Help - Old Lady Hair. :( Long sad tale of woe

[tsf]

I'm 52. Menopause complete. My thyroid is ok, I've been taking synthroid for years and have the blood checked annually. I started taking hormone replacement six months ago. I take biotin, fish oil and vitamin e. I've had obg and primary care checkups recently and I'm healthy.

Two years ago I had pretty hair. About waist length. It was in good condition, the ends were as shiny as the top.
It was about half gray, but I used henna/indigo so it was actually pretty dark.

I stopped using the henna/indigo for a couple of reasons.
- It was becoming too dark for my complexion
- I was having an absolutely massive hair shedding event
- The coarser gray hair made it tangly and the tremendous effort to rinse out the henna just caused me lose even more to breakage.
- The Henna/Indigo made my scalp itch like mad for about a week after each use.

Between the huge shedding event and the breakage from henna rinse-out issues, I lost about a third of the thickness in the course of a year. If you grab a section at the scalp and run your hand down it, you can feel that at about chin level, the volume drops off a lot. Much of that is breakage I think, but a lot of it is that the hair closer to head is wiry and the longer (older) hair is soft.

The amount of gray meant that the skunk stripe was extremely noticeable, so I took the opposite tactic and went and had some highlights put in to break up the very distinct line. The objective being to make the line less obvious, and over time, just transition to let the gray in. Color the gray blond, then when I'm ready I can just let it be gray. That's working okay I guess. I don't like the blond but I can live with it and it does make the gray less noticeable. Use of chemicals isn't good but my scalp doesn't itch afterward. Just stopping coloring of any sort and letting it grow in gray is not an option now but if I can make the gray blond then over time I can let that happen.

So, here's the beef.
My previously soft, slightly wavy, well behaved hair has become coarse and brittle. I have a bunch of little ends that stick up, where it's broken off.
The ends have gotten progressively more awful so now it is just below shoulder length. There is no shine- none. It is dry. I used to have to wash it every other day or it would look oily but now I could go a week or even longer without washing it and it would never look oily. I assume this is a combination of chemical coloring (no choice, really) and menopause (no choice there, either).

I use jojoba or Ojon repair or other oils but I haven't seen any big improvement.

In summary, it is awful looking. It looks exactly like the dry wiry lifeless looking stuff you often see on elderly women. Except those women cut it - mine's below my shoulders so it looks even worse. I am seriously looking at short haircuts. Not a trim but an honest-to-God SHORT haircut.

Is there anything I can do that will help? I've been a member here for a long time and use good hair care techniques but I'm just out of ideas.

[spidermom]

Ouch; sorry to hear that. Bad hair days affect our entire outlook, don't they?

How is it that you have no choice about dyeing your hair?

I've been having a lot of trouble with tangled, dry length this winter and recently bought Regis Designline hydrating balm. What a nice product! It really made a world of difference in how my hair feels and behaves.

[tsf]

There are three reasons I don't think I really have a choice on whether or not to color.

1) I don't have "salt and pepper" - it's more like 'Mud and Snow' - it's really ugly. I'm not saying "I don't look good with gray hair" - I'm saying "My white hair mixed with brown hair is ugly."
2) Hubby would not try to tell me what to do with my hair but I know he really really dislikes gray. So that's a factor.
3) I expect to be job-hunting in the not too distant future. We all know that employers are not supposed to discriminate, blah, blah, blah but the reality is that I think that having a lot of gray, or a skunk stripe, etc, would make a difference. Especially since in my field I will be competing with much younger candidates.

[wavykisses]

Did you ever try cassia? Maybe it won't make your scalp itch and it stains the hair a golden color that eventually washes out
or maybe a semipermanent hair color and maintain the length cutting all the muddy color little by little

Do you want to go full grey eventually or Do you want to keep coloring?

[wavykisses]

Another thing that I've been telling my mom to try is a wig, she wants to let her grays grow and stop coloring but she can't stands the demarcation line. A lot of women use wigs and some are really pretty and will give you the freedom to try hair styles and colors without damaging your own hair

[proo]

I'm one of those rare critters who at 54 has never, ever colored her hair, not even once.
Sounds like we have similar hair type, color and amount of gray -
my LHC path has led me to the NW/SO method;
believe me, not in a million years would I have thought I'd ascribe to such a thing, even just a year ago.
It has transformed my coarse, wirey, mud and snow to shiney softness.
Really, it's never been this pretty and thick in all it's life as it is now.
But I completely accept my graying, as does my SO.

I'd do a nice blunt sl chop.

[browneyedsusan]

Wow. That really stinks. Do you know what caused the shed? (hormones?) I'd address that first. Get that shedding stopped.
Have you tried a SMT? An as-long-as-you-can-stand-it cassia gloss over heavily oiled hair? Granted, cassia rinses about like henna does, but a gloss makes it easier because of the conditioner, and the cassia should beef things up? I think highlights are just brittle by nature. But I'd do the same thing if I was you. Growing out gray is not easy, and you're doing what's necessary to get through. In another year, you'll have 6" of new growth. Your gray will be grown in decently, and it will be better. Growing out an honest-to-God SHORT haircut isn't easy either. Believe me. I have stories. :)

[Celtic Morla]

I use cassia on my hair but I usually have it lightly oiled, and I dump my head in a bucket of vinegar water to help with the rinse out- it qworks for me!

