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Melanie Marie
April 28th, 2011, 04:01 AM
I'm the kind of person who does NOT like it when strangers touch my hair. Even if it's someone I've known for quite a while, if I don't trust/like them I won't want them touching it. Hair has a much deeper significance to me than aesthetic preference, and I'm sure this is the case with many others out there.

Therefore, I find it extremely ill-mannered and thoughtless when people touch my hair. Just recently a girl one or two grades below me (I'm in 12th grade) who I was barely acquainted with reached out and grabbed ther tail of my 5-strand braid, saying, "I love your hair! It's so pretty and long!" letting go before I could pull away. I felt so violated and uncomfortable, especially since the girl had a cold. shudder:I didn't want to be mean to her because she clearly didn't mean any harm, but for me it's a matter of decency and common sense, and I wish I had told her not to touch my hair.

I've resolved that the next time anyone tries to touch my hair that I will tell them, as politely as I can, to not touch it. What do you do when people touch your hair uninvited? How do you respond, or do you mind at all? :confused:

PeacenQuietGal
April 28th, 2011, 04:31 AM
I don't think I would mind actually, although I see your point very clearly. I would rather respond with warmth even if it stretched my comfort zone a bit.

Clarisse
April 28th, 2011, 04:59 AM
I like it, but my hair is not really worth any touching anyway, so I rarely experience it. Of course it matters who did it, how they did it and in what situation. A male stranger touching my hair would be too weird for me. And I would get mad if someone damaged my hair. Unless it's a baby of course....
The only place I have experienced that my hair got touched and admired by strangers was in Italy. I believe that blond hair is quite a rarity there.

Melanie Marie
April 28th, 2011, 05:10 AM
The only place I have experienced that my hair got touched and admired by strangers was in Italy. I believe that blond hair is quite a rarity there.

Where in Italy have you gone? I would imagine that there aren't too many blondes in the south, but I've never been below Rome. I adore Italy, btw. :)

Angeletti
April 28th, 2011, 06:51 AM
Luckily I haven't had anyone try to touch my hair yet, just my family which is fine. I'd probably swat someone's hand away if a stranger attempted it just because I have an issue with people I don't know getting in my personal space.

natt i nord
April 28th, 2011, 07:00 AM
Hm, I don't like that either, but until now it has never happened to me that a stranger wanted to touch my hair. It's mostly up when I go out anyway.

Only my friends like to touch my hair, but I'm okay with that because I know they know my hair has a meaning to me and are careful with that.

Rebecca.1905
April 28th, 2011, 07:04 AM
Nobody outside of my family has tried to touch my hair yet. I'm just getting to the point of getting comments on the length (yay!) so if it's going to happen, I'm probably going to reach that point soon.

My boys are weird about it tho. My 6-yr old always grabs it and tells me I need a haircut, and my weird-o 14 yr old puts it in his mouth. In. His. Mouth. Supposedly normal kid, but... he's gross. Pretty sure he only does it because it's nasty and it squicks me out.

So. At least nobody has put your hair in their mouth, right? :rolleyes:

Madora
April 28th, 2011, 07:06 AM
You can be sure no strangers get anywhere near my hair..which is up and braided anyway.

years ago some guy approached me and wanted to touch my hair. I told him it was being treated for ringworm (which wasn't the case). you never saw any one move so quickly to back off. Some people are clueless!

lapushka
April 28th, 2011, 10:39 AM
What do you do when people touch your hair uninvited? How do you respond, or do you mind at all? :confused:

For me it all *largely* depends on how they approach me, and in what way they touch me, or a part of me (my hair).

Clearly, in your case, the girl was trying to be nice to you, and that obviously also determined your response to her. I can see how her touching you(r hair) made you feel awkward and left you a bit unsure of how to go about telling her that being touched makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps next time you can tell her?

I find it hard to be unkind to people who are clearly just trying to be nice, but if they go too far in whatever way, be it by inappropriately touching me, or approaching me or be it by showing me inappropriate behavior (bullying, pestering), then OMG... step away from the sandstorm that's about to hit you full force.

BrightEyes7
April 28th, 2011, 10:55 AM
I don't think it would have really bothered me in that instance. She just touched the end of the braid?

There is this one client who comes in to the office I work at. I really like him and his wife, their really fun and nice people. I'd consider them 'friends' as far as clients go. Anyway, I normally wear my hair up and one day they came in and I had it down. He was going crazy about it. Said he loved long hair! I didn't think too much about it. Then every time he came in after that and my hair was up he'd always ask about it. Then recently he came in and my hair was down. He touched it. And not the ends. He came up and put his hand in the hair by the roots towards the nape of my neck... it was awkward to say the least. Then I learned he was a hippy and used to have really long curly hair. (He has short hair, but major male pattern baldness) So it was a little less strange. If he would have touched the ends of my hair I wouldn't have minded, it was that was just a bit... intimate!

I once also had a stranger behind me at the grocery store pick up the end of my braid. She was just admiring my braiding skills. It didn't bother me.

I guess I'm more of a touchy person than others, so when others touch me it doesn't really bother me.

gogirlanime
April 28th, 2011, 10:56 AM
I mind a lot, I only like it when people I trust do it. I trust my mother, but I don't really like it when she touches my hair. I just don't like touching in general from people I don't like. I pretty much only let my boyfriend touch my hair.

moonlight
April 28th, 2011, 11:11 AM
I don't really mind it too much, but then I haven't really had much of a problem with people touching my hair.

