In tears....advice/help?

[Cailie]

Happy that you are feeling better !
how long have you been using evoo, comb, etc etc ?

and what kind of hair cream and shampoo / condish do you use ?

How would you describe your hair texture (strait, curls, thin, thick, etc.) ?

How do you wear it most of the time ? (up, down, and what do you use ? do you use tight rubber bands for example ?)

How's your nutrition, exercise, and general health ?


And don't worry ! You most probably have have long hair if you stay here, learn, and keep some patience
(there is SO MUCH info here, you will not believe it)


3/4 inche... you'll grow that back fast enough, and more

[Aer]

Late hugs! but happy you are feeling better! Never feel worthless, ever. and your hair will grow, your hair routine seems great!

[Toadstool]

Glad you are feeling better. There are many great hairdressers out there - just sounds like the one you've been seeing has fixed ideas which ruin your goal of long hair.
I know how hard it is not to base your worth in your appearance - had you thought of getting psychotherapy to help with it? That's what I'm doing.

[Dragon]

Glad you are feeling better

[Juneii]

YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. Your hair should accentuate your beauty not be it. I am glad to see you are feeling better, this is not something to hate yourself about!

Your routine sounds good but it might be the product that could be causing damage! Maybe what you are using dries out your hair too much and exposes it to damage despite the EVOO. Try a conditioner only wash, the shampoo might be the reason why your hair is dry. Hopefully someone with experience with dry hair can help you out here.

Don't worry so much! I wish you the best in your journey for longer hair!

[Katze]

So about 3 hours ago I was APL/ almost BSL (the longest its ever been). My ends were thin, and I've always wanted them to be thick/blunt. So I got the ends "trimmed" (cut). I've had the same hairdresser for about 4 years, and my hair has come a long way from damage, and it is very healthy now. The problem is that everytime my hair grows it has to get trimmed again (problems with ends). It is now about 1-2 inches past shoulder.

I just can't take it anymore. I fell like I should just shave it off and keep it that way since I can't have long hair. (It's the only way I feel beautiful, or even pretty.) I feel like dying right now. I just feel worthless. Everytime it grows a bit, my hairdresser wants to trim it. Please help! I have to get it trimmed, or else i'll get splits, but it always is trimmed too much.

You are not worthless. Your ends just need a bit more care, it sounds like. With your type hair, it NEEDS moisture - more so than other hair types. A leave-in would help. Have you tried CO, WO, and SMTs?

For what it's worth, I have been here for 5 YEARS and have never gotten longer than BSL, for a number of reasons but the overarching one being that my ends naturally get thin and wispy (what many people call 'fairytale ends') and they just look BAD on me. I despair of ever having long hair, but it IS in better shape than it ever has been, has some shine, and is thicker at the roots than it's ever been.

We all have our genetic blessings and curses. Mine is fine hair that is very fragile at the ends, and a natural tendency for it to taper (get thinner at the ends). But LHC can help us do the best we can with what we've got.

You are not the only one here whose hair has made her feel ugly, but these feelings do NOT mean you are a worthless person AT ALL. Stick around here and you will see what I mean.

[Lianna]

I see you're a 3c, which often benefit from co-washes, you could try it. Also are you sure you need a BBB brush? I see most curlies don't like it. Make sure those products don't have too much protein for your hair, when I had protein overload my ends were awful and I was trimming it too much. Also I know some curlies who moisturize and seal often, like everyday or everyother day, they say it helps retain length (you didn't say how often you did it). I also advise to detangle in the shower, with lots of conditioner, to prevent breakage.

[Athena's Owl]

Routine:
Wash and condition once or twice a week(mostly once).
Moisturize with a hair cream that I have, sometimes I use EVOO.
2 braids at night, covered by a satin sleep cap.

I use a wide tooth comb to detangle in the mornings and at night. Sometimes a BBB, if I feel like it.

I note you list your hair curl type as 3 c. do you always wear it curly, or do you straighten it? do you use heat on your hair, to dry it or style it?

do you always wear your hair loose or does you ever wear updos like buns to protect your ends?

I have curly hair too, and I'd like to get more details so I can maybe share some ideas that will help you.

This same cycle has been going on for about 2 years. I'm beginning to think that she wants me to stay at a certain length. Now that i look at it,s he cut off way more than she had to...about 3/4 inches. That length was the longest I have ever been in my entire life and she runied it.

This right here is EXACTLY why I stormed out of a hairdresser's in april of 2005 and *never went back.* I said that I wore my hair curly, I like my curly hair far better than I liked straightened hair, and that I only wanted one centimeter trimmed off the longest ends of my hair, I didn't want him to even bother trying to even it up because no one would be able to tell if it was "Even" while stretched out straight and wet. I was closing in on BSL but my ends were kinda prone to tangling and felt dry.

