I was in your situation, but I'm ashamed to say that in the end I resorted to a combination of bleaching, cutting, and walking around for a good year with rainbow hair. I lost a great deal of length and thickness; I went from mid-back to shoulder and then several months later I went from APL back to shoulder to tidy up the ends and get rid of the last of the damage.
If you do decide to do some lightening but are unwilling to sport tri-color hair until it grows out, I personally recommend 'Jazzing' temporary hair dye I've had great luck with it, and it's very gentle on hair and can be used immediately after bleaching or relaxing. (There's no peroxide or developer in it, it's deposit only.)
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