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BrianaFineHair
August 9th, 2008, 08:46 PM
My teen dd has a friend over and they planned to do make overs. That's fine; they're having fun. Well, friend brought her straightening iron and used it on my dd's hair. :agape:

It looks good and all but I gritted my teeth. DD said, "Mom I want one of those irons." Later dd came down stairs and I told her that although she looked pretty, it's a bad idea to do that to her hair and that she could not have one. I told her it is death to long healthy hair and her goal to get there.

Oh my....

akurah
August 9th, 2008, 08:53 PM
Is DD's hair curly or straight? If straight, telling her no is reasonable imo. If it's curly, well, as ideal as it would be to say no, it makes me hesitate. Children should be allowed a certain degree of freedom--I'd rather buy my child a curling iron or a flat iron than have her sneak around behind my back and do something worse just to spite me. I'm not saying that she will, but children who have NO control over their life, especially with little things like hair styling, will act out in unpredictable ways.

I guess what I'm trying to say is pick your battles. I don't think a flat iron is a big enough of a deal to fight with her over it unless you have genuine concerns about her injuring herself (for instance, if she's careless, she might burn herself or she might leave it plugged in and burn down the bathroom or entire house).

Pegasus Marsters
August 9th, 2008, 09:02 PM
If your daughter wanting a straight iron is your biggest worry then you're one lucky, lucky mother.

If she's a teen she's old enough to use a straight iron safely, so it's not like she's going to burn her ear off or anything. Let her have the freedom and use it and make her own mistakes. If she destroys her hair by flat ironing every day, so be it. Part of growing up is being allowed to make mistakes.

Carolyn
August 9th, 2008, 09:04 PM
The teen years are the time to experiment with things like that. It's only hair. Really, so what if she damages it with a curling iron? She will learn what irons do to hair and the hair will grow back if she fries it. If she's a teenager, shouldn't she be allowed to choose her own styles? I don't see that it's a big deal :shrug: Pick your battles. There are much bigger ones than fried hair.

Sapphire'sWings
August 9th, 2008, 09:06 PM
I'm with the other posters. Flat irons are pretty benign. Heat styling once in a while shouldn't completely ruin the hair, especially if she uses products to protect it. Some kids don't mind really damaging the hair to get the styles they want, as long as it looks cool. It grows back. :)

Bene
August 9th, 2008, 09:06 PM
maybe she needs to learn the hard way?

BrianaFineHair
August 9th, 2008, 09:12 PM
akurah, her hair is wavy with a bit of frizz. She can style her hair in any way she wants, but to let her damage her hair? Even though she's 14 she still needs some guidence. I told her that a straight iron combined with being on a swim team (chlorine) will damage her hair. She looked at me like, "Really???". Uh, yeah, really.

Last summer she had APL hair and wanted a short inverted bob. I tried to talk her out of it but told her ultimately it was her choice. She tells me often now, "Mom, I should have listened to you." Now she wants long, healthy hair.

With some things she makes her own decisions. However, when something is going to hurt her or damage a part of her body (her hair), I have to step in. I honestly don't think she realized how damaging it could be.

BrianaFineHair
August 9th, 2008, 09:17 PM
Ladies, it was not a battle. She's only 14 and not ready to be let go, do what ever you want, learn the hard way. If that was the case, then maybe a 14 year old does not even need a parent.

She has told me already that she wants long and HEALTHY hair. I tell her of the healthy hair tips I learn here. So, if her goal is to have healthy hair, it would be ignorant of me to let her damage her hair knowing she wishes for it to be healthy.

Pegasus Marsters
August 9th, 2008, 09:19 PM
Ladies, it was not a battle. She's only 14 and not ready to be let go, do what ever you want, learn the hard way. If that was the case, then maybe a 14 year old does not even need a parent.

She has told me already that she wants long and HEALTHY hair. I tell her of the healthy hair tips I learn here. So, if her goal is to have healthy hair, it would be ignorant of me to let her damage her hair knowing she wishes for it to be healthy.