I have a lot of grey and it is more delicate I wash once a week andapply oil every day once a month I will heavily oil for a copuple night(braid during th eday so it looks OK) then do a double shampoo(I use a very diluted Dr Brohmers Catilesoap as shampoo)

I think you are right about the chemuical dye. Have you tried using sage to cover the grey naturally? I ahve never used it because I was blond before going grey but I know of some people whodid until their grey got less skunk and more evenly spread out.

[tsf]

I have some cassia on hand. I've used it a time or two but did not see any difference, but if it's something that builds up then I probably need to start using it and wait for results.

I'm not familiar with NW/SO ? What's that stand for? I don't shampoo often, sometimes I just CO. I do need to shampoo sometimes due to itchy flaky scalp so completely dispensing with shampoo wouldn't work though I could probably get by with less. I use a Non-SLS shampoo. I also make my own soap so maybe I'll try making a homemade shampoo bar, that's worth a try.

Wigs - that's a great idea but I'm in Florida, between May and October, it's 90+ degrees and ultra high humidity, I think I'd have a heatstroke.

I'm leaning toward the 'nice blunt SL chop' which would get rid of the icky ends, and make the whole gray grow-out thing faster. I don't really want to go back to waist length, I'm good with just past shoulder length. Extreme length isn't important to me, I just want shiny silky pretty hair that is long enough to put in a pony tail (for exercise).

[wavykisses]

How about using scarves, that way you cover your gray and enjoy the length of your hair without a demarcation line

http://www.thefashionsection.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Nicole-Ritchie-Scarf.jpg

http://www.elizabethharbison.com/several-great-ways-to-tie-head-scarves-145.htm

[spirals]

I know a lot of us are trying to avoid chemical treatments, but if you are not opposed to peroxide occasionally, this may help: apply a 30 volume cream to the gray and sit under a hairdryer or wrap in a heated towel for 10 minutes. It will soften the texture a bit and allow it to absorb whatever color you put on it. You could do henna or henndigo after; you just have to rinse it well. Or you could leave it. Yes, it will break it down a bit, but you'll probably end up with a texture similar to what you had before. I got the tip from a stylist in an article somewhere.

[jeanniet]

I am post-menopausal as well (about two years now), although not on hormone-replacement. Is there anything specific you can trace back to the time your hair starting losing its original feel? Any medications, changes in diet, etc.? I haven't seen any change in my hair since menopause in terms of thickness, but having to wash less often than previously, as you mentioned. I've had some issues with dryness from time to time, but I think that's been a combination of weather/climate and length. It may be that you need to change the products you are using to get more moisture in your hair. I don't use it regularly as much as I used to because I don't need it as much, but SheaMoisture's Coconut & Hibiscus curl milk (available at Target for about $10) was a godsend for getting moisture back into my hair. It's meant as a leave-in, but you can also rinse lightly if you feel like it's too much. Don't let the curl part scare you--my hair is 2c/3a and the milk will actually straighten my curls out with some bunning and combing (not sure why, but it does). I also recommend their shampoo as being very gentle and moisturizing. My other suggestion would be to try a SMT (Snowymoon's Moisture Treatment) and see if that helps., or alternatively try a protein treatment followed by a moisture treatment. And of course, clarify if you haven't in a while.

[Dorothy]

I'm 44 and going through menopause, my hair texture started changing some years ago as I got greyer. I went from brown dye to Henna about 4 years ago and have liked the results - I only have a tub so my rinsing is all mermaid rinse, and I don't experience loss of hair getting it out. The shine thing is history, I'm afraid - even henna'd, oiled, and conditioned, it's not shiny like it used to be, there are a lot of fuzzies. I have accepted this. It is waist length. SMT's, overnight coconut oiling, and using camillia nut oil on the ends help. I really hope I'm not going to lose it all in menopause, I don't really want to take hormones.

[MonaMayfair]

tsf, have you tried semi permanent dyes? The kind that are deposit only , with no peroxide or ammonia?
I have a different situation to you, I'm growing out henna, but have been using Adore dyes (in various brown colors) to blend in the red with my blonde roots (which are now about 6" long)
I don't think there are really any "blonde" colors in the range, but one of the browns might work, the point being that it makes my hair very very shiny and smooth (which henna never did)
Other semis of a similar type might work too. I read reviews of Wella Color Fresh (this one does come in blonde shades) I haven't tried it myself, but I do remember reading reviews that said it makes hair very shiny. It doesn't have peroxide/ammonia.

