a bad comment about my hair:(

[jojo]

I am going to cut to the chase here, but I saw a girl I haven't seen since school yesterday and the first thing she said was 'Urgh what on earth have you done to your hair, you dont suit long hair, it makes you look like a witch'

Her hair is long so this isn't a jealousy issue, but hers is dyed black and straightened. I would never dream of saying anything nasty like that to somebody, how they wear there hair is their buisness and same as with me but understandingly this has really upset me.

I also feel angry at myself for not saying anything back, I just went bright red and felt embarrassed.

How do I deal with this if it was to happen again? I am not fishing for compliments and sugar coated replies just advise.

How would you deal with negative comments?

[Shanarana]

Well that wasn't nice at all. Short of smacking her upside the head (jk) I would have probably said something like, sorry my hair bothers you so much, but I happen to like it.

[jojo]

That would have worked too, darn my mind just went blank but how rude, im fuming at her.

[Bene]

hmmmmm.... my honest response to that kind of comment would be a "pardon my french" sort of thing......

[Shanarana]

We always seem to come up with something to say after the fact. I think when we get thrown a comment like that we are just in shock and our minds go blank. Don't let it bother you, it's not worth it.

[jojo]

Yeah a few chosen words....mmm....i need assertive lessons!

[jojo]

We always seem to come up with something to say after the fact. I think when we get thrown a comment like that we are just in shock and our minds go blank. Don't let it bother you, it's not worth it.

Trying not too but it is going round in my head, my DH said I should have cackled like a witch and said i look like one because i am! cheeky sod isnt he!

[jel]

If I were told I look like a witch, I'd take it as a compliment, and say so :twisted:

But normally, I would point out their rudeness. 'You think I look like a witch? My, my, no more bitchy pills for you today! I love my hair and I'm growing it even longer :D'

[InDarkestKnight]

I must say that's a terribly insensitive thing to say. I think perhaps you should just indulge yourself a little, a bit of pampering to spruce up your mood. Best just to forget such a thoughtless statement. Cheers!

[kate46]

If she saw you as competition then she probably was jealous because your hair is gorgeous Jojo! If this happens again,(hopefully it won't) smile your biggest smile and say "why thank you", it confuses them nicely ;).

[Missie]

Jojo, I think the way you responded was completely appropriate.. You were hurt and embarressed and I suspect she will have realized that when she saw your reaction and will have regretted it.
Don't be discouraged by it at all.

XX
Missie

[vampodrama]

I have been told too I look like a witch. not because of my hair, but because I tend to overdo on the goth front sometimes and wear floor-length black skirts and too much eyeliner and stuff...

my usual reply for those comments is to look very deeply into the offender's eyes and say in a low spooky voice "what do you want to be, a toad or a worm?"

that usually does the trick. but then again, I can be a rather rude person sometimes, especially if I'm the one being attacked.

[Chara]

Girls are always like this (jealous ones) You should ignore her and reply in a similar way like;

"My hair, hmm I was going to tell you the same thing about your hair" :D:eyebrows:

[n3m3sis42]

Wow, I can't get over how rude that was for her to say to you. I don't really have helpful advice, but wow.

[Periwinkle]

If she saw you as competition then she probably was jealous because your hair is gorgeous Jojo! If this happens again,(hopefully it won't) smile your biggest smile and say "why thank you", it confuses them nicely ;).

That's often my response of choice. And then I normally add something about how that was the intended style :eyebrows:

That, or the good ol' 'I'm not here to decorate your world!'.

To be completely frank, though, I think that girl is entirely wrong. Having seen your pictures, JoJo, I think that long hair suits you far, far better than any of the short pictures you've posted.

[Solange]

I see nothing "witchy" about your hair! I never understood why some people, who are polite about most things, consider it ok to make that type of comment about hair. "If I did have witchy hair, it would still be better than a witchy attitude." could have done the trick. Don't you hate thinking of a comeback waaay too late? Not that mine's particularly clever, but...

[TammySue]

How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

[Periwinkle]

How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

Haha, I like it! :pumpkin:

[blondecat]

JoJo, there is nooo way you look like a witch. But, with her long black hair, you could have turned it around on her ;)

Seriously, you are her competiion, She was/is probably the ONLY longhair she knows, hence the comment she made.

She doesn't like your wonderfully cared for long hair ??????, hey, It's her problem. Don't make it your's.

Do you seriously think she has given a second thought to what she said, Nahhhh, couse she hasn't, she's mean.

So you shouldn't dwell on it further, your spending braincell energy on an issue that has no benifit. Like beating your head on a brick wall, It hurts, but serves NO perpose.

Please Stop, Please think of something more produtive.

I wish you well <<<hugs>>>>

[Chrissy]

How rude!! Sometimes people just make me go What the heck???? I can understand why you didn't say anything as I'm sure you were shocked by her statement. I can't say I would have done anything different in that situation. If you run into her again and she makes some comment like that again I would just tell her you like your hair and why would she be so rude to make a comment like that.

I'm sorry this happened. Don't let it get to you. Just keep growing your beautiful hair.

[jojo]

How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

LOL thats a great one Tammysue

[jojo]

Thanks everybody, yeah I just need to use my thinking skills on something worth thinking about!

But some great advice, I want to bump into her now!!

