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View Full Version : Thinking of cutting my TB length hair up to my ears! its too damaged!



iluvmy67cuda
August 19th, 2008, 06:33 PM
My hair is so damaged and i just cant bear to look at it anymore. I know it could be alot worse, but you cant fix damage. And im thinking maybe i should start fresh. If i do it now it'll be tailbone length again by the time im 30. Because of my polycistic ovarian syndrom my hair is falling out really bad, but even worse, the length is suffering because i can just run my fingers through my hair and hear it breaking off. Its breaking off WAY worse than it was because im sick. And when i get better (if i ever do) it may start to grow normal again, but the damage is done and cant be fixed. You cant fix broken, frizzy dry hair. I've tried every method, tryed all kinds of things to make it look and feel better and nothing helps. Maybe i should just cut it all off right below the ear and start fresh? If i take really good care of it and get healthier maybe it'll look better next time it gets this long? I just HATE looking at it, it just horrifies me because years ago it looked so nice. But i only actually started caring for it properly less than a year ago, so i've had alot of damage for a long time, maybe a fresh start would be good? And if i take extra gentle care of it then it will be nice when its tailbone length again.

Plus if i chop it ALL off, how long would it take to grow it back to tailbone length? My goal is classic. Im thinking maybe in 8 years i could get classic? I just dont think theres anything else i can try to make it look and really BE healthier at this point.

Btw, i'll post pictures in a min. once my cameras batteries are charged up.

danacc
August 19th, 2008, 07:02 PM
Cutting is certainly one way to address damaged hair. Invoke the 2-week rule before you take the permanent plunge, though. Think about how you will feel with short hair, and how you will feel through any awkward stages growing it out again.

Note that cutting is not the only way to deal with very damaged hair. With the right care, you can grow out the damage while keeping, or even increasing, length. Nightshade recently contributed a thorough article on Damaged Hair: Understanding, Preventing & Rehabilitating (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79). Her own story is quite inspirational.

spidermom
August 19th, 2008, 07:10 PM
This isn't the first post I've seen where you express how miserable you are with your hair. May I suggest a compromise? Don't cut all the way back to your ears. Try cutting maybe half your length, up to about APL, maybe BSL. That's still a long length, it will eliminate a lot of the damage, and you can still wear it up in a variety of ways. If you go all the way back to ears, your options will be extremely limited. I have a feeling you wouldn't be happy. You'd be saying "why oh why did I do this?"

Euphony
August 19th, 2008, 07:13 PM
I agree with the 2 week rule.

One thing I notice a lot especially right now since it's summer is I can contain all of my hair. Totally contain it, not just put it in a french or dutch braid, but contain all of it. This is really impressive to me since I wasn't able to put all my hair into a proper bun until this time last year. This helps so much in wind and so many areas. I can roll all my windows down and drive down the freeway at the speed limit and not have to worry about my hair tangling or tickling my nose or blinding me.

You can always just keep your hair up...

fae
August 19th, 2008, 07:14 PM
I can't really tell from your avatar how damaged your hair might be.

Nightshades article has already been mentioned. That a good place to start.

I think you would be a lot more devastated if you actually chopped your hair off. In addition to the two week rule, I would adopt a two inch rule ( or whatever length off you can handle). Just do small trims at first. At least thats what I would do.

Looking forward to pictures. It could be a lot better than you think.

DecafJane
August 19th, 2008, 07:30 PM
I agree with everybody who has mentioned the two week rule, keeping it up, and getting small trims. If you ARE wanting to go that far, I would only chop it a couple of inches every month or so. Cutting short will cause a LOT of grief - believe me, I have just gotten to below my shoulders, and it is a very painful journey, even though my hair grows very quickly.
If I were you, and I could not bear to have my hair as it is, I would go up to BSL at the shortest, and maintain it there until I was happy with the condition, then let it grow. This way you can still put it up and keep it protected as it grows out, and do more than the one style.
Good luck.

girlcat36
August 19th, 2008, 07:57 PM
I like the two inch rule. Take off 2" every two weeks until you aren't miserable anymore!:D

spidermom
August 19th, 2008, 08:05 PM
I like the two inch rule. Take off 2" every two weeks until you aren't miserable anymore!:D

Of course this could get quite expensive if, like me, you have a hair stylist do the cutting at $20+ per visit.

Anje
August 19th, 2008, 08:17 PM
I agree with Spidermom, post-two-week-rule.

