I feel like I've been maimed

[RedRose]

I know that sounds overdramatic, but it's how I feel and I haven't been able to stop crying all day.

I've been going to my salon once a week to have deep treatments on my hair to improve the condition (I have severe tendonitis in both my wrists so it's very painful/difficult for me to deal with my own hair) and it is, vastly improved, so that I could have the remaining colour cleansed out and then I wanted to match the ends and the roots colour-wise, so that I could go colour free, as I hate dying my hair and want out. I had been looking forward to today for months.

It's my 21st in 2 days, and I wanted my hair to look beautiful, I wanted it back to its natural dark blonde. Without going into massive details about what happened today: they gave me a semi permament which makes my hair look chestnut coloured and is so wrong for my skintone it makes me look ill. And they cut off six inches of damaged hair. That's an entire years growth. And now I'm back at 17 inches, with a horrendous hair cut that's going to look triangular for months because my hair is so heavy, and it's horribly coloured. I have never felt so hideous in my entire life.

The ends that were cut off were damaged and did nothing to improve the look of my hair. I was going to cut them off at some point. But the horrible colour, the terrible looking cut in addition to losing the inches.....it's just horrible. My parents are being incredibly unsympathetic, they don't understand why I'm upset and keep saying "oh it'll grow". And that is true, but it takes so long. I had estimated that I was 12-18 months off the hair length I really want to get to (depending on how often I trimmed) but now it's going to be well over 2 years, and this time next year I'll only be back where I was this morning.

I'm trying to look for the positives but it's so upsetting. I feel that all my hard work this year has been undone. I'd finally been able to put away all my grips and pins from when my hair was too short to go up and now I need them all over again.

I'm not sure what to do now. I don't think I can go back to the salon to get the colour corrected, they just said the dreaded word "highlights". I've had a look through the honey lightening threads and the monistat thread, and these are two avenues I'm considering - does anyone have an opinion on that?

Thanks for listening.

[SHELIAANN1969]

First off, I am sure it looks worse to YOU than it does to everyone else.

The color will fade and it may fade into something you adore at a later time, I know it sounds lame, but I am serious.

Do you have a pic we could see? Maybe just for our opinions and additional advice on color, deep conditioning treatments etc??

I am so so sorry you feel ugly, I assure you, it will get better in time.

Pamper yourself, and don't fret too much, you will just make yourself more upset.

[Darkhorse1]

Remember, semi-permanent color washes out--there is no amonia/peroxide in it. I was return to the salon and see if they can use a neutralizer to return your color back to what it was. I had this done, free of charge, when color was done and it brought out low lights and made my hair look orangy.

Did you tell the stylist not to cut off too much? that you wanted ash blonde? Did they communicated iwth you. When it comes to hair, you MUST be very specific or they'll just do what they think is right ((HUGS)))

[spidermom]

That color is going to fade, and sometimes hair grows amazingly fast after the bad ends are cut off. I had 5 inches of nasty Velcro ends cut off in 2005, and it took 8-9 months to grow the length back -- wonderful, silky, undamaged length. So don't go crazy trying to correct the color in your hair, just take good care of yourself and grow. Your hair will be fine. You'll feel better soon, I'm sure.

[Nightshade]

If you really don't want to go back, another trick for removing some of the color- Mix 1 part honey and 1 part baby shampoo. Work it into your hair (towel dried, barely damp if you can) and let it sit for 20 minutes or so, then go wash it out with hot water, and rinse with cool and condition well. Baby shampoo is alkaline, so it opens up the cuticle of the hair and is reccomended for pulling color out :)

[RedRose]

SHELIAANN1969 - I can't actually work out how to post a photo! Silly me. Condition wise, what (little) remains is now pretty good, with about 2.5 inches which had never had permanent colour on, which is so much glossier and prettier than the rest! It's just very dark compared to what I want it to be, I'd describe it as a mid brown with brassy tones, but it's hard to tell under the light.

Darkhorse1 - yes it was one of those stylist miscommunication things, I wasn't intending to have a cut, it was suggested and I agreed to it because the cleansing had made the very ends of my hair look dreadful, and my normal stylist wasn't there (we have much better communication). My idea of a shoulder length bob is about 3 inches longer than what I now have :-(

Spidermom - i hope my hair grows as quickly as yours did. But I'm still considering anything to help in along. I can't tie this back in a pony tail, or grip it into a pleat or anything, and wearing my hair down is very annoying.

