I've given up. (On my hair)

[SilverMcFly17]

I have come to a sad realization. Nothing that I have done has helped my hair grow at all.

My hair is bra strap length, it always has been and I will be the first to admit that I have abused it heavily. I have since stopped all that. Blow drying, flat ironing and products that are heavily laced with countless ingredients.

I have tried oiling of all the different varieties on here. Left it on for a few hours, overnight and days on end. Spent money and time on castor oil, coconut oil, jojoba oil, avocado, sunflower and just about everything short of motor oil. What does that get me? Greasy hair that is a huge pain to wash out. Which brings me to shampoo & conditioner.

I have spent more money on different S&C that people have recommended and followed the same suggested procedures to no avail.

I have practiced benign neglect, 6 week trims, 4 week trims, weekly micro trims and seek and destroy. None of this has helped in the slightest. My ends are still breaking off at an alarming rate. If I keep this up I'll have no hair left to cut.

I invested in chopsticks and special hair holder uppers that don't have seams and don't pull or break. Bought special brushes made of boar hair because they're gentle and help spread the natural oils. Notice no different results than with a regular old paddle brush.

I stopped coloring completely. I have not had any chemical processes done to my hair in over 3 years. Doesn't matter. It is still unhealthy.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I have spent money on all of the suggested ways to care for hair. Treat it like silk, take COUNTLESS vitamins, change diet, change what I do to it and it is still no longer than what it has been my whole life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe I am one of those people with a terminal length. I enjoy the way my hair looks when it is blown dry and flat ironed. I enjoy coloring and dying my hair. It's going to look and be damaged no matter what I do to it anyways. Why not do something I enjoy? I'm tired of preparing to oil and planning out my shampoo schedule and buying hair specific products. I have been thinking about posting this for a long time. Rehearsing what I was going to say in my head and making sure that I really wanted to give up on my hair.

I am ready. Of course I wish I could have mid back length hair, but I am not going to punish myself with delusions continuously with no results.

Bottom line is this. My hair and I have never gotten along. It's not my hair it's me. I have now accepted that it is what it is and that's all it's ever going to be. I can't fight this battle any longer. I'm going to do what I enjoy doing and feel good about doing it.

Wow. I feel better. I'll still be around here, lurking, jealous of everyones gorgeous locks. lol. I just won't be punishing myself and driving myself crazy anymore!! Yay :cheese: I might even buy myself some pretty extensions and have it cut to fit and finally be happy.

If you made it this far, you're really a trooper. Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. DH really doesn't get it. lol

[MrsGuther]

Good for you! Self imposed hair guilt doesn't help anyone! Do what makes you happy, and don't worry about the rest. :)

[ravenreed]

One more suggestion... have you seen a doctor to make sure that there isn't some underlying medical reason why your hair is so fragile after all this time of taking special care of it? Other than that, I say do what makes you happy. Hair isn't worth being that miserable over!

[Rocket22]

Loved your post! yes do what makes you happy. I am with you if by doing all the things to make hair "healthy" and you're not loving it by all means do what looks good and makes you feel good about it. :)

[Loveisaverb]

Good on you! Through if I can ask, how long ago that you stopped all blow drying and flat ironing and such? Just wondering since for me when I abused my hair before and my ends were straw and always knotty and were never going to get better unless I cut them.

But I'm happy you are at peace with your hair since no one deserves to go through that much, but instead accept what your hair which is what you did! I hope I can do that someday as well, so congrats

[AnnaB]

There is no point having long hair if you dont love it and dont enjoy it! Do what makes you happy :) Well done for speaking up!
Now, go have it styled, pick nice new colour, pick up new wardrobe and feel great!!

[jacqueline101]

I'd also second the doctor to make sure its not a medical reason for your hair not growing. I like the doing what makes you happy.

[lapushka]

In your post you mention that you tried trimming every 6 or even 4 weeks (which is a no-no). I hate to say it, but no wonder your hair's not growing.

[melusine963]

How long has it been since you gave up heat-styling and other damaging habits? My own hair was so damaged that it took well over a year of updos, gentle treatment, and thorough S&Ds for my it to stop splitting at the slightest provocation, and even now years later I'm still growing out the damage. Maybe you just need to be patient until all the old, damaged growth has been trimmed off?

[sunnydee92]

How long has it been since you gave up heat-styling and other damaging habits? My own hair was so damaged that it took well over a year of updos, gentle treatment, and thorough S&Ds for my it to stop splitting at the slightest provocation, and even now years later I'm still growing out the damage. Maybe you just need to be patient until all the old, damaged growth has been trimmed off?

Those were my thoughts as well! No matter what you end up doing, I wish you good luck and happiness! :)

[kitschy]

I have come to a sad realization. Nothing that I have done has helped my hair grow at all.

My hair is bra strap length, it always has been and I will be the first to admit that I have abused it heavily. I have since stopped all that. Blow drying, flat ironing and products that are heavily laced with countless ingredients.

