Hassle over my hair

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 09:18 AM

I have hip length hair which my mom loathes.Despite being an adult she will still go through periods of hassling me to cut my hair and my sister will join in.She cannot seem to respect my decision regarding my hair.

My faith requires women to have long hair; this was also a rule in a very strict church my family used to go to.The church had many problems and was very strict so eventually my family left.I'm glad they left but in reaction to their new freedom the female members in my family all have short hair now and I suspect they hate my hair because it reminds them of the church they left.My family are now so anti-religion (and who can blame them) that I dare not admit my faith so it's not even that I explain why I will not cut my hair.The thought of cutting my hair short makes me sad but I don't really have an option! In that church it used to be a rule that, I as a female, must have long hair but now outside the church it's now a rule within my family that I must have short hair.I feel some day I will probably cave into chopping my glory off.I am sure I am not alone in this pressure over something so simple and so personal.Does anyone have any advice?

**Cupofmilk** · April 8th, 2011, 09:39 AM

I can't help with the relgious side as I am Church of England.

But my mother is always hasstling me to cut my hair. In Decem,ber 2009 I gave in to the constant pressure - I was somewhere between TB and Classic and I cut off to BSL when wet. I was busy with a sick child and only 6 months later it hit me. I have to say I regret cutting that much off. A trim to waist or hip would have been enough and I would have reaslised I wanted longhair without taking so much off.
Back at hip now my mother is back on the bandwagon. What I do is wear my hair up in a bun everytime I see her - she has now idea how long it is now and with it tidyly away she often forgets I have long hair!

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 09:47 AM

I try the hiding the hair in the bun trick but it doesn't work.It was the standard hairstyle of the church group to the point that some outsiders refered to the women as "Bunheads".

The sight of my hair in a bun annoys my mom because of it's connotations.

You say you have a child so I'm guessing you are either around my age or may be a bit older than me- and your mom is still at you.It looks like I'm not the only adult getting scolded for having hair longer than the norm.It very much is "conform or else".

**MysticWings** · April 8th, 2011, 09:48 AM

I agree with Cupofmilk's idea of just tying it up around your family. I have really long hair and it's due to religious reasons but my family's in on it, so that's all fine for me. Whatever you do, don't cave into pressures since it's your hair and you should do what you feel you want to! Hang in there and good luck <3

**shyone** · April 8th, 2011, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by MysticWings

I agree with Cupofmilk's idea of just tying it up around your family. I have really long hair and it's due to religious reasons but my family's in on it, so that's all fine for me. Whatever you do, don't cave into pressures since it's your hair and you should do what you feel you want to! Hang in there and good luck <3

Thank you.

It can be hard at times.

**MysticWings** · April 8th, 2011, 09:53 AM

You could try looking into hairstyles that give the illusion of shorter hair? I have a few things that I do where people can't really tell how long my hair is. Even just doing half-buns could make people forget your hair is so long!

**mrs_coffee** · April 8th, 2011, 09:57 AM

Whenever someone I care about hassles me about something I try to respond unemotionally with something like "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I understand your feelings on the matter. Thank you." and leave it at that.

They can blab at me all day to conform to their wishes. I refuse, but I also refuse to indulge them in their attempts to bully me into reacting.

**curlytm** · April 8th, 2011, 10:00 AM

Aww, shyone. I'm sorry about the pressure that your mom/family is putting on you. I'm even more sorry about the stress that it is causing you. I'm sure you've explained to your mom that you love your long hair.

But ultimately, I'm worried that with all this pressure, you will see your hair as a stressor rather than something that you're proud of.

I don't really have real advice on this front, but know that my thoughts are with you and I hope these things get smoothed out.

**jojo** · April 8th, 2011, 10:10 AM

Oh dear what a dilemma. How old are you? I have 2 daughters and have never dictated to them how to have their hair, as I see it as a part of their identity. Maybe sitting your parents down and saying in a calm manner, that long hair is part of who you are (don't bring religion into it) and you really don't want short(er) hair.

Having long hair should not have an impact on your relationship with them and I find it rather disturbing and verging on control freak to be honest.

**Siiri** · April 8th, 2011, 10:49 AM

I think parents will never stop seeing you as a child, not even when your 50+

Still your hair (and faith) are your private matters, your the only one who should have a say in them.

I hope you are not offended by this, I'm just curious, but I have never heard of (christian?) movements where women should keep their hair long. What are these called and are they popular? Where I live there are some revival movements of the Lutheran church which have some rules (it depends how strict they are) about hair, like your not supposed to dye it etc.