Clearing the air!

[HintOfMint]

I've been reading more and more posts about people feeling guilty about using straighteners, silicones, non-organic products and the like, and even more posts by people who feel on the defensive about their haircare routines when they deviate from the "mainstream" LHC culture, and that they are being attacked or criticized for their choices, so I guess I just want to step in and clear the air to make everyone feel at home.

Forgive me if this sounds unbelievably presumptuous but, from what I've observed on this forum, the culture here is one of acceptance and "whatever floats your boat." I don't think anyone here means to criticize or talk down to anyone who has a routine that deviates from their routine.

I can see where people might see criticism though. Many people have found that their hair is better without silicones and have sworn off the stuff. Many of us have had to chop off feet of hair because of heatstyling. Many more have found solutions for their hair problems that aren't mainstream, so we talk about it and what doesn't work for us. Often we speak in hyperbole about how terrible something has been for us.

In defense of the LHCers, I've seen posts that repeat over and over again the fact that what works for one person may not work for another, and it is perfectly alright to like cones and whatever makes your hair happy.


The most common incidents I have seen LHCers perhaps get borderline-preachy (where I can see someone feel attacked) is concerning dye and heatstyling. However, even the most mainstream-loving members on this forum agree that, unless you have hair of steel, bleach and heatstyling are likely to cause at least a little damage. This isn't to criticize anyone for their choices, it is to be realistic and perhaps cautious if they want to be cautious. Many people post here, asking if they can do X without damage, and often the HONEST answer involves the answer they don't want to hear. Some of our most active members dye and heatstyle their hair, some even frequently but they are very realistic about the risks of damage and aware of the fact that perhaps their hairtypes resist damage better than others.

However, whatever educated decision a member makes, it is ALWAYS (in my experience here) supported enthusiastically and with advice as to how to achieve their desired results with minimal damage.

Many of us are here because mainstream products and methods have failed us somehow and we're trying to get a handle on why and how certain products and tools work the way they do and how we can work with our own hairtype to get the hair that we want. Some of us are also here because we've been told that our natural hair isn't good enough and after a lot of manipulation (heat, chemical or otherwise) we're tired of making our hair something it is not and just want to be proud of what we have.

Many more just want to learn about cosmetic products and HOW they actually work, rather than just listening to advertisements. On this site and naturallycurly, I've learned about humectants, water-soluble silicones, sulfates, mineral buildup, acidity and the hair cuticle, how heatstyling actually damages hair (moisture in the hairshaft boiling until the steam forcibly escapes the hairshaft, leaving a rupture in the cuticle), protein buildup and more than I can list at the moment. All of this helps me and others make informed decisions about my hair.

I still heatstyle on occasion but I do so knowing the risks to my hair.

But the most important thing I learned here is to experiment and find what works for ME.

I've learned that sulfate-free isn't for me at all, and not once have I had a single member wag their finger at me. When I straightened my hair with a flat-iron for a dance and I talked about how happy I was with how it looked, the most common response was "PICTURES!:)" When I wanted to wear my hair down more because I was utterly besotted with a certain boy, members had more advice for keeping my cool and being myself around him than they did about keeping my hair in a protective style at all times, vanity be damned.

I guess what I'm trying to say, in a horribly long-winded manner, is that please don't feel unwelcome here, regardless of what your routine is. And, not to sound dreadfully cheesy, but if you're happy with your hair, we're going to be happy for you.

PS~If you have felt attacked on this forum and perhaps always put on the defensive, please don't think that I am trying to invalidate your experience. I am only trying to explain that we don't mean to criticize or shun any members.

[MeganE]

Well said! I'm new so I can't relate, but I think you expressed yourself very well. :)

[Olyve]

Very well said, being someone who lurks instead of posts as I am still learning, I have always felt welcomed. I know sometimes words on a screen come off as snarky when the poster did not intend for it to be that way. People have to remember it's hard to express yourself fully in just words, body language and tone play a big part of it.