The semi can't fade quick enough for me, I'm even considering washing my hair now to start the fading. I feel even further away from my goal than when I started this journey about 10 months ago. I've been putting up with hair that isn't exactly pretty for 10 months now, and its really knocked my confidence. And with it being so short now (jaw length) I can't even hide it by tying it back, which is the worst part.

I can't wait until next month. That will be the most treasured growth I ever, ever, have.

[RedRose]

Ooooh Nightshade that sounds amazing. Thank you so much! :-) I am going to try that tomorrow. I don't want to go back to the salon because their proposed solution was bleach, which I don't want!

[lawyermom]

I'm sorry that this happened. And just in time for your birthday!
But I did want to say that despite the haircut and color you don't like, you DID get all that damaged hair cut off. It's gone! So next year, when you've recovered your length, you won't be back to where you just were this morning... your damage is now gone.

Probably a small consolation - but still.

[dor3girl]

Have you tried the hot oil treatment? Sometimes it will lift the excess color & bring you back to a more natural shade...

Also--you might want to just wait a week--sometimes the color fades after a few shampoos & you end up liking what was done (haircolor is ALWAYS darker the first week).

I seriously feel for you that they cut off so much. What was the deal with that!? Will you have to cut layers into it now (to lighten it up)? Sounds like your hairdresser wasn't listening to you (or just doesn't appreciate long hair)...

[girlcat36]

I'm really sorry that happened! Wish I had some advice for you!

[xrosiex]

First off, I am sure it looks worse to YOU than it does to everyone else.

The color will fade and it may fade into something you adore at a later time, I know it sounds lame, but I am serious.

Do you have a pic we could see? Maybe just for our opinions and additional advice on color, deep conditioning treatments etc??

I am so so sorry you feel ugly, I assure you, it will get better in time.

Pamper yourself, and don't fret too much, you will just make yourself more upset.
SHELIAANN1969 is right. Take a deep breath. Semi perment wont last. And maybe the color will be more to your liking. Sorry they trimmed to much. Hope you feel better soon.:grouphug:

[Darkhorse1]

My first experience with hair color changed my hair almost to black. I was mortified, but relieved that it would wash out/fade in time. The next time I went back, we looked at more color swatches, and we agreed to add some red into it. That was amazing. I've always used semi permanent colors because I know it'll wash out over time and I'm sensitive to bleach.

Hopefully you can figure out how to post photos and we can help you with making you feel better :)

[mugglemomof3]

Hugs. I bet the honey/baby shampoo works pretty good. I thought I'd mention that taking Biotin really helped my hair grow faster and I know of others who have noticed improvements when taking Biotin too - you might check into taking that supplement. HTH. More hugs.

[FrannyG]

First of all, HUGS to you, RedRose. :grouphug: I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now.

Now, please try to keep calm. I can tell you that it most surely is not as bad as you think. Nightshade's advice on lightening your hair will work. I speak from experience.

While we all understand the pain of unexpected loss of length, try to be philosophical about it. It sounds as though you know that the hair that was cut was in fact damaged. Sometimes damaged hair just doesn't bounce back.

I've cut a total of 11 inches of damage off of my hair since joining LHC. If I hadn't cut, I would be very close to tailbone by now. However, I know I wouldn't have been happy with damaged tailbone length hair. I am, on the other hand, very happy with my healthy, shiny hair even though I haven't yet gotten back to BSL.

Have I caused my goal to be delayed? Not really. My goal is to have healthy-looking tailbone (or longer) length hair, and that wouldn't have happened by now anyway.

Believe me, time goes by much more quickly than you expect, and you will be back to where you were before you know it, probably happier with the condition of your hair.

I know that sounds like cold comfort at the moment, but your hair will grow. It really will. :blossom:

[Poetic]

I am sorry you feel hideous. I have no doubt you are beautiful . . . though with a cut you would rather not have. I know how you feel I just had a bad salon experience myself. However, I must say do not let this ruin your 21st. You'll only get one . . . so enjoy.

[thankyousir74]

Before you run to Monistat, this recipe (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=9505&highlight=palms+recipe), has had pretty good results, myself included.