Tell her a straight iron will damage her hair. Find her the scary pics Nightshade likes to post... If she still wants to straighten it after that then it's her mistake to make.

She's 14... that's old enough to make her own decisions about her hair. She needs to start being allowed to make mistakes now or she'll never learn anything... the best way to learn is from mistakes. :shrug:

kwaniesiam
August 9th, 2008, 09:26 PM
Tell her a straight iron will damage her hair. Find her the scary pics Nightshade likes to post... If she still wants to straighten it after that then it's her mistake to make.

She's 14... that's old enough to make her own decisions about her hair. She needs to start being allowed to make mistakes now or she'll never learn anything... the best way to learn is from mistakes. :shrug:

Agreed. It is okay to do once in a while, one run isn't going to fry her hair like a perm would. I fried my hair to hell and back when I was 14, found LHC, and now am appreciating caring for it and am more aware of the health of my hair. I also got the crazy experimental stage out of my system. Maybe tell her this, and tell her to join LHC as well so she can research on her own and understand WHY it is bad to use repeated heat styling :flowers:

Edit: If her hair is only wavy you could also suggest trying to blowdry on COOL LOW settings and combing if she wants a straight sleek look. I've done this combined with some heat protectant before with great results.

Nevermore
August 9th, 2008, 09:26 PM
I'm with the other posters. Bleaching my hair when I was 13 and getting a crimper/waver/flat iron thing (different plates on a single iron) when I was 12 or so got it out of my system. I also chopped my hair several times. Hair is a simple thing to fix if she messes it up. Unlike a poorly thought out tattoo or piercing, hair can be cut away and it'll grow back. It's a safe medium to let her express herself on.

Carolyn
August 9th, 2008, 09:31 PM
She's 14 so that means she will change her mind on lots of things. Yes do give her the facts on heat styling and hair damage. That may convince her and it may not. If she screws up her hair and ruins it, so what? We're talking hair here, not something life altering.

Shanarana
August 9th, 2008, 10:00 PM
Your dd may be stuck between a rock and a hard place. First she wants to be like her friends and do what they do for the look that is "in", than on the other hand she wants to hear your advise and respects that. In the end she will end up doing what she wants (being a teen, that's what they seem to do) at least you gave her good information to be able to make an informed choice for a girl her age.

I agree that stepping in and giving motherly advise is very necessary for a young lady even if she decides to do otherwise at least she is informed to the degree that she understands.

Flying Betty
August 9th, 2008, 11:34 PM
I would say that being 14 is exactly the time to make impermanent, bad decisions about what you look like. As long as she's aware that using it too often is going to fry her hair, why not get her the straightening iron? Not to be too cynical or anything, but could it be that she tells you that she wants long, healthy hair because that's obviously what you want her to say but she tells her friends that she wants the latest popular hairstyle because that's what they want to hear? I think it also depends on how she/you are defining long. Most people can have waist length hair without too much bother. If your daughter's hair is super fine or she straightens it and bleaches it and attacks it with a brush with no conditioner, that's one thing. Otherwise, it can take quite a bit of damage and still get fairly long and look pretty.

Honey39
August 10th, 2008, 01:25 AM
I can understand what you're saying, but I would also let her have the straighteners....she can occasionally straighten her hair to get the look she wants. Her hair is the strongest it's ever going t be, and I think that I like the memory of all my hair experiments, even though now I want long and glossy and healthy.

sahiba
August 10th, 2008, 01:41 AM
I too can understand your worry, but you know teenagers... things are more attractive if they are forbidden. Why not gift the iron to her with a chat of how unhealthy it is for hair. give her some articles from our site on this topic for her to read so that she becomes aware of the side affects of hot iron.And then , hopefully when your dd refuses to use it ,use the brand new iron on her friends head :horse: (not hair please)

vampodrama
August 10th, 2008, 02:04 AM
just like everyone's already said - your daughter is a teenager and she will end up doing what she wants, whether you like it or not... come on, we've all been there! :D

Pegasus Marsters
August 10th, 2008, 02:57 AM
You know, it could be so much worse than her wanting to straighten her hair. Teenagers act out in the most terrible ways and really... if I were you I'd let her have the straighteners. It's hair, it grows back. I knew girls when I was her age who were on drugs and having unprotected sex with multiple partners... Yes, 14 year old girls. Shocking, isn't it? Let me tell you now their mothers would have been thrilled if the worst thing the kids were doing was straightening their hair.