I am on two forums, here and a pregnancy one, and both are the ONLY forums I will ever frequent because of how friendly, welcoming, understanding, and supportive the members are to everyone. :flower:

[DTsgirl]

Beautifully said! You have a gift with words!

[Cirafly24]

Very well said! I agree wholeheartedly. :)

[hanne jensen]

Very nicely said! However, I have found that LHC'ers are very accepting, no matter how wacky the hair routine is. Where else can you read posts about putting cootchie cream on your head?
Where else can you read about having kitchen products in the shower and bath products in the fridge? Only here!

:cheese::cheese::cheese:

[Olyve]

Very nicely said! However, I have found that LHC'ers are very accepting, no matter how wacky the hair routine is. Where else can you read posts about putting cootchie cream on your head?
Where else can you read about having kitchen products in the shower and bath products in the fridge? Only here!

:cheese::cheese::cheese:

Ain't that the truth! :lol:

[Leisje]

I really love this post. It gets right to the heart of what the LHC forums are; an open, friendly community that wants to share their passion for hair.
I agree with everything you say.

I love reading people's hair routines, and learn alot from it because of the varience.
I think it might be boring if we all did the same thing. I want to hear about someone whipping up a kitchen concoction and smearing it on their head. :)

[Lianna]

Very nicely said! However, I have found that LHC'ers are very accepting, no matter how wacky the hair routine is. Where else can you read posts about putting cootchie cream on your head?
Where else can you read about having kitchen products in the shower and bath products in the fridge? Only here!

:cheese::cheese::cheese:

Not so much towards the conventional stuff, like if someone were to bleach their head twice a week, for instance. ^.^ (how about this for wacky routine?)

[Debra83]

Not so much towards the conventional stuff, like if someone were to bleach their head twice a week, for instance. ^.^ (how about this for wacky routine?)

Pre LHC I did that!!! :p

P.s. Although I don't recommend it, I was very fortunate not to have fried off all my hair at any time!

[Lianna]

Pre LHC I did that!!! :p

P.s. Although I don't recommend it, I was very fortunate not to have fried off all my hair at any time!

I did mean twice a week, every week, though (and not only roots). If you did that, it's very fortunate indeed! :)

ETA: I'm not judging anyone who did/does it. I've done it myself, but not my whole head, just some "patches". I really hate the color of my hair, and pretty much all dyed colors I've had too (might have "loved it" for two days).

[alwayssmiling]

Pre LHC I did that!!! :p

P.s. Although I don't recommend it, I was very fortunate not to have fried off all my hair at any time!

Me too...:o which is the reason I ended up here because it broke off! Sometimes Ineed to learn from my mistakes (I can't be told :p)

I actually decided to join because lhc had a very tolerant vibe and even when people have a very different point of view it rarely escalates to handbags at dawn :). I've been part of other forums where a lot of discussions end up rather heated to say the least. I know inevitably there is occassional hurt feelings and frustrations but on the whole it is a lovely community and I've learnt so much and it keeps me inspired to continue growing. I check the forum everyday, just to keep me focused on my goals - I wish I could contribute more but I'm still learning...

[Lianna]

I hope I didn't come off like I don't appreciate this community, which I do, and very much. I know a couple of other hair forums that are nice too (they're both for AA hair though). I think my average here is 4 hours a day. o.O

[Vorvolaka]

I have to say, I completely agree.

This is one of the few forums where I have been active for more than a month. It's just generally a very nice place to be.

[krissykins]

Aww, HintofMint, you are awesome. :D I know there have been a few times where I criticized routines, but that's because they didn't work for me. If it works for you, then more power to you! :flower:

[x0h_bother]

In defense of the LHCers, I've seen posts that repeat over and over again the fact that what works for one person may not work for another, and it is perfectly alright to like cones and whatever makes your hair happy. <snip>
I would agree. As someone who has tried non-conventional methods of cone and SLS free and had it not work, and as an occassional heat styler, I don't feel threatened here by using my conventional methods. Whatever works for each is the motto here, but trying new things is equally important. Thanks Hintofmint for reinforcing these things :blossom:

[Lianna]

There are people who think I won't even pass BSL, because I dye my hair and have some bleached highlights. I just have the general feeling that some people do look down upon me.

