View Full Version : Head massage and hair petting...

October 1st, 2012, 07:07 PM
My DH will rub my head, and pet my hair, and where a year ago, I would have just luxuriated in the feel of it, now all I can think when he does it, is: "is he breaking my hair?"

Is he?

He puts his fingers against my scalp and runs circles with them, really small ones. This isn't with conditioner or anything, it's with just his fingers, like he's scritching me without the scritch. I know when I do it to myself it just feels more gentle, but it could just be my paranoia...

When he pets my hair I have this urgent panic that I need to run and detangle it first, just incase his fingers get caught in it and break any. (my hair is damaged and I'm doing my best to keep it safe)

Does anyone else panic about this stuff? Is it really an issue or is it just unfounded worry? Should I say anything to him and ask him to do it differently? Or not at all? I mean it IS just hair, right?? How do I chill out, or should I chill out?

October 1st, 2012, 07:10 PM
I think it's fine. Unless he's pulling on your hair and it's painful, you'll be ok. Does it feel nice when you're not going nuts about breakage? It IS just hair! =)

October 1st, 2012, 07:16 PM
My boy pal has a bad habit of leaning on mine in some way or another, which distresses me as well. Just make sure he know to be gentle, and don't be afraid to tell him to stop all together until you feel it is in better condition

October 1st, 2012, 07:16 PM
Haha you sound just like me. My bf always gives me "head rubbies" and before LHC I never thought twice about them. Now, I only let him give me head rubbies once or month or so because I'm worried about damage. He kind of finger combs my hair. I taught him the proper way to detangle now so I'm not as worried.

October 1st, 2012, 07:40 PM
My DHB's rough sandpaper man hands have no place combing or rubbing my hair. I can't even handle his arm around my shoulders when my hair is down... with my hair pinned under his arm. Thank goodness he's not the petting type.

October 1st, 2012, 07:41 PM
I love, love, love to have my hair "petted" and my head too. I really like to sit and have someone run their hands through my hair over and over...I actually don't think to much about if it damages the hair. It is a chance I am willing to take;) I just take a few minutes to detangle before hand and DH knows to be "careful"....if he hits a little snag or tangle he takes the time to carefully pick it out. I sometimes smooth a drop or two of mineral oil over the ends and canopy to make if smoother and less likely to tangle.

October 1st, 2012, 11:39 PM
I agree with GettingThere. Its inevitable to have breakage on a few strands once in a while anyway. have him understand how to rub your head, and think of how much you enjoy getting those massages. Plus, bonding with my man is worth a few little hairs to me.

October 2nd, 2012, 01:29 AM
I don't like it when my SO pets my hair, although I'm reluctant to tell him so. Either my hair is already greasy and I feel self-conscious, or I'm painfully aware that the more my hair is handled, the faster it will get greasy.

October 2nd, 2012, 02:41 AM
I totally get this- I worry as my dh to be snags mine on his cuticles and uses his nails sometimes- I ask him to do it once a week and just try to get him to run his hand back and forth to excercise the cuticles- he doesnt listen (generally lol) ... my hairs short as I chopped off the dye damage...so Im not that fussed atm....

see if you can get him to do it in a way you're comfortable with and work out how often youre ok with it.. i think its worth letting someone else massage your hair as it feels different from you doing it yourself..

October 3rd, 2012, 08:55 PM
Hahaha, okay great! So I'm not insane to worry about it, but there's really not much reason to worry about it, is that right? So it MIGHT break a couple of hairs, but it's not going to cause a ton of breakage at the scalp, right? I think I need to chill out.

How exactly do I get him to be a little more gentle then? He hates moisturizer, so I'm thinking to keep my hair oiled a little more often, maybe put oil on for sleeping and wash in the morning... That's going to get rid of his scratchy cuticles and make it easier for his fingers to glide through. I just need to figure out how to tell him to do it a little more gently than he does now!

October 3rd, 2012, 09:27 PM
I think its alright as long as he doesn't pull out any hair.

October 4th, 2012, 04:37 AM
Enjoy his touch. It's his way of being affectionate. I love when my DH does that.

October 4th, 2012, 04:43 AM
I thought that as long as it wasn't to vigorous, head massages helped hair growth, have I got that wrong? When I was reading a hair oiling I read about an Indian couple who oiled and massaged each others hair at the end of the day as a way of 'de-stressing'. I thought that sounded like a lovely idea :)

October 4th, 2012, 05:28 AM
I don't like anyone touching my hair unless I trust them not to be too rough but I love it when my OH gives me head massage or plays with my hair. I have to remind him sometimes to be a little more gentle but generally he is very careful.

October 11th, 2012, 08:19 PM
I used to love it when my bf pet my hair. But after lhc, I'm a little hesitant. I still enjoys it but also a little cautious of it. I shrieked when he grabbed a chunk of hair and "playfully" bit down. I gave him an ear full after that and now he likes to grab my hair between his lips just to freak me out.

UP Lisa
October 24th, 2012, 08:22 AM
My DH doesn't usually touch my hair. In a way i wish he would do it more, but when he does I worry because his hands are rough, and my hair tangles and breaks so easily. Seems like one of those things I should just enjoy, and not worry so much.

October 24th, 2012, 08:53 AM
My dbf did this when my hair was long- it was more of an issue because it tended to tangle. He likes to do it, so I let him.

Your hair's probably fine.


UP Lisa
October 24th, 2012, 11:16 AM

Have you ever noticed how much our signature pictures look alike?


I don't like anyone touching my hair unless I trust them not to be too rough but I love it when my OH gives me head massage or plays with my hair. I have to remind him sometimes to be a little more gentle but generally he is very careful.

October 24th, 2012, 11:53 AM
I think its fine unless he pulls or gets rough with your hair.

Curly Hermione
November 16th, 2012, 01:02 PM
My dad ruffles and pets my hair, often just when he's walking past, which I worry about a bit but, not too much as it doesn't seem to cause damage. What really worries me is when he pulls it! I think he does it because he knows how much it annoys me....