EXCEPT....for some reason, drunk guys in bars seem to really like to pet it. THAT I'm not crazy about!

KatiSasha
April 28th, 2011, 11:25 AM
I'd never touch a stranger's hair. I've done my friends' hair for them (curling in the back, braiding, help with color, whatever), but even that seemed really personal.

No one would ever think to come up to someone with a pixie cut, pull on a strand and go"oh, how pretty"- you'd have to get pretty up close and personal for that. Just because your hair is longer it seems to be more separated from you for some reason, so people feel safer touching it. That's my take on it. As far as handling it, you'll be always better off saying sweet and patient "thank you" than biting someone's head off. Unless that someone is trying to be a pest - that you have the green light :)

nucleardelusion
April 28th, 2011, 11:44 AM
I think the only real reason it would probably bother me is because it really startles me! Same if someone grabs the edge of a piece of clothing I'm wearing, I never see it coming and it scares me for a second. :o

Mina_Harker
April 28th, 2011, 11:45 AM
I work at a dance studio and the little girls I help teach are constantly touching my hair if I leave it down. I don't mind when they do it (as long as they dont have lollipop fingers) but just recently a girl I know walked up behing me and started combing my hair with her hands and followed me while I walked attempting to braid it. I defidently thought it was strange. I'm with you mostly, I love when people admire my hair, but if they touch it is a little intrusive.

WaitingSoLong
April 28th, 2011, 12:10 PM
I have seen this topic come up many times on LHC. The general consensus seems to be 1. Don't be rude 2. Don't assume other people know your bubble/boundaries or even have a boundary themselves.

People don't usually put too much thought into actions like this. Your hair looked beautiful, she wanted to touch it, she did. I doubt there was much forethought at all. SHOULD people put more thought into their actions? OH YES. But they don't.

If it was an isolated incident, you did the right thing in letting it go. If it happens again (different or same person, whetever), after they have let go, thank them for the compliment then nicely ask them not to touch yrou hair without asking first. Then change the subject.

I am funny about it, too. I have only had a couple people touch my hair and they were people I knew well and I STILL didn't like it. But I let it go. They never did it again. I have a very small bubble. I think I exude "don't touch me" from my pores and people leave me alone. LOL.

My MIL, however, touched my stomach one day. I know this happens all the time with pregnant women and I dealt with that during my pregnancies but she grabbed my belly and said something about me being skinny.

OK. WHOA.

I reacted instinctively, backed away as fast as I could, said "no touchy" in a light hearted way and laughed it off. (she is lucky I did not smack her hand).

OH MY.

She said "what, you don't like being touched?" so I told her that, no, I was not a touchy person (this after 11 years of knowing her) and told her I just tolerate the social standards (like hugs) because I really dislike touching like that but that I know most people are OK with it. She asked, so I explained. Of course NOW she has taken it overboard and won't get near me unless I give her permission. Seriously. "is it OKAAAAYYY if I hug you?" she wll ask. SIGH. Ya know, I don't feel the need to hug someone I see almost every day. She then said "I've known you for 11 years and you never said anything before...." and I tried to explain..hugs are one thing, my belly...off limits.

I would never dream of touching someone else's belly!!?? Or hair. But people who are OK with it just assume everyone else is the same way.

In the end, it was a compliment, not a creep. Shrug it off, walk away.

Curlyg27
April 28th, 2011, 12:40 PM
Only if it is someone I know very well. Otherwise, major creeper factor. Even if someone is just looking for too long..

racrane
April 28th, 2011, 02:18 PM
I suppose I'm used to people touching and fixing my hair since I'm in theater. Heck, I'm used to random strangers giving me stage kisses. I just got used to it, I suppose. Anyway, I suppose be as kind and polite as you can. She was trying to be nice. People *generally* don't mean any harm.

braidedbeauty
April 28th, 2011, 05:25 PM
I've never actually had a stranger touch my hair before but it sounds very invasive...

TheBluffs
April 28th, 2011, 05:40 PM
I was at Shoppers Drug-mart today, and this elderly lady started petting my bun! She turned around, which she said 'Ohh! YOu have Long hair! And it's so preaty!'
I'm always afraid someone will cut it, but I managed a smile and thanked her.
When I let my hair down it's worse...

rena
April 28th, 2011, 05:50 PM
The only time I feel like freaking out when someone touches my hair is when its wet and drying. I feel like I could seriously *hurt* people who do that, even if they are family members.

|Xei
April 28th, 2011, 06:35 PM
Most people who touch my hair are friends, family, or people I know fairly well. I love the feeling of someone playing with my hair, so I really don't mind at all. With strangers, as long as they ask, and are gentle with it, then I probably won't mind either. However, if they touch my hair out of the blue, I would probably feel a bit offended, until they justify their actions in such a way that I find acceptable.

