MIL wants to drop the black box dye and go grey

[Soltimus]

Right. So my MIL knows about my hair obsession and has asked me to help her with a problem that's really troubling her. She has TBL hair and always has. It used to be jet black and when she started going grey she just started dying it. Now she's 56 and a bit tired of having to touch up her roots every month, plus her natural hair is now a very beautiful white and she really fancies the idea of showing it off.

The problem is she doesn't know if it's possible because she really, really doesn't want to lose any length. I don't blame her. If you've had TBL hair all your life it'll be hard to part with so I understand that she doesn't want to chop the length and grow it out again. I know there are some dye removing products, but I don't know if it's worth trying with her hair. She's dyed it for SO many years it's bound to have built up a good many layers. She's using a permanent dye by Avon. It doesn't really fade at all. She touches up her roots about once a month, I'd say, and a few times a year she does the length as well just because. Any ideas if the dye removal could work for her?

I thought maybe she'd have to bleach it and then use another dye to get it as close to her white her as possible and then just let it grow from there, but she's about nervous about that as well. I don't blame her. And I have no idea how bleach would work on grey hair since the structure is different from hair that has retained its colour. Could it end in a disaster?

I've asked her about maybe going to a salon, but she's a bit reluctant since she's had bad experiences with hair stylists and their take on very long hair and how it should be cut and cared for :(

[Nellon]

Can she gradually use a lighter shade of hairdye, like let's say dark brown for two months or so, then slowly a lighter shade, etc... and eventually only do lowlights and phase it out kinda? That's how I would do it :) Best of luck to her!

[Nellon]

double post

[sarelis]

I used a colour stripper to try to remove 10 years of permanent black dye, with some success. I managed to get it to a medium red brown, which was then able to be highlighted to blonde. However I really don't think any colour remover will be able to completely take out the warm tones left over from the black, it would need to be bleached & toned to get it to anything like your MIL's new growth. Maybe try a remover combined with Nellon's suggestion? As in lighten the dyed black hair, then blend in the new growth until all the old previously black hair has been trimmed off.

[SerinaDaith]

I have much shorter hair and probably a lot less silver from the sound of it but I am just taking care of what I have and letting it grow out. It is a pain but I can't talk myself into doing more damage to get rid of what is left, I wish her luckL

[dulce]

Dye removers are harsh especially on very long hair which tends to be extra fragile,I would avoid any multi step processing all over the hair.Adding JUST A FEW thin platinum highlights on the surface hair by a professional, to break up the dye demarcation line once her roots are maybe 2 inches and again maybe 6 months later, then allowing it to just grow in after that, that's how I kept my length while transitioning to go gray and stopping the dyeing.Good luck.With her dark hair, lowlights might be better,a top of the line colorist could advise her.

[akilina]

I honestly would not even try stripping the color. Since she has used permanent color for such a long time there is nothing under all of it to even go back to since permanent color lifts color, then deposits color.

I like Nellon's idea.
If nothing else and she is just going to grow..maybe wearing it up and teaching her some awesome up-do's would make things easier. I definitely would not cut all of it off!

Edit in: I also like the idea of a few thin platinum highlights. They could even be toned to more so match the whiteness or greyness of her roots.

[spidermom]

I'd just grow it out. Plenty have done so. Yes, it will look kind of funny for awhile, but so what? She can break up the demarcation line with scarves, head-bands, ribbons, hats, etc. People will get used to. Eventually all the dyed hair will shed out anyway.