[may1em]

Well said!

Heck, we're even happy for members who want to go shorter for a bit.

Lianna, it's not so much that you won't reach and pass BSL. If anything, it might take a little longer. But if you are gentle to your hair in other ways (keeping it up, satin pillowcase, etc, or are just blessed with strong hair) you'll be fine. I certainly don't look down on you! I'd hope that the people you think do are just projecting their own experiences on you.

[WritingPrincess]

Thank you, HintofMint. I've been seeing the same posts and thinking that it should be addressed, so thanks for speaking up!

[Rocket22]

Very Very well said... I've seen a few posts lately that I thought was a little out of line. I have always found this community to be extreamily supportive in whatever you want to do is fine. Yes if you chose to bleach or continue to use heat, it is somewhat damaging, but again not all hair is the same and some can actually take it and be fine. But if you are the of the group that never can grow your hair past shoulders or where ever and you torture your hair daily and then wonder why it's not growing and looks fried I think the people here are going to try and educate you that what you are doing is not working for "your" hair. It may not be what you want to hear and you certainly don't have to listen but we are all here to try and help each other. :)

[elbow chic]

This is like, the LEAST preachy forum I have ever been on. By far.

Y'all ever spend some time on mommy message boards? Now, those are preachy. haha.

[Sanyia]

This was a excellent post. I really, really don't like cones, but if they work for somebody else, I am happy for them!

[pink.sara]

Nice post hintofmint :)

As someone who has had beautiful hip length hair despite bleaching, colouring, heat styling and using SLS and cones, I do find that every now and again someone would try and "educate me" as to how to have "healthy" hair. Frankly I have found it pretty patronising as if I wanted my natural auburn heap I'd just leave it alone! (Which would be Far less time consuming, expensive and nurturing then I am with my hair now.)

I do think it's a minority that are judgemental though so the LHC is a worthwhile forum to continue to be a part of.
I'm glad the majority are friendly and supportive ;)

[Lianna]

But if you are the of the group that never can grow your hair past shoulders or where ever and you torture your hair daily and then wonder why it's not growing and looks fried...

I know (I think) this wasn't for me, but being shoulder length and with bleach, I wanted to say I always kept my hair short because I wanted. I cut it every two weeks for years, that's why I'm still a bit addicted to "trimming". My hair seems to be growing just fine, in fact some people here said it grew fast by looking at my albums.

Being from a culture when most women have waist length (or longer) hair and not all virgin/unheatstyled, I find it hard to believe I (or the majority of people, really) can't grow their hair past shoulder (or BSL, like said in my poll...or waist, or hip, etc).

Just because there's worse forums out there, doesn't mean here is perfect. There are some forums that have "hair color" sections, so at least in that part seems to be less judgemental (that's just a guess).

[MaiCarInMtl]

I have been a participant in many different message boards and I can say that this is one of the friendliest ones I have been on. It's nice to see some really positive, kind people!

[mellie89]

Awesome post, thank you!

[annsue83]

Well said...

[Rocket22]

I know (I think) this wasn't for me, but being shoulder length and with bleach, I wanted to say I always kept my hair short because I wanted. I cut it every two weeks for years, that's why I'm still a bit addicted to "trimming". My hair seems to be growing just fine, in fact some people here said it grew fast by looking at my albums.

Being from a culture when most women have waist length (or longer) hair and not all virgin/unheatstyled, I find it hard to believe I (or the majority of people, really) can't grow their hair past shoulder (or BSL, like said in my poll...or waist, or hip, etc).