I have tried oiling of all the different varieties on here. Left it on for a few hours, overnight and days on end. Spent money and time on castor oil, coconut oil, jojoba oil, avocado, sunflower and just about everything short of motor oil. What does that get me? Greasy hair that is a huge pain to wash out. Which brings me to shampoo & conditioner.

I have spent more money on different S&C that people have recommended and followed the same suggested procedures to no avail.

I have practiced benign neglect, 6 week trims, 4 week trims, weekly micro trims and seek and destroy. None of this has helped in the slightest. My ends are still breaking off at an alarming rate. If I keep this up I'll have no hair left to cut.

I invested in chopsticks and special hair holder uppers that don't have seams and don't pull or break. Bought special brushes made of boar hair because they're gentle and help spread the natural oils. Notice no different results than with a regular old paddle brush.

I stopped coloring completely. I have not had any chemical processes done to my hair in over 3 years. Doesn't matter. It is still unhealthy.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I have spent money on all of the suggested ways to care for hair. Treat it like silk, take COUNTLESS vitamins, change diet, change what I do to it and it is still no longer than what it has been my whole life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe I am one of those people with a terminal length. I enjoy the way my hair looks when it is blown dry and flat ironed. I enjoy coloring and dying my hair. It's going to look and be damaged no matter what I do to it anyways. Why not do something I enjoy? I'm tired of preparing to oil and planning out my shampoo schedule and buying hair specific products. I have been thinking about posting this for a long time. Rehearsing what I was going to say in my head and making sure that I really wanted to give up on my hair.

I am ready. Of course I wish I could have mid back length hair, but I am not going to punish myself with delusions continuously with no results.

Bottom line is this. My hair and I have never gotten along. It's not my hair it's me. I have now accepted that it is what it is and that's all it's ever going to be. I can't fight this battle any longer. I'm going to do what I enjoy doing and feel good about doing it.

Wow. I feel better. I'll still be around here, lurking, jealous of everyones gorgeous locks. lol. I just won't be punishing myself and driving myself crazy anymore!! Yay :cheese: I might even buy myself some pretty extensions and have it cut to fit and finally be happy.

If you made it this far, you're really a trooper. Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. DH really doesn't get it. lol

I just want to ask one question. Have you tried not trimming at all? Because it sounds like you are trimming all your growth off. I only trim about three times a year, and then I only trim about 1/2" off. Have you gone for over a year without any trimming at all - none whatsoever?

[AcornMystic]

You need to keep in mind that your damaged hair is going to haunt you until it grows out the same length as that which it was when you stopped abusing your hair. In other words... however long it takes you to grow out BSL again. That is when you will no longer be burdened with the damaged hair. If that is how long you have been on your journey, and you really have been gentle and using beneficial products and most of all been aware of the half inch a month average growth and so to not trim more than that... and still it is in no better condition and has not gained any length, then I can understand giving up.

To be completely honest, your disastrous hair journey sounds like it is one that has evolved and gotten worse as a result of your frustration. This battle you have been having with your hair should not be a battle at all, but a search together to find health and peace. Heck I wouldn't be surprised if your frustration and stress towards your hair brought on some of its lack of health. :p Just as I believe that people can go on long before they think they cannot, I believe the condition of ones hair and the length can improve before they think it can't anymore.

I'm saying this because I don't like to give up and I don't like to see people giving up and people give up way too easy.

Whatever you do, be happy doing it and try not to have regrets.

[SilverMcFly17]

Wow. I didn't expect such a positive response! Thank you all.

To answer some of the questions: I began phasing out the heat about 3 years ago. When I quit coloring it I quit heat as well. (that was rough) And benign neglect is not trimming. I've been doing many different yet supposed more gentle things for about 5 years.

I still micro trim from time to time because my ends get frizzy no matter what I do. Even without all the heat and just oiling and washing they still frizz out and break off. If I don't cut the ends off I look like a fuzzball all the time. No fun.

I have not been to a doctor. I live in the states and I have no insurance. :( Either way though, my hair has been very delicate my entire life. It grows. (not as fast as some of you guys.) But once it reaches the length it's going to be no matter what I do to it, it just breaks off. Like I said, i've tried everything to stop it but nothing works. Oh well. I'm going to love it for what it is anyways. :D

Edit: When I was a teen, before my mother would let me do things to my hair such as blow drying and ironing and coloring. I hardly ever cut my hair. I had my dad trim it it so that the ends were even about twice a year. Still was always the same length all through high school.

[AcornMystic]

Oh I should ask.. how often did you wear it up?


ETA: Like protective hairstyles.

[redsonjared]

Maybe that is your terminal length? As others have said, enjoy what you have, if you want to dye it purple, or any other colour, blow dry, iron or wear in giant pigtails - go for it!! Hair is meant to be enjoyed not a penance.

[TheLuckyLurker]

I have come to a sad realization. Nothing that I have done has helped my hair grow at all.

My hair is bra strap length, it always has been and I will be the first to admit that I have abused it heavily. I have since stopped all that. Blow drying, flat ironing and products that are heavily laced with countless ingredients.