[Lamb]

How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

Best comeback ever! :lol:

Jojo, I really don't think you need to bother recognizing this person the next time you see her. What a - what TammySue said!

[bunnii]

Um well I am a witch so this bugs me more than it probably does others, as it's yet another flipant remark about my faith! what does a witch looks like? I have long straight dyed black hair, hmmmmmm maybe I look like a typical witch :shrug: maybe the good witch from wizard of oz? haha My bf just said to say "thanks for that I didn't say you look fat!!" :lol: hehe he's so funny at times looking like a witch, pah! I'll get you my pretties hehehahaha *more kackling* :p

[Lamb]

Um well I am a witch so this bugs me more than it probably does others, as it's yet another flipant remark about my faith! what does a witch looks like? I

I don't think the witch-comment has anything to do with Pagans as they exist today. It is more likely referring to the witches in Grimm fairytales and cartoons. :twocents:

[30isthenewblack]

I think you did the right thing by not responding and going down to her level. If you had made a similar retort back, she may have felt justified in what she said about you but I think in retrospect, your response will make her feel bad about what she said. However, some people are just blissfully unaware of how their comments affect others so be thankful that you are a bigger and better person and you know how to treat people with respect. It never fails to surprise me the things that come out of people's mouths!

[JessTheMess]

My word!!! She has a lot of nerve. First of all, Jojo you have shiny beautiful healthy hair. She is probably jealous because she doesn't take as good of care of hers as you do yours. Just brush her remark off of your shoulders. She isn't worth the aggravation. All of us here admire your hair!! :grouphug:

[FrannyG]

I do not understand the sense of entitlement that gives people license to say things like that. Up until a few years ago, I would have just stammered and blushed just as you did. After all, that's a human response.

On the other hand, I've had it with some of the remarks certain people in my like feel free to make. I have now taken to looking them straight in the eye with a look of bafflement and saying, "I simply cannot believe that you think it's okay to say a thing like that".

I have mentioned this comment here at LHC before, so I know that I'm repeating myself, but I have to tell you, it's worked for me, without me resorting to being nasty.

That was just not cool. And most certainly not true. :flowers:

[Tai Shan Fan]

It's difficult when you're caught off-the-cuff. Very often you think of the wise comeback long after the event, but one I keep in mind to pointed comments is:
"miao, saucer of milk, dear?"

ETA: an old well-known answer to being called a witch when the intention is clearly negative is: 'you say that as if it were a bad thing?'

[kate46]

On the other hand, I've had it with some of the remarks certain people in my like feel free to make. I have now taken to looking them straight in the eye with a look of bafflement and saying, "I simply cannot believe that you think it's okay to say a thing like that".



That's an excellent retort Franny! On the old boards there was a thread where members posted funny and/or cool retorts, perhaps we should start a new thread like that. It was very funny and sure made people feel better about negative comments without resorting to any nastiness. Perhaps I'll go and start the thread :undecided hmm what do you think?

[tiny_teesha]

That is shocking at how rude she just blatently said that! I would have had the same respond and if i was ticked off or especially couragous that day i would say:
"I have been putting a lot of time, money and effort into getting my hair long like this and i like it." Sort of thing and i would get them to understand that despite their comment "I" like it and it I have a right to do what i like with my hair as they do to theirs.
I kind of like the idea when someone has witty "nasty" remarks to say back, but an eye for an eye isn't the way to go is it (though it is funner)? And i never think of funny things to say that quickly anyway. Also the truthful thing like "omg, that hurt my feelings, apologise" or something also makes them realise what they did and helps them to learn what they did was wrong also.

[eadwine]

She said it that way? Gee.

After the fact one would think to say: "I see some people never change over the years.. pity." And then turn around (make sure to let the hair fly) and walk off.

At the time itself I would probably respond the same way you did. Some people just get off at nasty comments.

[DavidN]

I am so sorry to hear about this mean and insenstive comment, Jojo, and the best thing is to try to ignore it. In my eyes, your hair is thick and healthy, with lots of shine.:flowers:

[ruby_tuesday]

Why would anyone say that unless they intended to hurt you on purpose?! Whatever that person has against you, trust me it's not your hair. Some ppl are just that mean or think of themselves as funny, when in fact no one is laughing. I personally ignore negative comments as well as negative ppl. Push it away and focus on something positive. I think you look lovely with long hair! :)

[sexyjacksparrow]

How horrible that people think it's ok to make comments like this to you. Your hair is lovely, Jojo.

Kerry xx

[AutumnLeaves]

I'm so sorry someone had the audacity to say such a thing, sweetie. It was more than rude and I'd probably have said as much to her at the time. I'm like you; I never would negatively comment on anyone's appearance as it cuts to the quick and really rattles the self-esteem. Having had that done to me quite often over the years, it is the last thing I'd do to anyone else. Big hugs for you, darlin', and you just keep it growing!

[SHELIAANN1969]

Jojo,
number 1--- your hair is lovely
number 2--- you do NOT resemble a witch in any way
number 3--- that gal was just being a true hag and who knows what her "real" issue was?

