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View Full Version : Am I ever going to figure this out?



TheLuckyLurker
March 26th, 2013, 10:03 PM
I don't know what I'm going to do about this hair. Since my big trim (which I know got rid of all the existing damage because I checked obsessively) last Nov. I've done all I could to protect it: CWC (including adding olive oil to my conditioner), oiling the ends and length, no heat ever, combing gently from the ends up, and wearing it up religiously. Still my ends split. My goal is BSL, but it's starting to feel like an impossible dream. How far can it grow if I'm having to trim it all the time?

This has lead to reviewing a question I never really resolved for myself: why am I doing all of this? After all the extra work I've given myself, and the things I swore off for the greater good of healthy hair, the results are the same as all those years ago when I didn't give a damn. So what's the point? I have nothing to show for it; why shouldn't I go back to blow drying and flat ironing whenever I feel like it? Especially since my hair takes forever to dry otherwise? If I'm not going to be able to grow it as long as I want it, shouldn't it at least look the way I want it to?

Plus, more than a year ago I wrote off the Tangle Teaser, thinking it had damaged my hair. But now that that it's at the same length it was then, it's showing the same kind of damage again. So was I wrong about that? Was it just coincidence that I started using the TT at the time my hair would've been messed up any way? Has that kind of thing happened to any of you? I'm thinking of trying it again after this little revelation, but I'm afraid of making a bad thing worse.

I just don't know any more. I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts.

petali
March 26th, 2013, 11:07 PM
The point of caring for your hair is enjoying it :)
Also, I don't think that splits are that bad. Unless you can clearly distinguish them from about 3 feet away. I have splits in my hair, even when I wear it up all the time and am extremely cautious with it. Have you tried S&D? Just remember to do what makes you happy. If straightening your hair makes you happy, then by all means, go ahead!

Kaelee
March 26th, 2013, 11:17 PM
I think 99% of people have splits. I have them, mostly on one side of my head *sigh*.

petali
March 26th, 2013, 11:30 PM
Also, I have had splits for as long as I can remember. I don't get a trim when I get splits. What's interesting, though, is that as long as I'm careful with my hair and have S&D sessions every couple months, the damage doesn't go up the strands of hair. If you worry too much about "starting fresh" (no splits), then it will be a very long time before you reach your goal.

starry
March 27th, 2013, 02:11 AM
I don't get splits unless my hair is dye fried beyond belief! I would advocate s and d and trimming. I love the second post about enjoying your hair- it really is the point! don't be miserable about it just try to find ways to make your goals work- I don't think it would be pertinent to give up just yet.. perhaps not all of what needs to be cut away is, and it's a process you should enjoy- you could even find a cut you like so you are more satisfied with your hair right now.

melusine963
March 27th, 2013, 02:14 AM
I was in a similar situation to yours. I used to treat my hair horribly, and it split like there's no tomorrow. Even after I joined the LHC, started taking care of my hair, and S&Ded religiously, my hair kept splitting for a long time. I think this is because all the heat-styling had turned my old, pre-LHC hair very fragile, and until I grew it out and trimmed it away there was not much I could do to stop it splitting at the slightest provocation. All I could really do was to keep S&Ding and minimising the damage.

All this lasted for about two years, but when the 'transition' happened it was spectacular. Although it seems like a long, dark road with no reward in sight, you will see the difference before long if you're patient.

sparrowswing
March 27th, 2013, 03:04 AM
Some hair is just very prone to splits. I know mine is. I S&D regularly, but even after sitting for hours going through my hair section by tiny section, I always miss some. And I swear the little buggers breed, lol. It hasn't really affected my length (and it didn't seem to back when I didn't take care of my hair, never trimmed, and only cut it every 2 years). If I trimmed an inch off every time I noticed a split, though, I doubt I'd have any hair left. I think sealing your hair (wetting it and then oiling) after a trim might help, since it locks moisture into your newly cut ends. I've heard good things about catnip rinses for helping with splits (though I can't remember whether that's supposed to help prevent them, make them less noticeable, or what). As for the Tangle Teezer, it might be worth another shot, but it's up to you to decide whether you want to bother with it.

