Hair Depressed

[jennescence]

I'm doing everything right. I oil my hair every week. I comb my hair with a wide toothed sandalwood comb, from the bottom up. I only wash my hair every 3 days. The only thing I do is dye my hair, and thats only every 4 months or so. My hair still is very frizzy. Mostly around the top. I'm starting to hate my hair. It is so heavy it's flat at the roots and poofy at the botttom. I feel like I cannot wear updo's because I have quite a large forehead. Does everyone go thru this stage? Will it ever get better, or should I just chop it all off?

[katfemme89]

How about clarifying? that could possibly help lift the roots...

When you say frizzy, do you mean like when a curly haired person brushes their hair, or frizzy in like there's a ton of baby hairs poking out all over the place?

[spidermom]

Your pictures don't really show your hair all that well, so I don't know what you're talking about. But if you aren't getting the results you want, maybe you aren't "doing all the right things". For example, maybe your hair doesn't respond particularly well to the oil you're using. Maybe you have wavier/curlier hair than you think. Maybe you need to clarify. There are so many possibilities!

[jennescence]

Abunch of baby hairs. Except they are dry. I thought that too so I clarified and all it did was make my hair drier:( My hair feels like a dessert no matter what I put on it. I don't know whats going on lol.

[Chanie]

I would also say try to clarify ! When you say it feels heavy it sounds like it would help, my hair always feels light as feathers after clarifying, and it might help on the frizz to

[jennescence]

Spidermom I wish I could have hair like you:) I will take new pictures as soon as my hair dries(just showered). Sometimes I think it could be an internal problem because I have so many health issues. Then I think maybe I have hard water. So many possibilities like you said. It just feels good to vent on here instead of picking up the shears lol.

[Chanie]

Oh i didnt saw youve allready tryed that, but remember to do a moist treatment after, clraifying dries hair out..

[spidermom]

Sounds like it might be time for a good moisture masque or SMT. And drink plenty of water, at least a quart a day, 2 if you can get it. Nothing in your system is moisturized if you're chronically dehydrated.

Don't let my carefully chosen pictures fool you. My hair can be a nightmare! It loves to split, for example.

[katfemme89]

Abunch of baby hairs. Except they are dry. I thought that too so I clarified and all it did was make my hair drier:( My hair feels like a dessert no matter what I put on it. I don't know whats going on lol.

Baby hairs are GOOOOOD!!!! It means you're having a ton of new growth from where you ripped your poor little hairs out before with harsh treatment. Don't worry hon, they'll grow out, it's a good sign!

Do you, by any chance, know how your hair reacts to protein? Because if it reacts well then I would suggest slathering some mayo on your hair and letting it sit and then rinsing it out. That'll definitely moisturize it. But if your hair doesn't like protein (like mine) it won't work well.

[katfemme89]

Also, I noticed that your hair type is medium/coarse... coarse hair tends to dry out quickly.

What kind of oil are you using?

[jennescence]

Coconut oil right now while it is warm outside. I will have to try the mayo to see if it works lol:)

[katfemme89]

hmmm. I have heard that coconut oil doesn't work on some people. maybe try a lighter oil. i use Africa's Best Herbal Oil. it's resonably priced and you can get it at wal mart. Maybe just stop using the coconut oil for a few days and see what happens.

[rtree721]

I know it is tough when your hair is in a funk but don't do anything you will regret, like chopping it. You said you can't wear up dos because you think your forehead is too big, how about bangs or a little fringe? Also, do you brush your hair a lot? How do you treat it while it dries?

[starlamelissa]

personally coconut oil dries my hair out, I think its because I have color treated hair, not natural hair like so many on this site. I like baby oil/coney conditioner, and a really sudzy shampoo. so my hair routine looks like this-

every other day-
wash with pantene aqualight shampoo (no 2 in 1's, or moisterizing shampoo)
condition with a palmfull or so of pantene smooth conditioner (or aussie moist, or any super coney thing! I like the ingredient cyclopentasiloxane in my conditioner. makes wet combing a lot easier)
comb conditioner through, keep it off my scalp.

squeeze dry. use a dime size squeeze of leave in conditioner, mine is paul mitchell "the conditoner"
add a drop of baby oil to the ends.

Let dry like almost all the way, and blow it the rest of the way.

my hair loves this routine! but I am doing all the "wrong" things! I use harsher type shampoo, I condition with cones, I dont use any natural oils at all. Oh, and I use my fryer! But this what da hair likes. so that is what I do. Keep tweaking your routine. You might find you like a whole lot of wrong things! And if the wrong thing gives you the right results....

My hair hates some of the tried and true- infrequent washing, washing with conditioner only, water only (yuk!), finger combing, boar bristle brushes/wood combs...coconut oil....

