Need wisdom/advice from parents with multiple kids

[gin]

Before I got pregnant with my first kiddo over 5 years ago, my hair was around waist length and that's when I started taking care of my long hair, learning how to put it up in a bun, wearing protective styles, etc. Now I'm 4 months postpartum after my second baby. I've maintained it between tailbone and classic length with a minimal routine and my ends are healthy.

This sounds great and all, but for the first time in many many years, I'm considering cutting it significantly, maybe to waist length or higher. I just want to be able to wash it like a normal person again. With a toddler and a baby now, it's so hard to find the time AND motivation to wash my hair. I've been doing scalp-only washes which helped but it's still not as easy as just jumping in the shower or bath. I go weeks between washes and my scalp hates me for it.

I also miss wearing it down or in a simple ponytail. Because it's thick and I have sensitive scalp I basically can only wear it in a bun on top of my head. I love wearing it in braids but I just don't have the time between working and taking care of two kiddos.

I know I can grow it out again, and it'll likely be a few years before I'll have the time and energy to properly take care of it anyway.

Those with kids and long hair, how do you do it? Would you cut it?

[embee]

If I could not stretch washes to "infrequent", I would consider cutting - but long enough to make a nice ponytail and a simple topknot. Also I'd be sure my wash routine was as simple as possible, no special stuff. Then you'll have a bit more time and three options of hair-do: down, pony, topknot. As you say, you can always grow later. Maybe cut back to waist, and if that's not enough, go up to mid-back. If you cut short, then you'll need to be getting trims every time you turn around, and that's a NoGo for both time and money. (I found out the hard way on that.)

[rosenester]

Hi! I don’t have children so no advice on that front, but sympathy as it took me a long time to learn how to allow for enough time for enjoying self care such as washing my hair etc. I can only imagine how much more challenging self-care is when caring for 2 small children!

What if you trimmed your hair up to BCL or HL instead of more drastically? My thoughts… with your thickness you will have less quick bunning options and your daily top-bun may not work anymore if you go too short. Quick up-do’s are a must for busy lives & sticky small fingers. If you cut your length much shorter, it will be easy to wear down and wash, but may be a new learning curve to finding updo’s (which takes time and experimentation). I have worked in infant group care and understand the necessity of keeping hair up around grabby sticky little hands

[gin]

If I could not stretch washes to "infrequent", I would consider cutting - but long enough to make a nice ponytail and a simple topknot. Also I'd be sure my wash routine was as simple as possible, no special stuff. Then you'll have a bit more time and three options of hair-do: down, pony, topknot. As you say, you can always grow later. Maybe cut back to waist, and if that's not enough, go up to mid-back. If you cut short, then you'll need to be getting trims every time you turn around, and that's a NoGo for both time and money. (I found out the hard way on that.)

What if you trimmed your hair up to BCL or HL instead of more drastically? My thoughts… with your thickness you will have less quick bunning options and your daily top-bun may not work anymore if you go too short. Quick up-do’s are a must for busy lives & sticky small fingers. If you cut your length much shorter, it will be easy to wear down and wash, but may be a new learning curve to finding updo’s (which takes time and experimentation). I have worked in infant group care and understand the necessity of keeping hair up around grabby sticky little hands

Definitely would prefer to keep it long enough that I can still bun it! It's the quickest way to put it up and definitely need that ability with the kiddos. I think when I was at waist length I could BARELY put it in a bun so that's why I was thinking that length, and I also remember washing it "normally" then as well (though still a little difficult). I have a lot more Hair IQ now w.r.t. bunning and washing so I might be able to get away with shorter now...

I'm currently going like 3-4 weeks in between scalp washes and ~3 months in between full hair washes. I was doing the scalp washes weekly before having the 2nd kiddo, and that's probably my ideal interval. I just need to be able to get back to that, haha.

[AmaryllisRed]

I have four kids ranging in age from 7 to 16. And in those 16 years I've had hair every length from chin to knee. It's also worth noting that I didn't have a lot of help with them when they were babies. So I couldn't have someone else watch them while I took a shower and washed my hair. And I've gone between every-other-day washes and once a week when I had newborns who would cry when they weren't being held, which makes a shower... unpleasant.