Sarahmoon
August 10th, 2008, 03:34 AM
There's nothing wrong with informing your doughter it will damage her hair. Especially because she said she wanted healthy long hair and her "really???" response makes me believe she didn't know it is an unhealthy thing to do.
However if she persists on having one, I would suggest let her buy one with her own money or use her friend's one. You don't have to buy one for her if you don't agree with it.

Periwinkle
August 10th, 2008, 04:50 AM
I'm 14, and I am a major exception to the rule in that I do not straighten my hair (more because I can't be bothered than because of health). People do tease me about it (not in a mean way), and it doesn't bother me, but if your daughter gets that kind of thing, even if they don't mean it in a bad way, it might bother her.

And to be honest, whether or not she wants healthy hair, it's her decision to make. Tell her it'll damage her hair and maybe show her the microscopic pics but after that, I think it should be her choice. I know lots of people who say they want lovely long hair but in reality don't: 'long' to them is below shoulders, or they're just not bothered enough to wait and decide to cut it every time. Everyone has to make hair mistakes to learn what's right for them: if she'd not had that inverted bob, then she'd probably have wanted something else and sooner or later she'd have done something. I've been there, you've been there, everyone's been there.

You could always say something like 'sure, but you have to pay for it' if you want her to think more about the decision (if she doesn't have enough saved already).

winter_star
August 10th, 2008, 04:54 AM
There is definatly nothing wrong with telling your daughter she can't have a hair straightner. To be honest I fried the hell out of my hair and wish someone had educated me about damages it can cause. But now it's growing back nice and healthy and I don't go near a hair iron EVER! However it is only natural that teenagers want to experiment with their looks and begin creating their own styles and personality.

If you decide to buy her one maybe you could let her use it for special occasions or create a few fancy hairstyles so she won't need to use one so often?

I don't think you need to worry too much, I think will all go through that hair straightening stage.

BrianaFineHair
August 10th, 2008, 06:38 AM
I see that the popular opinion is to let her get an iron. I have appreciated reading the different post. In response to one post, her hair is not like mine. The texture is fine, but she's got tons of hair; very thick.

She did mention using the iron only once in a while. I will gather some info here about flat irons and let her read. She's got a summer life guard job and she enjoys the freedom to buy things for herself. I remember how that was. ;)

She is a member here. I can even suggest she get on and do a flat iron search for herself.

Thanks!

eadwine
August 10th, 2008, 06:54 AM
Briana, be ready then to have a hefty discussion with her, because when she runs the search she will find this thread. Personally I would have been quite hurt if my mother had said such things online like "not ready". Just a tip then: to prepare for that.

LaurelSpring
August 10th, 2008, 06:59 AM
Nightshade's scary pics should do it <shudder> They gave me nightmares.

thankyousir74
August 10th, 2008, 07:12 AM
akurah, her hair is wavy with a bit of frizz. She can style her hair in any way she wants, but to let her damage her hair? Even though she's 14 she still needs some guidence. I told her that a straight iron combined with being on a swim team (chlorine) will damage her hair. She looked at me like, "Really???". Uh, yeah, really.



Oh man It sounds like you're talking about MY fourteenth year (I had the same combination, now I've only dropped the ironing). And you're right, my hair was wrecked around that time (when I decided to chop mine off) and I didn't even use the thing regularly. You give her the best tips to avoid the chlorine right? I think that and the rough handling(and I mean rough) of my long hair is what did it in. Her and I hair around the same kinda hair.

