That does sound like the perfect storm! Ouch!
I guess that my one big question right now is if you absolutely have to have your hair up in a ballerina bun for class. If so, have you thought about alternative ways to put it up other than the tight ponytail starter?
Outside of dance class, the general consensus around here is that you still do want to keep it up, but in a different manner. Try braids, clips, I know that shoulder-length is usually hit or miss with sticks. Check out the swap board for a Ficcare, or a Fakkare (easily found in places like Rite Aid, CVS, and Claires), are also very popular.
This also may sound slightly counterintuitive, and downright bizarre from this forum, but getting a small trim to ensure that the damaged ends are gone might also help. It doesn't need to be a big drastic chop, but maybe an inch, just to get rid of the worst of it. I'm growing out died, fried, very damaged hair, and every 6th months I get half an inch or so taken off. It drives my hairdresser crazy, that I'm paying as much as I am for a tiny little baby trim, but I don't feel confident about doing it myself and hey, I like feeling pampered every once in a while!
Beyond that, it will grow, and already is - it just doesn't seem like it. That bit from shoulders to midback takes a while and seems like even longer. Personal experience - I started at chin length, and had a good hover around shoulder length because it just kept. on. breaking. I finally started wearing it up each day using a scrunchy that was very loose, and all of a sudden it hit APL. I'm creeping downwards from there right now!
Good luck!
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