I have tried oiling of all the different varieties on here. Left it on for a few hours, overnight and days on end. Spent money and time on castor oil, coconut oil, jojoba oil, avocado, sunflower and just about everything short of motor oil. What does that get me? Greasy hair that is a huge pain to wash out. Which brings me to shampoo & conditioner.

I have spent more money on different S&C that people have recommended and followed the same suggested procedures to no avail.

I have practiced benign neglect, 6 week trims, 4 week trims, weekly micro trims and seek and destroy. None of this has helped in the slightest. My ends are still breaking off at an alarming rate. If I keep this up I'll have no hair left to cut.

I invested in chopsticks and special hair holder uppers that don't have seams and don't pull or break. Bought special brushes made of boar hair because they're gentle and help spread the natural oils. Notice no different results than with a regular old paddle brush.

I stopped coloring completely. I have not had any chemical processes done to my hair in over 3 years. Doesn't matter. It is still unhealthy.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I have spent money on all of the suggested ways to care for hair. Treat it like silk, take COUNTLESS vitamins, change diet, change what I do to it and it is still no longer than what it has been my whole life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe I am one of those people with a terminal length. I enjoy the way my hair looks when it is blown dry and flat ironed. I enjoy coloring and dying my hair. It's going to look and be damaged no matter what I do to it anyways. Why not do something I enjoy? I'm tired of preparing to oil and planning out my shampoo schedule and buying hair specific products. I have been thinking about posting this for a long time. Rehearsing what I was going to say in my head and making sure that I really wanted to give up on my hair.

I am ready. Of course I wish I could have mid back length hair, but I am not going to punish myself with delusions continuously with no results.

Bottom line is this. My hair and I have never gotten along. It's not my hair it's me. I have now accepted that it is what it is and that's all it's ever going to be. I can't fight this battle any longer. I'm going to do what I enjoy doing and feel good about doing it.

Wow. I feel better. I'll still be around here, lurking, jealous of everyones gorgeous locks. lol. I just won't be punishing myself and driving myself crazy anymore!! Yay :cheese: I might even buy myself some pretty extensions and have it cut to fit and finally be happy.

If you made it this far, you're really a trooper. Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. DH really doesn't get it. lol

I haven't actually given up, but I know exactly how you feel.

[MsBubbles]

I'm really sorry your hair journey has been nothing but one frustration after another. I'm sorry also that you spent so much money on trying new things. I have saved so much money since I started growing my hair and found LHC. I hardly spend any money on it at all except for good quality hair utensils once a year.

As a fine-hair, also, I can't really even blow dry mine just once without ruining the ends completely until they are trimmed off. So although there are people here who say "Sure! Go ahead! Blow dry it if you want! It won't hurt just a few times a year!", that might be true for their M or C hair, but not for my wimpy F hair.

A symptom of hyper- and hypo-thyroidism is brittle hair that breaks off. It might be worth you finding a way to get tested for that, as it not only impacts hair, but a whole load of other bodily issues.

I'm a bit confused though: if you're 'giving up' on your hair, what does that mean? If you're going to start coloring it and blow drying again, that doesn't really sound like giving up! But anyway, I wish you peace with your decisions and hope you can find a way to see a doc.

[SilverMcFly17]

My mother has an underactive thyroid. I know it could be an issue.

I wear it up every single day for two reasons. 1) I know it's better for it and helps to protect it and 2) I have 2 kids under the age of 3. One of which is a year old and doesn't quite understand yet that he can't have his hands in mamas hair all the time.

Most of the money I have spent is on oils I didn't have. Coconut oil worked out in one way because I use it for tons of other stuff. Most of the stuff I have bought is fairly cheap since it's all natural etc. But it is stuff I wouldn't have normally purchased.

[MsBubbles]

I feel your pain on the oils thing. I can't oil my hair and even hope to wear it down. There is no such product. If you have fine, straight hair less than 3" diameter ponytail, any oil is just going to make it look like rats' tails. I have just ended up using up all those oils either on my skin, or in some kind of pre-hair-wash oiling. It is infuriating to find some fru-fru health store that actually sells jojoba or virgin coconut oil, etc., buy it and then realize it's not for you.

There is a LOT of info on line on how to figure out thyroid-friendly foods. Have you been to stopthethyroidmadness.com? It's a good - if not a bit overwhelming - place to start. Truth be told, the conventional docs are only treating part of the thyroid anyway, not the whole thing. Perhaps you can get a lot of mileage out of going for a blood test, getting a prescription, and your own internet research. Good luck with all of it! We have some thyroid threads kicking around here. I have found my thyroid function (or lack thereof) to be the single biggest factor in how healthy my hair is - so much more than whether I treat it like old lace.

And :grouphug:

[Hosta]

In your post you mention that you tried trimming every 6 or even 4 weeks (which is a no-no). I hate to say it, but no wonder your hair's not growing.

