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TeddyK
September 6th, 2010, 10:57 AM
I am new, and was just looking for some advice or support regarding my hair. My wife agreed to let me grow it out maybe 2 and a half years ago, though she wasnt real happy about it she told me to go ahead since I had always wanted to and before I get too old or lose it. Anyway it is now getting to where I am finally feeling real good about the length and how it looks. It is exciting for me, but its as if she just cant take it any more or something. Unfortunately I really like my hair and am very proud of it but on the other hand... It thought that maybe some of you have faced a similar situation and could give some advice. Thanks in advance. Here is a picture of my hair as I usually wear it if you want to see it: http://i1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa340/zdizzle2/100_1627jpgt1228704120-2-1-1-3-1.jpg?t=1283788549

Tovah
September 6th, 2010, 11:01 AM
That is some beautiful hair you've got there!
Have you tried putting it into a single braid?
I haven't faced a similar situation as far as hair goes because my husband loves long hair and is very supportive.

Did your wife say exactly why she doesn't like your hair any more?

Pixna
September 6th, 2010, 11:04 AM
I'm not a guy, and I really don't have any advice for you, other than to tell you that you have GORGEOUS hair that deserves to be long. It looks SO healthy and thick. If we were both single, it's the kind of hair I'd love to run my fingers through. ;) Hopefully, some of the guys who have faced a similar situation will have some suggestions for you. All I can say is ... I hope you don't cut it. It's your hair and you should be happy with it, regardless of your wife's preference.

ETA: Don't know if this is the case, but maybe your wife is envious of your hair and is afraid yours will upstage hers? Just a thought ...

Konstifik
September 6th, 2010, 11:04 AM
Your hair is gorgeous!

And I ask the same question as Tovah, is there any reason for her disapproval of your hair?

TeddyK
September 6th, 2010, 11:07 AM
She never really liked it, just put up with it I guess. She doesnt really like long hair on guys.

Fethenwen
September 6th, 2010, 11:10 AM
Well... that sucks, actually she's not the one to decide what sort of hair you should have. I think it looks awesome by the way :)

But maybe you could consider having it cut a bit shorter, but no too short? Just to give it a go? Than you can say that at least you have tried out shorter hair.

TinaDenali
September 6th, 2010, 11:10 AM
I'm sorry your wife cannot appreciate your hair... it looks sooo nice! I'd love it if my husband would grow his out!

Maybe just tell her it's your hair and you like it that way and remind her she's free to have her hair how she wants.

Juneii
September 6th, 2010, 11:12 AM
oh my goodness look how smooth and shiny it is! We would all mourn the loss if you cut off that hair.

Do you know why your wife dislikes it? Is she just afraid of people with long hair? Or maybe she wants to fit the gender role and be the one with longer hair? I take too long to reply.
Of course, in the end it's your hair and your choice on what you want to do. I think if we wait a little bit longer some of the guys on here can give you their advice. :)

EdG
September 6th, 2010, 11:13 AM
It's your hair... you get to decide how you should wear it.

Welcome to LHC! :)
Ed

Djinmonet
September 6th, 2010, 11:16 AM
Welcome to LHC. :flower:

In the photo your hair appears lovely and well cared for, so the usual objection I've heard to long hair is out. I think it's wonderful long, and I can see why you would be excited. :) However I'm on a site for the appreciation of such.

I have been in a few relationships with people who didn't like my hair being long. Some for social reasons, they didn't feel it looked upstanding enough, or whatever. Some just simply because they were not used to having something like that in their face, etc.
The only one who claimed to have changed their mind, happened years later, after they saw me with it shorter then I can stand. The person commented that they realized, then, that my long hair was as much a part of me as my arms, and would hate for me to ever have it shorter. Now, that could simply be they didn't want to deal with how unhappy I am without it. :p

I think that any method by which you can keep peace with your hair, and your wife, will depend a good deal on why she objects in the first place.

ETA: Ah. Well that reason has always puzzled me, and I guess I'd lump it into social reasons? I really hope she can some day see it another way. Good luck!