I know sometimes people say things and like you said, you are in such a shock, you can't think of anything good to come back with untill later. :confused:

I would just ignore her, like she is a putrid smell that you want to go away, if you ever "bump" into her again. :poot:

What a miserable woman to come out and say something like that, but I bet if you had your hair all fried and dyed, she would have loved it. :rolleyes:

[RavennaNight]

Some people are just so cruel, meanspirited, and catty.:( Then there are the folks that are tactless and just plain dumb.:confused: She sounds like the worst of both worlds. Ignore. Don't stoop to her level. Obviously she's got some inferiority complex issues that shes gotta work out with the therapist. She'll get hers one day. She can't run around town saying things so flagrantly to anyone she feels. One day it will be the wrong person and it will surely make her day bad. Karma is a b*tch!

[sipnsun]

I clam up when I'm put in a situation like this as well. If it happens again, just smile and say you like your hair and it's not up for discussion.

[Fencai]

your hair is gorgeous.
That was wrong of her to say something like that.
The best thing to do is to not give her any energy.

If that doesnt work, I would have laughed at her!
I find that laughter gets to people, (although be careful how you use it, it can get you in trouble at the office!) more than angry words do.

[Nat242]

OOh, I like Franny's response.

I would also suggest the following:

"Your hair makes you look like a witch"
"Perhaps, but I guess it makes me a damn good looking one!!"

;)

[bunnii]

I don't think the witch-comment has anything to do with Pagans as they exist today. It is more likely referring to the witches in Grimm fairytales and cartoons. :twocents:

Probably not but it plays into the stereotype that witches are evil ugly things. some probably are lol but still, its just plain rude IMO. Funilly enough my hair idol is a witch who worked in a shop not far from me, her hair was stunning :crush:

But your hair looks good Jojo, everytime you update your sig it looks better and better. :flower:

[lora410]

Omg what a B*%ch. I think you look amazing with long hair. Definetly more so then your short crop shop. Some people just like to hurt others feeling on purpose for fear you will outshine them. DSon't even let her snarky comment get to you jojo

[MsBubbles]

Since you look absolutely nothing like a witch (assuming she meant the generic Disney kind), I conclude that this girl must be an incredibly insecure and immature, and is headed for a very lonely time in the future with no friends.

I am sorry this person felt like insulting you, and I hope that next time you think about that comment, you can dismiss it as somebody else's dysfunctional brain fall-out, and focus on what's good for Jojo instead.

[Islandgrrl]

Jojo....how sad that your acquaintance couldn't have either kept her mouth shut and her opinion firmly stashed inside, or just said something nice! Perhaps she's one of those people who has to denigrate someone else to make herself feel better. Unfortunate.

But really, you did the right thing in just ignoring it (even if it was because you didn't have a thing handy to say). People who boldly say such rude things are looking for a response - they want a verbal (or other) conflict for some reason. Never bring yourself down to their level....it's what they want.

Besides, you and your hair are just beautiful. And what's wrong with being a witch, anyway?

[angelthadiva]

I see nothing "witchy" about your hair! I never understood why some people, who are polite about most things, consider it ok to make that type of comment about hair. "If I did have witchy hair, it would still be better than a witchy attitude." could have done the trick. Don't you hate thinking of a comeback waaay too late? Not that mine's particularly clever, but...


How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

I agree, your hair doesn't look witchy! And honestly, I don't think I could have said anything better than what TammySue said! :lol:

[bunnii]

Besides, you and your hair are just beautiful. And what's wrong with being a witch, anyway?

My thinking exactly :flowers: also lets not forget that in snow white the evil queen was the fairest in the land until snow white came along :p but she was still 2nd prettiest lol

[Elleyena]

Poor Jo Jo! Everytime I see your posts, I love looking at your signature because your hair is so lovely. That woman was very very wrong.

To the witch comment, I would probably say "Thanks! Do I look like Glenda, Nessa, or Elphaba?"

Or if I was in a bad mood... I would probably mumble some gibberish or quote Wicked and when the person asked what I said I would just smile and say "you'll see..."

Ok...I probably wouldn't do the latter. I would have to be in a really really bad mood to do that.

Don't beat yourself up about it...It's not worth it.

[Julesn]

When I had really long hair, people used to say that stuff to me, too. But, I loved my hair & didn't care what they said ;)

Julie :)

[spidermom]

In this case, my response would be something like: are you trying to hurt my feelings or does it just come naturally?

[LaurelSpring]

There was a guy I would have sushi with on Tuesdays and he was always making comments about me. He noticed everything. If I gained weight he would let me know (as if I didnt notice). He was never satisfied. He thought I should have my hair lighter then when it was lighter he thought it should be darker...etc. I didnt pay any attention to him actually which probably pissed him off some. When I started not blow drying or curling and doing my new hair program and letting it grow he didnt like it. Especially one day when I showed up with a sock bun. He just complained and told me how much he liked it when I wore my hair like I use to.

That was the last time I had sushi with him :eyebrows:

I love my hair!

[girlcat36]

Wow, Jojo!
In a case like this, you must consider the source. She obviously has some head issues if she thinks that was okay to say! There may be some jealousy issues here, maybe not with hair, but perhaps envious of your awesome sense of humor! I love your great comeback remarks here on LHC, but I certainly understand your shocked silence. I am always shocked by rudeness and usually am left with nothing to say.
Your hair doesn't bring "witchy" to mind! Keep on growing!
Now my hair definately looks witchy, and I think I have been told that several times over the course of my life.