I get my hair cut every 6 weeks and it has made the growing process easy. My hairdresser cuts about 1/8 of an inch and I have no splits. This is the first time I have been happy while my hair is growing out. I know I am losing bits of length but my hair is healthy.

[LadyLongLocks]

Have you ever thought of going to a George Michael salon for a deep 1 hr treatment and a consultation about your hair?

[dulce]

I agree with Lapushka,when I was growing mine from pixie to hip,I only trimmed once or twice a year[not much taken off,just enough to even hem at each cut]the 6 week trim will not allow growth but salons recommend that as it is a money maker for them.Stop all heat,chemicals,harsh handling and too frequent cuts and am sure you will see growth.

[itdontmatter48]

I also wonder what would happen if you stopped all hair cuts? All in all, it has to be your decision only. You need to be happy!

[LaurelSpring]

I will add one more...... have you ever tried?

My hair is about the same type as yours and I think henna really helped keep it strong so it wouldnt break off. I dont think I saw henna in your list. I dont know if I would have ever got to Tb without henna.

Just a thought if you get an urge to give it another go. You can get all sorts of shades from blonde (Cassia) to black depending on how you mix it.

[nakima]

I was haveing the same problem for years, fall out, breakage etc. the more it happened the more I stressed over it, the more I stressed the more it happened.Then one day I started drinking spinache drinks and in abt 2 months I saw a huge difference in my hair, it was growing again and really shiney the spinache drinks were the only thing that I was doing different at that time so I'm assumeing that it helped. maybe worth a try...and in the mean time do what makes you happy :) good luck

[starlamelissa]

live your life! love your hair! wash it with pantene/cheapy drugstore products and color/heat treat it. you only have 1 life and 5 years is long enuff to spend on something that isnt working.

[SilverMcFly17]

I haven't really *stressed* about it. I knew it was going to take a long time to grow out what I had done to it. I just find that oiling on a schedule and then dealing with the goopy mess that leaves is a huge pain. Running all over town to find special teas and supplements and all that is just exhausting to me. For a long time I enjoyed it and reveled in finding a new amazing thing that everyone here raved about. Only to be left saddened because I wasted money and it didn't work. Castor oil has been my biggest long term letdown.

Starlamelissa I hate pantene. lol Too heavy for me. Currently loving Fall Fight by Garnier Fructis. Makes my hair very soft. I miss my soft hair. People used to ask if they could touch my hair all the time. I haven't had that since I quit all my bad habits.

I'm perfectly happy with my hair and what I do to it now. Like I said, some clip in extensions and I'll be the happiest clam on the planet. lol

[goldloli]

I cant help thinking too frequent trims or medical problem, such as anaemia or thyroid or lack of protein in diet. I believe to get to bsl takes 3 years or something so you may only now just be at virgin bsl. Maybe in your quest to give up and also as a busy mom, you could just like forget about your hair, as in no trims. Do what you want with it and maybe in few months there will be growth? Plus you'll be happier because you would have been doing what you want.

My hair grew even when I heat styled daily with 200+ degree celcius and used sls and coney conditioners, rarely used heat masks etc. Sure it was crappy condition and broke off somewhat but it definitely grew. I personally have a hard time believing anyones terminal is bsl unless they have the most epically slow growth rate.

[Angel Barchild]

You're not giving up on anything, you're just switching methods. Now you're using the "enjoy your hair method" and that's best for you. It's just hair, don't suffer, live and love it.

[Artisticat]

Hi SilverMcFly17! Sounds like you need a break from all things "hair". I think not really doing anything could be a good thing. Just take it easy on yourself!

If you could please post a pic...maybe others can help you more? I think we're the harshest critics about our own hair. :rant:

And if terminal is BSL...that's quite a lovely length! I'm only at APL - so I'm a little envious. ;)

[petali]

Yes, the purpose of your hair should be to enjoy it as much as you can, heat-styled or not.

[Luminaria]

Maybe you are trying too hard. Let it be for awhile and see what happens. Just be patient.

[roundforest]

Of course you don't have to keep trying for longer hair if it isn't making you happy.

One thing I did notice, though. You stopped colouring and heat treating 3 years ago, and in those 3 years you've had 2 children. Some people find being pregnant and breastfeeding takes a big toll on their hair. The strength of your hair may yet improve, without the stress of either damaging treatments or pregnancy.

[Sunny_side_up]

I agree with the above poster, the formation & structure of your hair has been through quite a bit. I must say i like BSL and have got close and back up near my shoulders a few times over the years:rolleyes::D I wash in a more expensive SLS free shampoo and it seems to be keeping my hair happy. Trial and error over time, everyones different.
Also a trim i had recently is making me enjoy my hair again! By all means do what makes you enjoy your head of hair. Good luck in finding a Dr to get a health check:)

[faellen]

I enjoy the way my hair looks when it is blown dry and flat ironed. I enjoy coloring and dying my hair. It's going to look and be damaged no matter what I do to it anyways. Why not do something I enjoy?

TOTALLY agree with you here! :cheese: You've done all that work with your hair to no avail, now try to just have fun with it and forget about what everyone else thinks!