Peter
September 6th, 2010, 11:26 AM
Your hair looks incredible in that picture. I think that you should be the one to decide how you wear your hair, so if you're proud of it, then wear it proudly!

eamane
September 6th, 2010, 11:26 AM
Welcome to LHC :)
I'm sorry your wife doesn't like your hair, I agree with the rest here: It's beautiful! However, it's YOUR hair and you make the choice how to wear it :flower:

Aquamarine
September 6th, 2010, 11:36 AM
Got no real advice other than to tell you that your hair is gorgeous!:)
I'm sorry your wife doesn't like it.:(

oh wait Welcome to LHC!!:cheese::cheese:

virgo75
September 6th, 2010, 11:43 AM
Welcome to LHC. :)

Your hair is gorgeous!
If I were your wife, I'd hate it too.
But out of jealousy.
I'd want it for myself. :lol:

I don't know if anyone of us can tell you what to do in this situation since your marriage is between you and your wife.

I guess it depends on what is more important to each of you?
Is growing your hair long more important than her opinion about long hair?
Or is her opinion on long hair more important to her than your happiness with your hair?

I hope the 2 of you can sort it out(and you get to keep your lovely hair ;) ).
:flower:

hmmm
September 6th, 2010, 11:44 AM
Welcome to LHC!

I don't think you should cut your hair because your wife doesn't like it! It looks beautiful. Maybe try explaining to her how you feel about it? That should work.

GoddesJourney
September 6th, 2010, 11:48 AM
I don't know how fast your hair grows, but maybe you could agree to cut it off every X amount of years if it makes her happy and then just grow it back out again. It's not fun to grow through the akward stages, but it might be a reasonable compramise. A lot of women grow their hair out for their husbands even if they really prefer it short, so I don't see a huge difference. I guess it's just a matter of how important your long hair is to you and how much you are willing to compramise that to please your wife. Unfortunately, growing out your hair isn't as fast as changing your shirt when you go out if she doesn't like it. Like everyone else said, it is your hair and you can do what you want with it, but in a marriage it does help to be willing to please the other person. So assuming you don't try to control her appearance, she shouldn't be trying to control yours. If I were you I would grow it to whatever length I wanted, enjoy it for a year and then cut it all off, grow it back out, enjoy it for a year...

ravensinger13
September 6th, 2010, 11:51 AM
I don't have any real advice, just wanted to chime in and say that your hair is beautiful! The color and thickness are really impressive. Welcome to LHC :)

Peggy E.
September 6th, 2010, 11:53 AM
Guess you have to decide what's really going on here.

First, you are NOT your hair. If your wife loves you, the marriage is a strong and caring partnership, the length of your hair should be somewhat a non-issue. She might not really much care for it long, but it shouldn't be making life difficult for you, or causing undue marital discord.

You say you love your hair - I can see why, it is great! - and you would have to wonder if you wouldn't be somewhat resentful if you have it cut because it's what your wife wants, not you.

How we view our hair, the place it fills in our lives, carries with it an emotional bond, as you are discovering (think: Samson!). It represents much more than something that grows from our bodies and is meant to keep us warm. It often is an indicator of the person we are, how we see ourselves.

And when you consider how many people are unhappy with their hair - and with themselves - it would be almost tragic to undermine your sense of self-respect and confidence by having to cut your hair to suit someone else's views of how they want you to appear, behave, BE.

Not knowing your wife, I can only base this response on what you've mentioned in your initial post. But each and every one of us should be free to express ourselves as we wish the world to see us and in which we are most comfortable. It's our right as individuals and life is just too short to bow to the capricious demands of someone who does not have our best interests in mind.

You and your wife should be accepting of each other's decisions, as long as they are not breaking the commitment of the marriage. You aren't chasing the neighbor's teenage daughter - you're growing your hair. Your wife would be expected to crack down on the first, but should do all she can to come to terms with the second.

Welcome to the community and I hope you are able to work this out to the satisfaction fo all involved.

bumblebums
September 6th, 2010, 11:58 AM
So assuming you don't try to control her appearance, she shouldn't be trying to control yours.

