Ladies (and men) of color, talk about your hair!

[trillcat]

I want to hear about ethnic hair. How is it different from "white" hair, what products do you use?
Why do you relax it and what is the stigma if you go natural?
Good hair vs bad hair, and what is considered "bad" hair.
I hope this does not offend anyone, but I want to learn about this.
I have many African American friends, and I have never been able to ask these questions for fear of being called a racist.

[zeldagirl7491]

Why is it ok to call white people 'white' but you can't call black people 'black'??
Please understand I'm not starting a fight, I just want to know.

[Athena's Owl]

o.o

I...am not comfortable with these questions.

And honestly you can find many of the answers to your questions yourself, by either googling, or even using the search to fine members with 3b-4b hair and finding the threads, reading their blog posts, and getting some of the most basic pieces of information that you're looking for without this...

Look, I could take these questions a little better if you were too young to know better, but they'd still be ... well, privileged. If I want to know something about a particular culture that's not my own, I have a huge resource one browser tab over.

when you ask me to explain to you about what it's like to have my hair without doing a speck of research yourself, you're setting out the expectation that i, the exotic alien whose skincolor resembles beverages and sweet food, should be only too happy to educate you *simply because you asked.* Or perhaps flattered that you've decided to offer me some attention with your curiosity, and be only too happy to repeat the same things to you because you asked, and by extension, any other person privileged enough to ask to be educated without taking the time to research just because they asked.

It's out there, if you're really interested in knowing. Without making any other person of colour feel like they're an interactive Teaching resource.

[trillcat]

o.o

I...am not comfortable with these questions.

And honestly you can find many of the answers to your questions yourself, by either googling, or even using the search to fine members with 3b-4b hair and finding the threads, reading their blog posts, and getting some of the most basic pieces of information that you're looking for without this...

Look, I could take these questions a little better if you were too young to know better, but they'd still be ... well, privileged. If I want to know something about a particular culture that's not my own, I have a huge resource one browser tab over.

when you ask me to explain to you about what it's like to have my hair without doing a speck of research yourself, you're setting out the expectation that i, the exotic alien whose skincolor resembles beverages and sweet food, should be only too happy to educate you *simply because you asked.* Or perhaps flattered that you've decided to offer me some attention with your curiosity, and be only too happy to repeat the same things to you because you asked, and by extension, any other person privileged enough to ask to be educated without taking the time to research just because they asked.

It's out there, if you're really interested in knowing. Without making any other person of colour feel like they're an interactive Teaching resource.

this is why I have not asked these questions.
Why is it deemed inappropriate to ask why people do what they do to their hair, on a board about hair?
I am sorry if I crossed some bizzare line of white vs black in the world of hair.

I will go back to staying silent for fear of offending.
For your information, I have researched this, and I just wanted to hear from people who deal with ethnic hair on a daily basis.
I will never speak of this again, as some people seem to be caught in the world of us vs them.

Ok I can't seem to just shut up already. Are we not all a teaching basis for others? This is a hair forum, where others come to learn.
Why is it offensive to ask about black hair?

[hemolymph]

Trillcat, those were perfectly acceptable questions to ask and there is nothing wrong with wanting to get opinions directly from this message board versus doing a "google" search. That's what a message board is all about.

If a black person asked me questions about having European hair I would not be offended at all.

I stand behind you 100% girl.. don't be bothered by people on their high horse.

[canary4624]

It's out there, if you're really interested in knowing. Without making any other person of colour feel like they're an interactive Teaching resource.

Athena's Owl--I would totally understand your viewpoint if trillcat were following you around all night at a party, insisting that you tell her all about your hair and let her touch it. But in this case, she's addressed it out to the board and not to anyone in general. Anyone who doesn't want to answer doesn't have to. And since it's a board where there are volumes of posts with people going on and on about what it's like to have curly hair, straight hair, fine hair, blond hair, ad infinitum, it doesn't seem too unlikely that there would be a person of African descent who would like to talk about their hair.

Also, while google can be a wonderful resource in some cases, I have a feeling that it might not offer the most objective or realistic information in this case. Just a guess

[teela1978]

A quick google, checking out trailers for the movie "good hair", etc comes up with quite a bit of info.

This is an interesting but brief history of black hair in america. "Black hair history" in google comes up with several other links.
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlre...ack-hair-story

[HintOfMint]

Hi there Trillcat,

I am sure you are very well meaning and simply want to open a frank and honest discussion.
But I do take issue with the term "person of color" and referring to non-white people as "ethnic."
From your question, you seem to be referring to a broad hair type (which includes MANY variations) that is characteristic of mainly black people or multiracial people who have black ancestry. I'm sure there are a smattering of non-black people who share that hair type, but probably do not have the history with the "good hair vs. bad hair" that black/African Americans do. So, in short you mean black hair. This is a specific issue that cannot be expanded to all people of color or non-whites. Call it what it is.
Furthermore, the term "person of color" is very problematic. It is a PC term that attempts to lump nonwhite people into a collective reality that does not exist. There are many races and ethnic groups in the United States and they all have different experiences, issues, histories, and relations with races outside of our own. I am Indian, and while I have had these conversations about hair relaxers with my friends (when they wanted to talk about it, or it just came up naturally) but that does not make their experience mine. I listen respectfully and try my best to put myself in their shoes, but as a fellow human being. Not because I am not white and so I automatically know what it is like.
As far as the "ethnic," term. White people are ethnic too. It is really only in the US that the various sundry ethnic groups that happened to have a certain skin color became the "neutral" group, and melted all together to forge a single identity that is the default when we think of as American.
I am not usually so sensitive about race. But frankly, the overuse of PC terms while trying to express the same, frankly, ignorant sentiments (all nonwhite people have it the same in this country) really annoys me
My final point and then I will get off my soap box. You say you have African American friends. I will take you at your word and assume they are real friends, not a random classmate to whom you happen to say "hi." Do they talk about this with you? Does it ever come up? Much of my knowledge about black hair care came from conversations with my friends when they brought it up. It happened naturally. LIke when we're getting ready to go out and we're doing our hair.

Also, I don't think you are being ignorant by asking questions or opening a dialogue. This is the place to do it, and we have had no problem talking about "really straight Asian hair," "Indian hair (my thread)," so why not black hair? Kudos to you for asking.
It is alright

[May]

Trillcat, those were perfectly acceptable questions to ask and there is nothing wrong with wanting to get opinions directly from this message board versus doing a "google" search. That's what a message board is all about.

If a black person asked me questions about having European hair I would not be offended at all.

I stand behind you 100% girl.. don't be bothered by people on their high horse.

I second this. I am for anyone who wants to educate themselves on anything. Some people just need to and not get so offended at something that wasn't meant to offend in the first place.

I don't think Trillcat was trying to be offensive by saying "ethnic" hair because that's what lots of people call people who aren't white. It's not a big deal. Sometimes I hear Oprah calling black women"women of colour" and I really don't think she's a racist. I think people get way to caught up in politically correct terms and make a big deal out of nothing. Why make a weird situation out of nothing? The world of hair would be a way better place if we all knew more about everyone's hair!

[Athena's Owl]

Also, while google can be a wonderful resource in some cases, I have a feeling that it might not offer the most objective or realistic information in this case. Just a guess

while it may not tell you everything, it can at least get you to an *informed question.* The OP's questions were not in the least bit informed, nor did they reveal evidence of having done any research on the subject at all.

"What is considered "bad" hair" is an incredibly basic question.

What is the stigma of natural hair is a basic question.