Just because there's worse forums out there, doesn't mean here is perfect. There are some forums that have "hair color" sections, so at least in that part seems to be less judgemental (that's just a guess).




Nope not for you I don't even know who you are or your hair length. I'm just trying to say most people are here for a reason and are looking for advice or whatever and yes many many people can do lots of bad things to their hair and it's just fine, I am the other story, I bleached and curled for over 30 years and this post was about ME! I was one of those that wondered why my hair was not growing long, healthy and looked fried at the ends (I know other people bleach and their hair is fine, I always thought) but with the wisdom of LHC I realized I was damaging the crap out of my poor baby fine hair. MY hair couldn't take it. I'm just not one who can do all the bad things and have a head full of healthy beautiful hair. I personally don't care what anyone else does to their hair if they are happy; I came here for advice on how to achieve great hair for me. So if one comes to LHC for advice first thing everyone is to going to do is evaluate what they are doing currently, what are the things they can change, try, or work with. If you bleach and your hair is fried, STOP if you use straighteners every day and you’re unhappy with the condition of your hair if you don't, then STOP. Now if you are someone that can do whatever you like to your hair and it's still perfectly healthy consider yourself very lucky!

I personally love LHC I have seen nothing but positive attitudes around here. everyone is extremely helpful and kind. I think people tend to give advice according to their own personal experience. (understandable) if someone asks me hey should I bleach my hair I’m going to say, just to let you know It fried my hair broke it all off and didn’t do me any favors but you might have better luck. Of course this will be MY opinion because that is what it did for me. There is no one set rule for all and it’s up to all of us to chose what to try and what not to.. I don’t believe anyone here cares what you are doing to your hair if you are happy with your hair.

[Lianna]

... if someone asks me hey should I bleach my hair I’m going to say just to let you know It fried my hair broke it all off and didn’t do me any favors but you might have better luck.

That's the difference, most people don't say anything like the bolded, just how it was bad for them. It's just overwhelming posts about how bad certain things are. It gives the illusion everyone will have damaged hair. Even if I say something like "my hair is not damaged because of it", some people will think "I bet it is".

[AnnaJamila]

yay togetherness!!!

Hugs all around! :D

[AnnaJamila]

Nope not for you I don't even know who you are or your hair length. I'm just trying to say most people are here for a reason and are looking for advice or whatever and yes many many people can do lots of bad things to their hair and it's just fine, I am the other story, I bleached and curled for over 30 years and this post was about ME! I was one of those that wondered why my hair was not growing long, healthy and looked fried at the ends (I know other people bleach and their hair is fine, I always thought) but with the wisdom of LHC I realized I was damaging the crap out of my poor baby fine hair. MY hair couldn't take it. I'm just not one who can do all the bad things and have a head full of healthy beautiful hair. I personally don't care what anyone else does to their hair if they are happy; I came here for advice on how to achieve great hair for me. So if one comes to LHC for advice first thing everyone is to going to do is evaluate what they are doing currently, what are the things they can change, try, or work with. If you bleach and your hair is fried, STOP if you use straighteners every day and you’re unhappy with the condition of your hair if you don't, then STOP. Now if you are someone that can do whatever you like to your hair and it's still perfectly healthy consider yourself very lucky!

I personally love LHC I have seen nothing but positive attitudes around here. everyone is extremely helpful and kind. I think people tend to give advice according to their own personal experience. (understandable) if someone asks me hey should I bleach my hair I’m going to say just to let you know It fried my hair broke it all off and didn’t do me any favors but you might have better luck. Of course this will be MY opinion because that is what it did for me. There is no one set rule for all and it’s up to all of us to chose what to try and what not to.. I don’t believe anyone here cares what you are doing to your hair if you are happy with your hair.

Why on Earth did you ever bleach your hair? Your siggy pick has the most BEAUTIFUL color!

:flower:

[summerjade]

You did a wonderful job describing LHC. Thank you for taking the time and use your writing talents to make everyone feel comfortable. LHC members are so honest and I love being a part of this great place!! I have learned so much from everyone and I love it.