[Magicknthenight]

wow i'm sorry gah that really sucks! When ever i see your sig. i always think your hair was beautiful! As for the girl..eh..
Yea i've been called a witch..which also doesn't bother me at all. I was just like.."o-k" or "oh thanks:)" turning it into a compliment :D
I don't really have any come backs but i hope she didn't get to you!
Tomorrow school starts up again for me.
*Faint* the horror. haha
Yea i never think of good come backs until AFTER. Don't let her get to you. I was gonna say maybe she just doesn't like longer hair but then you said she had it. Maybe she wants to be the only one with it? I've gotten comments and not alot of people at my school wear hairsticks (more the shoulder length straightened until breaking off onto my desk thing) and since ive started wearing them like everyday in the summer and plan to do so when school starts..i'm sure i'll get some comments. We can't let them get to us!:cool:

Reading this i realized i might have repeated myself a few times haha opps

A lot of you have really good comebacks!

[Lady Godiva]

Considering that there are a number of witches who are members here, take it as a compliment. That old, negative, inaccurate stereotype needs to die.

The friend isn't much of one, is she?

[yogachic]

omg, I don't know what I would have said, if that was me. I'm sure I would have come back with something though. What she said to you was down right mean and very rude. I wouldn't dream of saying that to someone.

[ChloeDharma]

My reaction would really depend on my mood....i have ADD so unfortunately tend to blurt out what comes into my head.....which can turn a bit messy.
But i'd hope that my reaction would be more along the lines of "oh dear, you really need a life don't you"
I know it's hard, but you really need to just see her comment for what it is....insignificant.....growing your hair is rewarding you with a beautifull mane while introducing you to new ideas and lots of lovely people.

As for "witch" comments, i get irritated when it's used as an insult....but then really it just says much more about the ignorance of the person using it than it ever could about the person it's directed at.

[paper]

Jojo, I'm sorry this happened to you. Your such a nice person, and you have the prettiest hair. I know your looking for advice, I just wanted to say you didn't deserve that comment.

I'll never understand what gives people the right to criticize those with long hair. I would never go up to someone with short hair and say "you look ugly with short hair, you should grow it"

My hair isn't long yet, but when it does get long, I know I'll get those remarks too. If I didn't listen to others in the past, I would still have long hair. It is interesting to see how to handle it.

[wintersun99]

...I have now taken to looking them straight in the eye with a look of bafflement and saying, "I simply cannot believe that you think it's okay to say a thing like that".

Yes, I much prefer the direct approach too. I haven't had a comment about length yet, but I have had a comment or 2 or 3 about color and my reply is along the lines of "wow, could you be a little more insensitive?"

[nostalgic]

Your beautiful, healthy, long hair makes you look younger than her harsh, flat black hair :p. I agree with Periwinkle's first comment: I just looked at your albums again and your hair looks much nicer long! If you don't mind me saying so, the wavies/curlies looks great on you! Don't pay her any attention; had you said anything back, it would have meant her comment was worth your time. It's not, you're here, you know better :)

[Islandgrrl]

In this case, my response would be something like: are you trying to hurt my feelings or does it just come naturally?

Ohhhhh...good one! I'm using this next chance I get.... :)

[berr]

I am going to cut to the chase here, but I saw a girl I haven't seen since school yesterday and the first thing she said was 'Urgh what on earth have you done to your hair, you dont suit long hair, it makes you look like a witch'

Her hair is long so this isn't a jealousy issue, but hers is dyed black and straightened. I would never dream of saying anything nasty like that to somebody, how they wear there hair is their buisness and same as with me but understandingly this has really upset me.

I also feel angry at myself for not saying anything back, I just went bright red and felt embarrassed.

How do I deal with this if it was to happen again? I am not fishing for compliments and sugar coated replies just advise.

How would you deal with negative comments?

Being the old hag that I am, I'd probably say, "When you start signing my paychecks I MIGHT start considering your opinion but probably not." I just can't tolerate people that think they are the worlds fashion gestapo.

It sounds to me like she wasn't a friend and made herself feel better by putting someone else down. :twocents:

[Tangles]

I don't think comebacks are necessary or even helpful in situations like these. When someone feels like saying something mean, reacting sometimes just makes them feel self-satisfied anyway. Besides, thinking of a clever comeback requires effort you should spend on other things. People are very strange.

[berr]

I have been told too I look like a witch. not because of my hair, but because I tend to overdo on the goth front sometimes and wear floor-length black skirts and too much eyeliner and stuff...

my usual reply for those comments is to look very deeply into the offender's eyes and say in a low spooky voice "what do you want to be, a toad or a worm?"

that usually does the trick. but then again, I can be a rather rude person sometimes, especially if I'm the one being attacked.


I like that. LOL

[lawyermom]

I know you're not fishing for compliments, but you're going to get one so sit back and enjoy ;)

I'm new, so really don't "know" you and I HONESTLY can say, that when I saw your pictures, I thought you were (1) very pretty and (2) had nice hair. When I saw your journal pics, I thought WOW, look how great she looks with longer hair! I in no way thought you looked hideous or anything with your short hair (though you do look quite sad in that picture!) but I did honestly think the longer hair suited you.

