How do you stop yourself trimming just because you're unhappy about something...

[bunzfan]

So for about a year i kept chopping all my growth back from nearly hip to waist which makes me so frustrated with myself :slap: i always feel bad afterwards and promise myself i wont do it again but i do, now i want it longer but, i've realized just this weekend i do it because i'm frustrated with my life and i guess its the only thing i feel i have control over.

The reason i've put it here is i thought some of you might of done this and got over it, i resisted trimming just last week when i saw a load of splits and cut the splits out instead, in some ways i have a lot of stress going on and i think i just take it out on my hair in the past if i felt bad i always had my hair done, has anyone got any tips of what to do when i get the urge apart from wearing it up of course??

[Jeleebaby]

I think a change in styles would probably stop me, maybe finding something that looks more amazing on hip length than on waist length just to add the novelty factor back to your hair?!

[bunzfan]

I think a change in styles would probably stop me, maybe finding something that looks more amazing on hip length than on waist length just to add the novelty factor back to your hair?!

Hmm i was thinking that some of the styles i do look so much better at longer lengths, i'm hoping now i know why i do it i can resist!! thank you good idea.

[Jeleebaby]

Hmm i was thinking that some of the styles i do look so much better at longer lengths, i'm hoping now i know why i do it i can resist!! thank you good idea.

You're very welcome

[jacqueline101]

I'd just remember you want to try longer lengths and can't because you keep cutting your hair.

[shutterpillar]

If I am in a funk and not happy with my hair, then I learn a new way to put my hair up. A new braid, new bun - just something I have never done before, and then I perfect it and be proud of it. :) THEN you need to come here and show us the gorgeousness that is the new style you learned. ;)
I did a massive trim in January and took off about two inches, so now I am in the same boat as far as just leaving it alone and letting it be for a while. It is tempting to trim it since I am used to doing so every two months. Right about now would be time for me to trim again, but I just need to keep my hands off it! lol.

Good luck!

[door72067]

if I'm frustrated, I hide my hair...I put it up, then wear a bandana over it

this only works if I'm at home, but when I am home is when I am most likely to be studying my hair and getting critical of how it looks

[Chromis]

I always have mine up. All the better for trying new styles and toys out in that way! I'd be more likely to order a new fork or hair stick than to cut. Never trim while you are down, always save it for a calm relaxed moment.

[bunzfan]

Thank you everyone for trying to help i really appreciate it, my life is pretty sad right now i've been at home bring up my 3 year old and 13 year old but, hopefully things should improve in September when he goes to school i will have more time to actually do things, like a college course or a part time job. I think i just have to much time on my hands.

[dulce]

How about yoga? You can buy beginner yoga dvds at many stores and it is great for relaxation and decreasing tension/stress and great for increasing bloodflow to scalp.I know how you feel,for me I snack when stressed so am forever chasing my weight.

[Mandie]

What I've done to avoid a chop is challenged myself to the updo a day challenge. I added the extra layer of no repeating styles allowed for a solid month. Gives me a ton of control over what I pick and people keep complimenting my styles which makes me feel good about my hair. It helps to put it up and 'forget' about it for a while. Keeps me from the impulse to hack it off.

[Fairlight63]

I only trim my hair with the New Moon & under certain signs & No Void. That keeps me from trimming when-ever I get in the mood. When I do trim it then it is just a micro-trim. So the ends get thicker & I still am gaining some length. I just looked on the Lunar Cal. & the next time that I will trim is Mar. 19 afternoon.

[Syaoransbear]

I have this problem too. I've been stuck at the same length for years. My hair hasn't been this healthy since I was 15, but it's still depressing. I think I would have been better off not buying hair shears.

[rock007junkie]

I've been putting my hair up more often than I used to in order to avoid that.

[Kayleigh]

I've implemented a two-week rule (I believe I picked it up from a hairforum, but my memory is somewhat foggy about that) for my bad moods. One day I am perfectly content with my hair and the next day, out of nowhere, I get completely frustrated and get a huge urge to do something drastic. So nowadays I tell myself to just wait for 2 weeks to see if I really really want it. Most of the times I change my mind again within the first week. :)

[DreadfulWoman]

Keeping a strict trim schedule has worked well for me. I don't get those sudden urges to trim as much since I always know I've always got a trim coming up soon. And then when I do trim I tend to trim a lot less, since I've put a lot of thought into how much I'd like to take off. I occasionally get the urge to trim back to waist length (I'm nearly to hip now) but I always think, I'll wait and see if I still want to when I trim. And then I always manage to change my mind before I do.