[Rocket22]

That's the difference, most people don't say anything like the bolded, just how it was bad for them. It's just overwhelming posts about how bad certain things are. It gives the illusion everyone will have damaged hair. Even if I say something like "my hair is not damaged because of it", some people will think "I bet it is".


Well then I suppose if there is overwelming posts on how bad certain things are then guess it probably is not good for the majority of people (that is not to say all) Nothing fits everyone, that is what makes the world go around :) I'm happy you are happy with your hair and can do anything to it. I wish I could. Again I don't think anyone here cares what anyones hair routine is if they are happy.

[Lianna]

I just knew this was going to turn into those "I need to defend myself threads". To see someone say something is damaging here and there is fine. But sometimes it can be all I read in a day, it's VERY upseting, specially when people think hair can't grow because someone does this or that with it.

I think I'll just be more over the accessories section more.

[vanity_acefake]

What a brilliant thread HintOfMint.
You summed up LHC extremely well.
It is a wonderful place to come and learn about caring for your hair. Before I joined here I would have never thought of oiling my hair or rediscovering the delights of henna. And my hair loves it.

[torrilin]

There are people who think I won't even pass BSL, because I dye my hair and have some bleached highlights. I just have the general feeling that some people do look down upon me.

I've got fine, 1b hair. Pretty fragile sounding hair type, right? Most of the length is dyed at present, and it's well past BSL on the way to waist. I know from long experience with my hair that I can do one mean thing to it. Dye is pretty low on the damaging scale for me, and I have a lot of fun with it.

Most of us will have hair that can take one damaging habit, especially if you're not looking to grow to terminal.

[excentricat]

Lianna, I'm sorry you feel the need to defend yourself even in this thread. Your hair seems to be shiny and growing just fine in your albums. Continue to do what you're doing as long as your happy.

[princessp]

This is a really nice message. I agree with what everyone has said.


Originally Posted by Lianna
There are people who think I won't even pass BSL, because I dye my hair and have some bleached highlights. I just have the general feeling that some people do look down upon me.

Regarding bleach: my hair has been at waist (and even a little longer) virtually my whole life. I used to regularly get highlights (i.e. bleach) and it still grew really well and looked pretty. I do think it is healthier now sans bleach and + henna, but just adding to what others have said about people being different. We just have to find what works for us.

[HeatherJenae]

I totally get what Lianna and the OP are saying. I think LHC is a fun place to just talk hair for hours but it can get a little exhausting when you get the same "educating" tone constantly to the point where you don't even want to bother starting a thread involving heat styling or cones because you know what it'll turn in to. I try to keep my posts very specific to the OP's question and only educate if that's what they are specifically asking for, otherwise it's just unnecessary. For instance, if you search the forum for threads about heat tools, you'll see people asking about certain models of flat irons and the majority of responders spend ninety percent of their posts telling the OP how damaging irons are to the hair. In my opinion, they asked about the model, not what you thought about heat styling. That's where my kind of resentment comes from. I've shared a lot of great messages with the ladies and gents here but I can't help but feel that the heat, sls, and cone lovers kind of have to hide out.

[TrudieCat]

I'm glad hintofmint started this thread. What a well-said message! Thanks! :flower:

I think sometimes people mean to share their experiences rather than criticize, but their words can sound like criticism occasionally to different people's (virtual) ears.

[McFearless]

There are people who think I won't even pass BSL, because I dye my hair and have some bleached highlights. I just have the general feeling that some people do look down upon me.

Look down? You mean are extremely jealous. I know I am ;)

[McFearless]

I know in my case I am extremely "preachy". Im sorry. I can't help it. Not because I think people can't handle themselves, but because I see lots of posts where people state their regret. I don't think you can fry your hair and not regret it. Some people have this attitude where they state all the damaging things they do and then are surprised when their hair looks bad. I've suffered a lot because of heat styling. In fact my hair never completely rebounded. The hair around my hairline never grew back:(:(:(:( So when I try to talk people down from doing "bad" things it is because I wish someone did that to me.