That's just my honest opinion from someone who hadn't read enough of your posts at the time to form any opinion about you at all. As far as I knew, you could've been a mean ol' wench (pardon to any wenches. No offense meant ;)) whom I wouldn't give a second thought to IRL. But I still thought you had pretty hair.

So there.

I have nothing to say about your "friend;" there have been many fabulous comebacks suggested here. If her behavior is any indication, I think she's a cow. There, I said it.

[MeMyselfandI]

jojo,

First of all hugs.

Sometimes it is better not to answer. Ignoring the comment is best without getting embarassed.

I try to say nothing, instead of getting nasty. My retort may be, well I sure hope you are happy with what is on your head. LOL That lets them wonder what is wrong. ;)

I remember a few years ago, a coworker/friend who had wonderful very crurly hair, showed up to work with damaged straigtened hair. I got really upset with her and asked why in the world she did that to her hair. I was shocked because we often discussed hair and beauty ideas. I would have known ahead of time of plans to do something drastic to her hair. The sight of her hair caught me totally off guard. She said because a friend told her she looked like a witch with curly hair. I turned around and told her that this so called friend was a witch and probably jealous of her. (My friend is a beauty, beautiful skin and eyes. Actually breath taking to me. I had often told her how beatutiful she looked. She did not feel beautiful. compared to the regular beauties in magazines.) She is also a beautiful person inside, which I had told her often. It was a pleasure working with her. Even our kids got along. I felt I knew her enough to be honest about her hair.) We hugged and she thanked me for being honest with her. She told me I was right. I told her I did not want to be right. I wanted her to be confident in herself and to know herself worth, not the outside but the inside as well. (I have tears just typing this.) Her hair eventually grew out so now all that damaged hair is gone.

I feel that barbs effect us only if we are uncertain about how we feel about our hair, body clothes or whatever else the barbs are about.

[podo]

"I simply cannot believe that you think it's okay to say a thing like that".

Wow.. what a great comeback. It points out how rude the other person is being without descending to their level. It also clearly shows that you're not going to take their criticism to heart.

Turns the focus on how rude they're being rather than whatever they were commenting on.

I'm writing this one down!

[pariate]

If that has happened to me I would have curtly pointed out that it's my hair, I like it and perhaps she should try to be a little more accepting of other people's personal choices...

I do have a reputation to verbally lash out though! People are often advised not to dish it out to me unless they handle getting it back. Sharp shooter me :guns: :wink:

I'm sorry you had to hear something so negative hon. :flower:

[Unofficial_Rose]

She just sounds like a nasty piece of work, tbh.

Who would be ready with a comeback after such breathtaking rudeness? That would mean you'd have to go around all the time expecting to be attacked, which is no way to live your life. I know it sounds high-handed, but I always despise people like that too much to acknowledge them ;)

Unless she meant one of the witches out of Charmed, who are all gorgeous (and have really good hair) :D

[jojo]

Thank you so much everybody some good ones!

Here's me on a bad day, I dont think I look too bad!
http://www.partydomain.co.uk/d-commerce/media/04_24206.jpg do you?:D

[mellie]

Hahaha!!That's really funny! :rollin:

[dorothea-brooke]

Hee hee! You had me going there....

I'm so sorry you had to hear that. Just BS and jealousy, IMHO. Your hair is lovely! (And I see you've gained another 0.000007 of an inch -- hee hee!)

I'm not very good at snappy comebacks, but sometimes simple is best. When someone "compliments" me on something in this way, I usually say, "Gee ... thanks!" in a mildly ironic tone. It usually works if the person has any sense of moral rectitude at all -- makes 'em feel guilty as h**l, and you don't have to lower yourself to saying something snarky in return.

Hang in there, kiddo -- ya got bootiful hair! :grin:

[girlcat36]

Bwahahahaaa!!! Jojo--that was funny!:D

[crispycritters]

Tammysue's comeback is awesome!!! I love that! Because what could you say after that? I'd think they'd be speechless. But I also agree that she probably seen your response and feels bad so its on her.

[whatevergirl]

Jojo, I am so sorry this was said to you, it makes me mad!
I just hope you won't believe it, it's NOT true.

this is for rude lady...http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc263/whatevergirlspix/30e2990d04a799098617615836ac9308.gif

[Lixie]

I'm sorry to hear you had to put up with such rudeness, jojo. My response would have been to say "I find your need to put other people down quite pathetic," roll my eyes and walk off.

[Prettypolly]

Wow people are rude. If you were feeling gutsy you might want to say something like "I'm not here to decorate your world" :grin: I've not read any of the replies but I bet someone else has suggested that too. Or maybe even a simple shrug and "I like my hair" would suffice. They might get the hint then that you don't care for their opinion of your hair.

[az_sweetie01]

Okay, I fail to see how someone who calls themselves a "friend" could be so insensitive. I think your hair looks lovely and though it can be hard to brush things like that off, I hope that you can :)

[xrosiex]

I'm sure her comment had to make you feel bad. And I'm sorry for that.:shake:. But remember your hair is beautiful:sun:. And you are a LHC idol. Love ya!

[Lady Verity]

Ugh, what possessed her to say that? You have gorgeous hair. What a horrid person.

