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Amorice
December 7th, 2012, 07:11 PM
So, I think I finally have to face facts that my wedding is 2 1/2 months away. ACK!

Anyway. The second my FMIL offered to make an appointment with her stylist for me, I politely declined. I had my hair done by the very same person for FSIL's wedding last year, and to make a long story short, I didn't have a great experience with the "getting did" part, spent the whole day/evening with a crunchy ratty mess for hair, and I lost almost 4 inches in length when I went to get the damage trimmed off a few weeks later. The look I asked her to do (leave it down, soft curls on the length, just a little volume) would be basically the same as I'd want for my own wedding, and I. Do. Not. Want that experience again!

Over the summer, I experimented with various ways to 'set' my hair overnight to get soft curls without having to use heat. While I did manage to find a method that gives me the EXACT look I want (2 cinnamon buns on top, done on mostly-dry-but-just-a-little-damp hair), its not reliable. At least 1/3 of the time, one of the buns comes loose and/or I end up with a cowlick. Not to mention, its not super comfy to sleep in. Sudden hair emergencies and lack of sleep are high on the list of things I'd like to NOT worry about that day!

I'm about ready to give up and try to find a different stylist, but I'm worried I'll hurt my FMIL's feelings. Her stylist is also a good friend of her's, I don't really want to say not-nice things to her about the stylist. I also don't want my FMIL to think I'm trying to avoid HER that day, either. (I might be over-thinking this, sorry.....)

I just.... ugh. This is bugging me way more than it should. I know its supposed to be a "special day" and all, should I suck it up and just take FMIL on her offer? Or find someone else and hope her feelings don't get hurt? I'd happily invite her along if she wanted. I'd actually really like to spend the morning relaxing and getting 'did' with her and my own mom (well, my mom can get her nails/makeup done maybe? She has a rather short pixie, hair styling need not apply)

jasper
December 7th, 2012, 07:27 PM
It sounds like an appointment with the FMIL's stylist could just as easily cause you a hair emergency as your hit or miss no heat curl method. If she made a crunchy, ratty mess of your hair the other time, would you expect to get it right this time?

What would happen if you just had this conversation with your FMIL? If you find a stylist you trust, just say to the FMIL that as much a you appreciated her offer, you are more comfortable with your own stylist and want to invite her to join you if she would like.

Amorice
December 7th, 2012, 07:38 PM
What would happen if you just had this conversation with your FMIL? If you find a stylist you trust, just say to the FMIL that as much a you appreciated her offer, you are more comfortable with your own stylist and want to invite her to join you if she would like.

The only problem with that is, I don't have a stylist I'm comfortable with. I only moved here a few months ago, haven't had my hair touched since before I moved. But you're right, I should talk to her about it. I just don't know a nice way to say "I hated what your stylist did to me", since they're such good friends.

pogo0685
December 7th, 2012, 08:29 PM
I am of no help, but I know where your at. I love my MIL but so many times I have had to decline her invitations and disagree with her on things and its so hard because I don't want to hurt her feeling but I also don't want to do something I don't want to do to make anyone else happy. Luckily 5 years into our relationship she is starting to understand that I'm not trying to be rude or mean, its just how I feel and I am a very no nonsense person, but I still think I hurt her feelings sometimes. And I have also tried to also do more stuff that 5 years ago I would have said no to. So yeah that's no help at all, sorry! Good luck though, and congratulations on the upcoming wedding!!!

sparrowswing
December 7th, 2012, 10:44 PM
I say you look for a stylist, being absolutely certain they understand your wants and needs. It may involve several trial-do's, so you might end up paying more than intended finding someone who works well with you and your hair.

Alternatively, you could look into ways to keep your buns from getting out of control - small snoods (http://www.etsy.com/listing/74218342/2-xs-2-small-lacy-bun-covers-hair-colors) over them, maybe? - and put a satin sleep cap over everything just in case.

It really comes down to which makes you more comfortable, as you already have enough to worry about on the big day. It can be pretty relaxing just sitting there getting your hair done that morning, and it's a nice bonding experience if you share it with someone. Honestly it's one of my favorite memories from being my best friend's bridesmaid, even factoring in the two bottles of conditioner and two hours of careful combing it took to work through the backcombed mess and half-bottle of hairspray. So if you can find a hairdresser who understands what you want (and provides that in the trial), then go with that. If not, work on getting your buns to behave and come up with a backup plan just in case.

Kaelee
December 7th, 2012, 11:49 PM
If I were in your position (and sometime in the next couple years I might well be! And I want to curl my hair too...) I would pick up some Caruso rollers (not all that expensive) and try them out. They're non-damaging, cheaper than the stylist and reusable!!!

I've seen beautiful results with them, but I imagine they take practice, so get some and try different things. There are a ton of tutorials on Youtube!

I've never used them so I can't be more help than that.

peacecat3
December 8th, 2012, 12:04 AM
Congratulations on the nuptuals!

Here are my :twocents:

1. Practice. What about pin curls? There are great tutorials on youtube (I'm a fan of LisaFreemont Street (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PBwSXHWvA8) myself, but there are other awesome ones), and here on LHC, too, I'm sure. That might be more curl than you want. What is your hair type? This board is a great resource!

If your method of curling (pin curls, cinnamon bun, rag rollers) is a wet set (that is, you set it when wet, leave it till its air-dried - no heat -, then let it loose and style it), I've had good luck with using pantyhose over it. I take the top of fishnet pantyhose and put it on my head like a cap, and tie a knot in the legs and either cut off the legs or tuck them into my pajama top. Nothing moves and all is well.