Well said, GoddesJourney. I confess I never understood that particular relationship dynamic. I had a boyfriend with long hair once, and while I didn't particularly like it, I never said boo about it, even though said boyfriend constantly made prescriptive remarks about my own appearance. Whatever happened to the Golden Rule?

bte
September 6th, 2010, 12:21 PM
Yes, it is your decision, but on the other hand, you don't want to live in a constant atmosphere of ill feeling over something which is important to you.

I don't think cutting to a long but not so long length is going to be satusfactory for either of you. Better to explain how important your hair is to you, and see if there is some other way of seeking a compromise. Are there things your wife likes to wear or do that you aren't so keen on, for instance? Increased mutual tolerance might be the way forward.

Heartwillfollow
September 6th, 2010, 12:24 PM
My first husband decided after he left the military to let his hair grow long, he is NA heritage and it was beautiful raven black thick hair. It must of been the genes in his back ground because it grew fast down to his waist.. I hadn't even realized he was intentionally letting it grow out, it grew so fast before I realized he was going to let it keep growing it was well past BLS,, It was awkward for me because I didn't grow up around men having long hair,and I had only known him (4 years) married him with the short hair. And I thought there was an underlying meaning for him growing it out after so many years together him having it short.. Was it me, was it our relationship, was he growing it out for someone else ?????? I did ask and said he always had long hair in his youth before he joined the military and he said now that he was out of the military he wanted his long hair back.

I was still in the military and he was openly teased for it, from the married friends we (use to hang around with) His old military buddies brushed him off don't think it was for his hair, more then being a military spouse instead of active duty. It was a tender transition time for him, I felt for him. I suported him growing his hair it was beautiful hair, always got the hair products he wanted when I shopped for my own, trimmed his hair and combed and braided it for him. I don't think I ever truly got use to him having long hair but I respected him enough I never asked him to change what he wanted to do.

I don't think your wife should tell you to cut it. And I don't think she should make you feel bad about wanting to grow it long.

smileycat
September 6th, 2010, 12:28 PM
My late husband, and the man I dated before that, and a male co-worker (completely inappropriate) all commented on my hair. It does not look good longer, you look better with shorter hair, you should not wear your hair in a ponytail unless you are wearing a turtleneck... quite the ego killer. I would never want to put anyone through feeling the way I did, and I am sorry you are feeling this pain now.

Your hair is gorgeous! Wear it the way YOU like it and relish in your thick and lustrous locks! Don't change your hair for anyone but yourself, because otherwise you risk growing resentful. And tell her why you like your hair long, if you haven't already, and be honest with her about how she makes you feel.

lauravmarcela
September 6th, 2010, 12:29 PM
Ummmm so jealous your hair is so beautiful, keep it dont cut it.

and Djinmonet I love your hair is such a beautiful dark shade

Tuntenut
September 6th, 2010, 12:37 PM
Judging by how healthy your hair looks, it's obviously something you are serious about and put effort into. IMHO your wife should be supportive of things that mean so much to you, and realise that it can be very hurtful when a spouse dislikes something you love.

If you decide to cut it, try resaerching longer styles. Lots of male style-icons wear styles that are long, but somehow don't look it.

I personally have a great deal of respect for men with long hair. It is not always socially acceptable, and it takes a lot of character to go against that.

Gypsygirl
September 6th, 2010, 12:40 PM
I'm not a guy, and I really don't have any advice for you, other than to tell you that you have GORGEOUS hair that deserves to be long. It looks SO healthy and thick.

That... and it is your hair, after all. You should be free to be who you are and wear it on your sleeve. Giving your other half that freedom is what true love is all about...