But I dunno to some girls if you take away their straightening iron it's equivalent of taking away their life they get dependant on it and start to hate their own hair (at least in those tender years of high school). Girls always wanted to me me over and it always involved make-up and straight hair (WHY?!?!? UGHHH). I'm just glad I grew out of the straight hair is the best hair to have phase pretty quick, and maybe your DD has some growing up to do, and even though i would cringe too if my DD asked me for one (cos I didn't ask for one i got it for christmas randomly, my mom likes me to be very femme), and I'd also feel like I might need to interject. Just make sure she uses some kind of heat protectant (and something to protect her hair from chlorine and sun!!!)

thankyousir74
August 10th, 2008, 07:13 AM
Nightshade's scary pics should do it <shudder> They gave me nightmares.


WHAT ARE THESE?!?!?! I here about them all the time when flat irons are mentioned but I've never seen them! Where can I see these, I want to see some hair carnage!

pariate
August 10th, 2008, 07:46 AM
I see where you're coning from - if she's told you that wants long, healthy hair then of course you'll advise her that adopting an iron habit may not be the best idea! Has she previously made a point of asking you for advice on growing her hair long and healthy? Maybe you should view it the same way you would if she told you on her 21st birthday that she wants to start drinking - advise all things in moderation ;)

Periwinkle
August 10th, 2008, 08:22 AM
WHAT ARE THESE?!?!?! I here about them all the time when flat irons are mentioned but I've never seen them! Where can I see these, I want to see some hair carnage!

She posted them here. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=126426&postcount=19)

spidermom
August 10th, 2008, 08:24 AM
I certainly wouldn't get her one of those irons. If she decided to save up her own money, however, I'd allow that.

pariate
August 10th, 2008, 08:27 AM
She posted them here. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=126426&postcount=19)



:couch:


That's really scary...

:(

orangeeyecrayon
August 10th, 2008, 08:38 AM
if your daughter is anything like me she will have to learn this lesson for her self.

cause i was warned several times against bleaching, dying, and other such bad things for the hair and i still went ahead and did them untill i realized how they damaged my hair first hand

pariate
August 10th, 2008, 08:51 AM
When I was about 11 I deserately wanted to have my hair permed (I used to think I had straight hair, a common 2c/3a story!) and my mum refused. She told me I'd regret it and that it would damage my hair and that I should wait until I was 16. Needless to say I lost the urge long before that age and I'm so glad I did!

FWIW my mum had permed, dyed hair, so she was definitely speaking from experience ;)

Chromis
August 10th, 2008, 09:15 AM
There is definatly nothing wrong with telling your daughter she can't have a hair straightner. To be honest I fried the hell out of my hair and wish someone had educated me about damages it can cause. But now it's growing back nice and healthy and I don't go near a hair iron EVER! However it is only natural that teenagers want to experiment with their looks and begin creating their own styles and personality.

If you decide to buy her one maybe you could let her use it for special occasions or create a few fancy hairstyles so she won't need to use one so often?

I don't think you need to worry too much, I think will all go through that hair straightening stage.

I agree. She's a minor under your roof. If you say she can't have an iron, then she can't have one. Plenty of parents don't allow make up...their kids lived just fine! People seem to kowtow a lot to kids these days, building them all up to think they are special little snowflakes.

yogachic
August 10th, 2008, 09:19 AM
akurah, her hair is wavy with a bit of frizz. She can style her hair in any way she wants, but to let her damage her hair? Even though she's 14 she still needs some guidence. I told her that a straight iron combined with being on a swim team (chlorine) will damage her hair. She looked at me like, "Really???". Uh, yeah, really.

Last summer she had APL hair and wanted a short inverted bob. I tried to talk her out of it but told her ultimately it was her choice. She tells me often now, "Mom, I should have listened to you." Now she wants long, healthy hair.

With some things she makes her own decisions. However, when something is going to hurt her or damage a part of her body (her hair), I have to step in. I honestly don't think she realized how damaging it could be.