I think long hair does better with infrequent washes than short hair, but then again, short hair is quicker to wash and detangle and dry.
I guess my opinion is, whatever hair length you want, I think you can make it work with kids. If it's shorter, you can wash more often. If it's longer, you really don't need to wash as often and buns are the way.
Another thing to keep in mind is that as your second gets older, you'll probably have more time to spend on your hair. I remember feeling at times that I wished I could hire a sitter just so I could shower and feel human! But soon you will be able to again. And then if you're like me, you'll have another kid!

[Hairy-Fairy]

I'm assuming you don't have family or friends close by that can watch the kids while you wash your hair?
I agree with others who have suggested cutting off less at first and then cutting off more if you need to. You don't want to accidentally cut it so short it's hard to put it in a bun. If you could only barely do a bun at waist, hip might be better?
As far as washing frequency, have you tried/do you do boar bristle brushing your scalp and hair in between washes? It might help with the itching if your not able to wash it more often. I've not tried it as I don't know how to make it work with my texture but, just a thought.
I have two little ones and, even with help, sometimes it's just a lot to juggle.

[Hairy-Fairy]

Bear in mind, my perspective is from one who wears their hair in a bun every day and couldn't deal with having it out and about as it would be in my way even if it was shorter than it is. You know whether it would bother you to be unable to bun your hair or not better than me.

[knobbly]

I have two and my hair is approaching knee. I only do it by drumroll please taking a li’l bit of the “benign” out of the phrase “benign neglect.”

To be clear I don’t suggest this lol, but it is my story. My New Year’s resolution has been to scalp wash more frequently for three years running. I wash infrequently, keep it up during the day, let it down under a bonnet at night. I do detangle once a day, so that’s good. I don’t yank a brush through it but I could be gentler. Like it’s fine I guess? My hair used to be thicker but also I had two postpartum sheds in the mix, my mental health has not been great, I’ve been nursing one child or the other for almost seven straight years, and I’m in perimenopause. Who’s to say that even if I took care of it better things would look any different?

This is just the deal for this season of my life and it’ll change when it changes.

[gin]

I'm assuming you don't have family or friends close by that can watch the kids while you wash your hair?
I agree with others who have suggested cutting off less at first and then cutting off more if you need to. You don't want to accidentally cut it so short it's hard to put it in a bun. If you could only barely do a bun at waist, hip might be better?
As far as washing frequency, have you tried/do you do boar bristle brushing your scalp and hair in between washes? It might help with the itching if your not able to wash it more often. I've not tried it as I don't know how to make it work with my texture but, just a thought.
I have two little ones and, even with help, sometimes it's just a lot to juggle.

No family nearby, my husband can watch them when he can, but we have a lot going on right now so these free periods aren't that often and TBH, my hair is just not that high priority so it gets put off in favor of more important things. We do have more time in the evenings when both kiddos are in bed but I've learned I can't wash my hair at night because it needs to be mostly dry by the time I go to bed.

I'm already going 3-4 weeks in between scalp washes and really don't think I should try to go longer. It actually doesn't get all that itchy, it's just getting gross and I know it affects my hair health negatively. I'm currently going through the postpartum hair loss phase right now so I can't tell if going so long is making my normal hair fall worse. My guess it is based on history.

I haven't tried the boar bristle brushing but I don't see myself trying b/c that also takes up too much time. I have a wide tooth comb that I use maybe every other day and that's all I manage right now.

[gin]

I have two and my hair is approaching knee. I only do it by drumroll please taking a li’l bit of the “benign” out of the phrase “benign neglect.”

I definitely feel like I'm straight up neglecting my hair/scalp. TBH this wouldn't bother me at all since my hair seems to be doing OK, except I really should wash my scalp more often b/c it gets pretty gross. How often are you washing? Have you thought about cutting your hair at all?

I guess I'm going through a phase where I'm like, I rarely leave the house, my hair is always up, no one ever sees it... why do I have long hair at all? Part of me wonders if I'm keeping it long just b/c of the time invested into growing and keeping it this long, in which case I really should cut it and I can always grow it out again. I feel like this is a hair midlife crisis, haha.