[MsBubbles]

One thing I did notice, though. You stopped colouring and heat treating 3 years ago, and in those 3 years you've had 2 children. Some people find being pregnant and breastfeeding takes a big toll on their hair. The strength of your hair may yet improve, without the stress of either damaging treatments or pregnancy.

Wait, what? I must've missed that part somewhere. Yes, this is huge. My hair was wrecked after going through pregnancy. Judging your hair after having a couple of kids in a few years might not yield a fair diagnosis of its permanent state.

In any case, you don't need to justify to any of us here why you want to heat style and color your hair or keep it shorter! But admitting something publicly sometimes brings relief. :)

[raingirl]

Of course you don't have to keep trying for longer hair if it isn't making you happy.

One thing I did notice, though. You stopped colouring and heat treating 3 years ago, and in those 3 years you've had 2 children. Some people find being pregnant and breastfeeding takes a big toll on their hair. The strength of your hair may yet improve, without the stress of either damaging treatments or pregnancy.

^^^ This.

Even if your hair was always an issue, pregnancy both during and after can take a HUGE toll on your hair. It takes up to a year for the body to return to normal after pregnancy, and that's if you aren't breastfeeding. If you are, you have to wait until that is done and then let your hair grow out a bit before it will get better. I think it's totally related.

The same time you started to take better care, you had two kids. Just a thought.

[dulce]

There is nothing wrong with blow drying and flat ironing but in my case I found to go extra long I had to cut that out as my hair kept breaking.Sometimes you may have to make a choice between super long and continuing these practises.Just a thought.

[spidermom]

3 years of good care only equals about 18 inches of new growth. That isn't a lot of new length. It wouldn't even be APL on me.

Be at peace with your hair and do what you want; I'm not disputing that. However, I'm thinking that you might be only months from a real breakthrough (trimming off the last of the old damage).

[Katze]

I could have written your post myself (and have written similar ones).

Apart from perhaps trimming too often (which I suspect too) I am going to suggest this:

Perhaps your hair, as I suspect is the case with mine, just won't get long beyond BSL- Although we don't hear about it, I honestly believe my terminal length is BSL or so, and that there MUST be others out there...

I've been trying to grow my hair even longer than you - since 2004. It was never long in my life, but I started bleaching at age 13, and figured that plus the heat styling (trying to get it to look decent) made it never grow. When I first came here my hair was between APL and BSL, thin on the ends, split and damaged.

Well, eight years (and one baby, and one postnatal shed) later my hair is...still BSL. It is no longer damaged on the ends, although I do have occasional splits. The ends are thin, and look ratty very easily. My hair is for the most part in the best shape it has ever been, but it takes WORK to make it look good, make updos work, etc.

Like you I've tried everything except serious and expensive lifestyle changes (I don't even know if I could get satin pillowcases here, and I am not sleeping in a granny cap!). I use heat maybe once a month to 'blow-damp,' I use gentle utensils, blah, blah. And my hair STILL looks damaged and thin (it's not).

I think many people can follow the advice here on LHC and get long hair. But some of us - due to health, bad luck (sheds) or genetics (me) - just can't. Yes, I am constantly envious, yes, I hate that my sister, my DH, many friends have long hair effortlessly ('what do I do? I just don't cut it!') but I am learning to let this go and accept, just as I have to accept getting older, never being slim, having ridiculously small feet, and so on. Just the cards I've been dealt.

Mostly I have given up on my hair, too, but if I can be of any help to you or anyone who has similar issues, then there is a reason for me continuing to lurk on LHC. :)

take care and I hope this helps you feel better, at least knowing you are not alone.

[Unofficial_Rose]

I could have written your post myself (and have written similar ones).

Apart from perhaps trimming too often (which I suspect too) I am going to suggest this:

Perhaps your hair, as I suspect is the case with mine, just won't get long beyond BSL- Although we don't hear about it, I honestly believe my terminal length is BSL or so, and that there MUST be others out there...

I've been trying to grow my hair even longer than you - since 2004. It was never long in my life, but I started bleaching at age 13, and figured that plus the heat styling (trying to get it to look decent) made it never grow. When I first came here my hair was between APL and BSL, thin on the ends, split and damaged.

Well, eight years (and one baby, and one postnatal shed) later my hair is...still BSL. It is no longer damaged on the ends, although I do have occasional splits. The ends are thin, and look ratty very easily. My hair is for the most part in the best shape it has ever been, but it takes WORK to make it look good, make updos work, etc.

Like you I've tried everything except serious and expensive lifestyle changes (I don't even know if I could get satin pillowcases here, and I am not sleeping in a granny cap!). I use heat maybe once a month to 'blow-damp,' I use gentle utensils, blah, blah. And my hair STILL looks damaged and thin (it's not).