[snowbird]

I get the occasional negative comment, now I just say 'I'm not worried about it'
The most common negative comment I get is 'what is wrong with your hair?'
But it doesn't bother me a bit

Sorry to hear of your rude friend!!!! You hair looks great!

[Xandergrammy]

If she saw you as competition then she probably was jealous because your hair is gorgeous Jojo! If this happens again,(hopefully it won't) smile your biggest smile and say "why thank you", it confuses them nicely ;).



I really love this reply, jojo, although what immediately pops into my mind is a big, fat expletive! (and I've actually responded to negative comments both ways, depending on who made the comment)

[tsf]

My fav is the one - not sure who posted it - " I can't believe you think it is okay to say something like that."


That is absolutely the perfect response. It is direct and it points out to her how inappropriate and rude what she said was, it does it without being rude yourself, and doesn't come across as defensive, which would open up a whole 'nother conversation. Yep, that will be my response, if anyone I know ever comments. I'll save the "decorating your world" comment for total strangers.

So far no one except DH has said anything about my hair. And he wants it cut. Well, I might just be here to decorate his world but sometimes you don't get everything you want....

[atlantaz3]

I would have been stunned speechless like you - how rude. My after the fact comment would have been I'm sorry you think that - and left it at that - taking the high road.
Try to let the remark go - this obviously is not someone whose opinion really should matter to you.

[rhodochrosite]

Wow... sorry that happened. What a thing to say to someone. I would have frozen up as well (just my nature).

[longhairedfairy]

"Urgh what on earth have you done to your hair..." What has she done with her manners?

"you dont suit long hair..." That does sound like jealousy to me.

"it makes you look like a witch..." Is she prejudiced or something?

[MonicaJean]

Hmmm... after looking at your profile picture, I actually think that long hair suits your face very nicely... not that it matters though. That was such a rude and thoughtless comment. I would be so embarrassed to ever talk to somebody that way.

[Xandergrammy]

I would be so embarrassed to ever talk to somebody that way.



I feel the same way, and my mother and grandparents would be so ashamed if something like that came out of my mouth.

[groque]

you can't please everyone so just please yourself. if you are loving your length enjoy it. A lot of people don't care for long hair but always remember it is their opinion and this is your hair. they are entitled to their opinion just like you are entitled to yours. she put her foot in her mouth. I bet after the fact she felt bad about saying it. I know I have done that plenty of times and wish I could go back and say something else or just explained myself better.

sorry to hear this.

[Robinlyn]

I agree with Franny, that's the perfect come back to a rude comment! I would have been speechless too Jojo. Needless to say, your hair looks beautiful long!

[Alethia]

Ooo, what a nasty lady you ex-school friend is! I would have reacted the same way as you probably, but I'd wish that I'd said, "Oo, pots and kettles! Miaow!!" and then tossed my lovely long hair over my shoulder and flounced away........ha, in my dreams!!

[Stephunny]

Some witches are hott :p

But obviously she didn't mean it in a nice way :mad:

[morguebabe]

I would have told her that was rude and I didn't like it. That long hai was something important to me right now and I don't like people I consider friends being rude. I normally say "I don't tell you dye your hair so please don't tell me to cut it" to one of my friends who has virgin hair but is always trying to get me to cut. Then she apologizes, but says it again ina few months.

Your hair is beautiful.

[chrissy-b]

To that I might say something like:

"I feel so awful for you!"
And they say, "Why?"
"Because being you must really suck."

I have a potty mouth so depending on how angry this woman made me I may have also used one of many words that I clearly can't post here. I just can't believe that people like her exist and I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. Hopefully you won't see her again.

[Soniasonia]

I can think of a word for her that rhymes with witch....

[Debra83]

I can't believe so many people feel that others are entitled to their rude opinions - like what they think matters to you and should change your life. They say "jump" and you say, "how high?". ARGGGHHH. I wish they'd get a clue. sigh.

[Raven69]

WHoah! You all are WAY too nice!!! I would have said something really mean back to her. Something to the effect of "Takes one to know one...just look at how your carpet hangs on you! You old hag!" with a few choice words mixed in. I am not nice in person...I have learned the hard way...heh, the military (and a vocational school I used to attend). Or just go with something as simple as, "* off", "up yours", "right back at ya!", ect.

[sahiba]

That would have worked too, darn my mind just went blank but how rude, im fuming at her.

I don't blame you .Nobody expects any one to be so rude.



I have been told too I look like a witch. not because of my hair, but because I tend to overdo on the goth front sometimes and wear floor-length black skirts and too much eyeliner and stuff...

my usual reply for those comments is to look very deeply into the offender's eyes and say in a low spooky voice "what do you want to be, a toad or a worm?"

that usually does the trick. but then again, I can be a rather rude person sometimes, especially if I'm the one being attacked.
:applause


How rude!
You could always say that you would much rather be a witch than a b--ch! :D

:spitting:


I would just say forget it. She was not worth your thought. But next time, if she dares ... :boxer:

[Juneii]

it's alright, I had that happen to me once, it wasn't about hair though.
I drew a picture of a tattoo for my art class and a friend of mine was going through it. when she realized that I wanted it on my lower back she freaked out and yelled "you want a tramp stamp?" it hurt and embarassed me so much because even though it's considered that I still want it there because it looks nice in my eyes. I was so shocked that I didn't say anything as she went on to tell me to get it higher on my back, like between my shoulder blades.
afterwards I realized I could have said lot of comebacks that would have settled my case. frustrating, almost all of my friends say that I shouldn't get it there but I still can't figure out what is so wrong about it. if slutty girls wear tank tops is it a sin for us wear one as well? I don't see how a tattoo would be any different.

generally I deal with negative comments the same way, I just stay silent and let them wash over me. painful as it is it's their opinion, as long as I don't let them affect me or my decision it doesn't matter.