[lacefrost]

I think the OP describes LHC very well. No one looks down on anyone because honestly it's not our hair, we don't care that much. But if you want to grow to long lengths and ask for opinions (cause that's exactly what you're doing when you write in a thread) then you will get TONS of people who want you to learn from their mistakes. It's no ones fault that so many people have made the same mistakes. That's just how it is. You ask for advice, thank people who responded, learn your hair and move on. And if you don't care to hear opinions on what you do, you don't bring it up (for example I comb/brush my hair wet. It's a n-no but it works for me and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.) And I've noticed that for the people who love LHC, that's exactly what they do.

[UltraBella]

There are people who think I won't even pass BSL, because I dye my hair and have some bleached highlights. I just have the general feeling that some people do look down upon me.

That you feel this way is really a shame, because PLENTY of people do "bad" things to their hair and no one needs to be judged. I have posted many threads on my new hair color, my new new hair color, my even NEWER hair color plus highlights ;)
No one ever tells me I am destroying my hair, my pics would prove them wrong anyway. I make no apologies for what I do with MY hair. I have had an overwhelming response of supportive comments and compliments each time. Some will post that they could never do the same for fear of extreme damage, but everyone always tells me my hair looks extremely heathy and beautiful.
My advice to you is this : if you feel looked down upon or discouraged, please, just prove them wrong :) Grow it long and healthy regardless and there will be nothing left for anyone to say about it.

[sunnyhope]

I hope I didn't come off like I don't appreciate this community, which I do, and very much. I know a couple of other hair forums that are nice too (they're both for AA hair though). I think my average here is 4 hours a day. o.O


What do you mean with AA hair?


I find my average in here quite long too so I m sure your not the only one.

I was(still registered bot far from active) on a cooking and baking forum as I wanted some help and new ideas on my bread roll baking and guess what I had more comments about my spelling than anything.
In particular because i kept spelling RECIPE the wrong way and I couldn't for the life of it remember it every time so instead actually helping me with my problem which was that my bread rolls kept going flat( If anyone wondered) it all became a huge discussion on the fact i spelled Recipe this way recepie and they actually said they were sure I did it on purpose.
Not even wanting to listen when I said I have a memory like a goldfish which i actually do due to a medical issue.

Same as I really do prefer to abbreviate s many words as possible due to the fact I have arthritis, fibromyalgia and whiplash: all very painful illnesses.
I also fell of my horse four years ago and broke quite a few ribs, knocked my head pretty bad even though I had a riding helmet one, it was actually approved too so I took all the safety precautions I could.
I also managed to crush my right elbow in three different places , It was done very well damaging my elbow as much as I possibly could the doctors said.
I had to operate on it and also added quite a bit of metal in it to keep the elbow together.
I actually had to remove some of the screws fer two years as it kept growing out wards palpating the skin which was very painful.
Anyway what I m getting too I still have big problems with that elbow: I cant bend it properly, its very stiff and it really hurts a lot too.
All very nicely combined with the above......
Not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, just explaining why I have some problems with my writing.

I have had some comments here on it here but these has been few and a lot nicer than the truly mean comments I got on the cooking forum.
Even being a hairdresser( not working as one due to my fab health he he)isn't seen as a bad thing here though no one has said hurray either,lol.

I do like it here though, even with my hairy background I can learn things in here.
What I have found that hurts the most is that so many of you have bad experiences with hairdressers though, mainly because you feel they don't listen.
I must say and I am not saying its all your fault but I m sure its not(in most cases) all the hairdressers fault either.
I think in many cases neither of you are talking enough before they cut or colour your hair.
Consultation is the key and talk talk and show pictures, even little videos can be done today so especially if you are trying to find a new hairdresser do have at least 30 minutes with consultation before you have anything done.
I know there are places who wont do this but then it isn't the right place for you.
Try looking for a long haired hairdresser.....I had a lot of clients that came to me in the beginning strictly because they felt they could relate to me as I had longer hair than most hairdressers and to be quite honest I was really good at doing long hair too.