Overall, though, it all comes down to what you want. The whole point of most of this is to enjoy your hair. Do what makes you happy. ^_^

elea
March 27th, 2013, 03:10 AM
bang on with the enjoying.

give it time, if you have to trim... trim. it grows slower... never mind; at least it's all nice.
there is a medium between spending so long for not much more and just little to have something you like and do things with.

*:OD

harpyangel
March 27th, 2013, 03:15 AM
I love my tangle teaser... are they bad? Been using mine for ages, it's the only thing that brushes my freshly washed hair without it feeling like torture!

Fantak
March 27th, 2013, 03:17 AM
Just checked your profile and saw you have 3b hair. Have you tried the curly girl method? It really is supposed to help!

share801
March 27th, 2013, 04:32 AM
I can only say I think I understand how you feel. I have done a lot of things for my hair and while it is in some ways "better" there is only so much I can do to overcome genetics. At first I guess I somehow thought I would have hair others on this board have, but I realized finally some of them have hair that is literally 4-5 times thicker and I simply have what I have.

Blackfire
March 27th, 2013, 05:29 AM
I had splits even when my hair was in a very short pixie.... they have never seemed to effect growth though.... i had the same amount of splits when my hair was at hip. :)

torrilin
March 27th, 2013, 07:50 AM
It took about 4 or 5 years for my hair to grow out the damage from blow drying. I didn't give up blow drying intentionally tho, and I wasn't trying to reduce splits. Those were both side effects of my college desire to be lazy, which led to wearing my hair up a lot. Since my hair is fine, straight and slithery, it was easier to put up wet, so I mostly bunned or braided it dripping wet.

Fine also means split prone. My hair will have a few splits even at pixie length. Yes, splits are bad. Yes, you do want to keep after them to minimize breakage both due to the individual hairs being more fragile and due to the splits leading to nasty tangles. But the luxuriant crop of splits I'd have back when I used a blow dryer didn't really prevent me from having long hair. I did need some extra trimming by LHC standards, and it took longer to reach milestones. If I'd wanted to achieve really long lengths (like terminal) it would have prevented it. But BSL was totally doable.

These days I definitely don't consider blow drying worth the trouble. I really hate tangles, and I do not miss the horrible tangles I'd get.

lapushka
March 27th, 2013, 09:53 AM
I was in a similar situation to yours. I used to treat my hair horribly, and it split like there's no tomorrow. Even after I joined the LHC, started taking care of my hair, and S&Ded religiously, my hair kept splitting for a long time. I think this is because all the heat-styling had turned my old, pre-LHC hair very fragile, and until I grew it out and trimmed it away there was not much I could do to stop it splitting at the slightest provocation. All I could really do was to keep S&Ding and minimising the damage.

I think there's something to this. Whenever you heat style hair, it becomes damaged and most likely more fragile. It takes *ages* for that hair to grow out, and it might be prone to splitting because it was heat styled.

spidermom
March 27th, 2013, 09:55 AM
I'm in the hair-splitting club, too. I take as good of care of my hair as I'm willing to do, and the ends are still totally trashed out every time I get around tailbone to classic length. However, I'm sure it would never have gotten this long if I hadn't learned to give it good care. Maybe the answer is to do the best we can do, have a regular trimming schedule, and stop being so obsessive about our hair.

P.S: All my length was grown since I've been a member of LHC. The pre-LHC hair was long ago trimmed away. So it doesn't split because of prior damage. It splits because .... that's what my hair does, I suppose.

patienceneeded
March 27th, 2013, 11:08 AM
My hair likes to split too, that's just what it does. Perhaps it will split less once all the old damage is gone, but for right now I just treat it gentle and S&D every few weeks when I get around to it. No one else notices the splits, not even my hairdresser when I go in every 6 months for a 1" trim. Try not to obsess over the splits, just enjoy your hair.

Naiadryade
March 27th, 2013, 11:39 AM
I'm also in the split end club! For me, it's definitely not residual styling damage--I haven't blow-dried my hair in like 9 years, and haven't dyed it in over 10. My hair is BSL and all that damage is definitely long gone. But still my hair splits, just from everyday mechanical damage and being dry, split-prone hair.