Even though I'm not an adroit measurer, I see that my hair IS growing faster. Plus you only have to do it every six months. NightShade's recommendation should work well.

I hope you feel better soon, and oiling is always a nice feeling that you're doing a good thing for your hair.

[feralnature]

It will fade and it will grow out healthy faster than you think.

As far as your birthday, hold your head up high, say nothing negative about your hair, and "sport it". "Rock" the style and color you have now with confidence. That is where beauty comes from. Don't let your bad hair situation wreck your birthday. Have fun and just go with it :)

[SaraMatty]

((HUGS))
I'm so sorry you've gotten stuck with a haircut like that under those circumstances. When I was just about your age I went in for a trim to a salon I'd not used before (being transient in college meant I was never in one place long enough to hit the same place twice) and the stylist decided to show me how short he wanted to trim layers by grabbing a hunk of my grown out to collar bone bangs and cutting it off to my chin. WITHOUT ASKING. :agape: I was so dumbfounded I couldn't even say anything like "get the hell away from me." I ended up getting out of the chair, going to the receptionist and getting another guy to finish up and try to fix the two inch wide chunk of short hair. I ended up losing a LOT of length to the cut, but I do have to give stylist #2 credit in that he gave me a very good cut that grew out really well. Stylist #1 can rot as he cost me a year's worth of growth when I'd only been growing out for about three years.
Happy birthday anyway, and you can always french braid the sides of your hair and tuck the ends up to hide the missing length for the day and then go do something fabulous. The semi-permanent dyes are usually only good for 8-10 washes, so in a few weeks at most your hair will probably be back to the color you started with, or faster with the honey/baby shampoo/etc. treatments. Have a great time on your 21st, it's supposed to be a fun one and people tend to like to make it that way for you :)

[utdesertrunner]

Awww, I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. I'm sure you still look great! Big Hugs!

[Marchpane]

Aww, that sucks! :( At least you can find lots of sympathy here. That's too bad, but at least nothing is permanent. I'm sure you'll figure out how to make your hair look pretty with the new changes anyway, and look great for your birthday! :)

[Dyan]

They can say the word 'highlights' all they want. BUT nothing happens until you say 'yes'.

[salamander]

Oh, babe, how awful. It just makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it? I let mine get cut too short a year or so ago, and I felt so awful. It turned out OK, though, because I felt icky when it fell over my shoulders I started putting it up, and since I've been putting it up it's grown so much faster! Buy a nice hairstick, a pretty wood one, and start putting your hair up a lot. I imagine it will be a bit easier on your wrist to just put it up and forget about it, and if you succeed at the forgetting part (hard, I know) then it'll seem like it gets back to normal sooner. It will certainly be good for the condition!

Don't worry about the color, people regularly turn their hair more horrible colors on purpose, and it will fade over time. Don't go back to the salon, you'll just be miserable while you're there, and they may do more damage. It's time to just leave things alone and let time work on it. Put it up and find something else to occupy you. Are you in college? If you're going to school soon, then you'll definitely be distracted. It's the thinking that's the problem, the hair will take care of itself eventually.

[RedRose]

You have all been so sweet, thank you, and especially thank you for the birthday wishes!

I'm sitting here with the recipe that Nightshade kindly recommended on my hair, 15 more mins to go...

Dyan: I am definitely saying NO to highlights!

thankyousir74: thank you for that recipe, it sounds crazy but if it works for you then its definitely worth a try! I wonder if the garlic, being anti-bacterial and anti-fungal works in a similar way to MN is thought to work? Although much more natural, which is a bonus.

I'm still pretty sad about my birthday tomorrow, and I also have a wedding at the weekend, the thought of so many photos of my hair looking like this makes me want to avoid the camera. And it's too short to tie up or do anything with, when I got up this morning and went to wash my face it was so annoying! Headband time :-( Luckily I have a hat for the wedding (its that kind of wedding) which will hide so much.

It's good to hear other people stories and know that some of you have been there too, I just so badly want long hair and another set back *sigh*. But it is good the damaged hair is gone, and the cut means that my bangs and layers that I had previously have also been cut out to all one length, which is an advantage too.

I'll post back when my hair is dry, to share how the colour now looks, I hope for something a little lighter! Fingers crossed.