Jenn of Pence
September 6th, 2010, 12:44 PM
Your hair looks lovely. :)

I would love to say yes, it is your hair and theoretically you should be able to do what you want with it. But in reality, within a marriage it is indeed important how the other spouse feels about every situation and each party should be sensitive to how the other feels about something like this. And while you're doing well to be sensitive to her desires, she should also try to be sensitive to yours as well. In light of that, if you haven't already you should communicate between yourselves about what it means to you and why she doesn't like it. Hopefully from honest discussion and shared perspectives there can be a compromise that makes both sides happy. It sounds like lots of folks here have come up with similar compromises, too, in respect of others around them and themselves as well. Good luck!

whiteisle
September 6th, 2010, 12:48 PM
Is she anti-long hair in general or just on you?

I ask because my DH has on several occassions started growing a full beard and I admittedly (and with shame :o) give him a little good humored grief about it but the truth is I don't particularily care for that look on him. But I'm not against beards in general. Some men wear them well, others not so much. But ultimately it boils down to what he wants. It's his choice.

He likes my hair short. Real short. That has played a BIG role in my commitment to growing it long. I think we all want to be attractive to our SO. So I've entertained short hair for a good part of our marriage. But, that being said, if your SO loves you for who you are then the outside should play second fiddle. So he's accepting of me growing my hair long and I, in turn, am accepting of him growing a beard. (even though it scratches like crazy when we kiss! :p:D)

Summary: It's your hair, your choice. :)

Oh! And welcome!!! :blossom: :waving:

yzkaloha
September 6th, 2010, 12:51 PM
Your hair is absolutely beautiful!!! My husband also has long hair and I love his long hair! So unfortunately I don't share your wife's sentiment but I understand her frustration in a way. My husband from time to time says that he wants to cut his hair and I totally disagree with that. I wouldn't be happy if he did, but ultimately it is his hair and his choice so if it was really important to him, I would back off with what I wanted. In short, your hair is beautiful! Keep it long!!!

Krentje
September 6th, 2010, 12:58 PM
my long term boyfriend has grown his hair out as well. I have to say its absolutely beautiful BUT i really needed time to appreciate it. I think it has to do with some old-fashioned thoughts and premisses we grew up with:

My hair is, for example, quite ordinary and not very long, wherease the hair of my boyfriend is very shiny, thick and good-looking. I realised i felt a bit awkward because i thought people would compare us and i wondered if it looked strange. I even thought my boyfriend might not appreciate my hair anymore, now his was longer and more shiny. (I was not aware of these thoughts in the beginning, ofcourse)

My tips for you, therefore:

- Tell your wife she is absolutely beautiful and you love HER hair. (she might feel insecure about her own hair)
- Try to explain that you feel more like yourself now having longer hair, like it fits you better. There is no other reason behind it than that. If you feel more like yourself, you can express yourself better and she would be happy with that too i suppose!
- Maybe (but thats up to you, i dont know what your occupation is and all) you can cut it to APL or just an inch below shoulder length. Personally, i thought this to be looking so much better on my boyfriend than the longer length did. Right now, he can do with it what he want, but just to get used to it! This is also a length being better accepted by male family-in-law (in my experience).

I do agree with all people stating you should do what you like and she has no say in it et cetera, but from my own experience, i can tell you it doesnot exactly work like that: it can be rather delicate, and hopefully/probably after a few months, you both laugh about it.

Just find out she is insecure about smth and don't forget HER hair. Good luck! i cannot be happier with my bf being so happy with his long hair, and i have the confidence the same could work for you.

mellie89
September 6th, 2010, 12:59 PM
Your hair is gorgeous. Your wife has clearly never heard of the term "picking your battles." I don't have any real advice, as I have never been married, but I do think that she is being unfair to you. SOs are supposed to help build you up as a person, not cut you down. :(

LadyJennifer
September 6th, 2010, 01:07 PM
I'm going to be the oddball here, and say that I think it is important in a marriage to do things you know your spouse likes, and avoid things you know they don't - out of consideration and love.
I am a woman who never thought long hair was attractive on a guy. The only men with long hair I had seen were unkept and messy, and more on the bum side of things, so I suppose that influenced my preferences. I was just attracted to shorter hair on a guy. I met my hubby while he had short hair and loved the way he looked. He soon told me that he wanted to grow out his hair long (by long, he meant shoulder length). I was very much opposed to it (I let him know nicely), and he kept it short for these four years out of love for me:) I really appreciate that. Now I've realised that long hair looks pretty good on a lot of men, and I actually encouraged him to grow his out. He has great wavy hair. I am really looking forward to seeing it long! :)