[MotherConfessor]

I find the best response to these kinds of things is to pause. This does three things:

It makes the other person uncomfortable
It puts you in control of the conversation
It gives you a minute to think of something to say

Seriously, the next time someone says something that is offensive to you just stop everything, stare at them with your eyebrows raised for at least 5-6 seconds. If you cant think of a brilliant and cutting remark, just stick to, "Excuse me? (this actually works best without exclamation points - people become more flustered)" or "Im sorry, I must have not heard you correctly?" Always address rude behavior; people never learn of no one calls attention to it.

Laughter also works really well if you just want to piss people off.

[Katze]

hopefully, you will not be spending time with this person in the future.

I consider such people toxic, and thus, unhealthy to me and my well-being. It is hard, especially if that person has actually been a friend, but sometimes you just need to let the friendship go if their presence makes you feel bad about yourself.

It's funny how "witch" is an insult. I guess the Burning Times are still with us - we think of a straggly, nasty old woman instead of a powerful female who owns her own body, speaks her mind, and walks tall. I personally LIKE being called a witch, but my friends do so as a compliment. Sorry that this woman wasn't doing so.

[Sarahmoon]

I would have said "and nice to meet you too" and walked away.

Or just a plain "why are you being so rude". People often don't expect that and then they have nothing to say :D

[zift]

A very rude person you're dealing with...I've got a couple rude encounters as well. Notice that I'm not calling them friends anymore, maybe ex-friends...

[MandaMom2Three]

Well, I find that retarded frankly. I am a former witch and I never had my hair any longer than shoulder length, It was usually between a buzz cut and a pixie! I always WANTED long hair but never had the patience to grow it.

However, I did have someone say something very rude about my long hair once (an old "friend" from school too actually). I just said "Oh. Well I think YOUR hair is LOVELY!" She didn't know what to say to that and while I never saw her again I heard through the grape vine that we was very upset about what she said after that.

Rom 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

worked for me!

[naomimcc]

I must say that's a terribly insensitive thing to say. I think perhaps you should just indulge yourself a little, a bit of pampering to spruce up your mood. Best just to forget such a thoughtless statement. Cheers!

This. Better to ignore and forget.

[Hypnotica]

"At least I have my manners left."

[ktani]

I am going to cut to the chase here, but I saw a girl I haven't seen since school yesterday and the first thing she said was 'Urgh what on earth have you done to your hair, you dont suit long hair, it makes you look like a witch'

Her hair is long so this isn't a jealousy issue, but hers is dyed black and straightened. I would never dream of saying anything nasty like that to somebody, how they wear there hair is their buisness and same as with me but understandingly this has really upset me.

I also feel angry at myself for not saying anything back, I just went bright red and felt embarrassed.

How do I deal with this if it was to happen again? I am not fishing for compliments and sugar coated replies just advise.

How would you deal with negative comments?

The last thing you should be doing IMO, is being angry with yourself because you were caught so off guard.

What she said was rude to say the least and downright nasty. You had no reason to expect such hostility.

Please do not make this worse by blaming yourself for not having a comeback.

I just looked at your profile (my memory, lol.). Long hair, the way you wear it, definitely does suit you and your hair is gorgeous.

Jealousy may indeed have been the cause of her reaction. You look great!

While you can gather a list of comments to have ready for the future, being ambushed in such a way is something one can not be prepared for IMO. So much depends on how one is feeling at the time and individual circumstances.

[Kirin]

I am going to cut to the chase here, but I saw a girl I haven't seen since school yesterday and the first thing she said was 'Urgh what on earth have you done to your hair, you dont suit long hair, it makes you look like a witch'

Her hair is long so this isn't a jealousy issue, but hers is dyed black and straightened. I would never dream of saying anything nasty like that to somebody, how they wear there hair is their buisness and same as with me but understandingly this has really upset me.

I also feel angry at myself for not saying anything back, I just went bright red and felt embarrassed.

How do I deal with this if it was to happen again? I am not fishing for compliments and sugar coated replies just advise.

How would you deal with negative comments?

"Thank you..... I'm sorry I forgot my broom at home, I'll bring it next time to complete the look"

[easternsunrise]

So sorry to hear this happened to you...your hair is beautiful! Sound like you took the high road...good for you!:)

[longblondecurly]

as long as YOU like your hair, thats all that matters! she sounds like a hair bully. keep on keepin on

[Copasetic]

i probably would have said, "really, its funny you say that because i get a lot of compliments on my hair. oh well." and brushed it off.

these sorts of comments really annoy me. there is no need to tell someone you dont like their haircut/clothes/whatever.

[Comfrey]

lots of negative and divisive comments about witches on this thread. Interesting that its seen as an insult and interesting that people react to that supposed insult.

I thought it was wrong to be discriminatory ;)

ETA
What does a witch look like?

