The CO (conditioner only) washing thread

[Hollyfire3]

I'm going to back up what DaniVerde said, and give you even more of the same.

For starters, DV is NOT the most patient person around (seriously, you should see how much stuff she was enabled into buying her first month here! She's pretty much an "OMG-WANT+BUY!" person, at least where her hair is concerned! ), so for her to be telling you to calm down, it REALLY means something. Like if a professional body builder tells you that you're working out too much, it really means something because they know what they're talking about, you know?

A good rule to follow is only ONE new product or technique EVERY TWO WEEKS. Seriously, if you have a good hair day, how on earth are you going to know what product/technique it was that produced that if you've used ten different products in the last week?

Also, your curl was lost to damage... moisture might bring some of it back, but you can't actually "heal" damaged hair. You may very well have to grow out your damage to get back to the curl that you think might be hidden in there. That's why I HATE flat-irons and blow-fryers... they do permanent damage.

If I were you, I'd do one plain old shampoo to get rid of all the new stuff you've put on your hair and choose ONE product to CO-wash with and ONE product as a leave-in (or even the same product for both), then do that for a couple weeks straight. If your hair is just really nasty before then (not "a little limp" but actually NASTY looking) and another CO-wash doesn't take care of it, then you can put that product on the "my hair doesn't like this" list and move on to something else.

Look at this as a weight-loss process. If you needed to lose 200 pounds, would you try a diet for a week and then pronounce it a failure because you hadn't lost 200 pounds yet? Or would you look at it like you've done 200 pounds of damage to your body, and it's going to take a certain number of months/years to undo the damage and get back to "normal"?

For the sake of your tresses and your sanity, put your hair on a diet.

I won;t give up, this seems to be my downfall. I have had success I have had perfect hair, I just can't keep it, no matter what I do. Its maddening really! I will try my best to take the advice given but its SO hard to just, keep to something....

[amanda_the_tall]

hey hollyfire,
maybe it'll help you to keep a 'hair journal'. if you write down what you do, and how your hair turns out, it'll help you remember what made it look good and what didn't. i find simplifying my routine, and starting over 'fresh' and only trying one thing for a while helps. if you do pull your hair up/braid it, it isn't going to keep your curl pattern from returning. i do find braiding the hair when damp does help with making some waves. i feel like if you logged everything you do to your hair, it'll be easier for sorting (and maybe act as an inhibitor on how many things you do try).

[Linika]

My hair is so flat my buns looks bad, so I refuse to wear my hair like that...I make a ponytail with my hands, put the scrunchie on and twist it to make a ponytail but only pull it part of the way through. It is a loop looking thing when done. I am just not confident with my hair in a bun...its terrible. Maybe to tide myself over, I can do bantu knots (I have tried them before with some success) to get some curl back in my hair? Or would this disturb the curl pattern trying to come back? Maybe braid waves? I just need something so I don't feel like I'm failing SO much..my anger comes from me feeling hopless and out of control with my hair, I feel like it is not worth it to keep trying, I;m sorry I come off as impatient and I am, but it it only because I am trying SO hard and I just...I am failing myself, my confidence and my hair

Your hair is flat so your buns look bad? I'm sorry, but I can't understand this.
You have iii thickness in your hair. Twisting it should make really nice thick coils to make buns out of! I have fine, straight hair that is in the lower end of ii upper end on i, there is major taper in it too. I only know how to make one kind of bun. Guess how it turns out? Small, wonky and a bit odd (I have no real control over my bun either), but it's a good hair do protectionwise, and the more I see myself in it the better it looks.

It's acutally a fact that the more you see something the better it looks. Your mind just gets used to the look of something. So if you stick to buns for a while too, you might change your oppinion on them

I wear my hair in a loop like that sometimes, because I'm convinced it's better for the ends than haning loose. But it does feel like it's damaging

I can't say anything about the waves/curls. I'm more for having my hair stick straight. I love curls but I'm realistic enough to realize I won't have them naturally. I'm realizing my hair will never be straight either. It is some wonky mix of straight and almost not really wavy.

And if updos are not your thing, what about a braid/braids? It's better than having it loose, but more damaging than keeping it up. It could be a good compromise.

Maybe you need to step back from your hair a little. Find something else to take pride in and get confidence from. Settle on a gentle hair routine and just forget about your hair for a while. The anger isn't healthy, even if it feels like it's justified.