When you do get the urge to trim back, you could also try doing something nice for your hair instead. A deep treatment, oiling, or whatever your hair indulgence of choice is would do the trick.

Also, I notice you said you're trimming your hair as a way of exercising control over something, but it seems like that could work both ways. What I mean is, I wonder if you could get the same satisfaction from refraining from trimming your hair as you do from trimming your hair. Either way, you're the one in control.

[minxe]

I totally understand how it's a control thing for you. When I get the urge, I think of some way I'd like to better myself, and work on that. Last time I felt the need to cut, I ended up alternating between stretching and crunches for over an hour. It took my mind off of cutting my hair and my bad mood, and by the time I was done I was completely over it. Maybe try something like that?

[Addy]

The two-week rule and a trim schedule is what I use. I am not a stress trimmer but I have used the two-week rule more than anything, sometimes extending it to 3-4 weeks just to be certain.

[Khristopher]

I too know how you feel, I was used to trim my hair once a month, all my life. My last microtrimm was in December and I catch myself thinking 'I need a trimm' very often :eek:
Well when that happens I just do a bun and do something else that needs my attention. Same with dye! I'll trimm when my ends need it.

[lapushka]

What do you do, apart from listening to us telling you not to cut? :lol: No, seriously. I'd try anything to get my mind off of trimming. Get your coat on and go outside, take a long walk and try and wind down.

Try and set a goal. If you reach hip, tell yourself you can reward yourself with something. Say, you buy yourself something nice, a hairtoy for example, for reaching hip without trimming.

[McFearless]

Give your scissors to a friend for safe keeping.

[AspenSong]

I can completely relate. For about 4 years, my hair never got much past APL to BSL at it's longest because of cutting my hair because of this. I didn't dislike my hair shorter completely, but every time something stressful happened, etc...I'd chop it. It's like, that newness and change made me feel better for a little while, but it always came back to being disappointed later because I really did want my hair long. What stopped me initially, was one of my Dad's dying wishes was to ask me to let my hair be long again because he thought it was so pretty when it was long. After he was gone, I lost all urge to cut and started growing to where I am now. However, in the last year I've gotten those urges again from time to time. I'll feel sad, stressed or just upset that my hair isn't what I wish it was and start thinking of cutting it. I just fight it by putting it up and remembering the LONG road I've been on to get it to where it is now and how I'd feel having to start over. I'll also do something nice....like a new conditioner or hair toy. Or learn a style I know wouldn't work if I cut it. Makes me appreciate it more. :)

[kidari]

I'm sure we all can understand how it is. The last two times I had really traumatic emotional times in my life I did major changes to my hair: once was dye it dark after years of being a bottle blonde and the other was cut it to a bob from pretty much waist length. In terms of general unhappiness and boredom, I just focused my energies on my surroundings instead of on myself. I went through a decluttering phase and rearranged and organized my home. It really is satisfying plus almost all outcomes are good. I figure feng shui must be real, because your surroundings in your home directly influence your life in both positive and negative ways. Also, I am a habitual trimmer and I sometimes trim 2x a month. So, now when I feel that urge to trim just because I'm generally unhappy with my hair I will do a treatment instead. Immediately afterwards I get results and have almost the same satisfaction I would gain from a trim.

[bunzfan]

So the support you've all given me is simply the best! thank you so much everyone :grouphug: i read every reply and there were some fantastic coping strategies i think i've just done the best thing for me so there is no temptation i actually threw away all my scissors man it felt so empowering !!!

Second Lapushka i love your idea of buying myself a pretty hair toy each time i reach a new length (i've promised myself a Ficcarissimo in 3 months time) because i love pretty hair toys

I have put on a calender how long to wait till i see if its grown (3 months)

Only take a length shot Every 4 months also marked on calender.

