Hassle over my hair

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by mrs_coffee

Whenever someone I care about hassles me about something I try to respond unemotionally with something like "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I understand your feelings on the matter. Thank you." and leave it at that.

They can blab at me all day to conform to their wishes. I refuse, but I also refuse to indulge them in their attempts to bully me into reacting.

I like your technique!

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by curlytm

Aww, shyone. I'm sorry about the pressure that your mom/family is putting on you. I'm even more sorry about the stress that it is causing you. I'm sure you've explained to your mom that you love your long hair.

But ultimately, I'm worried that with all this pressure, you will see your hair as a stressor rather than something that you're proud of.

I don't really have real advice on this front, but know that my thoughts are with you and I hope these things get smoothed out.

Thank you.

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by jojo

Oh dear what a dilemma. How old are you? I have 2 daughters and have never dictated to them how to have their hair, as I see it as a part of their identity. Maybe sitting your parents down and saying in a calm manner, that long hair is part of who you are (don't bring religion into it) and you really don't want short(er) hair.

Having long hair should not have an impact on your relationship with them and I find it rather disturbing and verging on control freak to be honest.

I'm getting close to my mid-twenties.Old enough to decide on my hair length- or so I thought.

**Islandgrrl** · April 8th, 2011, 11:31 AM

I think you are certainly at an age where you don't have to cave in to family pressure to wear your hair a certain length or style. Your mom and sister should, to be blunt, mind their own business. They made their choices about how to wear their hair, and they should extend the same basic courtesy to you. If it were me (and boy, oh boy, has it been) I would as politely as possible tell them that, and that the subject is no longer up for discussion. You don't have to go into a long explanation about the reasons you want to maintain your hair long, simply say that it makes you happy. That's enough. Because, really, what mom wouldn't want her daughter to be happy?

I will tell you that I'm 50 and I still get the occasional bit of lip from both my mom and my sister about my hair. My reply is always the same, "It makes me happy. When it doesn't, I'll cut it. Period. (and as my daughter likes to say, "End of story!")" In fact, my sister said something recently about the color. (for the record, I henna the gray hair at my temples and that is specifically what she was referring to) I told her to be happy it wasn't green. Stopped her dead in her tracks with that one.

Good luck. Its YOUR hair. Growing out of YOUR head. YOU get to decide.

**AspenSong** · April 8th, 2011, 11:31 AM

My advice is be strong and don't cave!!

Been there, done that...got the t-shirt.

Years back when I was about 18, I had past tailbone length hair. I loved it. However, living next door to my Aunt and down the street from my grandparents caused issues because for whatever the reason was...My Aunt and Grandmother made it their mission it seemed to badger me into cutting my hair. No surprise, they both had short hair. In fact all the women in the family have had short hair. So they set out and did everything from try to talk me into cutting it in a nice way, by telling me how pretty I'd look with shorter hair....to a more harsh route, telling me how horrible and stringy my hair was. My dad stood up for me, telling them to leave me alone, it was my hair, I was old enough to do what I wanted with it...etc. I dealt with it for two years and finally, I caved. I cut allllllll that hair I had, into a shoulder length shag.

I have regretted that EVER since. And ya know what? After I did that....they just found other things to rag on me for anyway!! lol.

It's hard to do, but if YOU love your hair the way it is and YOU like it...that's all that matters. To me you can either let the comments roll off your back like water on a duck, or you can confront them and sit down and tell them it's your hair, it's your life and you need them to back off from the subject. Tell them if they don't like it, then it's a good thing it's on YOUR head and not theirs! JMO though!!!

Just stay true to you. Because in my experience, when you give in to something like even a haircut that you don't want...it causes a little break in your spirit and a little crack in your heart. Stay strong. *hugs*

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by Siiri

I hope you are not offended by this, I'm just curious, but I have never heard of (christian?) movements where women should keep their hair long. What are these called and are they popular? Where I live there are some revival movements of the Lutheran church which have some rules (it depends how strict they are) about hair, like your not supposed to dye it etc.

A lot of "low" Protestants in America would encourage women to have long hair.It is based on the chapter 1 Cor 11 and in some groups it is considered wrong to even trim the scraggled ends.Most Anabaptists women have really long hair also, although some of the slightly liberal Anabaptist women will trim their ends.It is said that conservative Protestant groups are growing fast in America with many women opting for long skirts, headcoverings, homeschooling, big families and long hair.My group wasn't like that but very strict and controlling.

**spigette** · April 8th, 2011, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by AspenSong

It's hard to do, but if YOU love your hair the way it is and YOU like it...that's all that matters. To me you can either let the comments roll off your back like water on a duck, or you can confront them and sit down and tell them it's your hair, it's your life and you need them to back off from the subject. Tell them if they don't like it, then it's a good thing it's on YOUR head and not theirs! JMO though!!!

Just stay true to you. Because in my experience, when you give in to something like even a haircut that you don't want...it causes a little break in your spirit and a little crack in your heart. Stay strong. *hugs*

Hear, hear, HEAR, HEAR!!!! What Jen said above, I totally agree. People love to tell women what to do with their hair/bodies/minds/hearts/you name it. You are your own person, your own woman, and you can do whatever you like with your hair. Don't cut it!!! As Jen said, they will just find something else to rag on you about.

Their need to have you fall in with their hair preferences definitely does NOT outweigh your need to control your own life and your body, and to enjoy your beautiful hair. Any fleeting satisfaction they might get from making you cut it would pass a lot sooner than the pain it would cause you. Stay strong and calm, and just keep saying, "I love my hair, it makes me happy to have it this way."

My mum has recently stopped nagging me to cut my hair. She has decided she approves, lol. About time, too, since I am 40 years old!!

Good luck, honey.

**Kherome** · April 8th, 2011, 12:01 PM

I say who cares what the family thinks? You grow your hair to your feet if it makes you happy!

Originally Posted by Siiri

I think parents will never stop seeing you as a child, not even when your 50+

Still your hair (and faith) are your private matters, your the only one who should have a say in them.

I hope you are not offended by this, I'm just curious, but I have never heard of (christian?) movements where women should keep their hair long. What are these called and are they popular? Where I live there are some revival movements of the Lutheran church which have some rules (it depends how strict they are) about hair, like your not supposed to dye it etc.

All Christian women are called to have long hair, it says so in the bible. However, most choose not to heed that these days.

**Raponsje** · April 8th, 2011, 12:14 PM

Remember. They really can't force you. Just bare with them trying to and become an expert in changing subjects. 'Cutting my hair? Well...look at that cat!'

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by Islandgrrl

I think you are certainly at an age where you don't have to cave in to family pressure to wear your hair a certain length or style. Your mom and sister should, to be blunt, mind their own business. They made their choices about how to wear their hair, and they should extend the same basic courtesy to you. If it were me (and boy, oh boy, has it been) I would as politely as possible tell them that, and that the subject is no longer up for discussion. You don't have to go into a long explanation about the reasons you want to maintain your hair long, simply say that it makes you happy. That's enough. Because, really, what mom wouldn't want her daughter to be happy?

I will tell you that I'm 50 and I still get the occasional bit of lip from both my mom and my sister about my hair. My reply is always the same, "It makes me happy. When it doesn't, I'll cut it. Period. (and as my daughter likes to say, "End of story!")" In fact, my sister said something recently about the color. (for the record, I henna the gray hair at my temples and that is specifically what she was referring to) I told her to be happy it wasn't green. Stopped her dead in her tracks with that one.

Good luck. Its YOUR hair. Growing out of YOUR head. YOU get to decide.

Good for you Islandgrrl!