[JessTheMess]

RedRose I hope the treatment worked for you :) I just recently cut my almost waist length back to BSL due to damaged ends. While it was like a punch to the gut at first, I now love the healthy feeling to it, and I am babying it more than ever to prevent it from getting that bad again. The length loss could be a blessing in disguise to you as well. As for the color, it will fade. Don't worry about it so much. We are are own worst critics. I'm sure you look beautiful in spite of the change.

[Tap Dancer]

Have you tried the hot oil treatment? Sometimes it will lift the excess color & bring you back to a more natural shade...

Also--you might want to just wait a week--sometimes the color fades after a few shampoos & you end up liking what was done (haircolor is ALWAYS darker the first week).

That's true. Another thing that'll help fade the color a little faster is dandruff shampoo.

[totie]

sweetheart I'm sorry this happened to you, I've had many cuts and colours that have made me cry too so I really do understand your dissappointment.



And it's too short to tie up or do anything with, when I got up this morning and went to wash my face it was so annoying! Headband time

I luv headbands especially on hair at your length, buy some gorgeous ones and wear them with confidence!! Your hair is now healthy and will shine from the colour, so even though it's not how you want it to be just continue to love it anyway and be creative with it. You will NEVER be at that length again right?

[RedRose]

JessTheMess: That is exactly how I feel - punch in the face! I've spent today looking at my hair a lot in a mirror, trying to get used to the length, and....I am, slowly. I totally agree with what you say about loving the healthy feeling of the hair, that does make me so happy, to see my hair looking so naturally shiny. There are positives to this, I just need to concentrate on those!

totie: Thank you, I love that way of looking at it - my hair will (hopefully, so long as I take best best care of it) never be this short again, so I should try and enjoy what I can do with it this length that I can't when it's longer. I can wear it down, with headbands and they can look cute, and it tangles so much less which means less breakage and less time being needed to be spent on it. And it doesn't get caught under collars or bag handles. And I can get to my scalp more easily for scalp massage and scalp treatments.

Hair is still about 70% wet so not sure on the colour yet. I think I'll be able to deal with the shortness better once I'm happier with the colour and it's a colour that suits me instead of one which makes me need to reach for makeup. 1 out of 2 would be a nice place to be. :-)

[heidi w.]

I am assuming a discussion occurred with the stylist about color.

Know that not all stylists are very good at color.

Color is an art, and finding a stylist that ONLY DOES COLOR is what you want.

I recommend finding a new stylist by interviewing.

Interview on:
what is your specialty?
what clients do you have that I can talk to about their experience with you?
can you trim my hair dry if all I'm having done is a trim?
do you have any experience with long hair?
what % of clients of yours have long hair, and what are those lengths? (goes to what they consider 'long')
what do you do if a client wants a service that you think is a bad idea? (leave this an open-ended question and watch their body and listen carefully to their answer)
can you do deep conditioning treatments for me?
how many years have you been a stylist?
what age demographic is your clientele? (this goes to hair style lengths and general bandwidth of experience)
what is your training for color? (learning to color in a basic salon training setting may be insufficient. The true colorists that specialize in this attend additional training classes. All beauticians/stylists to keep up their license between years of renewing the license are required to take classes that hone their skills on an ongoing basis)
what is your experience working with my hair type? (describe your type as you understand it)
are you willing to show me how to care for my hair between visits? (that is proper products, styling options, touchups)
have you ever had long hair? how long was it? how did you feel about it?

find ways to ask the same question different ways. If you do so you're going to get a better feel for the stylist. Make it clear you want to develop a rapport and an ongoing business arrangement if you are satisfied with the service. IF you ever show up and this stylist isn't available, do not sit in someone else's chair.

IF you interview by explaining your goals, only, then all stylists will say sure, I can help you with that.

After interviewing, ALWAYS GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT IT. IF you feel uncomfortable, just don't go back. Do not do this exercise with friends present -- and never visit a salon with friends. There's a higher tendency to sit in that chair if your friend is doing it.

also I recommend working with a stylist that has software in the salon so you can preview what your hair will look like to on a monitor so you can see what you're getting before you buy -- you can have the image printed out and take it home and think it over. These programs allow you to have your face with the hair color/style surrounding so you can know beforehand, a little better, what the results of their recommendation would be (it still may not tell you much about condition of hair nor care of the style though, for your hair type).