If you're not happy with the damaged length, you've tried everything, etc, take off half of the damaged portion -- so cut your hair to something like BSL. It'll still look long (some folks might not even notice because it'll stay in the "long" category), you'll still be able to do a lot of updos, etc. You'll also have much less damage, and the hair even at BSL, though damaged, is considerably younger. It'll feel better, even if it doesn't feel like undamaged virgin hair, and I don't think you'll suffer as much post-chop remorse. Maintain BSL until you're happy with your hair's condition, then start growing again. You'll be at least 1-2 years closer to classic when you do start growing it, that way.

iluvmy67cuda
August 19th, 2008, 08:39 PM
I'll get some pics up as soon as i can get my photobucket to work, the internet is being wonky right now. I do NOT want short hair. But im just wondering if i should start fresh. I did read nighshades article, and it definitly has made me think twice. At least it would be a more gradual thing, not so dramatic and having to have short hair. I just wonder if it would be easier to just cut it all . But if i do i know i'll be crying for months at least, totally heartbroken not to mention ugly LOL. My long hair is all i have left, my health problems have destroyed everything in my life, now its taking my hair too. I just hope i can find some way to get healthy to be able to get everything better. Im going to think about it some more. And like you guys said, maybe just cutting 1/2 the length would be a smarter idea, than a pixie kinda cut, because i DONT have the face for short hair! at ALL. ugh. Im too fat for that LOL. So im going to give it the 2 week rule and just keep thinking about it some more.

pics on the way i promise. damn satelite internet!!! a leaf blows across the yard and the internet goes out! ugh.

iluvmy67cuda
August 19th, 2008, 08:55 PM
This picture best describes it, the whole length from crown to hemline is like this:
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00009.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00014.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00002.jpg

manderly
August 19th, 2008, 08:59 PM
Well, since the only available photos right now are your avatar and your profile pics.......ummmm, your hair looks fine. Seriously.

It looks like normal hair frizz. There is no such thing as frizz-free hair, that's a bogus claim and you and I know that. There isn't a single human walking around the world today that doesn't have a bit of fluff going on somewhere, even stick straighties.

I'm dealing with color oops'd highlighted ends that feel like I dunked them in glue. Barely tolerating them. No way in hell I'd hack it all off, I'm just sucking it up and snipping it away when it gets unbearable. I can't get a comb through my hair without snagging right now, I've spent 2 days S&Ding and microtriming on bad parts. Eventually my hair will feel tolerably nice again.

I suspect you're being way to hard on yourself, we tend to be our own worst critics.

My vote: leave your hair alone. Bun it if it's bugging you, I'm almost positive it isn't as bad as YOU think it is.

manderly
August 19th, 2008, 09:01 PM
You posted the same time as me.

Looking at your new pics. Seriously? Looks like my hair. See profile pic for proof, lots of frizzy bits going on in there. It looks a little frazzled, could probably benefit from more oil when you towel dry (this has been a godsend for my frizzies, about 5 drips in my APL hair after washing) and some more moisture.

I see no need to cut. AT ALL. You are being entirely too hard on yourself.

wintersun99
August 19th, 2008, 09:09 PM
This picture best describes it, the whole length from crown to hemline is like this:
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00009.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00014.jpg

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k181/iluvmy67cuda/Me/My%20hair/August%202008/00002.jpg

Dude - your hair looks just fine. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself? Why don't you treat yourself to a in-home spa night... baby the heck outta your hair, put it up and forget about it for awhile... for a loooooong while (as long as it takes for you to not examine it every day) oh and I'd treat myself to a new hair toy (that helps keep the hair up and outta the way) :)

By the way, have you tried weekly or bi-weekly SMT's?

NurseMama
August 19th, 2008, 09:14 PM
From the pictures that you posted, I see beautiful hair that maybe needs a little moisture. I see no need to cut. It looks really good, just a little frizzy from summer.

This isn't the first time that I have seen you post about your hair. I know that you are having some sadness because of the PCOS. Do you think that dealing with this diagnosis is affecting your self image? That maybe you are a little emotional now and taking it out on your hair? I know that you just cut bangs. How do you like those? You are also posting in the MN thread. It sounds like you are trying too many things at once. Maybe you should just put it up for a bit and forget about it because what you are describing is not what I see in the picture.

spidermom
August 19th, 2008, 09:19 PM
I agree with Manderly. Human hair is like that. When I haven't blow-dried it with product, as I had done for my sig pic, you can see fluffy bits sticking out EVERYWHERE. Seriously. This happens because of the shed and regrow cycle. You shed out old hairs. Then brand new hairs grow in and stick up. This happens every single day, so you have hairs of every single length. There is, of course, some breakage in the mix. It is absolutely impossible to avoid breaking a hair or two from time to time. If you really hate the way it looks, then by all means, get it cut and styled and plan to spend some time with product and tools. That's the only way you're ever going to get hair that looks smooth and uniform from scalp to ends.