Anyway I m getting off topic all the time but if you have bothered reading it all I m grateful and I wanted to say I love it here, I can read about long hair and things we can do for it for hours and hours.................

[sunnyhope]

I know in my case I am extremely "preachy". I'm sorry. I can't help it. Not because I think people can't handle themselves, but because I see lots of posts where people state their regret. I don't think you can fry your hair and not regret it. Some people have this attitude where they state all the damaging things they do and then are surprised when their hair looks bad. I've suffered a lot because of heat styling. In fact my hair never completely rebounded. The hair around my hairline never grew back:(:(:(:( So when I try to talk people down from doing "bad" things it is because I wish someone did that to me.


I so call fry my hair as you put it, not every single time i have washed it, its more if I have to go out and don't want dripping hair or the very extremely occasional time when i want some movement and oomphh in my hair well then i do blow DRY it.

But you cant look at my hair telling me it looks damaged because of it.......

Same with I need to tint it because I need my hair to be stiffer and treated in the first fe inches of my hair starting from scalp If its virgin hair it goes flat as a pancake and gets oily quicker than i get to say the word.

However I don't ask for advice on using a blow drier on my hair, neither have I asked if anyone thinks my hair looks damaged because of the tinting and I don't cause I could not care less what you think .
Well thats a slight lie as I do care if people think my hair looks like crap and it looks damaged but I happen to only tint the roots, the rest is the suns work and all I can do is to protect it and take care of it.
Point is that I don't ask advice on certain things because one I don't want to hear the answer especially as I know most people here don't like blow drying and second I might actually know a few things better than a lot of you being a hairdresser.
I only ask questions on things I want to hear the answer on and things I can learn from.
Being judge mental is a bad thing and will only make people feel worse about themselves or there hair.

Mostly I don't think the people I have met in here has been though , at least 90 % has been very nice and made me want to keep coming here.

[Lianna]

AA is an acronym for african american, that's how they refer to their hair on such boards. There's a few for just AA hair. I learn a lot of things in those hair boards that I don't in here, and it gives me some perspective on certain things.

One thing that I found quite interesting is that some people find that heatstyling their hair causes less damage than leaving it natural (and unstretched). Which for certain would cause some storms around here (of course some people there don't agree either). I also see that they (at least from what I've read/understood) are way less worried about hairdyes than the people on this board is.

People here worry about damage from elastics, strands touching your clothes/things from wearing it down *sigh*...while there the worries are mainly over relaxed hair, single strand knots (SSK), detangling natural hair (which can take HOURS for some). So here there's a lot of fuss for little things.

On another topic, I find quite disturbing when someone says (though meaning well): "we don't care what you do to your hair". I have some friends in here that I value very much, and I DO care about what they do to their hair. I want them to have the best hair they can have, but if someone tells me that *insert anything here* won't damage their hair, or that *insert any product here* does not work for their hair, even though is my *miracle product*, I take their word for it.

Most of the time, when any process is done correctly, your hair will not damage. I can't read (it hurts me inside) when some says bleach ruined their hair, then I read the second line...they left it for an hour..or they did it 3+ times in that day.

I do agree, sunnyhope (lovely name), that 90&#37; here are very friendly. I wouldn't stick around for a year, hours a day if they weren't. I'm sorry about the "hairdresser prejudice", but it's getting better, people are now making threads when "everything goes okay" instead of just the bad hairdressers experiences. Some times I felt upset with a hairdresser, but only because I had too many expectations, wasn't her fault at all (I didn't like my highlights if anyone wonders).