[Vampyria]

Looks like we are hair twins (accept for the thickness) and I have similar problem right now. Mine is not that heavy though, it's more puffy all over. I had really thin ends and I didn't have that kind of problems, but I cut my hair regularly and with increased thickness I also got more frizz. So, I don't recommend cutting it.

My hair is pretty healthy and I got a bit discouraged, when I went on a night out with a friend whose hair looked nice a tidy despite of some split ends, while mine was a mess.

I wash every 3 to 4 days and my hair is really frizzy the first two days, and than I have to wash it again, because it gets flat at the roots. I also use coconut oil. When I go out when there's higher humidity in the air my hair just looks really messy. Let's hope it gets better with length. ;)

Have you tried CO-washing and curly girl method? My hair actually looks the best with water only (in my signature). Unfortunately, I can't really use those methods for more reasons (shedding, coated filling). I was thinking about using cones, at least for the leave in, but I strongly prefer natural, cruelty free cosmetics.

[Rufflebutt]

If you're insecure about your forehead, have you thought about getting bangs? I have some and I love them. :)

[Audhumla]

I have to add my name to the people of the opinion that perhaps coconut oil is an issue in this case. I tried coconut oil and my hair hated it. No matter how I used it. Almond oil works wonders for me as a pre-wash oiling though.
Also you say you wash your hair every 3 days but what washing method do you use ?
Maybe your hair doesn't like cones? Flat at the top and poofy at the bottom seems to be the effect that cones have on some people.
I've also noticed that if I use cones (my hair doesn't like them) they make all my shorter hairs stand up from the roots like I've been struck by lightning or something :/
If that turns out to be an issue then I would highly recommend checking out a cone-free goats' milk s+c.

[bunnylake]

Perhaps your hair is sensitive to protein. Check the ingredients on your products. Also, maybe you need a trim? Or some layers!

[Angel Barchild]

I will pass on to you the best advice I ever got in my whole life. If what you are doing isn't working, stop and try something else.

I lurked on this board for a good year before I got an account, and I did the same as you. I did everything right and my hair looked horrible. It happens a lot, people like to jump in with both feet :D. Later I realized that the "right" thing is to do what makes my hair feel and look good.

Stretch washing, not for me I get greasy roots and dry ends.
Sls free and cone free conditioner, nope my hair was dull and frizzy.
Letting it dry before detangling it, bad plan, my hair stays in what ever shape it dries in, so it was all bent and weird looking (I have 1b hair)

So now I wash it every day/ every other day, with Dove shampoo and conditioner, comb it wet and it looks great.

Stop trying to do what is "right" and do what is right for your hair.

[Suze2012]

I'm one of those who..well my hair only likes coconut oil used in certain ways...it's taken a few disasters to find this out though.

It likes and overnight heavy oiling.
It likes it being mixed in with wash out conditioner.

It absolutely hates being on my hair during the day whether I put it on wet or dry hair.

I used aloe vera gel for a few months to help with frizz and the baby hairs and it was good for a while for me but did end up drying me out - but I was using two blobs of it every day and wasn't doing a heavy oiling as often as I should actually.

Aloe vera gel works pretty well for some though - maybe you could give that a try.

Using a t-shirt to get excess water off my hair really helped too - I only know as I messed up and used a normal towel one day...grrr!

Finger combing and no heat helps also.

As you do dye your hair though - as well as the little things you can do I would think protein deep treatments would be good as others have said.

[DancingQueen]

Well, mine got better as the length came, and all the old damage came off. But I don't know how much of a difference dye it. Maybe try to oil twice a week, or every time you shower?

[Bambi]

This sounds a bit like my hair a year ago..like others have said your hair might not like things that are labelled "good" and it nothing wrong with that. I've tried CO-only and schampoo-bars which worked sometimes and sometimes not.
Now I use my own kind of CWC and sometimes mix it up with cones(my hair loves them, but for personal reasons I try to use them in moderation). The oils I find works best for my hair is olive- and almond oil, I only use coconut oil in treatments but what made an exceptional(at least to me) difference in my hair was the Cassia I put in my hair a couple of days ago..amazing!!! Soft, shiny, moisturized and just lovely:). Good luck and hang in there!

[kitekats]

Don't cut. At least you don't have to fight against super thinness and fineness like I do, your hair are way thicker than mine, lucky gal;)

[MissAlida]

You could try a vinegar rinse. Thah makes hair more shiny and the texture more "light".:)

[Allychan]

Normally I would read the whole thread before answering, but I can't because I am on my mobile. So I apologise if this has been said. Dying hair can cause damage by the constant lifting of the hair shaft's cuticle. The weathering of the cuticles protective layer causes loss of moisture because with every application the cuticles tend to not close as well as they used to. Henna will help rebuild your hair by strengthening it from within and can help lessen frizz. I rinse with rooibos tea to lessen my frizz

[Jorja]

We have similar hair by the sounds of it. Bits of baby hair that grow outwards not downwards makes it look like I have breakage. The best thing I've found that works is a little bit of jojoba oil after washing, or even when dry.