Curlyg27
April 28th, 2011, 08:19 PM
I am surprised some would get violent. I dunno, I can see be offended, but I am pretty peaceful.

ibleedlipstick
April 28th, 2011, 08:29 PM
The first time it happens, I let it go with a smile, but I make sure I jump and act really surprised. The second time I laugh and smile, and ask them to warn me when they are going to touch it, because I startle easily and really don't want to spill my coffee/drop my bag/whatever. It makes people pause before deciding to touch it, and 90% of the time they stop. It also takes the awkwardness off of them — wouldn't you feel really terrible if you did something that was completely innocent to you, and it deeply annoyed or offended someone?

Some cultures are more touchy than others. My best friend is engaged to a man from another country, and when we first met, he ran up to me and gave me an enormous hug/kiss. That would never go over well in my area normally, but is a completely normal way of greeting in his area.

HarvestMD
April 28th, 2011, 08:31 PM
I've been petted upon occasion. I usually don't mind if people ask nicely. However, when people just grab as though what is part of my body is theirs for the taking, I give a very hard look and that usually gets my point across.

I had someone come up behind me once and grab my braid. She launched into a "joke" about how helpless I would have been if she'd had scissors in her hands and how wasn't it nice she was such a good person. She gave me BAD heebiejeebies and I had no problem with telling her she was rude and to let my hair go.

Some people simply have different boundaries. But, I've run across enough people that are either slightly insane or somewhat cruel that I don't let others grab my hair any more (or make jokes about what they would do with it).

Remyy
April 28th, 2011, 09:22 PM
For the most part I enjoy having my hair touched. Unless its by a really creepy stranger or something. I don't think I'd mind too much if someone I was vaguely familiar with from my school touched my hair. But its all personal preference I suppose. :)

lacefrost
April 28th, 2011, 09:34 PM
I totally understand why people would feel violently about it. Touching someone's hair is so intimate to so many people. So sexual, really. I don't want to be sexual with a stranger. I don't want to be sexual with someone I don't trust. I only want to be sexual with my boyfriends. I can tolerate it if you're friends or family but still, it's intimate, like a kiss on the lips. And like I said, I only want to do that with my boyfriends.

Since my hair is so curly, I usually see people coming at my hair so I just keep evading the hands until they get the picture. And then I'll say, "You should ask before touching people." If people ask me, I usually let them, if only to reward politeness, good manners and general good behavior.

Melanie Marie
April 29th, 2011, 01:53 AM
I think being polite is essential in these situations, even if you're telling someone to piss off. At least to say it politely. :p

Melanie Marie
April 29th, 2011, 02:01 AM
Touching someone's hair is so intimate to so many people.

Yes, that is exactly how I feel about it! Plus, I'm half Indian, and Indians are generally not touchy-feely people at all.

cobden 28
April 29th, 2011, 02:06 AM
Hair whether long or short is such an intimately personal thing to a woman and I wouldn't like anyone touching it at all, except my husband, daughter or hairdresser. It's almost like a stranger thinking that they have the right to do what is the equivalent of pinching your botton/grabbing at your breasts in public. Not nice at all!

If people admire your hair for its length, let them say so and it's no bother to simply respond graciously to that person.

Sundial
April 29th, 2011, 02:09 AM
I have seen this topic come up many times on LHC. The general consensus seems to be 1. Don't be rude 2. Don't assume other people know your bubble/boundaries or even have a boundary themselves.

People don't usually put too much thought into actions like this. Your hair looked beautiful, she wanted to touch it, she did. I doubt there was much forethought at all. SHOULD people put more thought into their actions? OH YES. But they don't.

If it was an isolated incident, you did the right thing in letting it go. If it happens again (different or same person, whetever), after they have let go, thank them for the compliment then nicely ask them not to touch yrou hair without asking first. Then change the subject.

I am funny about it, too. I have only had a couple people touch my hair and they were people I knew well and I STILL didn't like it. But I let it go. They never did it again. I have a very small bubble. I think I exude "don't touch me" from my pores and people leave me alone. LOL.

My MIL, however, touched my stomach one day. I know this happens all the time with pregnant women and I dealt with that during my pregnancies but she grabbed my belly and said something about me being skinny.

OK. WHOA.

I reacted instinctively, backed away as fast as I could, said "no touchy" in a light hearted way and laughed it off. (she is lucky I did not smack her hand).

OH MY.

She said "what, you don't like being touched?" so I told her that, no, I was not a touchy person (this after 11 years of knowing her) and told her I just tolerate the social standards (like hugs) because I really dislike touching like that but that I know most people are OK with it. She asked, so I explained. Of course NOW she has taken it overboard and won't get near me unless I give her permission. Seriously. "is it OKAAAAYYY if I hug you?" she wll ask. SIGH. Ya know, I don't feel the need to hug someone I see almost every day. She then said "I've known you for 11 years and you never said anything before...." and I tried to explain..hugs are one thing, my belly...off limits.

I would never dream of touching someone else's belly!!?? Or hair. But people who are OK with it just assume everyone else is the same way.

In the end, it was a compliment, not a creep. Shrug it off, walk away.

All that. Oddly when I first saw the post, I was also thinking about the belly vs hair issue because I automatically patted my sister-in-law's belly (4 months) without thinking too and felt weird about it after. At that point in time, I was just excited about having a nephew soon. But on hindsight, I really shouldn't have done that because I pictured myself in her situation and realized that I wouldn't want anyone patting my belly.