Addy love your idea of the two week rule i've never done that before, i'm going to do that. DreadFulWoman great idea i think a month hair treatment instead of cutting it is a great idea. So many good ideas but i think i feel in control more than i have before. Thanks again. xx

[Vintagecoilylocks]

When I get anxious about my life or my hair growth I will treat it to a nice natural spa dy, or get busy making some more natural products. Then after that I know, not just feel like I have done something positive to completion. I am also a knitter and will commit to finishing or starting a needed pair of gloves or socks. Always gives that satifaction of progress. Think of something you need done for your self or a loved one and focus until you can move thiings along in other area's of your life.

[Dorothy]

Sounds to me like you have a painful life problem that is manifesting itself in impulsive hair cutting. I suggest you figure out other ways to soothe and comfort yourself through this difficult time before you can go back to school and feel again like you're getting somewhere - and all the above suggestions are great for that too. I would suggest also some non hair related interventions, like self soothing - wrap self in a blanket hot from the dryer, schedule positive events in your life so you have something to look forward to now, thinking about how nice it will be to be back in school. There's an older book that's pretty good "The Women's Comfort Book" that has a bunch of ways to comfort yourself. And validate yourself: This is a hard time, and you have lots of reasons to be dysregulated right now. If you're sad or frustrated right now, that makes sense. Of course. Love on yourself in all kinds of ways.

[Eireann]

This is what a friend of mine calls "PMS Perm Syndrome" (when you're unhappy inside you feel a need to change how you look on the outside.) I try to resist by buying a new hair toy or trying a new product or treatment. Last time I had the urge to chop, instead I cut out SLS, cones and box dye. It has been fun to do the research and experiment, and it feels new and different. The other method is the good old 2 week wait. Also, as others have said, I remind myself how long it takes to grow. I've been flirting with a major chop myself, but so far I've resisted by setting dates before which I won't do anything (a variation of the one week wait). this time it's my birthday in the summer. Good luck!

[Iolanthe13]

Lots of good suggestions here :) Here are some things I do when I feel the urge to trim:
1. If there are actually split ends, trim them. And clarify if there are velcro ends.
2. See how long you can stretch washes. Sebum makes the hair feel softer and healthier, in my opinion, and I love it more. Besides, unwashed hair really can't be worn down nicely at a certain point, so I find myself playing with new braids and things.
3. Give the hair a thorough detangling and brushing, while focusing on all the good aspects - colour, texture, length, how much progress you've made, or whatever makes you feel good about your hair. Then think about the progress you're still making, and whether trimming will help or hinder you.

[QMacrocarpa]

Lots of good ideas here. Some things that help me avoid and escape from funks:

Getting some exercise pretty much every day, even if it's just a short walk in my neighborhood

Supplementing my (otherwise vegetarian) diet with fish oil capsules (2 1g capsules most days, 3 when my mood is PMS-compromised)

An occasional cup of coffee (I rarely drink it, so the caffeine perks me up a bit and makes me feel a little better on bad days)

Specific to hair, I haven't really had an urge to chop in quite a while, but I think I might be able to distract myself by setting out to master a new style, which would give me a similar feeling of control, without the long-term effects of a chop.

[jessa]

To get over my want to trim, I did a hot oil treatment with coconut oil on the weekend. My hair feels really nice now and I dont want to trim it. I also swear by the 2 week rule.

[hanne jensen]

Bunzfan, microtrim (1/4 cm AND NO MORE) every 4 weeks. Smack your hair up and forget about it. Find a comfy updo and leave it up as long as possible. The urge to cut will pass.
Take your 3 year old out and play. Get that heart pumping. Try to get the 13 year old involved. The fresh air and excersize will do all of you a world of good. There's no such thing as bad weather, only improper clothing.

Is your 13 year old in school during the day? Then use that time to actively play with 3 year old. Kids that age love to play tag or leap frog with Mommy.

