How can I convince my mom to grow long hair?

[katfemme89]

I've always wanted my mom to grow her hair out long. I saw pictures of her when she was my age and her hair looked just like mine does, even the same length and color. Since I was born though, she has kept it in a short pixie (I can't imagine having the same hairstyle for 23 years!) and it has thinned a bit over the years, which she hates. When I've talked to her about growing it out she gets really really stubborn almost to the point of being annoyed. She insists that her hair is too thin to grow out, and would look bad long. But I don't think it would. I wouldn't expect her to grow it down to her ankles, but just even to chin length bob would look cute I think. Part of my reasoning is because I could help her style it in the bob (not all that much to style with a pixie:P), and make it look REALLY nice, and I think it would help with her self-esteem. She has a really poor self-image and I think it's time for a change to make her feel good about herself again.

How do I convince her???

[runawaystarling]

I've tried convincing my mom to grow out her hair as well but she insists that her hair is too coarse and thick to be long and pretty and that she has to contain her ugly poof (her words) by keeping it short. Truth is I've seen pictures when she was in her 20's and her hair was long, thick and curly and so beautiful but nothing seems to convince her when I try telling her this.

[CurlySasha]

I know you mean well, but she is an adult and can make her own decisions :)
If she wants longer hair, then she'll grow it out, and if not, then she won't.
I hope all goes well, whatever she chooses :D

[Nedertane]

If your mom doesn't want to grow out her hair, don't try to make her. I know you want her to do it to help her self-image, and that is really sweet of you, but in my experience, when others are feeling down about themselves in regards to their appearances, it generally does NOT help to try to impart your own ideas on what you think would make them look good, and what you think they would like, without their asking. You can suggest and offer some help, but ultimately, it's going to be up to her to decide what will make her feel better about herself. Which I hope she does. :)

[Rufflebutt]

If your mom is happy with her pixie, I'd just let her enjoy her hair. However if she wants long hair but doesn't think she can look good with it, maybe you could explain to her that with the proper care that it could look wonderful?

[Falcore]

Ultimately, the decision is hers, and it appears she's made up her mind. Though, it wouldn't hurt to show her some pictures of women of her age and her type of hair (thickness and texture) to give her an idea of what it'd look like.

[Toadstool]

I would leave her alone. If she gets annoyed as you say. it's probably because you are nagging her about something very personal (her appearance).

If you want to boost her self esteem, try focusing on praising her internal qualities, not her external appearance. Seeing as she already feels insecure about her thinning hair, focusing on it is bound to make her feel worse.

[Suguru]

It's funny, being someone who loves long hair, I've always been quick to suggest that my friends and family members grow their hair longer, or to try and talk them out of a shorter cut. Recently however, I've come to the realisation that my constant insistence that everyone I know would look nicer with long hair is just as unhelpful as other people trying to talk me into cutting my hair. Of course we are all entitled to our opinion and it may well be that your mum (and/or mine) would look nicer if their hair was longer, but ultimately they get to decide what they do with their hair, and we should affirm that decision even if it is not the same one we would have made for ourselves! :)

[Ticky]

In the end, you probably can't convince her. However, maybe if she saw some interesting styles that could be done with longer hair, she would change her mind. That happened to my mom, I converted her. :D

If she still doesn't want it, that's fine, too. I imagine that switching from a short pixie of 23 years to *insert length here* would be strange, at first. I find that some people dislike that question, just like people with long hair dislike ''why don't you cut your hair?'', which is understandable.

[pepperminttea]

I feel your pain; my mother's the same. She's had a pixie in some form since she was pregnant with my eldest brother; he turned thirty earlier this week. Her self-esteem is through the floor, and if she can push through the awkward stages, I bet it would make her feel better. (And when you can put it up, the maintenance reduces immensely.) But she insists her hair is thinning (it's not, but she sheds on the higher end of normal), and that "long hair is for the young." She's just got this idea in her head that being in her late fifties means she has to become some sexless being, and we're both big women which doesn't help (society doesn't exactly have many positive images of us to inspire good self-esteem), and it's making her utterly miserable. I sometimes wish I could take her by the shoulders and say "All bodies are good bodies, and yours is beautiful!" and for her to believe it, and accept it.

So while I fully acknowledge it's her decision, and she can't be pushed, I feel your pain OP. I hate seeing her hate herself.