I presume that despite your tendonitis you are washing your hair regularly by yourself, or at least at home with little to no aide. If so, a deep conditioning treatment need not be more work than this, except you just leave conditioner on longer!

Hope something in here helps you out,
heidi w.

[sexyjacksparrow]

I'm sorry you had this awful experience. I don't have any practical advice that you haven't already been given.

Big hugs to you and a Very Happy Birthday for today!

Kerry xx

[brok3nwings]

RedRose,
im sorry to hear you are so sad. We all here understand your pain...i´ve been there many times.
About the colour i´ve also been there and i know its hard been blonde and you will have to wait a few months but it WILL get there. For me it took 8 months to get away...so hang on, dont put any colour in between (i´ve also made that mistake in the past and it is worst), dont let them highlight your hair...
Your hair is shorter BUT is healthy, so its more beautiful and shiny. that is what we want isnt it?

[RedRose]

heidi w.: Wow thank you for all that advice, I will definitely be following that next time I go to a salon. I think I was lulled into a false sense of security because I've been going there for years, but communication difficulties made things go so wrong. I've never seen a salon in England with preview software - that sounds amazing! I guess I might have to rely on pictures in magazines to do the same job.

sexyjacksparrow: thank you for the birthday wishes, I had a really lovely day and even managed to pin up my hair so that it looks like it could be longish in the photos!

brok3nwings: I am going to try to stay strong about the no colouring, it's hard but ultimately what I want! And you're right, having healthy, shiny, silky hair is just what I want, despite it being short, and it WILL grow. Eventually.

I've done as Nightshade suggested, and it has helped lift the colour a little bit (thank you Nightshade!), so it's less dark around my face and I am feeling better about it, although I can't say that I love it yet, but it still has some fading to do! I am getting more used to the length now, and I really appreciate all the sympathy you have all extended and helping me to see the positives in this situation. I'm also using a BBB to brush my scalp daily as I saw a thread that says that that helps with growth by stimulating blood flow, and can't wait to measure in for October (I don't think I'll have any measure-able growth in 10 days, but you never know....). I might try some of the other growth remedies in the future when funds permit, but I know I'm going to have to be patient *sigh*.

[Nightshade]

I've done as Nightshade suggested, and it has helped lift the colour a little bit (thank you Nightshade!), so it's less dark around my face and I am feeling better about it, although I can't say that I love it yet, but it still has some fading to do! .

I'm glad to hear it lightened it a little! It'll continue to fade :) It's a long road, but not a lonely one at least. You've got all us to keep you company :cheer:

[RedRose]

Awww you're all so lovely, and I LOVE the :cheer: icon!

[Alethia]

Big hugs and sympathy to you. When I was 16 I went to a hairdresser with waist length hair. I wanted a long spirally perm (hey, I was 16 OK?) and she said that she couldn't possibly perm hair my length. I told her that I didn't want much cut off at all, but she cut it to APL behind my back, and then cut two blunt cut chunks either side of my face at jaw level. It looked bloody horrendous, espcially after the badly done perm which was done on large rollers. I didn't have the guts to go and get another cut to make it look better. I just stuck it out and grew it out. In retrospect I should have just taken the plunge and got an image change - it couldn't have looked any worse, and it would have looked nicer growing out.

I'd go with the honey to help lighten it, and wash it with gentle shampoo or CO (conefree simply because you don't want to seal the dye onto the surface of the hair shafts) for the next few days. You will shed a bit, but it should shift some of the dye. Good luck and again, commiserations.

[mellie]

First off, happy birthday!!!! :cake:

And I totally agree with FeralNature:


It will fade and it will grow out healthy faster than you think.
As far as your birthday, hold your head up high, say nothing negative about your hair, and "sport it". "Rock" the style and color you have now with confidence. That is where beauty comes from. Don't let your bad hair situation wreck your birthday. Have fun and just go with it!

Yeah, rock it baby!! Have a great day! http://www.martinloganowners.com/~tdacquis/forum/images/smilies/guitarra.gif

[intothemist1999]

HEIDI! Excellent post! I"m copying/pasting that and saving it!!