Personally (and we have similar hair, but I had color and heat damage) I would recommend going more natural - less 'cones etc (not sure what is in that stuff...). The buildup issue makes me think there is a lot of gunk that isn't getting off your hair, although I find I do get buildup very, very easily.
Here is what works for me. My hair is medium thickness (where it is growing back in anyway...), fine, frizzy, and wavy.
I wash 2x a week, once after swimming (with work and a baby I manage to swim only 1x a week) with a sulfate shampoo to get the chlorine out. Sometimes I do a deep treatment beforehand (SMT), leaving it on for an hour or more.
For my other wash I wash with water only. Let warm water run over the scalp and massage the scalp under the water, moving the sebum down.
At the moment this works really well for me. Sometimes I wash a bit more often (one more non-sulfate shampoo wash in between washes) depending on my schedule. I NEVER (apart from the SMTs) put conditioner on my scalp - could this be one of your issues too?
Clarifying (I use sulfate shampoo for this) really helps. I also put leave-in into my hair most days - from the ears down. Towards the end of the wash cycle , i.e. 'dirty days', I oil my hair when it gets damp in the shower (the nape, mostly, as my coarser hairs need more oil) and use that to help me get better and smoother updos and braids.
It is a constant battle with fine, wavy hair but you have to find what works for you.
Good luck!
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