I've always had lots of shedding, however I treat my hair. If I tie my hair back, I nearly have half a head of hair that's too short to join the rest, as If I'm growing out my fringe. I'm just grateful they grow back!

I also tried Tresemme Liquid Gold, which is loooovely on my hair. It has silicone in it, which I'm trying to go without for a while, but it's also good to rub some on your legs after you've shaved lol.

Some conditioners disagree with my hair too, strangely, the Tresemme one. Maybe have a switch around of products to see what likes your hair.

Don't be depressed about your hair though, be proud you're looking after it and doing the best for it you can. Wear your hair however you feel, it's your hair enjoy it. Everybody has something they are conscious of, they're usually too worried about their own insecurities to focus on ours.

P.S. If you find a solution to the frizz, please let me know~!!

[alexis917]

I know how annoying it is to be doing "all the right things" but not see the results.
I'm not a fan of waiting around- for anything.

But one day, you'll look at yourself in the mirror-
and realize you're happy with your hair.
I finally had that moment a week or two ago.
I just wish it was longer.

That said, I used to be a twice a month bleacher.
My hair was nearly white, and it's naturally dark brown.
It was hell. Waking up every morning to a head of velcro is a terrible thing!
I dyed it darker, and it faded.
Then I took the plunge...pitch black. No root touch ups for me.

And it grew. And I learned what my hair hated.
Even if a product doesn't work, don't immediately throw it away.
I found that if my hair hated something,
it would become even angrier if I quicky switched products.
My hair needs time to adjust...perhaps yours is the same?
I also use oil now.
And need a wide toothed comb...good luck to you ^_^

[Tristelle]

You say you're oiling every week. Oil is for nutrition of the hair, but maybe you need to also moisturize it ?
You could try a mask made of yoghurt and honey (those two ingredients are very efficient for hydrating the hair), and see how your hair reacts.

[RubyTuesday]

Don't cut it! Seriously don't. Keep experimenting and trying different products. You will find something that you like and that works but cutting it off will only make you feel worse. I agree that if you hate your forehead then a fringe would be a good idea. I have a big forehead and I really like myself with a fringe (bangs) although if you have wavy/curly hair it is a nightmare to keep a fringe looking good.

Try deep conditioning a few times a week and see if that makes any difference. Remember to eat well and drink your water and get to bed early.

[Arya]

Yes, try vinegar or CA! My hair is loving it, and I think it's one of those things that you can figure out if you love it or hate it in 1 or 2 tries. My hair was 'meh' about ACV but loves CA! It's very shiny and soft now. It could be so many things, don't give up!

[RubyTuesday]

What is CA? intrigued to know

[coneyisland]

Citric acid.

[RubyTuesday]

Oh. Thanks. How do you use that?

[Iolanthe13]

Have you tried the curly girl method? It sounds like your length is starting to weigh down your wave pattern, maybe.

A lot of people here dislike layers, but if a change in routine doesn't help you, it's worth considering. I had the same problems you mention - flat but frizzy on top, and puffy at the bottom - and long layers really helped with the overall shape. The face-framing layers softened my updos, too, although I have mixed feelings about them a lot of the time.

[coneyisland]

Oh. Thanks. How do you use that?

I think it is used in final or near final rinsing, same as apple cider vinegar is used in rinsing.

[jacqueline101]

I hear your concerned about your hair we treasure it when we think we run the risk of losing it. I'd say use a different oil and try to clarify.

[BrownEyedBeauty]

You can try changing the type of oil that you have been using. With myself, I found that jajoba oil did nothing for my hair at all. I switched to EVOO and it made a positive difference because it absorbed into my hair. The jajoba oil just sat on top of my hair strands which was not beneficial for me.

If you are not doing so already, try CWC rather than just washing and conditioning. This has helped me too so it may help you as well.

Good luck!

[xoxophelia]

I was feeling exactly how you do for a long time. Recently I got some Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine conditioner and it has helped my hair a lot. Basically I put it in, rinse, and then I put in a tiny amount that I don't rinse out. I have also increased the amount of product I put in my hair. I'm using about a quarter size amount of alove vera gel with a pea size amount of real gel mixed in and then sometimes I am adding a few drops of oil.

My hair is wavy so this is helpful for me but I am trying to work on getting my hair less frizzy and dry also.