When you've settled down a bit and come to terms with your hair and it's current condition, (yes, it is damaged, yes, it will take a loooong time to get it back to being very nice, yes you need to be patient with it) you can start doing small experiments to see if they improve your hair condition or not.

We can help and encourage you on the way, but only you can actually help your hair.

EDIT: If anyone is interested, I hate time differences. It's past 1AM here now, and I need sleep T_T Good night all! I'll be sure to answer stuff tomorrow when I've slept

[Hollyfire3]

Your hair is flat so your buns look bad? I'm sorry, but I can't understand this.
You have iii thickness in your hair. Twisting it should make really nice thick coils to make buns out of! I have fine, straight hair that is in the lower end of ii upper end on i, there is major taper in it too. I only know how to make one kind of bun. Guess how it turns out? Small, wonky and a bit odd (I have no real control over my bun either), but it's a good hair do protectionwise, and the more I see myself in it the better it looks.

It's acutally a fact that the more you see something the better it looks. Your mind just gets used to the look of something. So if you stick to buns for a while too, you might change your oppinion on them

I wear my hair in a loop like that sometimes, because I'm convinced it's better for the ends than haning loose. But it does feel like it's damaging

I can't say anything about the waves/curls. I'm more for having my hair stick straight. I love curls but I'm realistic enough to realize I won't have them naturally. I'm realizing my hair will never be straight either. It is some wonky mix of straight and almost not really wavy.

And if updos are not your thing, what about a braid/braids? It's better than having it loose, but more damaging than keeping it up. It could be a good compromise.

Maybe you need to step back from your hair a little. Find something else to take pride in and get confidence from. Settle on a gentle hair routine and just forget about your hair for a while. The anger isn't healthy, even if it feels like it's justified.

When you've settled down a bit and come to terms with your hair and it's current condition, (yes, it is damaged, yes, it will take a loooong time to get it back to being very nice, yes you need to be patient with it) you can start doing small experiments to see if they improve your hair condition or not.

We can help and encourage you on the way, but only you can actually help your hair.

EDIT: If anyone is interested, I hate time differences. It's past 1AM here now, and I need sleep T_T Good night all! I'll be sure to answer stuff tomorrow when I've slept

I may have iii thickness but it just means my hair isn't long enough to do alot of buns at my just past APL. I just don't like buns, they look bad to me, at least with the waves they were softer looking, this is what i mean by flat hair=bad buns. I want a soft look not a huge lump on my head....in all honesty i just miss my curls! Did I mention this terrible hair issue makes my hair hair so so flat at the scalp? Yeah it does and it just looks...bad....you get some sleep, I will try and use the advice, but this is just so hard...I know the anger isn't good, but I can't help but feel like something has been taken from me, especially when I have had it so short ago and it just, poofs, dissapears for no reason, the anger comes from this

[Hollyfire3]

I know this won't go over well on a hair forum, but Hollyfire, it's hair. Not a cure for cancer. There is no failing. It's a matter of time and wait and put up with the suck of the funky hair and get on with life. It'll grow.

(NB: I do not mean to reference cancer in any kind of disrespectful way. In fact, that's the reason I have short hair now, so I mean no disrespect to our members currently in recovery)

I know..I know and I already beat myself up for caring so much, but I do, so although there are FAR more pressing matters, this one affects me directly, so I am trying to deal with it.

[Hollyfire3]

I'm going to back up what DaniVerde said, and give you even more of the same.

For starters, DV is NOT the most patient person around (seriously, you should see how much stuff she was enabled into buying her first month here! She's pretty much an "OMG-WANT+BUY!" person, at least where her hair is concerned! ), so for her to be telling you to calm down, it REALLY means something. Like if a professional body builder tells you that you're working out too much, it really means something because they know what they're talking about, you know?

A good rule to follow is only ONE new product or technique EVERY TWO WEEKS. Seriously, if you have a good hair day, how on earth are you going to know what product/technique it was that produced that if you've used ten different products in the last week?

Also, your curl was lost to damage... moisture might bring some of it back, but you can't actually "heal" damaged hair. You may very well have to grow out your damage to get back to the curl that you think might be hidden in there. That's why I HATE flat-irons and blow-fryers... they do permanent damage.