[clarinette]

I've initiated a shift in my mother's perception of hair, just by explaining my hair routine and the use of oil, demonstrating the damage she was doing by colouring it blonde (by making her feel the soft regrowth next to her scalp, with the tips of her fingers), she hasn't been colouring for the last year, the bottle of blonde dye she had bought last summer is still sitting on top of my bathroom cabinet (I don't know why I keep it btw.....). She is cutting off damage, so now she has curly shoulder lenght hair that she can really tell is getting healthier (This year I showed her how much more shiny her silver regrowth was, in the sun, compared to the remnants of dye she still has, that is all dull and hayish) . She's still not growing but I have hope :D

[Copasetic]

Long hair isn't for everyone. Just support whatever she wants to do.

[spidermom]

Keep your lips together and let her do whatever she wants with her hair. I wish my husband would grow his out, but he likes it 1 inch long or shorter. I'm not going to badger him to do what I want.

[heidi w.]

I would stop bugging her about it. She doesn't want to, and she's tired of explaining her reasons to you. Besides, she may have a point. When one is 50-something, looking at older pictures when she was in her 20s is not helpful. All people's hair changes with time. I would encourage her to have a thyroid checkup on her next ob-gyn visit, and anemia as well just to rule those possibilities out.

Let her be. She's happy. Praise her on her attire, and personal qualities. That should be more welcome, I'm betting.

heidi w.

[lapushka]

If she's kept it short for that long, then I'm betting she likes it just fine the way it is, or she'd have tried to change up her hairstyle already.

I agree with a lot of the other posters. Stop pestering her about it! You're obviously not helping by being so insistent she grow it out. She can make decisions for herself just fine. :)

[Artisticat]

Maybe suggest a compromise to a bob length? Perhaps you can take a picture and Photoshop her with longer hair or find one of those websites that does that for you? Show her pics of other mature ladies with longer hair.

Maybe have an in-home mom and daughter "hair spa day" and condition and oil her hair for her. Her hair thinning may be due to other things not age related and may be hair care related.

I'm probably closer to your mother's age and am bucking the trend of older ladies with short(er) do's. I'm an artist - so perhaps I can get away with it a little easier. It all depends on your mother's peer group and what she feels comfortable doing.

In the end - if she's doesn't want to change, just drop it and be happy for her. Help her rock a healthy pixie! ;)

[MinderMutsig]

I agree with everyone else. Given her responses she obviously doesn't want long hair so leave her be. Also, if she is struggling with self-confidence it probably isn't helping her to have her daughter constantly tell her she'd look better if she changed. If you want to help her in that department I'd try complimenting her on who she is and what she looks like now.

[ravenreed]

I only comment on my mom's hair when she asks for my opinion. Otherwise, I support EVERYTHING she does to her hair. She has always supported the crazy stuff I do to my hair, including my long hair journey. It makes me a little sad that you feel that you must change your mother's opinion of her own hair!



I've initiated a shift in my mother's perception of hair, just by explaining my hair routine and the use of oil, demonstrating the damage she was doing by colouring it blonde (by making her feel the soft regrowth next to her scalp, with the tips of her fingers), she hasn't been colouring for the last year, the bottle of blonde dye she had bought last summer is still sitting on top of my bathroom cabinet (I don't know why I keep it btw.....). She is cutting off damage, so now she has curly shoulder lenght hair that she can really tell is getting healthier (This year I showed her how much more shiny her silver regrowth was, in the sun, compared to the remnants of dye she still has, that is all dull and hayish) . She's still not growing but I have hope :D

[katfemme89]

Ok here's the thing: the only reason I am trying to convince her is because she complains all the time about how awful her hair looks and how hard it is to do anything with it. If she weren't complaining about it, I wouldn't be offering my advice. You know what I mean? It breaks my heart to see my beautiful mother calling herself ugly and refusing to let me take pictures when she looks great because she thinks she looks grotesque. I thought maybe a new hairstyle would bring about a new attitude.

My mom is 59 and she only has a few gray hairs. And I think it looks beautiful. I just want her to see her beauty like I do and my dad does. My dad likes longer hair, and i feel like if she would grow it out a bit he would feel inclined to compliment her more often (he's one of those men who doesn't notice much though so maybe not) but yeah. I just want her to be happy.

I just feel like if she would try growing it out, she would actually like it. I just think she should give it a chance. I'm not asking for a lot of length, just a bob. I think it could be styled to give her more volume, and she would feel like a new woman.

But maybe some of you guys are right. I haven't really been pestering her about it, I've only mentioned it like two or three times, so I hope you guys don't think I'm like worrying her to death about it. I'm not. I just would like to figure out a nice way to suggest it so that she DOESN'T feel like I'm trying to force her or make her feel bad about the way she already looks.