I haven't encountered many people wanting to touch my hair. It has only happened on 2 occasions - once when some guy friends asked me how I get my fringe to "stand up like that" and they asked to touch it when they didn't believe that I wasn't using any products like gel/wax, another time when some TSA officer asked to examine my bun 2 months back.

Both times I was neutral because they asked for permission beforehand. But I'm not sure how I would react if some stranger grabbed at my hair without asking first.

BranwenWolf
April 29th, 2011, 03:12 AM
I give off the "don't touch me" vibe so when someone DOES touch me when I don't want them to, they're either oblivious, brazen, or they think they're on good enough terms to be doing that. I just take a step away and say "don't touch me!" or give them a filthy look.

I dislike it very much, especially when they try to touch hair up near my head or face. I will jerk away like a shy horse if they do that. It seems to be a thing with people in church and I can't stand it. I find touching the face/close to the face of someone you only vaguely know to be just about as rude as grabbing their butt.

Melanie Marie
April 29th, 2011, 04:35 AM
It seems to be a thing with people in church and I can't stand it.

I wear a mantilla when I'm at church, which just so happens to intimidate children and adults alike into leaving me alone (don't know why). Who could imagine that a little "doily" could go such a long way? :D

Of course I can't wear a mantilla all the time because that would just be weird...

WaitingSoLong
May 4th, 2011, 06:31 AM
I wear a mantilla when I'm at church, which just so happens to intimidate children and adults alike into leaving me alone (don't know why). Who could imagine that a little "doily" could go such a long way? :D

Of course I can't wear a mantilla all the time because that would just be weird...

For me the reason would be that I think you may have some religious thing that I am naive about and I don't want to "break" it or offend you and because I don't understand it I would just keep away. Not saying that is right, but just how it seems ot be.

Fairlight63
May 4th, 2011, 07:06 AM
I don't mind if anyone touches my hair. I feel like it is just a friendly gesture - so I don't mind. When someone wants to touch it it is usually down or in a braid. They usually say something like "your hair is so pretty" then reach out & touch it. That is OK with me.

Now if someone was wanting to comb it - I don't think that I would want that because my hair is so tangle prone, I would feel like they was pulling it out or something.

rena
May 4th, 2011, 08:39 AM
I understand that some people (SOME) are tactile by nature, and have an especially strong proclivity to touch. I believe that is why you get some people who sort of just reach out and grab without thinking, especially girls toward other girls. I understand that this is just how some people are wired and so if they don't give off that creepy vibe, I'm usually ok with physical contact granted it is far away from places I'm not comfortable with being touched.

However, I've been coddled by my mum all my life and may just be very used to it.

Mrspuddinhead
May 4th, 2011, 09:08 AM
Personally I've never been in this situation but then again my hair is only nearly BSL. Once it gets classic length I might be put in that situation and then again I might not. Personally I would take it as a compliment but I'm a touchy, feely person. On the other hand my husband Jess would have a problem with it. We have 3 girls and two boys. He is very protective of his children but especially his girls and would not take kindly to anyone touching us.

myotislucifugus
May 4th, 2011, 09:20 AM
I don't usually have people touch my hair, but I do have a coworker who will pull hairpins out if I am not careful. He keeps thinking they are pencils, and then tries to write with them. The real problem is when he pulls out a "load bearing" one and my hair comes undone.

I've had to yell at him a few times, but he's not being malicious. If he were to pet my head though, that would really bug me

xoerincolleen
May 4th, 2011, 10:21 AM
I don't mind my friends or family touching my hair. Often my parents will pat me on the head or run their hand over it- it's just a sign of affection. My little brother used to love brushing my hair for me when he was 4 or 5 years old, and I thought it was adorable. I've always been good with doing hairdos and curling/straightening/styling hair, so my friends often ask me to do their hair for them. It's almost a bonding experience! Before we go out on the weekends my roommates and I will turn on music, chat, and pick outfits and do makeup while I fix their hair. I think there's something comforting about someone you know combing/brushing/styling your hair.
However, a stranger would be a different story. Honestly, if a woman were to come up to me and touch my hair, I would be like "that was sort of weird, but she just meant to compliment", but if a man were to touch my hair, I would be very uncomfortable, just because of the intimate implications.

Misti
May 4th, 2011, 02:56 PM
How do you respond, or do you mind at all? :confused:

Because I almost always wear my hair up when I'm out and about, it doesn't come up much, but it would depend entirely on who was touching it and how.

It hasn't bothered my at all on the occasions that it has happened, but those were all people who seemed very admiring and didn't seem to present a danger...I doubt I'd take it well if someone who was giving off a strange vibe went for my hair, though. Those folks would likely pull back a stump.:o

Anywhere
July 24th, 2011, 11:23 AM
I usually ignore it, especially if it's an elderly person. I'm not good at snapping at people and figure they will leave me alone after a stroke or so. I hate when strangers touch my hair. I rarely wear it down in public because I don't want it to be touched. I let it down at a classmates grad party yesterday and I was in line with my friend when suddenly I felt a stroke on the back of my head. I figured it was just an accident, but then it happened again! I turned around and two old men told me I have "Beautiful hair" and that I should never cut it. I said thanks and turned around figuring they were trying to be kind... until I overheard them talking about how "actually.. a lot of the young girls here look pretty good" and I was creeped out. When we were sitting down eating I was at a table in front of them, my back to them, when my friend tells me "Don't look now but there's an old man taking pictures of you".

