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Thread: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

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    Member Sunshine69's Avatar
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    Default My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    I was just reading Shadow Walker's post about family pressure to cut his hair, and that made me think to post this question here.

    My 9 year old son has long-ish hair for a boy (it's to his shoulders). I am fully supportive of him having long hair, but it's just difficult to get him to take care of it properly. He wouldn't use conditioner when he washed it and I still have to remind him to comb/brush it daily. He's very active, and his hair gets very tangled. I wish he would put it in a ponytail while he plays soccer or other sports, but he's afraid that it makes him look like a girl. So he plays with his hair down and hanging in his face which blocks his view and leads to tangles.

    I was wondering if having messy hair is his way of dealing with the outside pressure from people who say his hair is too pretty for a boy.

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to nag him. Should I just leave him alone about this?
    Lady Parvati, Messenger of Unity in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    Maybe you could get him some boy-style hair toys? A really masculine fork, a buff, some of those knotheads in black?

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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    Maybe he would like a half up 'Lord of the Rings' style or something.

    My 8 yr. old is growing out his hair, but it's because he wants to put in a ponytail. ...he also wants to dye it yellow with orange tips but he and I will have to have that "discussion" when the time comes

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    Member EvaSimone's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    I am not a boy but when I was younger 6-9 ish my hair was always a tangled mess. I just didn't care.

    My grandma was always lamenting that my hair was so unkempt and why didn't I braid it or tie it back? It didn't do one lick of good because I just didn't care. It was so far off of my "things I care about list" at that age that I didn't give her nagging a second thought.

    So my suggestion is to either leave your son in his tangled glory unless it's a special occasion then by all means make him get spiffed up. Or get him a bandanna or something to keep his hair out of his eyes. Also one tip is to show him pics of soccer players with long hair that are famous. Most (all??) keep their hair tied back in one way or another to play the sport, maybe if he sees photographic evidence he'll rethink his position that ponytails are girly.




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    Member Sunshine69's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    thanks for the suggestions. I showed him some photos of famous soccer players with ponytails. He said, "but on kids they do make you look like a girl". I think he actually has a point, because he hasn't gone through puberty yet. Kids at his age don't have any secondary sexual characteristics developed yet. I didn't tell him that, though. I think maybe seeing the photos helped a bit.

    I have a few buffs that I like to wear under my cycling helmet, and we tried one on him. I think that might be a good solution. Mine was just a plain blue bandana pattern, but he was excited that they come with patterns of skulls or camo.
    Lady Parvati, Messenger of Unity in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

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    Queen of Purls Carolyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    I think you are a great mom to take the time to work with him on this. My son and I didn't have issues over hair but we did over clothes. I let him go to school and to hang out with his friends any way he wanted to look. The school had some restrictions. But for fun time with friends I let him wear anything he wanted. My restrictions were that there were certain family times when he would have to dress the way I wanted him to. I couldn't have him wearing Big Johnson T shirts around my mom! Maybe you could make some kind of a deal with your son along those lines.


    I am not here to decorate your world

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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    He's 9. Old enough to have some responsibilities like taking care of his hair.

    If he doesn't, then oh well. He has to REALLY want it himself, and from the looks of it he doesn't. Nothing to do about that. If in the long run it gets chopped due to damage, realize it's his hair, it will grow back.

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    Member natt i nord's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    I know that - my brother has short hair but on this length you already have to brush/comb it and he always 'forgets' to comb it. My mother has to force him that he combs. He's eleven, so I think it's normal for boys on this age
    Leave him, I'm sure he will change his mind some day

    Actually he wanted a hairstyle like Timo Hildebrandt, but then the curls of our mother came out

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    Member DragonLady's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    I think it's a kid thing. All of mine went through it, and I just did mental eye-rolls and let them have at it.

    They do outgrow it, and they will (surprise!) remember the things you've told them once they get ready.
    Lady Saphira of the Crystal Wings in the Order of the Long Haired Knights!

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    Member Sunshine69's Avatar
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    Default Re: My son won't tie his hair back and it gets very tangled

    thanks for the reassurance. I have a 13-year old daughter, so I should know that kids eventually start to care what they look like. I used to have to nag my daughter to take a shower a few times a week, but now it seems like she's always in the bathroom grooming herself and using up all the hot water. I suppose my son with go through something similar in a couple of years.
    Lady Parvati, Messenger of Unity in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

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