Leave my hair color alone strangers!

**maborosi** · April 18th, 2014, 08:37 AM

I get asked, almost daily, if my hair is naturally red. (The answer is no- I'm a hennahead! Henna for life ^^) Generally, if it's someone interested in how I got that color, I love to talk to them about henna! Hooray for opportunities to evangelize about the wonders of henna!

And generally, that goes well and maybe I've convinced a person or two to look into it.

However, I also get a lot of weird reactions- usually from men for some reason- when I say, "No, this isn't my natural color". A lot of guys give me this weird look or say something like, "Oh, that's a shame" or "Aha! Gotcha!". And then they press the issue and try to get me to tell them "why" I dye my hair, or what my natural color is. I never know how to take that because it comes off as incredibly rude. Like they just gained some sort of little triumphant victory over me because they figured out that I don't have red hair. I may be overreacting, but I just don't think that that's very nice and it's really not appropriate to talk to someone like that. Maybe they're trying to mess with me or joke around? My sarcasm-o-meter has been completely busted!

I surely cannot be the only one who's dealt with this. I just don't know how to take it or what to say. I cannot be rude, sadly. But I'm so sick of people doing this. Should I just lie about it to avoid that awkward moment when people think they can make snide remarks to me? My hair color has always been a contentious issue for me, and I'm genuinely really happy with what all my henna experimenting and alchemy has gotten me.

It hurts my feeling when total strangers think they can just prod me about it and make me feel bad. Maybe they don't mean to, or maybe they just want to embarrass me because they know they can.

~maborosi~

**chen bao jun** · April 18th, 2014, 08:45 AM

They are tactless. I notice men tend to like 'natural' though, at least in theory. (In fact, men tend to think all kinds of things are natural that their wife/girlfriend is doing, that it's completely obvious to other women are not natural at all). Definitely they are attracted to you if they are asking that and want you to say 'yes'. You actually don't have to answer anything, especially if you are not attracted back. Answering 'yes', sad to say, would probably mean that you would start to be tormented with the even more incredibly rude question about if your hair matches everywhere--some men can be disgusting like that...
I would just say 'It's my secret' or "guess' and smile enigmatically and cut off the conversation right there, probably by walking away, especially if you don't know them. Or even say, "I don't want to answer that."

**rohirrrims** · April 18th, 2014, 09:00 AM

Oh yes, I have this all the time. I'm from Scotland and red hair is bullied in school A LOT. I am naturally brunette and even I was bullied when my hair went coppery one summer... madness. I chemically dyed red for years as a teen and my boyfriend at 15 dumped me because I dyed my hair red (!). Anyway, I grew to love ginger hair and now I use henna thanks to LHC.

Old women stop me in the street constantly in Scotland to ask about my hair, it is weird but nice! I am always open to talking about my hair colour and how I achieve it! Now I am in Holland and no one gives a damn about it, which I found odd tbh because red hair seems so rare here compared to Scotland?

It has been the reason for a lot of male interest though because it reminds them of celebrities they like or something. I'm a bit of a nerd, I play World of Warcraft and have doubled for Karen Gillan from Doctor Who in a film, so the guys that are fans of those things tend to like red hair, and that's where the creepy "is it natural *wink wink*" "do the curtains match the drapes" comments come from! I ended up removing myself from social media because it was making me self conscious to get these comments.

However like you said, the one thing that really upsets me is the guys that give me a hard time for dying my hair red. I once had a friend of a then BF reduce me to tears in the pub by asking WHY I dyed my hair red, was it for attention, was it because it distracts from me not being pretty?? ... he said I was lying by dying it red and a desperate attention seeker. I asked him what about all the girls he fancies that dye their hair blonde? "Oh that's completely different" RIGHT OK. He was really malicious and I left in tears because he was attacking me in front of a group of people all because I was faking being a ginger (why even!)

Basically it is ok for a woman to fake blonde hair because that is conventionally sexy in his eyes, but he thinks it is not ok for a woman to dye her hair a colour that isn't as desirable to men (again, in HIS eyes). I had blonde hair for a year and never got any bad comments, never asked if it was real or fake, never asked if it "matched", never told it was attention seeking to change my appearance so drastically... so I guess that matches his point. Because when I dye my hair red it is anyone's game to make nasty comments or prod at me until I tell them "NO, IT DOESN'T MATCH".

