Mother doesn't have to support, but keeping her mouth shut

[Aer]

What!!?? I am so sorry, what a crushing thing to have your mother say - I cant even imagine! Incidentally, if she had to say it, you probably looked just as good as she did - if not better.

There seems to be a little in the way of harsh feedback for the girl not having a job. She's twenty, not thirty six, and clearly a contributing member of her household. I find I am often frustrated by this idea that when a child turns eighteen its like they are supposed to be shoved directly out the door and anyone who does not go is some kind of lazy leech or overly dependent. In an increasingly complex society it takes longer and longer to reach the "adulthood" marker. Consider that only fifty years ago if she was a twenty year old people would be pushing her get married right now before she becomes an old maid, but that is no longer a common time line. To any of the posters who may not have been American, we are in a pretty bad economic downturn and getting a job is extremely difficult. I have been assisting a friend with a job search and we put in applications every day with no results, and thats with a degree. I promise that I am not just defending myself - I work full time and go to school full time while working on my parents ranch.

By the way, I know it has been said already, but it would certainly be good to work on the wording of the post. We are all here because we are a little hair crazy. While I know that your intent was to point out that she is really overeating because you are not nearly as hair obsessed as some of us, well... that whole thing GetoffmySkittle posted about the phrase "no offense but" is true. I decided a while ago that that phrase should be taken out of the language entirely because nothing good ever follows.

Also, your mom is probably always going to be contentious about your hair, for whatever reason. Dont bring it up, love her anyway and be really glad shes not PearMartinis mom (just in that one sense, she may be lovely in every other way). Oh yeah, and waste not want not on the expensive shampoo. Hope everything ends well.

I agree. I think the replies have veered a little off subject, or at least off the point. And there is a ton of unemployed people, at any age, out there right now. Spending money on products you end up not wanting or liking is sort of wasteful, but when you start your hair journey, you go through the stage when you find in quick succession, what works for you, what damages, what causes build up, etc.

[Nat242]

Could someone show me where people were being harsh about the OP's unemployment? I certainly wasn't criticising the OP for being unemployed. It happens - probably to everyone at some point in their life. It's a very difficult position to be in, and even with conscientious job hunting and plenty of relevant experience it can take a very long time to find employment. I'm aware of this, and I'm sympathetic. I've been there, my partner's been there, my parents have been there, it SUCKS.

I was simply suggesting why the OP's mum might be irritated by perceived wastefulness or perceived frivolity. We don't know her financial situation - maybe the OP's mum is stressed out from the responsibility of financially supporting another adult. Maybe she's struggling to afford to do so, maybe she's worried about how she's going to pay the bills.

I've supported my unemployed partner over the last few months, and although I was happy to do it, and although I didn't blame him for being unemployed - it wasn't his fault and he was working really hard at finding employment - I would've been pretty p!ssed off if my partner was spending what I perceived to be excessive money on non-essentials whilst I was paying for all the groceries etc., and as such unable to buy little luxuries for myself. It was also quite a burden for me to bear, and the stress did make me a bit snippy at times, and it did cause some sleepless nights.

As I acknowledged, family dynamics vary, and the dynamic of me supporting my partner may be very different to the OP's parent supporting their adult child. I was merely providing a possible explanation for the conflict the OP described, based on the information presented and my own experiences.

[MotherConfessor]

I have to agree about the wastefulness of expensive shampoo if the family is struggling financially, honestly I just assumed that if she was buying Aveda shampoo that there was no money issue involved. - I guess its just the idea that if she is not putting money into the household that she is an annoying burden on her family or something. I beg pardon if I was being contentious, I suppose it struck a bit of a nerve. I have a friend who is in a similar situation and it burns me up to see her cook, clean and take care of babies all day so she can be treated like garbage and called a burden by her family. I guess I am just particularly lucky in that I know that if I had to to go home for financial reasons my mother would never see my living there as an annoyance. But then I know everyone has a different take on living at home, maybe its cultural. To each their own right?

I know such expensive purchases may seem necessary, especially if the OP is trying to get a job at a salon, but one of the many advantages of this forum is learning a whole lot of different, and often less expensive, ways of making your hair beautiful. Perhaps if your mother is concerned about the unnecessary expense of Aveda shampoo you could play up the cost saving aspects of WO, or how good shampoo can be made less expensive by stretching washes or dilution. I have found that I actually save money doing the things I have learned here. Getoffmyskittle made an excellent point about the swap board, if you made a mistake and paid too much for a shampoo you cant use you can try to swap it for something you can. Of course, considering her reaction to your hair compliment that may not be the case. If nothing else, hopefully your job hunt goes well and you can move out, making all this a moot point. Some mothers were meant to be loved from afar.

Incidentally, Nat242 I always mean to tell you that I love your button. It makes smile every time I see it - its brilliant.