[door72067]

google images of Della Reese and Lois Smith (if you also add Twister you'll get better images of her with long hair) for inspiration


both had a black/silver thing going and while it was probably natural (I honestly don't know) they both managed to wear a two-tone look whilst doing movies and still look awesome (imho)


the first few months seem to be the most difficult (I am dye-free for 15-1/2 months now, reddish/auburn dye vs. ashy medium brunette with a hearty silver sprinkling natural) if she can manage to hold out for about 4 months or so, it gets so much easier after that


would love to see pics of her hair :)

[Soltimus]

Thank you all! So many good ideas. Yeah, I told her to at least stop using the permanent dye so while she was weighing her options she wouldn't be adding more hard-to-get-rid-of dye to her hair. I don't know if she's followed my advice, ha ha, but it would be a good start. Her hair grows really fast as well. I'll see if I can get some pictures so you can see the length and also how the roots look with the dye. Maybe it would be an idea to add high/lowlights as some of you mentioned. It's a big clash now. Jet black vs snow white. I'm so jealous of her natural white/grey hair. I'd give anything to get that colour some day so I definitely think she should go ahead and grow it out. Good idea about using scarves etc. She could do some nice updos with those, I think. I'm so jealous of her long hair, ha ha.

Can anyone give me a link to a website, photo album etc with pictures of updos using scarfes etc? Maybe showing her some of the niceness she could get into would nudge her further on this path she'd love to go down but is nervous about.

[MaryMarx]

google images of Della Reese and Lois Smith (if you also add Twister you'll get better images of her with long hair) for inspiration

both had a black/silver thing going and while it was probably natural (I honestly don't know) they both managed to wear a two-tone look whilst doing movies and still look awesome (imho)
That actually looked really awesome! :)

[jacqueline101]

I'd just grow it out gracefully.

[sarelis]

I'd just grow it out gracefully.

That's a great phrase Jaqueline! :)

[dulce]

It took me over 3 almost 4 years to keep my hair long and grow out my silvery roots and dyed hair,but I was able to stay long.It was worth it to keep the length for me,that's why I recommend some highlights of some sort to camouflage the root line so it will blend in better at the beginning , as to go cold turkey for many years is very difficult,I couldn't look at that dye demarcation line for that long,it would drive me nuts..but she can decide what she thinks would make her feel better,there are many options..

[embee]

It's not like she can really keep it a secret. Many women will be envious of her bravery in just growing it out and having 2-tone hair. Some may make snarky remarks, probably because they wouldn't have the guts to do that. ;) They would be stuck. Ha.

My sister-in-law did it, though her hair is short. It made her look years younger! I was amazed at the softening effect.

As for me, I'll just say "Go, Mom!" and send her best wishes for the colorfree journey. :)

[spidermom]

A clerk at a grocery store was letting her jet black hair grow out to her natural snow-white for awhile, and the more white she got, the less harsh it looked to her natural coloring. Unfortunately for me, she dyed it black again. Boo!

[alyaziaaah]

I am generally totally against bleaching. I had 10 years dyed jetblack hair to cover whites.
I did bleach it but it only went maybe 2 shades lighter.
but I think she could try colour oops or there is another same colour stripper, I
dont remember the name now. try it one time only to see if there is any effect. it might get a shade or 2 lighter.
if she gets platinum blond highlights, these strands will be severely damaged after bleaching.
in any case, she needs to do a deep treatment with protein to fix the cracks from lightening.
I fixed my severely bleach damaged hair with Grund Tiger protein reconstructor. and Grund Tiger Masque.
those 2 protein treatments were a life saver for my hair.
or, what about that ivory soap thread here. check that one out.
I lightened my henna 2 shades with that. no damage what so ever.

[turtlelover]

I would just lowlight the new growth to blend the "line" a bit and as the hair grew longer, lowlight less and less.

[Soltimus]

I would just lowlight the new growth to blend the "line" a bit and as the hair grew longer, lowlight less and less.

I think she's going to do just that. Told me she plans on buying the darkest brown she can get her paws on and then just take it from there. I think this will be a good way of transitioning to grey. Interesting times indeed!

[dulce]

The lowlighting would be much healthier than platinum highlights.

[In2wishin]

I think she's going to do just that. Told me she plans on buying the darkest brown she can get her paws on and then just take it from there. I think this will be a good way of transitioning to grey. Interesting times indeed!

If you have some time, skim through the Salt and Pepper thread here http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=16951 It is very long but if you pick a few pages at random you are very likely to see what others have done going from dyed hair to nature's highlights. You and your MIL seem to have a great relationship! I hope you find some info that she can use.