I wish I'd have told him off when he started touching it before it got that far, I was very bothered and ended up leaving shortly after.

goldenmoments
July 24th, 2011, 12:04 PM
Well, I have to say I have fond memories of my little sister( 6yo) learning to braid my hair last week :o) so cute

and I take so much joy in my BF toying with my hair that I cant help myself from wearing it down around him...though it is a pretty damaging habit...last month we went on a ferry ride, hello tangles.

pink.sara
July 24th, 2011, 12:34 PM
When strangers touch my hair they draw back a bloody stump. (obviously I exaggerate)

GypsyGoddess
July 24th, 2011, 01:05 PM
I agree with previous posters who felt having someone touch your hair is strangely intimate and honestly a bit sexual. I wish my DH would play with my hair more, but I feel it's also an action I would like to reserve for people I am extremely close to.

I have accidentally whacked a few people in the face with wet hair when it was still long, so perhaps a braid whip is in order for those who touch without asking? And you could look all innocent and sorry?

Sure, it's "just hair", but it's attached to our scalps and we can feel you touching it!

Amber_Maiden
July 24th, 2011, 01:16 PM
I mostly just give them "the look" and they stop. I'm very nice about it, most of the time, and just ask them what they are doing.... But sometimes, like if its a man, I can be rather nasty.... I don't mind if my friends or even people I've met a couple of times touch it- just not strangers.

Jing
July 24th, 2011, 01:24 PM
Complete strangers? It never even occured to me that someone might randomly touch the hair of someone they didn't know. That's incredibly rude. I don't imagine anyone would randomly touch a stranger's face. I can sort of get strangers asking if they could touch your hair, if they find the texture unusual or think it looks soft or whatever, but just randomly stroking it? Wow. Some of the things people here have experienced are mindboggling to me.

I have no idea how I would react. Depends on the situation. I'd probably be too stunned and confused to react much at all, even if I somewhat knew the person. Playing with each other's hair has been common practice in my family since I was a kid, though, and this has spread to my sister's and my close friends (those among them who are themselves comfortable with hair-touching). "Hairdresser" used to be one of my favourite games.

AshleyTheRed
July 24th, 2011, 02:00 PM
I posted this on another thread but still

Strangers like to play with my hair. Maybe it's the color?, but anyway I can't even wear my hair down at church without having old lady claws in my hair. It's disturbing, and makes me want to run away screaming.

nazzooyzo
July 24th, 2011, 02:27 PM
A few weeks ago a dog touched my hair. I did not like that!

JuliaDancer
July 24th, 2011, 03:02 PM
I've only had one stranger touch my hair ever... It was an older lady who owned a hat store that I was visiting. I had it up in a vintage looking style with a braided bun, and she and the other saleswomen commented on how beautiful and old fashioned it looked, and she patted it a couple times. Other than that, only my boyfriend or family touch my hair. Even they don't do it much because it's usually up, or I guess it's old news to them. =P My boyfriend pets my hair sometimes while I'm brushing it.

spidermom
July 24th, 2011, 03:19 PM
I find that wearing it up is a really good way to keep other people's fingers out of it.

I can't imagine that I'd care if somebody touched my hair, but people rarely do. Other than family, only one old woman has reached out to touch it, and she was telling me how magnificent it was at the time, so really - how could I resist? But if I didn't want somebody to touch my hair because he/she had grubby hands or something, I'd certainly pull away and say "don't touch!"

Alvrodul
July 28th, 2011, 12:24 PM
This happened to me today! It is the first time I hae experienced a stranger touching my hair, and I certainly hope there will be no repeat! :suspect:
I was sitting on the tram today, next to a man who was obviously fairly drunk - fortunately not an obnoxious or belligerent drunk, but he kept trying to strike up a conversation with me. I mostly ignored my neighbor, keeping my nose steadfastly in the book I had brought along. Then suddenly I could feel him touching my hair bun! :disbelief I don't know why - It could have been the color (I henna, so it is a vivid red) or the fact that it was up in a tidy braided bun (which is very unusual) or it could have been the Nightblooming stick I was wearing. I told him, "Please stop touching my hair" immediately, my tone making it clear that I did not find his behavior acceptable. :guns: He immediately pulled back his hand, and I think he was grumbling over the fact that I did not let him fondle my hair until I got off - that was fortunately not far!
I suppose he thought I should have considered his behavior a compliment. No f-ing way! :knuckle:

paintedhorse
August 22nd, 2011, 01:02 AM
i havent had anyone touch my hair yet (i have it braded and up in a bun) but believe you me they would be hurting if a stranger touched any part of me! im sorry she made you feel like that, some people just dont have any respect for others personal space. just like being pregnant or having something no one else does (long hair) people just automatically thing you have become public property and can start petting on you like a petting farm animal whats wrong with people uhg!

Melon Collie
August 22nd, 2011, 01:22 AM
I generally won't let anyone touch my hair, but yesterday my niece snuck in some petting while I had my hair down. Even though she's family, I still felt weirded out by it but I couldn't bring myself to make her stop. She's only six and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

EbonyCurls
August 22nd, 2011, 01:38 AM
I feel a bit sad that so many people are uncomfortable about their own family touching their hair.