Cutting it short and starting over WILL NOT reverse the appearance that you complain of. The same shed and regrow cycle is going to continue.

spidermom
August 19th, 2008, 09:21 PM
P.S. - have a look at my profile picture. You can see that I've got hairs of every length, too, and a lot of them fluff up on the surface.

iluvmy67cuda
August 19th, 2008, 09:27 PM
I definitly have self image issues, i've been in therapy for that and bipolar and my panic disorder for 4 years and no medicine has helped and im in a worse spot emotionally because of my pcos, but im working on it. its a day to day thing, every day i TRY not to hate myself for how i look, but its so hard to do. Hopefully someday i will be able to love myself for who i am. Logically i can, but then i look in the mirror and i just hate life. But i know we cant all be skinny and blonde LOL I grew up in the napa valley, so i was one of the few who wernt stick skinny and blond HAHA. But im working on getting over the issues. Im not going to cut now, but im going to think about doing microtrims, doing the 1/4" every month would make a huge difference and i can still grow longer. Im also going to STOP cones competly and see how that goes, i've never gone cone-less before, maybe that will be a help, we'll see.

physicschick
August 19th, 2008, 09:57 PM
I'm glad you've decided to do microtrims. You can always take off more if you change your mind, but it's harder to put it back. :) Your hair looks fine to me. It looks tidier and less damaged than mine is.


Im also going to STOP cones competly and see how that goes, i've never gone cone-less before, maybe that will be a help, we'll see.

It is possible that the cones are masking some damage and split ends. If you start to see more damage when you go off cones, don't panic. (I panicked the first time I did this. :silly: ) Give it a couple months and see if you're happier with your look and texture. I think my hair texture feels a bit nicer without cones, and it seems more responsive to moisture treatments, but everyone's hair is different. Good luck!

morningstar
August 19th, 2008, 09:58 PM
I see beautiful hair. I agree to micro trims if you have damage but that is all. I am sorry your self image is blurred and that you can not see the beauty you behold. I wish my hair was as yours. :flowers:

utdesertrunner
August 19th, 2008, 09:59 PM
I think your hair is beautiful! I love the color and it looks so pretty and wavy in your avatar. All the times I've cut my hair in my life I have been stressed and feeling low. It was my way of getting back at myself. I hope you can see yourself thru our eyes right now. Your hair is lovely!

jojo
August 19th, 2008, 10:30 PM
Id swap you anyday! seriously your hair looks fine, maybe a deep conditioning would help you feel better about it? I think your medical problem with PCOS will have an affect on your hair ( do you take any medication metformin for instance?) but id continue to baby it, do the micro trims and when it pisses you off (and we all have bad hair days yes?) just tie it up and ignore it!

I think you would really regret cutting to your ears, micro trims are the way to go!

lady G
August 20th, 2008, 01:51 AM
Hi hun I think your hair looks awesome and see no reason to chop it off at all!!!!!!! I have self image issues they were much worse in the past and I know it is hard to see yourself the way others see you, we are our own harshest critics! and own worst enemies! but try to think positive about that lovely hair you have:)

Shanarana
August 20th, 2008, 02:41 AM
Your hair looks fine to me. If your suffering from any emotional issues without medication (as you mentioned) that would not be a good time to make a decision about chopping your hair. Once things get under control than your prospective will be different.

Arctic
August 20th, 2008, 03:54 AM
You have a beautiful hair! I love the colour!
I agree with others, buy or make some new hairtoys, practice new ways to put it up, pamper it with moisture treatments, do microtrims... You can do this! :flowers:

Little_Bird
August 20th, 2008, 05:34 AM
I think I would try to just take better care (if possible) of my hair rather than cutting it. I usually won't prefer quality over lenght, only if there is not much lenght in game.

Anyways, if you really want to cut, maybe you can consider cutting less than from tb to ears. That's really radical. Maybe just a trim to waist lenght? You know that generally a small trim goes a long way about improoving one's hair quality...

Anyways, I hope you get better and I wish you the best luck with your health. And with your hair as well!

crystal_89
August 20th, 2008, 05:50 AM
I agree with everyone else! You're being too harsh on yourself as you have beautiful hair. My hair frizzes too, its one of those things that just happens with the weather.

I also agree with the trim a little bit at a time whenever necessary. Sometimes (anywhere from between 2 weeks or 10 months), I trim less than an inch from the ends and my ends will suddenly look and feel so much better.