[ravenreed]

Ah, that is different then. If she were really happy with how it was already, and you were trying to change it on her, that's when it gets too pushy.


Ok here's the thing: the only reason I am trying to convince her is because she complains all the time about how awful her hair looks and how hard it is to do anything with it. If she weren't complaining about it, I wouldn't be offering my advice. You know what I mean? It breaks my heart to see my beautiful mother calling herself ugly and refusing to let me take pictures when she looks great because she thinks she looks grotesque. I thought maybe a new hairstyle would bring about a new attitude.

My mom is 59 and she only has a few gray hairs. And I think it looks beautiful. I just want her to see her beauty like I do and my dad does. My dad likes longer hair, and i feel like if she would grow it out a bit he would feel inclined to compliment her more often (he's one of those men who doesn't notice much though so maybe not) but yeah. I just want her to be happy.

I just feel like if she would try growing it out, she would actually like it. I just think she should give it a chance. I'm not asking for a lot of length, just a bob. I think it could be styled to give her more volume, and she would feel like a new woman.

But maybe some of you guys are right. I haven't really been pestering her about it, I've only mentioned it like two or three times, so I hope you guys don't think I'm like worrying her to death about it. I'm not. I just would like to figure out a nice way to suggest it so that she DOESN'T feel like I'm trying to force her or make her feel bad about the way she already looks.

[katfemme89]

Ah, that is different then. If she were really happy with how it was already, and you were trying to change it on her, that's when it gets too pushy.

Yeah. Like I am definitely a live and let live type of person. If she was crazy about her hair, even crazy about shaving her head, I would support her 100% and tell her how beautiful she is. But when I hear her badmouthing herself my brain's gears starting turning about what I can do to help her and see her appreciate herself more.

[Mesmerise]

With all due respect, if I, as a long hair, had a daughter who kept trying to persuade me to cut my hair all off, I'd get pretty annoyed!

You see, the same thing applies, whether it's long hair to short, or short hair to long! It's annoying having someone tell you you'd look better "if only you...cut your hair/grow your hair/colour your hair/get layers..."

I understand why you want your mom to grow her hair. I used to tell mine to grow her hair too (it hasn't been long since the early 70s before I was born, and even then at its longest I think her hair was just shoulder length!!). I honestly couldn't understand how someone could live their whole live without EVER having long hair OR wanting it (as a kid my mum always had her hair really short).

But that's just the way it is! Your mom is entitled to her opinion, and even though you want the best for her, I think it's probably just rubbing her the wrong way.

[katfemme89]

I took some of y'alls advice and showed her a picture of a hairstyle that I think would look really good on her, because she has the same shape face and kind of the same features as Helen Mirren. I really think she liked it:

http://cdn.sheknows.com/lovingyou/filter/l/gallery/hairstyles_for_older_women.jpg

And I told her I could help her with styling til she gets the hang of it, and she said "hmm..." which is her way of saying "I really like the idea but I'm afraid of change so I'm gonna have to think about it for a while" :D

[Toadstool]

Thank you for explaining. It wasn't clear from your oP that she hates her hair.
If she likes the Helen Mirren style, then I hope she goes for it.

[AnnaJamila]

Haha, my mom repeatedly grows and cuts her hair (she has lovely, glossy black ringlets with a tiny bit of grey that she hennas). She always asks if me if I think she ought to cut it or grow it and then does the opposite of what I suggest.

I learned quickly to say I thought it looked better short. ;)

My point being sometimes people like to be a tad contrary so perhaps reverse psychology would help your cause?

[katfemme89]

Haha, my mom repeatedly grows and cuts her hair (she has lovely, glossy black ringlets with a tiny bit of grey that she hennas). She always asks if me if I think she ought to cut it or grow it and then does the opposite of what I suggest.

I learned quickly to say I thought it looked better short. ;)

My point being sometimes people like to be a tad contrary so perhaps reverse psychology would help your cause?

I see what you mean, that might be true a little but my mom isn't really that type. My dad is. But my mom is just EXTREMELY set in her ways. Like, stubbon to the point of total irrationality. But I think I might slowly but surely help her try new styles.

This is her when she was 18 with long hair:
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s720x720/482005_3642647221008_971080452_n.jpg

This was her five years ago, on my graduation day (she's 53 here!! can you believe it?):
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/189477_1632991420869_102601_n.jpg