If I were you, I'd do one plain old shampoo to get rid of all the new stuff you've put on your hair and choose ONE product to CO-wash with and ONE product as a leave-in (or even the same product for both), then do that for a couple weeks straight. If your hair is just really nasty before then (not "a little limp" but actually NASTY looking) and another CO-wash doesn't take care of it, then you can put that product on the "my hair doesn't like this" list and move on to something else.

Look at this as a weight-loss process. If you needed to lose 200 pounds, would you try a diet for a week and then pronounce it a failure because you hadn't lost 200 pounds yet? Or would you look at it like you've done 200 pounds of damage to your body, and it's going to take a certain number of months/years to undo the damage and get back to "normal"?

For the sake of your tresses and your sanity, put your hair on a diet.

I am going to try your shampoo recomendation because my hair is probably limp because of the cones in the DT I used after clarifying..maybe that wasn't the best time to start CO washing, but after this shampoo wash, I WILL stick to it, I promise, I just need to get these cones out, that is all

[marykatz]

hey hollyfire,
maybe it'll help you to keep a 'hair journal'. if you write down what you do, and how your hair turns out, it'll help you remember what made it look good and what didn't. i find simplifying my routine, and starting over 'fresh' and only trying one thing for a while helps. if you do pull your hair up/braid it, it isn't going to keep your curl pattern from returning. i do find braiding the hair when damp does help with making some waves. i feel like if you logged everything you do to your hair, it'll be easier for sorting (and maybe act as an inhibitor on how many things you do try).

Yes that is a wonderful idea. I started one when I felt like I was just going around and around in circles, some days having great hair and other days horrible. It helps to establish patterns because sometimes it isn't what you did to your hair today, it is what you did the past 5 days. I also note down the weather conditions.

It is really hard to have patience. When I took science classes in school (back, back, way back) I remember we were not supposed to change more then one variable at a time. I am pretty sure my hair gel isn't working out but I am resisting changing because I just starting co washing exclusively 2 weeks ago. Oh well!

[amanda_the_tall]

Yes that is a wonderful idea. I started one when I felt like I was just going around and around in circles, some days having great hair and other days horrible. It helps to establish patterns because sometimes it isn't what you did to your hair today, it is what you did the past 5 days. I also note down the weather conditions.

It is really hard to have patience. When I took science classes in school (back, back, way back) I remember we were not supposed to change more then one variable at a time. I am pretty sure my hair gel isn't working out but I am resisting changing because I just starting co washing exclusively 2 weeks ago. Oh well!

i think marykatz is onto something- weather can play a huge part in how hair behaves. humidity can completely change how your hair acts, and how it reacts to the products. if it's dry weather, and you have humectants on your hair, it can make your hair drier (at least, in my experience). organic chem labs has taught me so much about how just a little bit of humidity can make or break a reaction *end science geek plug*

[Hollyfire3]

i think marykatz is onto something- weather can play a huge part in how hair behaves. humidity can completely change how your hair acts, and how it reacts to the products. if it's dry weather, and you have humectants on your hair, it can make your hair drier (at least, in my experience). organic chem labs has taught me so much about how just a little bit of humidity can make or break a reaction *end science geek plug*

I have had a good hair day on humid days and on dryer days, here though, there is more moisture in the air year round so its not a huge factor for me, trust me, I have considered this also.

[MandyBeth]

I am trying...but why be patient I wonder? Its obvious this is for my hair I am trying to get back to (crazy, poofy, frizzy, in need of the grease CO gives) unlike my hair now that NEEDS volume and poof and curl and...wow I never thought my stupid hair would come to NEEDING volume...just wow....now I want to cry, again

J when we started had the ickiest, limp curls. Just looked blah. But, her hair was clean and it wasn't a battle to get done. Ok, as much of a battle as shampoo. She has issues with suds in her hair.

Somewhere along the way, her hair goes from 2c maybe 3a to full blown 3c curls that get huge if we let them.

But we had a good 3 months of thinking "crap, the state will see this and think we never wash her hair and take them away."

We've since adopted the kids. But man, we had some days of really ratty looking hair.

All worth it in the end. J has pretty princess curls and she loves them.

Now I can't CO wash. First my hair is just too fine. My hair is literally cat fine. Even 1:10 conditioner to water is too much for longer term use. Second, my fussy scalp. It doesn't like most conditioners directly on it. I try, I get a delightful rash started, which leads to an even nicer fungal infection.

But I'm not a full on curly. So other than having protein hating hair, I'm not as prone to the dryness that curlies seem to be prone to.