My daughter is almost 13 and has been on swim team too. Her hair ends up gummy and strange. I agree with you, a flat iron on top of that will probably be REALLY Bad for her hair.
I'm sure you also have a bit more than just a flat iron to deal with, with a 14 year old. There's always a bit more to it. I'm with you.
:)

Isilme
August 10th, 2008, 09:28 AM
Let her buy her own flatiron then, from her money. But I honestly don't seee how a flatiron could be damaging to her, part from her hair. I think the best way would be to inform her about the damaging part and then if she still wants one, well, it's her money. There are worse things to argue about, really. And if she doesn't learn now about how damaging it is now, she will learn when she gets older and then she may have a job she has to look good at (like office) let her learn now.
And I thought about one thing another member said, if she runs a search here, she'll find this thread. If my mother had gotten online and written about something like this I would be furious and it would be hard for her to gain my trust back again.
So, advise her and then let her choose herself and buy one with her own money if that's what she wants. That's my opinion :)

Slug Yoga
August 10th, 2008, 09:38 AM
:couch:


That's really scary...

:(

Even just looking at the damage done by hair elastics freaks me out!

pariate
August 10th, 2008, 09:40 AM
:lol: The image of the razor cut hair is freaky too!

BrianaFineHair
August 10th, 2008, 12:39 PM
Briana, be ready then to have a hefty discussion with her, because when she runs the search she will find this thread. Personally I would have been quite hurt if my mother had said such things online like "not ready". Just a tip then: to prepare for that.

What? Are you kidding me? She would love you all for disagreeing with her mother. :rolleyes:

There is nothing wrong with what I posted and no reason for me to have to "gain her trust" as another poster mentioned. There are a great many things my 14 year old is not ready for, and you know what, she knows it too. We happen to be very close and have a loving relationships. I am blessed because I know that is not the case with a lot of moms/teen girls.

I posted in the Mane forum to discuss hair and flat irons, not to get parenting advice from teens and young women with no kids. I find it quite insulting. I get my parenting advice from older women who've been there and done that - lots of experience.

I'm sorry for coming across so brash, but re-read the thread and look at it from my point of view. Instead of talking hair and flat irons, I got an ear full about my parenting style and choices. I did not ask for that. I suppose if I posted in the parenting forum, it would have been more appropriate.

That's all I have for this thread and this topic. By now my dd shouldn't even need a mother.

AshleyP
August 10th, 2008, 02:22 PM
Your the mother, you make the decisions - just like some mothers dont allow their 14 year olds to have makeup. It's up to you.

*If* however, she does ever get a flat iron, be sure she NEVER gets a Conair! LOL. I had one at 14 and it KILLED my hair. Worst... flat iron.... ever. My $80 Solia flat iron from Folica.com is SOOO much better and has not left my hair nearly as burnt/fried/frizzy/overall-yucky as the $20 Conair did. Blah.

Ursula
August 10th, 2008, 02:23 PM
You wanted to know about hair and flat irons - and the answer is, flat irons can damage hair, but some people don't mind that damage, and do like the results of straightening, so provided that they can use the iron without burning themselves, and know the potential for damage, they should be free to use it.

The fact that this person is your daughter makes some "parenting" consideration inevitable, such as consideration of her age and if she could use a flatiron without burning herself. Consensus - she probably can use it safely. (I agree - many of my friends were using curling irons to curl their bangs at that age.) If she was eight, the answer to that concern might be different. But that concern would be there whether or not she's your daughter, or just a young friend.

But for the most part, you got the same advice that LHC would give anyone who was asking about another person who wanted to use a flat iron. "Some chance of damage, but it's their hair and it's up to them if it makes them happy, and they aren't here to decorate your world."

It's not "parenting" advice - its the same advice everyone gets around here when trying to control another person's hair.

If you were wanting different advice, because she's your daughter, then yes, you were looking for parenting advice. But for a 14 year old daughter, the advice is the same whether she's your daughter or an unrelated person.

Tap Dancer
August 10th, 2008, 02:54 PM
With some things she makes her own decisions. However, when something is going to hurt her or damage a part of her body (her hair), I have to step in. I honestly don't think she realized how damaging it could be.