I walked out of there with hair just a tiny bit past shoulder length. my hair was frizzed out beyond belief because of bad handling. he didn't have a single clue how to treat my hair, and he tried to "even" it up even after I specifically instructed him to do nothing but trim off one centimeter from the longest lengths, and while that was happening he tried to sell me on a relaxer service.

and I realized that this *always* happened. I'd be nearly at BSL, or closing in on MBL, I'd go to get a tiny trim and walk out with hair hacked off to my shoulders. That I didn't actually have any problems growing long hair - I had problems with not being able to find a hairstylist who would respect my wishes. and that after I had clearly stated what I wanted and what my goals were, I would sit down in that chair and have my wishes and desires discounted, ignored, invalidated, and belittled - and I was paying out large sums for the privilege.

so I quit. I use feyes self trimming method and I search and destroy, and from just bast shoulder in 2005 to just barely tailbone length in 2010...which is where it falls when curly and dry. HA!

There are members here who have stylists who listen to them and work with their goals. there are members here who *are* stylists who do that same thing. But a lot of us self trim and don't go to hair salons at all.

My hairdresser says it's because my hair is dry, and that I don't put enough moisture in it, so that's why I needed trimming. (Yes, I admit my ends only needed about 1/8 of an inch off). I looked up feye's selftrim method, I think I'll do that from now on. Thanks again guys

I suspect that isn't entirely honest. you *will* find methods and techniques here that will change your haircare routine and will really help improve your hair - but I don't like that your hairdresser didn't listen to what you wanted and then told you it was your fault. This blew my mind when I went for that last trim - because I said, "And if it turns out that 1cm isn't enough, I'll make another appointment next week and get another cm taken off."

Let me fill in the linguistic blanks.

"And if this trim that I am paying 65 dollars for and will presumably tip you 15% for good services doesn't work out the way I hope it will, I will make another appointment in a WEEK and give you another 65 dollars plus 15% tip to DO IT AGAIN. Presumably the 40 dollars in haircare products i'm going to buy at the end of *this* appointment won't be repeated, but perhaps you can come up with a recommendation to "fill in the gap" in my care routine."

What really happened? I raged out at the manager and didn't pay a dime and have never paid for a haircut again.

[frizzinator]

If you spend some time reading on this website, you will find that anyone can grow long hair.

It is very simple. If you want your hair to grow long, you have to stop cutting it.

You have total control over your hair, even when you visit the hairdresser. If your hairdresser wants to cut, just say that you want to maintain the length with a dusting (or micro-trim) of the ends.

If your hairdresser doesn't listen to you, then dump the hairdresser. Most hairdressers were not trained how to grow and maintain long hair, so you cannot really blame them for doing what they know how to do.

My experience was that even though they might be open-minded enough to just dust the ends, hairdressers get bored with the client who only wants a micro-trim every couple of months. In other words, they eventually lose the desire to trim your hair.

Many of us had long term relationships with our hairdressers, and we felt just as conflicted as you feel right now. Some of us finally figured out that it was easier to cut our own hair than to negotiate with the professionals. There are a very few professionals that specialize in long hair, but you might have to travel a long way to find them.

Blunt ends are easy for some folks to maintain, and are difficult for other folks to maintain. I loved blunt ends but I gave up the idea so that my hair would grow longer. Eventually I started cutting my own hair, just dusting my hemline every couple of months. At some point perfectly blunt ends did not seem to matter to me anymore.

Blunt ends probably make your hair look better, but clearly you are taking off too much length to grow your hair. In order to gain length, your hair may not look as good as it does now. Just think of it as paying your dues to get longer hair.

The one thing you can do right now is to accept the hair you have and stop trying to maintain a perfectly blunt hemline. It is difficult to embrace this concept, but by doing so you will find it a lot easier to be happy on this journey.

I think your stats indicate that you have curls. While reading your way through this website, you will meet many curly haired folks. I encourage you to spend a lot of time reading here. If you search and read for a long time, you will learn a lot about your hair.

You are at the beginning of a long journey. It is likely to be painful for awhile. I know this because I had many years of frustration while growing my hair, and other members here complain about the same thing.

I'm trying to convey that this will not be an easy journey and you will have to be patient with your hair in order to reach your goals.

You will also have to be patient with the people in your life who will give you unwanted advice about cutting your hair. Don't let anyone influence you because it is your goal, your hair and your business.

Even though you might be even more frustrated on this journey than you are right now, it is worth the frustration in the long run when you finally reach the goal.

So it's your choice. You will be frustrated with your hair for a number of years no matter what you decide to do, but if you let your hair grow, someday, years from now, you just might become extremely happy with your hair. I know it's possible because I finally became happy with mine, and other members here seem to have become happy with theirs.

[JulietCapulet]

First I would stop going to that hair dresser. I don't think you should trim it even if you feel they are spilt. Just leave it alone for the next four years or so. I'm sorry you feel so badly, I'm sure you look more gorgeous than you feel right now. :-D