I think many people can follow the advice here on LHC and get long hair. But some of us - due to health, bad luck (sheds) or genetics (me) - just can't. Yes, I am constantly envious, yes, I hate that my sister, my DH, many friends have long hair effortlessly ('what do I do? I just don't cut it!') but I am learning to let this go and accept, just as I have to accept getting older, never being slim, having ridiculously small feet, and so on. Just the cards I've been dealt.

Mostly I have given up on my hair, too, but if I can be of any help to you or anyone who has similar issues, then there is a reason for me continuing to lurk on LHC. :)

take care and I hope this helps you feel better, at least knowing you are not alone.

Actually, you've made me feel a bit better. I've been on here since 2007 and trying to grow my hair. Even though I quit highlights and blowdrying, I pre-oil before washing, everything, it looks scraggly by the time it gets to my shoulders. Unless I henna it, whereupon the colour doesn't suit me.

So, I'll be cutting back to a bob and highlighting in a couple of weeks. At least it'll look decent. Explains why my profile photo is an old blonde pic, it's the only way I'm ever going to be happy with it.

Sorry OP for slight hijack. Just empathising. At least yours is long by outside world/non-LHC standards. :)

[SilverMcFly17]

I have always tried to have long hair. It's always been my dream. Ever since I was a little girl. I have never ever had it go over my bra strap. Like I said before. I did stop the heat and all that crap completely. I'm not a dedicated trimmer because though it's BSL it's hard to do that by myself and have had FAR too damn many people get scissors in their hands and go buck wild. You know you have really good friends if they can resist their urges to cut 2 inches of your hair off when you've asked them to only cut less than 1/4 inch. Lesson learned there. lol

I'm glad I could "inspire" others to let it go and let it be what it will be. Sure, I'll still play with it and if I find something that really strikes my fancy I'll give it a go. But otherwise, I'm not going to be marking my calendar for my weekly oilings or my monthly micro trims. Forget it. It is what it is. If I notice in the AM when I'm getting ready that the ends are a little ratty, fine I'll trim. Otherwise, I have other junk to worry about and I'm just tired of feeling like I don't measure up to what I think it should be like in my head.

Thank you everyone for your great supportive responses. I didn't expect it. I just needed to post it. Not sure if that makes sense or not. Almost like closure for me I guess. It's my hair and I love it no matter what. Things really could be worse. Why spend time hating it until it gets where I want? Why not love it now and if it does happen to get longer then that's just an added bonus, ya know?

Edit: I'll try to get some recent pics of it up as soon as I have my hubby do them. Should be sometime later today....(hopefully)

[Laululintu]

My mother has an underactive thyroid. I know it could be an issue.

I wear it up every single day for two reasons. 1) I know it's better for it and helps to protect it and 2) I have 2 kids under the age of 3. One of which is a year old and doesn't quite understand yet that he can't have his hands in mamas hair all the time.


First of all, I can understand your hair frustration. Going through periods of it is normal :flowers:

I'm not a mother, but I understand that having children can cause your hair to shed and do other things that it normally doesn't do. It might be one of the things affecting your hair, but again it might not.

All in all, I hope you're happy with whatever choice you make concerning your hair :)

[SilverMcFly17]

As promised, pictures. Not sure how to put photos into a thread so I hope this works. :D

This photo was taken 10 minutes ago.
http://i.imgur.com/hrjoY.jpg

This photo was taken in 2006 when I was working at Sally Beauty and in the height of hair color. It had been bleached so many times before this photo.
http://i.imgur.com/bROd0.jpg

[neko_kawaii]

My aunt has a terminal length of just past shoulder length. Never been heat styled, never dyed. My mother is older and has always had long hair and when she moved away from home my aunt convinced her mother to grow out her hair so that my aunt would have long hair in the house to play with. As a consequence, my grandmother was one of those rare little old ladies with waist length gray hair.

Short terminal lengths do occur.

It is much more satisfying to learn to be happy with what you have than to struggle to make it something it can't be. Congratulations on your hair happiness!

[Katze]

Your pic doesn't really look so bad (but I know we all post pics that look good) - take a look at my albums if you want to feel better about your hair. :)

Might I suggest that your hair could be wavier than you say it is, and some of the frizziness results from that? For me, knowing that I am wavy helps me understand my hair a bit better and give it more of what it wants.


... I have other junk to worry about and I'm just tired of feeling like I don't measure up to what I think it should be like in my head.

Thank you everyone for your great supportive responses. I didn't expect it. I just needed to post it. Not sure if that makes sense or not. Almost like closure for me I guess. It's my hair and I love it no matter what. Things really could be worse. Why spend time hating it until it gets where I want? Why not love it now and if it does happen to get longer then that's just an added bonus, ya know?



THIS. I love that my hair and scalp are healthier than they have ever been, that my sebhorreic dermatitis from years of bleach, dye, and heat is pretty much nonexistent.

I can't compare myself to others any more, but can still be happy for the majority of LHCers who can just 'put it up and forget about it.' If mine ever gets longer than BSL, I will be overjoyed, but I can accept that it just starts thinning out at about APL, and that thin ends look bad on my hair type.