[hanne jensen]

I'm in the middle of menopause and my hair has never been better. What made my hair better is the series Nioxin. Pricey, but worth every penny. To control the frizzies from short broken hairs I use El Vital Anti Breakage leave in spray. Glues the splits together.

Beware of cassia. I used it 2 years ago and it made my gray hairs look like morning urine. Yuk!

I agree with MonaMayfair. There are lots of herbal hair colorings out there that don't trash the hair.

Good luck!

[alyaziaaah]

My henna washes out so easy whereas before I also had problems washing it out.
I put a teaspoon Xanthan powder into the dry henna mix it then quite a lot of coconut oil,
This is what makes it wash out easily, then my warm tea or water.
The coconutoil makes it easy to first wash with water, then with condish, plus
It removes the waxiness of the henna residue.
I really can't see how henna or indigo would cause itchy scalp. You might want to try
Miconazole nitrate, like monistat or daktarin diluted with water in an color applicator bottle,
The night before you wash. It stops my itchy scalp plus makes the hair grow faster for most people
Incl. me.
Or try cassia with henna and go gradually lighter so you can grow out your silvers.
Taking amino acids like l-cysteine and being on a high protein diet with whey protein
Powder transformed my coarse unruly hair into silky smooth strong hair plus my hair after
Heavy shedding for years grew almost double thick back.
I had thick strands in the nape growing in so at one point my hairdresser thought I cut my nape hair short so visible
Was it! Don't give up. I think if you like long hair don't cut it short, I believe with the right nutrition and care even
Somebody much older than you can have thick hair.
Btw, my mom has amazing glossy hair and thick since she started eating high protein low carb diet, with lots of veggies and fruits of course. She is 64 :yumm:

[Peggy E.]

I have some cassia on hand. I've used it a time or two but did not see any difference, but if it's something that builds up then I probably need to start using it and wait for results.

I'm not familiar with NW/SO ? What's that stand for? I don't shampoo often, sometimes I just CO. I do need to shampoo sometimes due to itchy flaky scalp so completely dispensing with shampoo wouldn't work though I could probably get by with less. I use a Non-SLS shampoo. I also make my own soap so maybe I'll try making a homemade shampoo bar, that's worth a try.

Wigs - that's a great idea but I'm in Florida, between May and October, it's 90+ degrees and ultra high humidity, I think I'd have a heatstroke.

I'm leaning toward the 'nice blunt SL chop' which would get rid of the icky ends, and make the whole gray grow-out thing faster. I don't really want to go back to waist length, I'm good with just past shoulder length. Extreme length isn't important to me, I just want shiny silky pretty hair that is long enough to put in a pony tail (for exercise).

I thought someone would respond, but I see there has been nothing yet.

NW/SO means "No Water/Sebum Only" and it is a method of using your natural oils to cleanse your hair. Sounds weird, but it really does work, if you are willing to put in the time and effort required every day.

You use the sebum from your scalp, which you gently massage and then work down the hair shafts. This moisturizes the hair, keeps the scalp healthy and clean, removes dead hair. If you keep to the program, it makes your hair very soft and shiny - but you have to keep it up so that you don't have sebum building up on your scalp.

I did this for a very long time, but my health conditioins caused me to have to abandon it, as my arms aren't strong enough now to keep up properly. I wish I could still do this, as I've been struggling with my poor hair ever since.

As for shampoo, I swear by Klorane, French shampoo that have different natural ingredients that work on different hair problems. Right now I am using the one with quinine plant for thickening and stimulating hair growth.

The other one I absolutely loved was the one for gray/silver hair, which left my hair gleaming, silky and glorious! And the shampoo had the most fabulous scent, I wanted to pour it all over and never rinse it out!

Pricey stuff, but I only shampoo once a week and don't have to use much shampoo when I do, so it lasts quite a while.

Here's the NW/SO thread:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=144

Good luck!

[spidermom]

I agree with the suggestion for semi-permanent color and maintaining the shortest length you are comfortable with until the damaged hair grows out and is cut off.

[tsf]

Thanks to all for the suggestions and moral support!

I think I've got a plan. for now, anyway...

I got some better quality condish, and I'll be doing CO only for a while. Hubby will be out of town next week so I'll do some overnight treatments. My next hair appt is about a month away and by then I should have an idea of how much this will help. If it's helping, fine, if not - shoulder length blunt cut.

I don't like the blond but I think I'll stick with it because it does hide the gray. If I stick with it, then probably over the next year or two, I'll be able to wean away from highlights and it will just be gray streaks. THen I can color the gray blond if I choose. It seems like when I color brown, even a lighter shade, the skunk stripe is pretty obvious after two-three weeks so that ends up being pretty high maintenance.

I was glad to hear that not everyone has yucky hair after menopause. The HRT hasn't really had time to make a difference yet but I should be able to tell in a few months if it is helping.

Thanks to all for your suggestions!

[catamonica]

I'm 56. I started putting two capfuls of olive oil in my shampoo & conditioner. My hair is real soft. Hope this helps.