2. Honesty. I think you can relate the content of this post thoughtfully and kindly to your MIL. You're going to have to live with her the rest of your lives, best to be as kind and honest as possible, right? :flowers:

Katleen
December 8th, 2012, 03:45 AM
I was thinking about pincurls too... It will take some practice, but you still have 2,5 months left. That will give you time to try out different methods, styles...

jacqueline101
December 8th, 2012, 07:39 AM
I'd suggest another member do your hair or you do it yourself.

Amorice
December 8th, 2012, 07:48 AM
Thank you for all the responses!

I have tried pincurls, but it was far too much work for way too many curls (my hair is strait and fine, about 1b-i/ii, and just past waist). Hadn't thought about pantyhose/a snood to keep the buns covered, that's not a bad idea to keep in mind! But I think, ultimately, I'm going to try to find a stylist. I'd just rather not worry about it that day.

pogo, your comment actually did help! At least I feel like I'm not alone. I've known FMIL for 9 years, now, but this is the first time I've lived within easy-to-visit distance. Well, except for the first year or so, when I was a teenage girl dating her teenage son, but its a little different now. I don't have much of a relationship with her, and I'd like to! She's a cool person! But I've got a lot of catching up to do, so I get worried about declining offers to spend time with her, that she'll take it as me still not wanting much of a relationship. I think she already suspects why I don't want to use her stylist friend- my hair didn't look all that great in pictures. She might very well understand if I just tell her I made an appointment for the 3 of us somewhere else.

Kelikea
December 8th, 2012, 08:18 AM
I use spiral curlers, like these: http://mp.hairboutique.com/_images/products/62501z_350w.jpg. You can find them at Sally's. I found a hairdresser near where my wedding took place that had experience with long hair, would listen to my wishes and look at pictures of my ideas, and would do a practice run before the big day. Yes, I had to call around to find the right person. She was fine with me rolling my own hair, I got my sister to help with that, and then she just styled it with pins and flowers the next day. These take a little practice to get used to, but I've had very good luck with them, and they create perfect spiral curls. My hair was between waist and hip when I got married.

Lostsoule77
December 8th, 2012, 08:21 AM
My suggestion is if you like the way your hair comes out when you do your method and it works, is to make it work everytime. Wearing a silk/satin sleep cap or other such thing seems like it should do the trick. I got married just over a year ago, and I too thought I wanted to just let someone else do my hair. I went to 3 different stylist to try and make that work. Even tried a 4th the morning of the wedding! I ended up just doing it myself and it looked so nice. Plus it wasn't damaging to my hair. If you want the bonding time with your mil you could all get your nails done the day before or that morning together. You have 2.5 months so you have a little time to try both another stylist and wearing a sleep cap.

Whatever you end up doing, good luck and Congratulations! :D

peacecat3
December 8th, 2012, 08:48 AM
I totally hear you on the not wanting to have to worry about it on the day of the wedding! I'm also getting married in a few months, but I'm just going to wash my hair and forget about it. I don't have an updo of any sort planned, and my texture is much different from yours. In that case, I do think calling around and getting another stylist is a good bet. I'm sure your MIL will understand, as long as you're forthright and thoughtful. And if she's so cool, I bet she will understand.

dulce
December 8th, 2012, 04:10 PM
What about a beautiful elegant french braid?It's one of my favorite styles,maybe some flowers or a pearl strand entwined,no damage to hair,free if you know how to french braid.I had my hair done at the salon for my wedding,I'd asked for a simple style and ended with a tightly curled , highly sprayed mess of curls atop my head,went home,washed it out and went with a side bun,a tendril on the other side and pearl earrings,all of which I did myself and liked more.

dulce
December 8th, 2012, 04:13 PM
You can just thank your mil and say you have other plans or that you have allergies so must avoid styled dos at the salon due to the products they use on the hair?

torrilin
December 8th, 2012, 05:52 PM
My sister in law and I both got married in the same year. I eloped, and did my hair in a simple comfortable bun. She did an unconventional ceremony but a fairly large guest list. Her hair was down and really elaborate and done by a stylist. (Honestly, even a couple years later, we all think that her wedding was entirely enough fuss for both couples... we're very close, and we were heavily involved in planning each others weddings.)

If your main goal is low stress, do your hair yourself. There are scads of easy hair styles that look extra spiffy with a fancy hair fork, decorated bobby pins or decorated Amish pins. Spending $50 or $100 on hair accessories is a lot less stress than trying out new stylists. The bonus here is you can just do your hair the "fancy" way without the decorations from now til the wedding and get tons of practice in.

If your main goal is great pictures or great hair, obviously you'd want to try out several stylists. I usually find "mall hair" places are better than you'd expect with long hair. It might also be worth checking if there are curl friendly salons in your area that don't object to working on straight hair. A lot of the techniques that work well for being gentle with curly hair are good for being gentle with long straight hair too. With stylists, I find the more pictures I have of the desired style, the better.

Sillage
December 8th, 2012, 06:42 PM
If your main goal is low stress, do your hair yourself. There are scads of easy hair styles that look extra spiffy with a fancy hair fork, decorated bobby pins or decorated Amish pins. Spending $50 or $100 on hair accessories is a lot less stress than trying out new stylists. The bonus here is you can just do your hair the "fancy" way without the decorations from now til the wedding and get tons of practice in.

Great advice!

dulce
December 8th, 2012, 07:21 PM
Or a half up with flowers?