[spirals]

I think your hair looks great in those pictures. So what if it isn't waist-length? There are more important things in life. You don't have to be the girl with the really long hair. You can be the girl with the pretty eyes. You are beautiful, and I love those bangs and highlights.

[bte]

You are not alone. Despite not having had even a trim for over 18 years, my hair won't grow beyond about the same length as yours.

But it's long enough to tie back and I need never worry about having a trim again, ever!

[bunzfan]

I agree it looks full and thick! it took me years to get beyond shoulder length my problem was to many trims at the stylist where they probably took off a inch every 8 weeks no wonder i didn't see any growth. You could be someone that like me just likes getting there hair cut and having those fresh ends,i realized recently thats why i have hovered for the past year between waist hip because " i just trim to often" so last haircut back in September and i plain on no trimming till at least Feb i got my best growth and still had nice ends when i trimmed ever 5-6 months HTH

[Arya]

Just a thought...I have a friend who thought she had a short terminal, but it just turned out that she would wash her hair upside down, dry it roughly with a towel, and then tear through it with a comb while still wet. Any chance the way you detangle could be an issue?

And have you ever thought of investing in some nice extensions? It might suit your lifestyle and preferences better. ^_^

[Fethenwen]

Well, it seems that most people here on the forums who say they have problems growing their hair, have abused their hair in the past. Perhaps you still have past-abused hair left that has not been cut out yet? In that case only cutting the abused hair will help.

I don't think your hair looks at all that bad, but if you want to continue to style it than go for it.

I would suggest that before you do anything drastic, please do clarify your hair first! You just might have gunk in it that makes it behave far worse than it is. Even if you do not use styling products, things like oil and conditioners might build up over time. Clarify + a deep moisture treatment might do the trick.

[henné]

Well, it seems that most people here on the forums who say they have problems growing their hair, have abused their hair in the past. Perhaps you still have past-abused hair left that has not been cut out yet? In that case only cutting the abused hair will help.

I don't think your hair looks at all that bad, but if you want to continue to style it than go for it.

I would suggest that before you do anything drastic, please do clarify your hair first! You just might have gunk in it that makes it behave far worse than it is. Even if you do not use styling products, things like oil and conditioners might build up over time. Clarify + a deep moisture treatment might do the trick.

Absolutely agree with the above poster.

One more thing ... really DO go to the doctor. Especially if your own mother has thyroid problems. GO TO THE DOCTOR. I know you said something about not having money, but just a couple of months of saving and not spending on oils, clip in extensions, hair trims, and other not very important things will get you enough money to at least run the thyroid test. And then you might even have your long hair. But even if it didn't resolve your hair problem, it will help you be healthier in general.

So here is what you could do:

1. Leave your hair alone (no trims no nothing, just wash, condition and put up)
2. Go to the doctor for the tests, etc.
3. Wait one more year. It took me 1.5 years to recover from pregnancy and a rather bad delivery (plus I breastfed for 14 months). Pregnancies are tough on the body - especially if you have two so close together. I can't imagine giving birth in four months :eek: My baby is 20 months now.

I wish you the best!

PS: Just wanted to add that I too don't think hair is that important. Especially really LONG hair. It is much better to have healthy BSL hair than damaged knee-length hair. And your hair looks very good - to me - on the photos you posted. But no matter what - regardless or hair - you should not delay going to the doctor about the thyroid or any other problems you might be facing.

[SilverMcFly17]

So I haven't been able to get on LHC in FOREVER. I was seriously having withdraws. lol I missed you all so much!!!! Someone commented that they liked the colors of my hair in the dyed pic. I LOVED it too but I figured all that highlighting and coloring was hurting my chances for long hair. So I stopped doing it and now I miss having fun colored hair. I am toying with henna. That's pretty intimidating. I don't want to end up with something I totally hate!

Someone else told me to clarify. I clarify about every month and a half or so. Whenever it really starts driving me crazy. Then I douse it with a really thick creamy conditioner. I've stopped all trimming and coloring but have somewhat gone back to the heat. But that's only if I have a dr. appointment or a family get together.

And yet another person said to buy some extensions. I'm currently in the market for some but haven't found "the ones" that I just HAVE to have.. yet. lol

I will be getting to the dr. just as soon as I can. My husband just had knee surgery 2 weeks ago and has developed blood clots. He's been averaging 3 dr. appointments a week. I've been a super busy girl lately. My mother really wants me to go to the dr asap as well. She's recently been diagnosed with Ankylosing spondylitis and that is genetic. So I'm very worried about that as I already have symptoms of it and am constantly in pain. So, the list of complaints grows and I find myself being shoved through the doors of the dr.s office faster and faster.

Oh, and as far as my washing routine; I don't scrub my hair. I coat it with shampoo, run it through and rinse. Then I apply condish and lightly massage and let it sit for the duration of the shower. Rinse out and then use a white vinegar rinse. Then I get out and wrap it with my super absorbent towel and hang out a while. Then I let it down. If I'm going somewhere I use a wide tooth pic and start at the bottom and work up. If I'm not going anywhere it just lays in a lump down my back until it's dry.