I also do care about what people think of my hair, to some extent. I'm just never pleased with it myself! Just details really, I've learned to like my hair more because of this place, and that's wonderful! :)

[McFearless]

I so call fry my hair as you put it, not every single time i have washed it, its more if I have to go out and don't want dripping hair or the very extremely occasional time when i want some movement and oomphh in my hair well then i do blow DRY it.

But you cant look at my hair telling me it looks damaged because of it.......

Same with I need to tint it because I need my hair to be stiffer and treated in the first fe inches of my hair starting from scalp If its virgin hair it goes flat as a pancake and gets oily quicker than i get to say the word.

However I don't ask for advice on using a blow drier on my hair, neither have I asked if anyone thinks my hair looks damaged because of the tinting and I don't cause I could not care less what you think .
Well thats a slight lie as I do care if people think my hair looks like crap and it looks damaged but I happen to only tint the roots, the rest is the suns work and all I can do is to protect it and take care of it.
Point is that I don't ask advice on certain things because one I don't want to hear the answer especially as I know most people here don't like blow drying and second I might actually know a few things better than a lot of you being a hairdresser.
I only ask questions on things I want to hear the answer on and things I can learn from.
Being judge mental is a bad thing and will only make people feel worse about themselves or there hair.

Mostly I don't think the people I have met in here has been though , at least 90 % has been very nice and made me want to keep coming here.

Your hair doesn't look damaged and you haven't expressed any regret over blowdrying your hair so you don't count as the people who want to have it both ways-dye their hair over and over and flat iron it daily.

[UltraBella]

I might actually know a few things better than a lot of you being a hairdresser.

I think this mentality is exactly why so many here DO NOT trust hairdressers.

I think as a hairdresser it is harder to fit in here and you have to be very open to natural hair care and step away from conventional hairdressing to some extent. I have plenty of experience, I own two busy salons, but let me be perfectly honest - the knowledge I have gained here on LHC is huge. When you step into a community that is primarily about growing extra long, super healthy hair, the professional hairstylist is no longer the expert.

The stylist bashing threads really bug me because we do have many stylists here, but stylists have to admit that the business of hairdressing is - in general - about changing, altering, and manipulating hair and then forcing it into submission with products. Some of us are trying very hard to change the perception of hairstylists here at LHC, but it's a difficult task. Thankfully this community is an open and excepting one overall and I have received much positive feedback even when I am supportive of chemicals, color and even bleach on occasion ;)

[Fufu]

Ultrabella: there are people that adores their hairstylists too, I stick with mine for years :) I guess some of them have not found the right hairstylist that suit what they want. And I am a fan of chemical dyes as long as one knows how how to protect their hair and treat their hair well after that.


I do feel that everyone here are hair experts, gurus, definitely good at somthing and I love how this community encourages more open topics on hair culture, hair knowledge, haircare, hairstyles, hair ethnicity. Oh and we do have a common goal and interest, embracing our own hair more. Okay, I hope I make sense here, feeling a little gorgy.

[rogue_psyche]

I might sometimes come off as preachy because I want to be honest about what can go wrong with a certain procedure. I think my definition of damage may also be slightly different than other members'. A lot of people define damage as damage when it is visible by the naked eye. Split ends, broken hair, bent hair or stretched hair. I also think about damage of the cuticle, increase in porosity, protein loss, and elasticity loss which can be present on hair that looks just fine to the naked eye.

When I say things such as it's impossible to bleach hair without causing some type of damage I'm not trying to belittle anyone's choices, or say that people with chemical dyed hair have ugly hair. I'm just paraphrasing the sum of my research and experience at a place where people come for factual information and advice.

I do count myself as proof that you can grow damaged hair long. No I'm not fishing for compliments when I say it's damaged; I think my hair looks pretty good for what it's been through. Even though my damaged hair can get past waist, I'm not going to deny that my hair would be easier to manage if I hadn't bleached my hair and handled it gentler.

Bottom line: I'm happy that I do have a place where I can even talk about my hair obsession with other people who care about hair.