**Charybdis** · April 18th, 2014, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by rohirrrims

However like you said, the one thing that really upsets me is the guys that give me a hard time for dying my hair red. I once had a friend of a then BF reduce me to tears in the pub by asking WHY I dyed my hair red, was it for attention, was it because it distracts from me not being pretty?? ... he said I was lying by dying it red and a desperate attention seeker. I asked him what about all the girls he fancies that dye their hair blonde? "Oh that's completely different" RIGHT OK. He was really malicious and I left in tears because he was attacking me in front of a group of people all because I was faking being a ginger (why even!)

Maybe that guy should try faking being a decent human being. That's just straight-up bullying -- he happened to pick your hair to bully you about, but people like that will use anything that's different or unusual about someone as fodder for bullying. Shame on your former BF for not telling his "friend" off loudly and publicly.

**rohirrrims** · April 18th, 2014, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by Charybdis

Maybe that guy should try faking being a decent human being. That's just straight-up bullying -- he happened to pick your hair to bully you about, but people like that will use anything that's different or unusual about someone as fodder for bullying. Shame on your former BF for not telling his "friend" off loudly and publicly.

Yes you are very right! And I was super upset with my ex for not defending me, but that's another story! Sadly it's not the only time a guy has made nasty comments about faking being a redhead to me... as if I am purposely out there to deceive them with it!

**Kaelee** · April 18th, 2014, 09:25 AM

UGH! I can't believe some of the things people say to redheads...I honestly have never encountered it, except from my seriously old school grandfather who HATES red hair (though when he says things, I just chuckle and roll my eyes.

) Most people don't notice my hair, of course various shades of red that are more or less unnatural looking are common here. Occasionally someone will ask if it's my real hair color...the question doesn't offend me but it always gives me pause because I don't consider my particular head of hair to be all that natural looking. By now, all of the people I see on a frequent basis know I dye it, it's just no big deal. 99% of the comments that I have gotten have been inquisitive or outright positive (one friend asked me, do I dye my hair, because if I don't that is the most spectacular natural hair color he's ever seen. I guess it looks not fake enough to pass for natural even though it's unusual, and makes people wonder.)

**Kherome** · April 18th, 2014, 09:35 AM

Men THINK they like natural, but the problem is, most of them have no clue what is actually natural. They did a study once, of men who claimed they liked natural women, no hair dye no make up etc.

So they showed them photos of women who were natural and not natural. Like 90% of them chose the women wearing subtle makeup and with hair color etc. They almost never picked a women with no makeup. When they spoke to them after the test, the men were "shocked" that the ones they picked had hair dye and make up on.

To me it just illustrates a point that I've tried to make many times. People don't remember what real looks like any more.

**lapushka** · April 18th, 2014, 09:40 AM

I used to get a lot of "attention" back when my hair was red. Depending on who the attention is from, it can become quite creepy. I'd go with my gut on this, whether you answer yes or no. Besides, it's none of their business in fact, and that answer might be good to give as well, depending on the situation.

**SkyChild** · April 18th, 2014, 10:02 AM

Yeah I got this a lot when I was ginger. Again I'm in Scotland so people tended to think it was natural. But I have dark brown eyebrows - so they clearly don't know what they're talking about.

I've had some people bully me because of it, some people were quite impressed and a lot of guys thought I was trying to be sexy. I never got an comments about does the rug match the drapes but I suppose that's because I was pretty up front about dying it.

I agree with lapushka - go with your instincts and if someone being weird just walk away.

(Also like Kherome's point, men don't realise how subtle make-up and hair colour can be, and don't even realise what natural is)

**Brynja** · April 18th, 2014, 10:04 AM

I don't dye my hair but I get really fustrated when people decide on the color of my hair,I don't even know entirely what my color is,I just assume that it's Blonette (closer to blonde sometimes because of the sun),I used to have a really light blonde hair when I was younger and it got darker as I aged but people always get into arguements with me because whatever color they say it is,then there's no changing it.
For example I had a girl in my classroom,she turned around to face me and said "your hair is brown like mine!!" it was really dark,and my hair still looked way lighter than her's (I like brunettes but I'm not a brunette!) I corrected her by saying that my hair is lighter than her's and it's too dark to even figure out what color my hair is,she really looked insulted and got protective,she gathered everyone around to make a point that my hair color is brown

I eventually gave up and went home with a bad mood. I had morning class with that same girl on the next day,and she clearly saw that my hair is NOT brown,she didn't say anything though. My hair color isn't even that special to be worth commenting on,it's not a unique color but still everyone seem to try to ruin my mood by deciding on my hair color for me,like some kind of professional.

Maybe next time I gotta say to a stranger who decides to tell me about my hair color,"Oh I didn't realize you have a doctorate in infrntifying hair colors!" or something like that