(I haven't read all the replies yet.)

If you won't let her play with her hair now, she'll probably just do it as soon as she's 18. And she may do lots of things then: bleaching, ironing, curling, etc.

And you know that she can flat iron her hair when she goes to her friends' houses.

enitsirk
August 10th, 2008, 02:58 PM
Can you tell her she can't have a flat iron? Sure, you're her mom.

But I think there would be a better result from telling her it damages her hair (which you have), showing her it damages her hair, and then letting her make the decision on whether or not *she* wants to buy one. It could be a lesson in moderation as well :p

Also can be a lesson in doing research on products to decide what to buy, if she does decide to get one, and looking for quality over price, if you take what AshleyP has to say in consideration.

I do think that she is of an age that she should be able to make her own decisions on her hair, especially if she's willing to accept guidance from you, as appears to be the case.

Magicknthenight
August 10th, 2008, 03:05 PM
I understand where your coming from. When i saw how often my little sister straightened her hair the time i was living with them..i cringed as well! My mom blow-drys and straightens it everyday. I can't make my mom stop but if she ever came to me for advice i would give her it. Your just looking out for your daughter! I've tried to warn my sister about damage but shes slowly learning. But then anytime i see someone do something like that to their hair i cringe. Like when i see friends rip a brush through their wet hair. o0oo0o The sound is almost unbearable to me! Then again i have a sensitive head. Like you said you have a close relationship with your daughter and your just looking out for her!
I envy that! I wish me and my mom could get along.



PS- After a long process of erasing my whole computer, reinstalling, and changing a bunch of settings...the spell check now works!!!!:D

EDIT: oh i let her straighten my hair only once because i knew it was damaging. But after those pictures i saw on here...NEVER AGAIN!

toodramatik
August 10th, 2008, 07:11 PM
DON'T LET HER GET ONE!

Like thankyousir said, some girls become hooked on flat irons. I used to be one of those girls (only, not to the point that I wouldn't go outside without my hair done), and go to a school full of them. My sister is a typical example of someone who has killed her beautiful, bright red, waist length, ALREADY straightish hair with one. Her SPLIT ENDS have SPLIT ENDS! It's soo bad, and she knows all this and she hasn't stopped and probably won't stop for a while, if ever. And she's seen all the damage pics. And heard my lectures.

And the weird thing is, her hair was pretty straight to begin with, maybe a 1c AT MOST. But now for some reason, it's like, 2b.

thankyousir74
August 10th, 2008, 08:16 PM
She posted them here. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=126426&postcount=19)

SIIIIICK I'm so glad I stopped doing that to my hair ^_^

melrose1985
August 10th, 2008, 08:57 PM
I'm 22 and i think started with the dyeing and messing with my hair around 15ish... And this week (after many years of frying and dyeing and bleaching) i completely recked my hair so that i had to cut it to get rid of the damaged I'd done. Perm and straighting in one week. So yesterday after crying to my mom (who always tries to dicourge me from messing with my hair) i told her i FINALLY learned my lesson. In which she (in more words) told me "i told you so."

My mom, when i started all the craziness with my hair, never really let me do much and i would have to beg and beg, but it got to the point were i started having my best friend help me and then i would just do it myself. So I agree that telling her and letting her know the damage it will do is a good thing. And don't by her one, let her earn her own money to get it.

Best of luck with it.

Altocumulus
August 11th, 2008, 07:43 AM
If my 13 year old daughter wanted me to let her flat iron her hair, I'd make sure she knew what kind of damage flat irons do, and then let her decide whether to do it or not. It's her hair. That's my opinion as a mother who remembers when I was 14 and permed my curly hair so it would curl differently.

thankyousir74
August 11th, 2008, 08:09 AM
And don't by her one, let her earn her own money to get it.



But won't she just buy the cheapest iron and do more damage? :/

blergh

Nightshade
August 11th, 2008, 08:14 AM
SIIIIICK I'm so glad I stopped doing that to my hair ^_^

:spitting:

Nice.