If I failed to respond to any of your posts let me know. I tried to get them all in here. You guys have been SO supportive and wonderful!!!! I really appreciate that, it means the world to me. No one in real life really understands my personal attachment (Read: Obsession...) with my hair.

[ArienEllariel]

SilverMcFly17, I hope you get answers at the doctor. I've had health problems for at least 3 years now and honestly I do believe it's contributed to my slow as slow can be growth speed. Sometimes I feel it's not grown in half a year but then I remember that my body is still fighting to be healthy and it's a long difficult battle. Don't lose hope and hang in there. Hope your hubby feels better soon! I know how it is to have all these things going on at once.. My mom has FINALLY gone through her last surgery for a dog bite on her arm and we're hoping we'll be seeing less of the doctor and doctors bills for a long while now. *hugs and prayers*

[Alex Lou]

I don't think you've found your terminal length because you say that it breaks. At terminal length, a hair will shed from the root; the whole hair shaft will fall out. If your hair is breaking somewhere in the middle of the strand or near the ends, then you will never see how long your terminal length is. It sounds like you may just have very fine, fragile hair.

In any case, do what you like with your hair! It's just hair and should make you happy, not drive you crazy.

[SilverMcFly17]

I don't think you've found your terminal length because you say that it breaks. At terminal length, a hair will shed from the root; the whole hair shaft will fall out. If your hair is breaking somewhere in the middle of the strand or near the ends, then you will never see how long your terminal length is. It sounds like you may just have very fine, fragile hair.

In any case, do what you like with your hair! It's just hair and should make you happy, not drive you crazy.

That's kind of the problem. It is my "terminal" length because it cannot sustain itself to get any longer. I've treated it like antique lace and it still breaks.

TO ArienEllariel I hope everything gets better for you. This is a crappy time of the year to be dealing with all that madness. My mother has had 4 surgeries in the last 11 months. It's been crazy all year. Hope you get better as well. I know what it's like to be sick all the time. Miserable! If you ever need to chat I'm here. Thank you for your kind words. :D

[nakima]

hi just shareing my experience with my own hair a few years ago, I was haveing the same problem. I believe my problem was mostly due to stress in my life at the time. Anyway my hair was so bad I was afraid to do anything to it because if it wasnt falling out it was breaking, then a friend of mine asked if she could deep condition ,trim and highlight my hair I was reluctant but let her do it. I could not believe how my turned around after that. my hair had stayed at apl for years now its down to my waist I search and distroy but becareful not to over do this.The product that I feel helped the most is matrix conditioning balm in the tub I use it every time I wash and I deep condition every 1 to 2 weeks its been working for me if you havent already give it a try. whats there to lose right? oh yean and I also clarify when needed and oil when I feel it needed. Growing our hair is a personal journey, get to know your hair and Good luck,dont give up just relax, have fun and enjoy the ride :)

[jojo]

Wow great post, i could have wrote this. I have been having a really bad time with my hair with thinning on the bottom bits, so i trim, grow to hip and then it thins and i cut again. Mine is caused by a low HB and a thyroid problem, i was on a synthetic brand and found out im actually allergic to, so recently changed over to a porcine based thyroxine. It has been 3 months now and my hair has just started growing again, it no longer feels dry and it shines.
Please have some bloods done and see if theres an underlying medical reason as to why thisnis happening, it may just be old damage which a good trim will help but id check and see if it is something else causing it.
I also take a supplement which my GP recommended to me called hema plex this along with using baby oil has really helped my hair.
Also for the record everybody has a terminal length, even the healthiest hair has a limit it can grow to and bsl is anything but short, so feel proud for growing this far, you started out with damaged hair and still grew, your top 18 inches is pure virgin hair, if i was you id see how many inches on the bottom are damaged, if theres say 10" id trim 2" every 3 months, this way you allow the good hair to grow in and get rid of the damaged bits which are probably breaking as fast as they are growing, no conditioner or oil will save them, they are weakened and need to come off but not necessarily all at once.
Good luck and do check your bloods out. Big hugs, been there and got the tee shirt!

[SilverMcFly17]

I think since my mother already has a confirmed diagnosis, I SHOULD just be able to get the cash out of pocket together to get just the blood work I need and bypass the years of misdiagnosis that way it's cheaper for me. I don't know if dr.s do things that way though. My quest is just to forget about my hair, do what I want with it and let it be what it will be. One less stress on my mind.

I am seriously entertaining the idea of henna but that's quite intimidating. I wish I could find someone on here who lives close to me who has substantial experience with henna so that I can get some hands on help with the color mixing. I want chocolate brown but I have a lot of red in my hair from hard water and I've tried to no avail to get it out. Another "it is what it is" issue. Oh well. I'll be back on the hunt after Christmas.

I'm really glad there are other people out there with the same struggles. I'm sure it drives us all batty from time to time. Ya'll are the BEST!!!! Hugs. :D