It's difficult to think from another's perspective so I'm not even going to pretend to understand it, but my family and I are very close (and yes, I know not everyone is) and I can't imagine holding them at arms length for anything. Just the other day I lay on the ground with my hair sprawled out and my niece put about a gallon of product in my hair and about 1000 hair clips. The hours it took to detangle that atomic mess was worth seeing how much fun she was having.

That being said, if anyone tries to touch my wet hair their wrist will get grabbed and only because just one moment of touching could cause several days of bad hair, or I need to wet and re-set it the next day. As long as it is dry and clean I don't mind, if it's not in a creep way by a creepy person.

julliams
August 22nd, 2011, 01:58 AM
I would find a stranger touching my hair weird and I would not like it. I do secretly wish that my family would touch my hair but they don't. I don't ask them to, but I wouldn't mind if they did.

I guess the only way you can look at it is as a compliment and that your hair has somewhat celebrity status whereby people think they have a right to touch it. I can totally understand that this is something you don't want though. I hope you are able to manage it.

Impulsive
August 22nd, 2011, 03:03 AM
I wear my hair up most of the time, so strangers mostly don't have an opportunity to touch it. I can only remember one time someone I didn't know touched my hair w/o permission. A long time ago, a young girl came up to me, tugged on my curl, and when it sprang back into place said, "That's so cool!" and then walked away. I was stunned speechless. I didn't say or do anything and the only thing I could think was, "Eh?"

That was before I really cared about my hair. I imagine I would have a very different reaction if that were to happen today. I've become very protective of my hair and the offender would probably get an indignant rant at the very least.

Garnetgem
January 21st, 2016, 03:19 AM
I have had them touch and its so strange for someone to approach a stranger and start to touch them like that i would never do it no matter how much i admire their hair,i would feel i was invading someones privacy and have no right to touch them,i have had some who ask first which is fine it seems to makes their day as they walk off with a smile but i still cannot understand it though how touching a strangers hair can appeal to them.

lapis_lazuli
January 24th, 2016, 02:19 AM
The way I see it, hair is a part of your body. You don't just go up and touch people's (especially strangers') body parts do you? Thankfully I haven't had this experience but people have come a little too close to my liking. :run:

parkmikii
January 24th, 2016, 02:27 AM
I guess I'm lucky, no one really cares about my hair :p
But I probably would be a bit weirded out if someone came straight up to me to touch my hair or something.

lapis_lazuli
January 24th, 2016, 02:34 AM
Oy, just remembered an incident a couple years ago. An old woman and her friend came up to me at my art display, grabbed my braid, and asked if it was real. :ponder: All I was thinking in my head was NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE and awkwardly took my hair back.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b1/ec/1e/b1ec1ed0b36eafcd44fe16f8b33ec887.gif

PristineAllure
January 24th, 2016, 03:12 AM
Back in 2014 I went to my aunt's engagement party. And everyone was amazed at the length of my hair, because they hadn't seen me in so long. And about 4 or 5 distant relatives stood around me while I was in a chair, pulling my hair in a million different directions, amazed at the length and thickness. At the time I was very flattered.. But now that my hair is even longer and thicker and a lot of attention is brought upon my hair more than ever, I think if that many people ever attempted (yes attempted, because I would never let that happen again, for my patience has been tried to the limit when it comes to strangers and my hair) to touch my hair like that, especially all at once, I would probably shout at all of them. I'm a nice girl. I just don't like people tugging on my hair.

Elizabeth E
April 18th, 2018, 07:28 AM
During the school term, I go for art lessons every Monday afternoon and the old lady who gives the lessons mainly teaches older women (all of whom have hair no longer than SL). I am the only young student there and the only one with longish hair. Usually when I leave afterwards and my art teacher walks after me to the door, she would reach out to touch my hair (if I let it fall loose behind my back). She's really sweet and doesn't mean anything bad by it, so I don't have the heart to tell her not to touch my hair. Instead, I've learned to just sweep it to the front when I walk out or alternatively wear it up in a bun, as I do most of the time these days.
Though I guess than once my hair starts falling into the 'above average long' category, it will happen a lot more.

nycelle
April 18th, 2018, 08:32 AM
Strangers in NYC do not touch anyones hair if they want to keep their hands.

Aredhel
April 18th, 2018, 08:47 AM
Oooh I don't like this at all, I'm a pretty hardcore germaphobe. I even avoid shaking people's hands unless I know for a fact that I'm able to wash my own with soap immediately after or have hand sanitizer nearby. Considering people's hands are considered one of the dirtiest parts of our exterior... nope, nobody's grubby hands are allowed near my hair. When people - strangers or otherwise - touch without permission, I pretty much flip out (not to mention, I'm pretty uptight about my personal space).:shrug:

SnowDancer
April 18th, 2018, 11:11 AM
I've never had some stranger try to touch my hair but my hair isn't at an impressive length right now.
I'm not sure what I would do. I have anxiety so I would probably freak out.

cjk
April 18th, 2018, 11:40 AM
Haven't had it happen with my hair, yet, though I have been legitimately assaulted because of my beard.