Really, your hair looks great. You don't need to chop it off :)

Xandergrammy
August 20th, 2008, 05:59 AM
First of all, I'm sending you a great big hug. As for your hair, I think it looks beautiful and if it was my hair, I wouldn't cut it. It looks wonderfully silky and shiny. :flowers:

Anje
August 20th, 2008, 06:22 AM
I'll be another voice now saying "don't cut it." Your hair looks beautiful to me, no white spots or fried areas in sight. You have some of the wavy frizz popping out of the bulk of your hair that people in the 1c-2a range are always dealing with, where the shorter hairs (perhaps broken, perhaps just growing) wave out of the general straightish pattern.

Stick to microtrims and S&Ds to get rid of the worst of what splits you have (I didn't see any). Do some deep treatments, and don't be afraid to smear a bunch of oil/aloe/conditioner through when you want your hair to look more sleek.

SHELIAANN1969
August 20th, 2008, 06:28 AM
I think your hair looks fine, not just fine but pretty darn nice as well, I don't mean to sound like the b!tch here but you have posted a couple of times about wanting to cut all your hair off.

Everyone always tell you your hair is fine, which it is, we aren't lying, I think your hair looks good!!!

It sounds like with each passing "I wanna cut my hair" post, you are almost "asking permission" for us all to agree that you should cut your hair off.

I think your hair looks good, my head is a frizz ball, constantly, daily, since I was a child, it's part of me, always will be and I embrace it, I can't change it and I love my hair.

If you really in truely don't want to continue growing your hair, that should be a decision that you make for yourself, if you WANT to grow, you have had lots of great feedback and fabulous advice as well as numerous honest evaluations and comments of your hair.

I think you are going to have to make the choice on your own and do what you really want to do.

I hope you see in your own eyes that your hair isn't all terrible like you think it is. Is someone telling you something different? Or is it like some hair dysmorphic disorder?

Your hair looks great, it's long and lovely, best wishes.

Aqua Gal
August 20th, 2008, 08:59 AM
I'm so sorry that you're not feeling great, both in life, and about your hair. I've felt like that before years ago and tried one thing after another with my hair to make things feel better. Trust me, I went down a pointless path. I ended up with short, fried, bleached, ultra-layered hair and then I was even more unhappy. I would HATE to see you repeat my misery.

*hugs* and chocolate are in order here. I can offer no sage hair advice beyond what has been given. Just know that you're not alone.

BTW, your pics really do look nice. Try to give yourself permission not to have perfect hair right now.

Julesn
August 20th, 2008, 09:27 AM
I'm sending good vibes your way :)

I checked out your photos & it really doesn't look bad at all! :) I think you should give yourself a break b/c you can't help being sick right now.

Try to do the 2 week rule & just wear it up w/conditioner in it. Then, if it's still bugging you by then, maybe cut off 2-3 inches. I wouldn't go to the ears at all. Do a little at a time.

Hugs!!!

Julie :)

free_hug
August 20th, 2008, 09:30 AM
So as it turns out, it's much more a self-image issue than frizzy hair... Judging from your extra pics your hair looks healthy to me. What i want to add to this whole story is that your hair is in fact not just healthy but quite beautiful, and if for any reason you decided to cut it your self-image thing would get a lot worse... because you would lose a very pretty part of you. Losing forty inches of shiny wavy hair would hurt like hell even for those with an ego a size of a house! For someone shy & rather insecure-ish like you it could be just really harmful.

HerbalAnnie
August 20th, 2008, 09:42 AM
Your hair looks way better than mine, and I wouldn't dream of cutting mine off. I oil my ends regularly which helps keep them from looking dry and frizzy, and I quit using cones which has helped a lot.

Trimming a couple of inches will probably boost your hair-esteem, but don't lop it all off (trust me, been there done that, got the nightmares to show for it).

Eireann
August 20th, 2008, 12:08 PM
I had a roommate who used to joke about "PMS Perm syndrome". She was absolutely right. For some reason, when I'm feeling hormonal, I get a strong desire to change my appearance. Why? Who knows? Maybe I feel that changing the outside will help with the turmoil I feel inside. Maybe it's a form of self destruction. From what I understand, PCOS is like PMS gone wild. Maybe a new hair toy, or a new moisture treatment, or even a new color will help you feel better about yourself, or maybe some long layers that will help bring out your natural waves. Don't dispair. Your hair is lovely!!

I'm editing to add that a couple of weeks ago I was feeling a little down about the condition of my hair. I did a self trim of about an inch, and then, on the advice of other LHC-ers, I did a clarifying wash and then applied a big glob of coconut oil and put my hair up for a couple of hours, and then washed it out. It really helped a lot, and I am happy with my hair again.