When I wasn't taking good care of my hair, the splits were enough to equal my growth once I hit BSL. I trimmed 3" off, but then neglected it (not in a benign way) for 9-12 months and it took me that long to grow the 3" back. So I started treating my hair nicely again, and then I did a very thorough S&D mission. I still get a dozen(s?) new splits every day, despite treating it very nicely. I trim those off when I see them, but even with those splits I grew half an inch in a month. So I don't really mind them anymore. I think as long as I treat my hair nicely, and trim off the worst splits individually when I see them, my hair will keep getting longer at a fine pace. It's when I really neglect my hair and don't oil it or put it up frequently, that it gets so bad so as to slow/prevent me from gaining length.

So yeah, as others have said... stop worrying about it, stop trimming so much, and love your hair up. It'll grow.

Also, I wouldn't normally recommend this, but is it possible you're one of those people whose hair would do really well on cones? From what I understand they temporarily seal split ends, so the damage doesn't travel up the hair as fast. Shea butter might do something similar.

embee
March 27th, 2013, 12:13 PM
I also have splits. And hangnails. (The hangnails are much more annoying!) I haven't had a dryer in probably 20 years, haven't colored my hair since the 1950s, wear my hair up every day, and - splits.

Personally I think it's One of Those Things. I quit worrying about it a long time ago. My hair grew out from a short earlobe length cut and now I can just sit on the longest ends. :D Gave up on trims as I hadn't the money for them and I was putting my hair in an updo every day anyway.

Use whatever products make your hair feel good and look nice and be manageable. Everyone is different. Time is the great Hair Grower. :)

jacqueline101
March 27th, 2013, 12:14 PM
There is no one that has absolute perfect hair. We all have one thing we would change about our hair.

Angelica
March 27th, 2013, 12:24 PM
I have splits too and have tried search and destroy, but I still have them :( Strangely enough my hair is still growing though, and it doesn't seem to affect the length much. It's actually looking very shiny today. Sometimes I do obsess about the splits, but I don't know if I have ever really been without them. The only things I can think of what might be happening is that I use a sulfate shampoo, and I clip it up all the time. I do like blunt ends though, so I trim occasionally.

jeanniet
March 27th, 2013, 12:38 PM
It's a rare person who doesn't have at least some splits past about APL. I don't get a whole lot, but they do bug me so I like to keep my ends microtrimmed at least. I recently cut quite a bit, but it was less because of splits and more because I enjoy my hair more at a shorter length (waist as opposed to hip+). If the splits don't bother you, don't worry about them. You can do occasional trims to clean up your ends without losing much growth.

TheLuckyLurker
March 27th, 2013, 09:18 PM
Thank you for all your kind words; it makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one putting up with this.

I apologize for not responding to individual posts, but I haven't figured out how to make the multi-quote function work. I have been s&d'ing; I get frustrated because it's so time consuming and seems so fruitless sometimes. I haven't tried the actual Curly Girl method, but I tried CO washing; my hair was okay but it made my scalp Very Unhappy. I use cones, because my hair's always seemed to like them.

I suspect this is just one of my hair's quirks, and I just need to learn to deal with it. I think maybe if I can make myself do small s&d sessions more often (I'm kind of lazy about unpleasant things like that) they won't feel so overwhelming.

Now I just feel a little miffed that my hair needs too much fiddling for benign neglect. I so envy those who can just wash, comb, and bun with any fuss...

torrilin
March 28th, 2013, 06:37 AM
Well, benign neglect isn't "do nothing". It's do as little as possible. Sebum only or water only routines get even more minimal than you're imagining. And regular S&D trims are pretty minimal. You may find as your hair gets used to a heat free routine that it works better to trim curl by curl so you're handling your hair less.

FWIW, I don't really think of curl friendly care as being just conditioner only washing. That's an element, but plenty of curlies choose to use shampoo and have really enviable curls. The technique stuff, like combing while wet, using smooth towels, patting or squeezing hair dry, using leave ins to encourage curl formation, no dry combing etc... those IME make for a bigger change than just going CO. A lot of those things can work well on straight hair too, since they mostly involve being extra gentle by habit and using plenty of moisture.

Fantak
March 28th, 2013, 06:47 AM
I would suggest benign neglect to be honest, S&Ding so often will probably just be frustrating. Maybe do a micro (.5cm or less) trim every 3-4 months and S&D at the same time.