Was working on a printer at a tire store and came out of the office to talk to the manager. One of his customers, a middle aged man, came up to me and grabbed my beard. Not touched. Grabbed. And started yanking. Assertively.

He told me, "oh it's so beautiful, I just had to see if it was real."

Here's a thought. ASK! I wouldn't have minded him touching my beard...with permission. Lots of people feel, stroke, and even pet my beard. But they ask for permission first.

I was horrified, and the manager was surprised I didn't punch him in the face.

Stray_mind
April 18th, 2018, 11:50 AM
I don't like when people i don't know invade my personal space in any way, but i do like when people i love and trust massage my scalp :D

ravenskey
April 18th, 2018, 12:49 PM
Only happened a couple of times to me but I tend to give people weird looks and back away from them slightly if they grab my hair even if I know them and I have literally run from strangers, recently I've constantly been wearing my hair in a plait which gives me way more control over where my hair is so hopefully this won't happen again.

Beeboo123
April 18th, 2018, 12:51 PM
Iíve stopped wearing my hair down, because I encounter people who touch my hair EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. *rage* Keep your grubby hands off me!

I HATE it when I am in the train, and some child grabs at my hair and whines to her parent that she wants to have hair like mine. Itís not flattering, and it hurts. And children have filthy hands! They pick their noses, the lick and suck on fingers... god knows where those hands have been

Aredhel
April 18th, 2018, 02:37 PM
Iíve stopped wearing my hair down, because I encounter people who touch my hair EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. *rage* Keep your grubby hands off me!

I HATE it when I am in the train, and some child grabs at my hair and whines to her parent that she wants to have hair like mine. Itís not flattering, and it hurts. And children have filthy hands! They pick their noses, the lick and suck on fingers... god knows where those hands have been

I once had my hair in one long braid when I went to a public pool, a young boy just grabbed my braid in one quick motion and leaped IN THE AIR cross-legged so that my entire scalp of hair was what was holding this awful child up off the ground. That hurt a LOT, I was furious and had to yell at him and his mother. :(

Glitch
April 18th, 2018, 04:19 PM
I've never really experienced random hair touching by a stranger (probably because everyone's hair is practically the same style where I live lol). However, I won't ever forget last summer while I was driving home from an event, my date next to me. He kept running his hands through my hair (he of course meant well, and was giving me compliments) but my goodness I felt incredibly uncomfortable. He just ran his fingers over and over throughout my scalp and length. It wasn't that I felt weird about it getting messed up, I just wanted him to stop touching me lol. Especially during a first date, ahhh. I didn't want to make things awkward so I didn't say anything, as he continued excessively playing with it the whole ride. It was like driving with an overly aggressive head massager with no off button :( All I could think of was how much more intense he would be with my hair if we were together, LOL :doh:

I don't get why people think it's fine to do these things, especially when they don't know you well, or at all.

Dark40
April 18th, 2018, 05:31 PM
I like it when strangers touch my hair. Because, I believe they are feeling it to see if it real/yours or not. Especially, when it's long. You do have a good point though.

Jas
April 18th, 2018, 06:33 PM
Oh, I can chime in on this one - I had this happen last week. I had my hair in a bun for a long shift, took it down to redo it and someone I have only worked with a few times grabbed my hair and started French braiding it xD

I was so confused at first, And still feel like she should have asked before just taking it but I do admit it did feel nice to have someone do my hair.

My mum on the other hand loves to do my hair and it HURTS, she pulls it too much when trying to do styles and does them too tight! I let her sometimes and have got much better about being firmer and telling her to loosen it or be gentler when she gets overenthusiastic.

Sarahlabyrinth
April 18th, 2018, 06:47 PM
I don't really mind, but I would rather they ask first.

lithostoic
April 18th, 2018, 07:14 PM
It's unsanitary. I don't know what kind og germs this person has. They could've forgone hand washing for weeks before touching my hair. I avoid this by avoiding strangers altogether. Just leave me alone damnit I don't know you!!

trolleypup
April 18th, 2018, 08:46 PM
*male privilege here)
I've never had anyone touch my hair without at least offering to check themselves. Usually it is full verbal permission. Although, I suppose some amount of incidental hair touching happens at the sushi bar when the former strangers I have shared the dining and drinking experience with leave. But even drunk, intentional hair touching is by request.

I'm not particularly bothered by my hair being touched or even played with as long as it is respectful and gentle. Although I do warn people when it is extra oily that they won't have to use moisturizer on their hands...for what it is worth that has never dissuaded anyone nor resulted in negative feedback.

Lokasigdr
April 18th, 2018, 09:24 PM
Part of why I had short hair for so long was the sense of ownership that granted. Nothing to grab, which was a relief after YEARS of classmates grabbing my hair to play with it and adults obsessing over it.

The rules remain the same as an adult, as an extension of my bodily autonomy in general. If I know and trust you and you ask first, you get to touch my hair. If I don't know you, and you're not a little kid (because little kids don't have that kind of impulse control, and expecting it would be unreasonable), someone's getting yelled at. I am really, really cranky about being touched in general, and particularly my hair, so my reactions are probably extreme compared to other people.