Ohio Sky
August 20th, 2008, 12:26 PM
I definitly have self image issues, i've been in therapy for that and bipolar and my panic disorder for 4 years and no medicine has helped and im in a worse spot emotionally because of my pcos, but im working on it. its a day to day thing, every day i TRY not to hate myself for how i look, but its so hard to do. Hopefully someday i will be able to love myself for who i am. Logically i can, but then i look in the mirror and i just hate life. But i know we cant all be skinny and blonde LOL I grew up in the napa valley, so i was one of the few who wernt stick skinny and blond HAHA. But im working on getting over the issues. Im not going to cut now, but im going to think about doing microtrims, doing the 1/4" every month would make a huge difference and i can still grow longer. Im also going to STOP cones competly and see how that goes, i've never gone cone-less before, maybe that will be a help, we'll see.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but rest assured, your hair is beautiful. I don't se any damage, it looks very shiny. Maybe you should do an SMT or other deep treatment, trim if you have splits, and maybe take up an exercise routine or yoga if you don't already to help you feel better in general.

I hope you get past feeling this way, with your hair intact. :) :grouphug:

JessTheMess
August 20th, 2008, 12:39 PM
You have Beautiful hair darling! I wouldn't cut your hair. HIDE YOUR SCISSORS NOW! Your hair is just going through a rebellious phase. That's all. I would just keep it in updos, oil it, love it, and keep it out of sight out of mind. In a few weeks it will be back to normal. I envy your shine and length! I know for sure that you would regret chopping it off in a day or two. :grouphug: this is for you :flower:

n3m3sis42
August 20th, 2008, 05:24 PM
My hair is so damaged and i just cant bear to look at it anymore. I know it could be alot worse, but you cant fix damage. And im thinking maybe i should start fresh. If i do it now it'll be tailbone length again by the time im 30. Because of my polycistic ovarian syndrom my hair is falling out really bad, but even worse, the length is suffering because i can just run my fingers through my hair and hear it breaking off. Its breaking off WAY worse than it was because im sick. And when i get better (if i ever do) it may start to grow normal again, but the damage is done and cant be fixed. You cant fix broken, frizzy dry hair. I've tried every method, tryed all kinds of things to make it look and feel better and nothing helps. Maybe i should just cut it all off right below the ear and start fresh? If i take really good care of it and get healthier maybe it'll look better next time it gets this long? I just HATE looking at it, it just horrifies me because years ago it looked so nice. But i only actually started caring for it properly less than a year ago, so i've had alot of damage for a long time, maybe a fresh start would be good? And if i take extra gentle care of it then it will be nice when its tailbone length again.

Plus if i chop it ALL off, how long would it take to grow it back to tailbone length? My goal is classic. Im thinking maybe in 8 years i could get classic? I just dont think theres anything else i can try to make it look and really BE healthier at this point.

Btw, i'll post pictures in a min. once my cameras batteries are charged up.

I was feeling really bad about how damaged my hair looked because I had really bad thinning on what appeared to be the last 3-4 inches. I was so unhappy with how my hair looked that I was seriously considering chopping most of it off and growing it back out from there. The only thing that stopped me was how close I was to waist-length, which took forever because I have the world's longest torso.

Still, something needed to be done, so today, I finally got the bottom three inches trimmed off. It was really hard for me to do--I get about .75" of growth most months, which means I probably just cut off 4 months' worth of growth or more. But my hair feels and looks so much better!

It's not that the rest of my length is completely undamaged, because it's not. But getting rid of the majority of the worst parts has helped a LOT.

Only you know what will work best for you, and it may take some time and thought before you have a good idea of what to do. I agonized for the past 3 months at least over when to trim and how much to have taken off.

Just thought I would share. Best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

Edited to add:
I just saw your pics, and I can only wish that my hair looked that thick and healthy! :)

DarkChocolate
August 20th, 2008, 06:08 PM
I see really nice hair:)
We share the same hair color too:):)

julya
August 20th, 2008, 06:09 PM
I know about body image issues, I used to really hate looking at photos of myself because all I could see were my flaws. You know, crooked tooth and the dreaded double chin! I can imagine what you see when you look at the photos of your hair, but if you have body image issues, sometimes you can't see reality.

Many others have already posted, but I agree that your hair looks pretty and healthy too. I'm glad that you decided to forgo a big chop since you want to grow your hair longer. Take care of yourself.

HaiirPEACE
August 20th, 2008, 06:34 PM
maybe im blind but your hair looks gorgeous it just kind of looks like frizz maybe a trim and layer? you can get long layers. maybe that would take off some of the damge you see and you wouldnt have to go short =]


good luck!

i would soo kill for your hair right now