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Thread: Reactions from the uninitiated

  1. #21
    I'd rather be outside browneyedsusan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    I might be able to help? I'm about your mom's age, with children 21 and 19.
    It sounds like there is more going on here than your hair routine? Some moms are used to controlling every detail of their children's lives, and that little bit has gotten away from her? Maybe she just wants to "mother you" more, and is missing you now that you're living away from her. She might be worried that you'll never attract a nice boy if your hair is "dirty". Her girlfriends might have trouble with their daughter's cleanliness and bending your mom's ear. She might have a negative preception of "dirty hippies" from something way back in her past. Good gravy, it could be ANYTHING! lol!

    I'm a nice, Christian lady; but I'd lie like a rug under these circumstances. It sounds like her mind is made up, and you'll not convince her otherwise. Next time give her: "I washed it yesterday morning", or "I'll get after it this afternoon", or "Yeah, I washed it in March. Should be good until mid-October." Whatever you need to do to settle her down.

    Your relationship is the most important thing here. Your hair routine ought not be a stumbling block.

    FWIW: my mom thinks my hair is out of control, too. --look at my siggy. I was pixied a really long time. Before that, never longer than CBL-- She imagines that it's a huge hassle to keep nice, and styling it different every day must be a nasty chore. Mom is 73, with a cute long pixie. She's never colored it, because she isn't very gray. The thought terrifies her.

    henna keeps it
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    Pixied for 15+ years and liked it.
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  2. #22
    Evil Duck Queen TatsuOni's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    I never talk about my haircare with other people than thoose I know are "crazy enough" to understand, like my friends and mother. My boyfriend too He's bald but got no choice and does now know way more about hair now then when he had hair himself. He doesn't mind what I'm doing as long as it gives me long and good looking hair

    Online is another story. I share tips and my routine when people ask. Some comments I've gotten are:
    * Your hair must smell! (I wash it every other week)
    * You can't get your hair clean without shampoo. (CO for over three years)
    * You cant get any effect with products that isn't made for hair. (Oil. Because shampoo and silicones has been around since the stoneage?)

    I've gotten a lot of positive comments too and some people wanna know even more
    Last edited by TatsuOni; July 27th, 2016 at 08:46 AM.


    Be nice or the beast will scream

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  3. #23
    Member pailin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    It's actually really common for people here not to wash their hair more than once or twice a week. So for me, I end up explaining why I wash it so often. And at home, my mother used to tell me I was washing my hair too often (like Lapushka's). But I have reasons (oily scalp which gets horribly itchy). At any rate, I do tend to try to just avoid that subject. I'll mention oils to certain friends - like the Indian friend who first suggested one to me- but not most people.

  4. #24
    Member yogagirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    Yeah, this is a classical case for "know your audience." (Meaning just don't go there if you know it won't go over well.)

    I choose not to tell anybody how often I wash my hair. It is just not a discussion I want to have with random strangers or even friends/family that may react a certain way due to their conditioning. I may mention I don't necessarily wash it every day IF the conversation goes that way or I am pressed for an answer, though that kind of implies I wash it every 1-2 days which is untrue. Choose your battles and all that.
    ♪♫ You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal. I want mooore ♪♫

  5. #25
    Henna Ombré samanthaa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    My mother doesn't like long hair; I grew up with her telling me that my hair was too fine and thin to ever be thick, and that I looked better with shorter hair, face-framing layer, etc. In fact, the last time I was in my parents' home, I mentioned my unhappiness with the thinness, and she again suggested cutting it to make it appear thicker. NOPE.

    But my mother is also very health-conscience so instead of shampoo she uses things like baking soda and ACV, and I buy her CV shampoo bars for Christmas (she'll make one last a whole year!). She wasn't at all shocked when I used catnip from her garden for a hair rinse once, and probably wouldn't be shocked by any of my hair care experiments (she was there for my first henna application!). My father couldn't care less, except he once told me one of my shampoo bars smelled like tar and made the whole bathroom smell terrible (but I think he was just overexaggerating). She will never understand my desire for long hair (hers has been collarbone length or shorter my whole life), but she gets the alternative hair care methods for sure.