Spikey
April 18th, 2018, 10:42 PM
I'm not even that fond of family touching my hair sometimes, because it's so curly and fine and tangle- prone. Sometimes they smoosh/rub it around too. I am okay with people who have long hair messing with it because they know to be gentle.

As for strangers, I live in a city where it's strange to even say hello to someone you don't know, so if anyone touched my hair I'd just start running because there really would be no possible good outcome.

Katsura
April 18th, 2018, 11:15 PM
I have not experienced strangers touching my hair (my hair is nothing special) and I could not imagine the situation. Finnish people usually respect your personal space, it's a known fact that has created some memes, too.

Hexen
April 19th, 2018, 02:23 AM
I don't really mind, but I would rather they ask first.

Excuse me......may I touch your hair?

(like yer really gonna let me).....lol!!!!!

Sarahlabyrinth
April 19th, 2018, 02:32 AM
Excuse me......may I touch your hair?

(like yer really gonna let me).....lol!!!!!

Sure you can! :D

Hexen
April 19th, 2018, 02:56 AM
Sure you can! :D

.............:blossom:

Wavybrunetteuk
April 20th, 2018, 03:21 AM
Happens all the time... and I've politely asked them not to time and time again... but they still do it! I'm really at my last straw and so close to snapping, because I've made it so clear every time by squirmming away that I don't like it. They know not to do it because they say every time 'Oh yeah, don't touch the hair' and then they'll make it into a joke about me caring too much about my hair.

No.

Do you know that I scrunch my hair in the shower to get my wavy/curly hair? And now you've brushed them all out into a layer of frizz. The last few times you ran your hand through my hair, you got your hand caught on a tangle and tugged your hand out, thus ripping apart part of my hair! More than once!

I'm so tempted to get angry but then they'll say 'why are you getting angry about your hair?'

Just leave it alone!

Sorry... oh dear

TheLuckyLurker
April 20th, 2018, 07:07 PM
"Why are you getting angry about your hair?"

"I'm not; I'm getting angry about you touching me without my permission." If they still ignore your wishes after that, you might want to think about how much you really want them in your circle.

zashin66
April 20th, 2018, 10:35 PM
I love my hair played with but not by strangers unless I'm paying them to do it. ( hairdressers)

spirals
April 20th, 2018, 11:33 PM
The last time someone touched my hair I got whiplash. It was a coworker and she yanked my braid as a joke but I have an unstable neck. I quit, not out of anger, but more out of self preservation in thinking I needed to not be so much in public anymore. Anyway, in general I don't mind people I know touching it but it rarely happens. Strangers? That never happens, not even once. Only every once in a great while will a friend do it and I see it purely as a loving gesture.

shaluwm_agape
April 21st, 2018, 12:56 AM
I totally get this! when my hair was at MBL back in 2013 lots of family and friends would touch and comment. Now the only people I let touch my hair are my hubby and mother if I ask her to braid it. And soon that will stop because she doesn't understand why growing it is important to me.

If I were in your shoes how I would address is "Thanks I appreciate the kind word/gesture but please don't grab my hair it makes me uncomfortable."

hennalove
April 21st, 2018, 04:28 PM
I am one who does not like to be touched by anyone at anytime and that includes my hair. There's a word for this - Haphephobia. I can tolerate touching by my husband, kids, and grandkids but that's about it so I definitely would have a problem with a stranger ever touching my hair.

chomsky
April 21st, 2018, 04:50 PM
There's only been one time someone touched my hair who didn't ask. Just a university acquaintance, we saw each other in the hallway outside a lecture and she just touched it saying "I knew it was pretty!"

I was very shocked and kinda just smiled, the whole thing was like 3 seconds long. She has her own (very beautiful) curls to play with, what made mine so enticing? :lol:

Usually people just comment that it looks really soft, or it usually reminds them of someone else's hair (I always look like someones sister/niece/daughter too, lol). No one ever makes a move to touch it, aside form DBF, but he's got free reign of my hair, and I his.

enting
April 21st, 2018, 08:44 PM
"Why are you getting angry about your hair?"

"I'm not; I'm getting angry about you touching me without my permission." If they still ignore your wishes after that, you might want to think about how much you really want them in your circle.

This ^. It's really not okay.


The last time someone touched my hair I got whiplash. It was a coworker and she yanked my braid as a joke but I have an unstable neck. I quit, not out of anger, but more out of self preservation in thinking I needed to not be so much in public anymore. Anyway, in general I don't mind people I know touching it but it rarely happens. Strangers? That never happens, not even once. Only every once in a great while will a friend do it and I see it purely as a loving gesture.

Oh no. I have neck issues myself and the idea of this happening horrifies me.

MoonRabbit
April 23rd, 2018, 08:09 AM
I never had a stranger come up and touch my hair. I don't know how I would feel about it. I guess it would depend on the person, the situation, and the whole vibe. I have a pretty small comfort circle and social anxiety, but if the person was nice, and just curious..I don't think I would mind in the slightest. After all strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.

When I had shorter hair, I would scrunch it to get 3a curls every day. The kid sitting behind me in class would always spring one of my curls and watch it bounce back up. I knew the kid, wasn't exactly great friends with him. But he was really nice and just seemed to really like my hair and I never said a word, I just smiled, at least my hair can bring joy to others as well. That's always a good thing.