway, well done finding a temporary solution.....lets just hope your boss doesn't suggest it would be more professional if you only transition in your spare time.

[SchnauzerMom]

I'm glad that you didn't have to cut your hair. You seem like such a sweet person, I hate to think that people are mean to you.

[lora410]

Personally there is not way I would let a job dictate how long I should keep my hair, no matter how much I enjoy that job. Unless you signed a form when you were hired saying you had to keep your hair a certain length there is no way they can make you cut your hair, and if they fire you then you have a discrimation lawsuit.

[jojo]

Hey Robbie, thats great you found a great wig (pictures?) I know you would hate so much to cut your hair.

love ya xx

[julya]

I want to see the new wig too! I vote for pictures, please.

[Islandgrrl]

<snip>and I currently work as male and socialise as female (my mental gender) which can get really confusing. My work are okay as long as I tie my hair up but I don't pass as male anymore so people are starting to ask questions which as you know can be slightly awkward but it's all worth it to be happy!</snip>

Not to completely hijack things here, but I totally don't see how you could possibly pass for male. Please accept that as the compliment it's meant to be.

[30isthenewblack]

Me three!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Alun]

I'm glad you found a solution with the wig. No one should be forced to cut their hair for a job because there are other jobs out there where they won't be so...picky (for lack of a better word). When you fully become a woman, do you think your boss will let you lose the wig?

I hardly know where to start. It shouldn't be necessary to become a woman to have long hair.

Yeah, I know you aren't doing it for the hair, Robbi, and I really do sympathise. It is awful growing out hair only to be told you have to cut it. I wouldn't cut my hair for a job.

[Hatsumomo]

Not to completely hijack things here, but I totally don't see how you could possibly pass for male. Please accept that as the compliment it's meant to be.

Thanks :) ! I kinda don't anymore lol. My voice is a bit deeper than female norms but not quite in male levels either so it helps a bit. Since I've lost weight it's a major failure though! Not that I'm complaining, I find it entertaining;)!

[FrannyG]

Robbi, I had no idea until I read this thread that you are not living as a woman full time. In any case, I'm happy about the wig, and like the others, I'd love to see it.

On the day when you can begin to live your entire life as a woman, I will be hear ready to celebrate your victory! :blossom:

[Morag]

Robbi, I'm so glad you found the right wig! I, too, would like to see pictures.

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Not to completely hijack things here, but I totally don't see how you could possibly pass for male. Please accept that as the compliment it's meant to be.

Why thank you! (Check my photos, I have a piccy of me "as a boy" much younger)

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Robbi, I had no idea until I read this thread that you are not living as a woman full time. In any case, I'm happy about the wig, and like the others, I'd love to see it.

On the day when you can begin to live your entire life as a woman, I will be hear ready to celebrate your victory! :blossom:

Well, I wish I weren't, but stuff happens? Anyway, I can also wear the wig with my own hair too! Looks kinda like a mullet, but it works:)

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Robbi, I'm so glad you found the right wig! I, too, would like to see pictures.

I am waaay behind on piccy postings, but will see what i can do:)

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I hardly know where to start. It shouldn't be necessary to become a woman to have long hair.

Yeah, I know you aren't doing it for the hair, Robbi, and I really do sympathise. It is awful growing out hair only to be told you have to cut it. I wouldn't cut my hair for a job.

That is life in the Hotel biz, anyway, everyone at the Hotel likes it:)

[Alun]

That is life in the Hotel biz, anyway, everyone at the Hotel likes it:)

It's about time service industries like hotels realised that old farts like me have long hair and money to spend. In fact it's hard to see how anyone in my generation would really object to male (or nominally male!) staff with long hair. Of course, hair has to be secured to work with food, but in general it's time they just got over it.

Maybe it is time for you to switch gender roles at work? I'm sure it isn't easy, but you have to do it some time.

[GlennaGirl]

Robbi, I think you're gorgeous inside and out. I fourth the motion to see new pics!!! XXOO

[Tap Dancer]

I hardly know where to start. It shouldn't be necessary to become a woman to have long hair.

I only asked Robbi if her boss will let her lose the wig because a lot of people do feel that way. I also work in a hotel so I know how things are.

[ole gray mare]

Hey Robbie: Congrats on coming up with a clever solution! Can't wait to see photos! :)

[Gilly]

We need new piccys Robbie!! :cheese:

[HappyKarin]

Yes I alsow want to see pics!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

H eberyone!

Thanks for all your kind posts about this. I DO need some new piccys, but just wait:)

I like wearing the wig in a dress also, but the longer hair makes me look younger, so I think the new wig is gonna be only for "boy mode."

Glenna Girl, thanks so much! (xxx)

[truepeacenik]

Thanks :) ! I kinda don't anymore lol. My voice is a bit deeper than female norms but not quite in male levels either so it helps a bit. Since I've lost weight it's a major failure though! Not that I'm complaining, I find it entertaining;)!

my voice is deeper than female norms. I can push it like a character when telling a story, but this XX thru and thru has a low voice. "smoky" "sexy" and other such descriptions and what not.
When I was in the UK I did feel like I had a low voice.

Oh, and Robbi, could you not be Robbie? sort of sneak everything but the paperwork on them? (evil? maybe, but damn, it is their perception)
(now, my legal name is Robbye.)

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Hi!

No, my "boy" name is Rob, which can be female also?

[Alun]

I only asked Robbi if her boss will let her lose the wig because a lot of people do feel that way. I also work in a hotel so I know how things are.

That's OK, I do understand what you meant. It's just a shame that there are still limitations in dress codes that have anything to with either gender or hair.

1) Hair doesn't belong in a dress code except for maybe some requirement to secure it, because short hair can't be grown back long outside work hours and it isn't part of your clothing anyway, but part of your body.

2) As for gender related restrictions, I just don't see any need for them, whether they have to do with either hair or clothing. Maybe we have mostly got past the days when female employees couldn't wear trousers, but male employees are still sometimes limited to short hair and very often limited to clothing with two separate leg holes. Not only that, but men's dress codes are usually much more specific than the corresponding code for women. You don't have to be transgendered to find this ridiculous and pointless, although I imagine it helps.

I can't grumble too much personally. I have never really been told I had to get a haircut for work, although one boss suggested it once. As it was a suggestion it didn't get carried out! Also, I can live with dress code restrictions that only deal with actual clothing, as you can always change when you leave work. However, I imagine that this is a bigger problem to someone who feels that they are forced to dress as the 'wrong' gender, which they don't identify with.