[Mommyof4]

I'm bad about changing my hair color or trimming when I'm unhappy with my hair... I want it long, but I keep trimming it to get it "healthier"... yeah... I'm planning on no trimming only S&D for 2013 to get some length finally... Happy growing :)

[Sterlyn]

I am enjoying reading through this thread, as I also have had problems with compulsive trimming in the past, although it seems to have settled down. I like many of the suggestions in this thread, and plan on putting some of them into action if this ever becomes a problem again. :rolleyes:

[Fairlight63]

Buy some expensive hair toys. If you chop your hair too short then you won't be able to use them anymore. I have some Ficcares & when I think about cutting my hair short I think of them & what a waste that I won't be able to use them any more.

Bunzfan - your hair is so beautiful! I hope that you don't cut it!

[bunzfan]

Made it to three months without trimming that's like a miracle but I think I haven't had the urge because I've just been so busy I get the urge now and then but I want to get to tailbone by Christmas which is doable... So I don't trim I'm going to buy myself a new ficcare in December when I get their.

I know it doesn't need trimming the ends still look pretty blunt looking I guess it's breaking the habit. Mostly though I always trimmed before because I used to get a lot of splits but recently that's not been happening. Definitely putting it up and forgetting about it when I get the urge works plus I need new scissors if I don't have any i don't trim.

[LadyCelestina]

^ Might sound really weird but I have the urge to cut when I'm in the first part of my monthly cycle.Once I recognized the pattern I made conscious effort to resist the urge - I treat it as a feeling that is only caused by hormone changes and is not true to what I really want.

[Crystawni]

Yay, bunzfan! I think I was trimming before LHC because I wanted my hair to look neat (may be a Virgo thing). And I wanted a fresh look, which, in hindsight, was an old look, as my hair was always around the same length. :shrug: But since I've been putting my hair up in new styles while discovering new hair toys, I haven't even had an itch to trim. I want my hair longer, and am excited to see how it will look at different lengths. So, I guess, like food addictions/overeating, or eating out of stress, (which I've succumbed to all three previously), distraction is the key. And saying NO. Once your head "clicks" with your new regime (which in this case is limited trimming), you'll find other things will take over.

[Johannah]

I'm happy for you bunzfan!

I always buy things when I want to cut: hair toys, shampoo, conditioner, treatments... Well... Not the best habit ever :lol:

[MissAlida]

I was a trimming addict, if I may call the habit that. I only used to trim a tiny bit, but i did it so often, that I managed to trim off all my growth of a year I think. Ironically, what made me stop, was going to a salon. I got my BSL hair cut into a curly bob, because I wanted a change. Then I immediately started growing it out. In the meantime I realized, that I like the way my hair looks and feels after my hairdresser cuts it, so I'll just keep going back to her maybe twice a year for small trims. That keeps me from trimming my own hair. I still s&d though.

[Tini'sNewHair]

What stops me is to look at my hair when its at its best, usually the second day after wash, if it still looks bad then I microtrim if anything but I keep it up most of the time like 99% of the time so its always sort of hidden anyway. Another thing that will stop you is ME of course, do I have to remind you that I will kick your butt if you touch your length again!!!!

[lapushka]

When my hair wasn't BSL, I got the urge to trim every spring time; wanting a change. It subsided slowly the more my hair got towards BSL, and now it doesn't bother me at all. The longer I go without trimming, I find, the less I need or want a trim. I love my ends, and growing them out. :D Yay!

[MINAKO]

I never attack my hair when i'm frustrated. I think i'm being very rational when it comes to trims, if there's a problem in terms of damage, i cut some, if there's a problem with my life i take it out with shopping, sports, watching movies or such and then try to fix the root of misery after calming down. If there's nothing wrong with your hair just leave it alone

[LongCurlyTress]

Made it to three months without trimming that's like a miracle but I think I haven't had the urge because I've just been so busy I get the urge now and then but I want to get to tailbone by Christmas which is doable... So I don't trim I'm going to buy myself a new ficcare in December when I get their.

I know it doesn't need trimming the ends still look pretty blunt looking I guess it's breaking the habit. Mostly though I always trimmed before because I used to get a lot of splits but recently that's not been happening. Definitely putting it up and forgetting about it when I get the urge works plus I need new scissors if I don't have any i don't trim.