    My current roommates, on the other hand...I try generally not to advertise. When I do SMTs and henna applications, I generally try to confine myself to my bedroom for the duration. Once my roommate saw me mixing up an SMT and asked what it was for; I told her, "A deep treatment for my hair," and she said that she'd never heard of a "deep treatment." Her hair gets long due to benign neglect, and then she chops (her last was from waist to shoulder), and she washes infrequently (but only because she cares about water consumption). So we have different motivations, but, yes, we've discussed "stretching washes." She knows I generally don't wash my hair after a sweaty workout, which most people would find gross. Beside her, I probably wouldn't voluntarily discuss this with anybody else unless asked, but even then I'd probably fib unless it was someone who was genuinely interested. My partner, much like my father, is indifferent, though he doesn't understand why I don't wear my hair down 24/7, telling me that I look much better with it down than up.

    Quote Originally Posted by triumphator! View Post
    ETA: I had roommates who were like "WHY IS THERE HONEY IN THE SHOWER?!?!?!" and when natural haircare explanations failed, I would just tell them I like to have snacks in the shower. The resulting funny looks were priceless. Oh and one time I convinced a guy that I used it "to get grime off of the grout between the tiles, because it is so naturally sticky."
    OMG, this is great! I've definitely offered similar explanations, because it's just too difficult trying to explain natural hair care to people who do nothing but shampoo, condition, blow dry, and straighten every day on repeat. I know I often lie when I'm doing a cassia treatment--I say it's henna, because at least with henna, there's a visible benefit that might seem like a rationale explain as to why I'm possibly putting this mud on my head. Once also I had a bowl of rice in my room fermenting for a rinse and my roommate saw it; I told her I was just soaking the rice for an extended period of time because it makes it so much quicker to cook!
    MBL | WL | HL | TBL | HL | TBL | CLSSC(?)


  6. #26
    Endearing weirdo truepeacenik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    For the odd placement of things some eat but I apply to hair, I just say it is some magical hippie madness

    Works.
    Join a declutter challenge http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/...d.php?t=141272

    Nevertheless, she persisted.

  7. #27
    Cat Whisperer lithostoic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    I say this on every one of these posts, but man, I would've told her to f*** off and stay out of my business.
    CBL 2015 - BCL 2019

    ⋆Hangin out⋆

  8. #28
    Member Pantha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    I have had these sorts of comments a few times, but one of my favourites was a woman at work who has never seen my hair down, she told me my hair was far too long and must have so many split ends so I should cut it to at least above my waist so it will be thicker, bouncier and full of life. I wouldn't mind if this was based on her observation but as I wear my hair covered with a head scarf and hard hat all day at work, and she's never seen it loose, how can she judge how many split ends I have, or how it would look better at any other length.
    I asked her how she can tell this when she has never seen my hair down, then I told her that I do a split end trip every couple of weeks, and if you leave it any longer than a couple of weeks between split end trims then your asking for splits to travel up your hair and make you go bald. Then I asked her how often she does hers and she said she doesn't, so I tutted and shook my head she didn't make any more comments after that.
    Trying to find my maximum length
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  9. #29
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    My mum is conscious about water consumption from me washing my (longest and thickest in the family) hair, so she gave precisely zero f***s about me swapping from washing the full length of my hair every alternate day to me scalp-washing every alternate day and properly washing every 4++ days. All she said was that so long as my hair didn't smell unwashed - it's Singapore and I'm a teenage girl, it happens - she didn't mind. She has her hair in a bob, btw, simply because she can't be bothered with long hair, so she's all for doing whatever reduces the amount of time, money and effort spent on my hair except for cutting it short (since I didn't care much for it when I did actually cut it).

  10. #30
    Endearing weirdo truepeacenik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reactions from the uninitiated

    As someone in a scent free workplace, I have to be sure my hair is neutral in scent.
    It can smell like me, but it cannot broadcast that scent at all. Tough when the massage room gets to be 80 in the afternoons.

    I wash my scalp alternating days. The ends might get a rinse, but it is not intended.
    A proper wash, with my dilute shampoo going down the length, happens once a week. Sometimes the ends want a conditioning in between, and I can do that in the bathroom sink, considering "ends" to be up to 12 inches.

    In a desperate situation, I can use a peppermint and rosemary spray on my scalp.

    This observation raised hackles in the water/sebum only thread, but I smell an identifier scent on my sebum. It also picks up environmental scent. Again, I need to be neutral and low-broadcast. So I scratch my head and test the scent. If I smell me, everyone else could.
    That keeps me in scalp washes, albeit with very dilute SLS free shampoo. I need a superwetting ingredient, in my situation.

    I've been around monthly washers. It's not for me. Too much personal scent!
    Join a declutter challenge http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/...d.php?t=141272

    Nevertheless, she persisted.

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