Thank you for linking them, Periwinkle! :)

wintersun99
August 11th, 2008, 09:26 AM
............

VanillaTresses
August 11th, 2008, 09:32 AM
I would cringe too, and advise against it... but would stop short of forbidding her to use it. The teen years are years of experimentation and self-expression, and IMO hair is a renewable resource. :shrug:

systemaurora
August 17th, 2008, 04:05 PM
Hope it's not too late to post on this.

When I was 12, 14, 16, etc. I was allowed to wear makeup (just a little) but not eat meat, and I was only allowed to use the straightener once a month if that.

I rebelled, big time. I just did it behind my mom's back (eating meat especially) when I was 14... then 16... then when I moved off to college at 17 I nearly died because I was eating SO MUCH MEAT all the time, and it turns out I have an intolerance to meat that made me really sick. I also straightened my hair multiple times a day and had to cut most of that off. I highlighted my hair, blow dried it, chemically straightened it, and did all sorts of crazy stuff beyond even my hair (started dating a guy I met on the internet, flirted with lots of people on campus and ended up getting stalked by three separate people, etc. etc.). All because when I finally had that freedom. And I thank God now that all that I moved out when I was 17, because if I had been older I think I would have gone even crazier when I tasted freedom (so just locking them in the basement until they're 25 doesn't help! lol).

My point? It's far better to educate a teenager about things like that rather than forbid it. If my mom had showed me pictures and said "this is why I don't like you straightening your hair" I would have been like "oh wow!" and not done it as much when I was older and COULD straighten my hair as often as I wanted. I just hate it when I see parents worrying about things like this, because saving their hair or keeping them from nicking themselves shaving isn't worth the chance that they might "rebel" when they get free, and now that I'm older and talk with my mom about it she agrees that it was wrong to force her preferences on me like that, especially since some of the results (pain from being stalked, being chronically ill with no hope of getting better from excessive meat eating) are permanent. =/

On the upside, straightening your hair every so often is a good way to prevent getting lice (or at the least not have as much of an infestation). It's also a relatively safe thing teenagers can do to "express themselves".

So I guess my advice is the same my mom uses on my younger siblings now: educate them about the less important things but let them make their decisions once they're past the bar/bat mitzvah age (12 for girls, 13 for boys). My siblings are turning out considerably less wild than I did under her new philosophy, so it's worked for our family at least!

If she wants to spend her own money on this, let her-- assuming she's very responsible and you trust her not to hurt herself or the property with it. Or, alternatively, you could give her a timeframe after which she can get it: i.e. I was told I could get my ears pierced when I got my period, and that I could retake violin lessons after dropping them when I had a job to pay for them when I was 16. Making her wait two years might make her change her mind, and if not at least she'll be older. :)

I'm not trying to tell you parenting advice, but when you post something like this it's inevitable that people will want to share their experiences out of hopes that bad things in their life can be prevented in someone else's. Ignore this or snark it if you like, but I hope your daughter agrees with you and doesn't want this as it doesn't sound like you were really asking for opinions or advice, you just wanted people to agree with you. Which is fine, but it's better to post it that way so there aren't hurt feelings later on. You didn't really make it clear what you wanted in your first post, so people did they're best to respond with input.

Peace. <3

dustbuni2k
August 17th, 2008, 06:55 PM
When my daughter was 14 she wanted to dye her hair pink. I said fine and even helped her do it. Then she wanted to dye it blue and I allowed and helped again. After a few more colors she finally got tired of trying to shock me and went back to her natural color. I figured there were more important things to forbid her trying to do; and letting her have the little victory of trying to be shocking by hair color cost me nothing. That was my experience. You, as the mother have every right to encourage or discourage things as you see fit.

amiaow
August 17th, 2008, 09:14 PM
Not really in a position to give any motherly advice, but I can recommend that if she gets a flat iron, to get one with variable heat settings! I use one on my bangs and sometimes on my ponytail if I want something cute, it has 10 heat settings, I have fine hair and use it on number 4, which is definitely hot enough to straighten my hair. HTH!