Right on bunzfan! If you don't have any good scissors, you can't trim! Besides, lots of times, when I get the urge to trim, it's because I am bored/frustrated/unhappy with something going on in my life. My poor hair takes the brunt of the "what I CAN control in my life" and gets cut and then it is unhappy. Don't want to make our precious hair unhappy! A very wise, long haired friend once said to me, "it creates bad luck to cut our hair," so that has stopped me immediately! Don't cut it! I have a friend who is Sikh and he said the same thing to me, that our hair is a part of our bodies, and we wouldn't cut off our noses, so why do we cut our hair? Anyways this works for me to stop the cutting urge! :p

[queenovnight]

I don't trim when im upset, but I do sometimes crave change. - For several years, I had a pin-up style haircut and did a lot of vintage styles. As it grew, the styles wouldn't hold and because I wanted longer hair, I couldn't use the heat. Every time I leave the house, I want a Veronica Lake wave xD Anywho, I do a few different things to resist the urge to cut back to BSL.

1. Look at old photos of my hair when it was short.
2. Thinking of all the buns and braids that I could never do at BSL.
3. Look at photos on here! - As soon as I see hair like Madora's or MINAKO's.. Done. The urge to cut is gone!

I just try to think about how much prettier my hair will long when it's longer, and how much I hated having short hair. - Enjoyed the styling, but hated having short hair.

[chen bao jun]

Get a little notebook and write in it a bit when you get the urge to trim. Ask yourself what you are feeling? Resentful? About what? Tired? Why? Afraid? Of what?
I do this, it helps me get in touch with my real emotions and then when I see it in black and white, I feel better, rather than doing something I don't want and then being mad at myself afterwards.
Could you join a mom's group/playgroup?Or get a babysitter once a week even for an hour to go out and grocery shop ALONE?
I remember that feeling of having small kids and you love them but you just need some relief. And I was like the only SAHM that I knew and didn't have any family nearby and my husband often travelled. It's a time of your life when you need a lot of support and it can be hard to find any. And when you say you're stressed, people tend to tell you, Oh you need to go to work, which in my case I didn't need (the kids would have two parents always working instead of one)--but you do need a break.
Sending hugs your way.
Now my babies are 29, 27 and 19 years old and I am SOOO glad I got to spend that time with them, but at the time, I wish I'd had more support and I wish young moms got more support.

[Briella]

I also get the urge to cut whenever life gets stressful. For me personally, the only way I stop myself from cutting it all off is by putting it in some form of updo so I can't see it. Then I forget about it and the urge goes away. I like the no scissors = no trim idea!

[bunzfan]

So i got asked to post a picture on facebook of my freshly hennaed hair. Three months ago i cut it to the length in my avatar picture just about waist thanks to wave shrinkage.



Almost three months later here it is and the ends don't look thin at all well, not as thin as they have previously looked so i'm resisting for as long as i can.


http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=12452&d=1407584918

Thanks for all the replies its good to know there are others that have similar problems, i'm going to just try s&d for a while i just hope it doesn't thin the ends out too much.

[lapushka]

Almost three months later here it is and the ends don't look thin at all well, not as thin as they have previously looked so i'm resisting for as long as i can.


http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=12452&d=1407584918

Thanks for all the replies its good to know there are others that have similar problems, i'm going to just try s&d for a while i just hope it doesn't thin the ends out too much.

Somehow I can't see your picture. I'll friend you (thought I'd already done that, :hmm:)!

[leilani]

I know how tempting those sharp shears are. Ends feel so divine after being micro trimmed.
I tried a gelatin hair protein treatment (recipe off science-y hairblog) today so that I could see if that could get me feeling more psyched about the ends of my hair and less dying to hack into them.

Why do I see no splits inside but outside in the sunlight I can find them???

[spidermom]

I struggle with this sometimes. I made a goal to grow from current length (longest ends at hip length) to classic length before cutting because I want to see what fairy tale ends look like on my hair type. It's the only hem I haven't tried since joining LHC. A week ago, I wanted to trim SO BAD. There was no reason for it. My ends are in good condition, and my hair looks good. I think I wanted to distract myself from all the homework I needed to get done, which is the exact same reason I'm on LHC right now.

Soooooooooo - distraction. Plus put the scissors where they're hard/inconvenient to get to.