[Deborah]

She's an idiot. Ignore her.

[backtolonghair]

I'm sorry this happened to you. That wasn't very nice of her at all!

I get the feeling that she was saying this because she was jealous of you and didn't want your hair to be as long as hers. Maybe she has some insecurity issues and doesn't want you to look nice with your long hair.. I don't know. But that's the feeling I was getting. Try not to let it get to you. I think you have nice hair. I wish we women could all get along and encourage one another instead of cutting each other down. It would be nice if everyone only wanted the best for each other.

Blessings

[Boudicca]

Sometimes, the best way to deal with that kind of comment is to be brutally honest: "You just said something really thoughtless and nasty to me. It really hurt my feelings". A lot of people don't know how to deal with that kind of feedback. I would suspect that the sort of person who comes out with that kind of comment hasn't been put in her place often enough for bad behaviour.

[Peter]

I can't believe that she would speak that way to you.

Some people...

[Laila23]

Just realize that people who say these types of things are unfortunately very unhappy. You could try " Are you okay" Or "Are you having a bad day"

[Laila23]

RE: witches as negative

I think everyone responded that way because it was obvious that it was meant as an insult and that the person who posted was insulted.

[Redheaded Raven]

First off I think that you are discounting the jealousy thing way too quickly. Just because she "isn"t jealous of your hair in your opinion, she could have other issues. Are you thinner, happier more popular in school? When someone says something so catty their have to have issues. I speak from personal experience. Many when I was young thought that I was popular, when I wasn't. And were very catty, without cause. It is a shame that she hasn't grown past name calling and stereotypes.:confused:

[Comfrey]

RE: witches as negative

I think everyone responded that way because it was obvious that it was meant as an insult and that the person who posted was insulted.
I understand perfectly. But although it doesn't upset me overly much because I understand the negative stereotypes surrounding witches. There are people who are fighting for these to be changed (and at government level), and until they are, the view of witches everywhere will remain as warty old hags who terrorise young children.

Had the original poster been told she looked young, and I said "YUK, fancy her saying that" I would have been bounced on.

Could I then use in my defence that I was meaning the negative stereotypes of stupid young blondes perpetrated by Hollywood teen movies?

I'm not trying to be difficult, but if we are to be politically correct, then it should work all ways and what I have seen here would have hurt me to my very core 30 years ago.

[mandeloo]

witches are historically beautiful, powerful women. Take Circe for example, who with her impossible beauty could enchant a man so deeply that time itself was warped.
They did not become hideous creatures until the widespread ignorance of the Puritan era.
That being said, you could cackle simply at her unintended compliment because you would know that she was the stupid one.
I see your hair in your photo and find it lovely.
and yes, jealousy was her issue. In most cultures the desired hair of women is wavy and nonblack. I come in contact daily from different cultures and countries and you should hear the longing they have "I wish my hair were golden and wavy or auburn and wavy" they compare women like this to goddesses.

[goodenough]

Back when people would say something meant as mean to my face--I would ask them if they would be so kind as to return to talking about me behind my back.

I didn't read all the comments, and I'm not a witch--but I think the negativity comes from society's reaction to a woman having any kind of power. (She doesn't listen to men or care about what they think about her, so she must be a witch.) That has little to do with the reality of witches.

[mandeloo]

Sometimes, the best way to deal with that kind of comment is to be brutally honest: "You just said something really thoughtless and nasty to me. It really hurt my feelings". A lot of people don't know how to deal with that kind of feedback. I would suspect that the sort of person who comes out with that kind of comment hasn't been put in her place often enough for bad behaviour.

I just read this and I totally agree. I've spent alot of time in therapy and a common theme among them is instead of dealing with hurtful situations by getting upset or angry is to come right out and confront the individual. Logically explaining to them how their behavior affected you and keeping your emotional control will always have better results. Even if they do not apologize or realize the error of their ways, you can at least walk away from the situation knowing you sit on higher ground and having a sense of accomplishment because you may have influenced some residual behavior. The next time that person feels the need to express their thoughtless and hurtful opinion they may stop. Who knows, this may save someone like a child from being trampled by this person's idiocy (unfortunately even the very young are no exception to these individuals.)

People like this, who have this much stupidity owning them feed off of the negative attention. They don't even realize it themselves but it's painfully evident to everyone else around. Unnecessary criticisms and thoughtless diarrhea of the mouth are their weapons of choice. Of course they do come equipped with stand offish rude snobbery, and the inability to refrain from gossip. The best way to disarm the Super Solider of Social Deviance is tasteful honesty.

I have to work on this every day of my life, and it's hard as hell for me because I have an anger problem that has been the downfall of many electronic appliances and windows in my home :D

[Comfrey]

witches are historically beautiful, powerful women. Take Circe for example, who with her impossible beauty could enchant a man so deeply that time itself was warped.
Circe "Daughter of the sun" was alternately known as "the dread Goddess" and who lured sailors to their death and served as dinner.

But, I said I was not trying to be difficult and I'm not. But already in this thread there was a young woman who said she was offended and it was dismissed as "oh it was the Grimms Fairytale witch we were meaning". My response above is in answer to that.

Negative stereotypes hurt, and it doesn't matter whether people take this seriously or not, it is still the cause of discrimination toward a minority.