So my advice, be patient and loving with her and maybe she'll come around to really liking it:)
I'm sure it isn't anything against you, she just has her preferences. I'm not suggesting you cut it, just talk with her, tell her what your hair means to you, and listen to what she has to say about it too.

missfortune9335
September 6th, 2010, 01:22 PM
Good lord it's gorgeous! Honestly that's the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the photo, you have every right to be proud of your hair.

Here's my take on the situation. I'm in the process of growing my hair out from a pixie, I'm currently just above BSL but my end goal is waist. My husband does not like long hair. He loved my hair short, and if he had his way it would not get much longer than it is now. HOWEVER, I only know this because I asked for his opinion on the matter. His feelings on the matter are that it is *my* hair and he would never tell me how to wear it. If I grow it long and keep it that way he respects that it is my choice on my personal apperance, and it's not really that big of a deal to him.

Conversely, I like long hair on men. My husband absolutly does not, and keeps his hair *very* short. Would I like to see it long? Yes, but honestly it's never even crossed my mind to ask him to grow it because I know he likes it short. His hair, his choice. Honestly, (IMHO) it's only hair, nothing to make or break a realtionship over. I also think that if your wife knows how much you love your long hair, and that it's important to you, she should just let it go. Relationships take work and a lot of compromise, pick your battles as they say.

spidermom
September 6th, 2010, 01:25 PM
I totally disagree with your wife. I think your hair looks good. Really good. How does this happen, that long hair lovers get matched up with short hair lovers? My husband likes to keep his about 1-inch long or shorter, and when I told him I would like it if he grew it out, he told me that he would wear his hair how he liked it. That is his right, and it's your right, too.

Whijun
September 6th, 2010, 01:26 PM
I'm usually not envious of anyone's hair, but wow, yours is awesome.

I don't have any advice to give other than what's been said, but you've got my support.

Demetrue
September 6th, 2010, 01:28 PM
I'm wondering if you can sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart talk with your wife about your hair choices. Ask her exactly why she feels so uncomfortable with the length it is now. Ask her if she would be willing to compromise - you don't grow it any longer than it is now and she tries to accept that you are happy with it and feel good about yourself with it longer. It may be that the longer hair reminds her of a man who hurt her in the past or a male relative she felt uncomfortable around. Maybe her friends or parents are giving her a hard time about being with a "long hair". Maybe she is conservative and sees long hair as a sign of rebellion, etc. It should be easier to work out a mutually acceptable solution if you know exactly what is motivating her feelings and how strong her preference really is. Maybe the issue is really about something else, but she is focusing on your hair as the symbol of whatever is bothering her. (like if you lost your job and can't find work, she may blame the hair as the cause)

WaitingSoLong
September 6th, 2010, 01:49 PM
I have the opposite situation, and it is really not an issue at all.

My husband has very short (buzzed) hair. I cut his hair myself. His hair is VERY silky soft and gorgeous and I have asked him a couple times to consider growing it out (I saw and old pic of him with longer hair). He will not. Not even to a regular man's hair style length. He keeps it buzzed. Period. If it gets an inch long, it is driving him crazy.

I honestly don't care. My husband is NOT his hair! (or lack of). I willingly and happily keep it buzzed for him and it is really a non-issue. I like long hair on men (if it is neat and clean) but I am in NO danger whatsoever of looking and longing after some other man. NO WAY. My husband is my angel, my soul mate and hair is a trivial matter. I did try and talk him into shaving it bald once (like shiny bald) but he won't do that either. I don't dislike buzzed hair, it just seem a waste of some awesome hair. LOL.

I have had my hair short, long, layered, curly, and different colors and he never says a thing. When I started growing it long (past BSL) he didn't say anything. Now he helps me with my hair pictures and toys and stuff and listens to me ramble about LHC. Once, not so long ago, he admitted that now that I have long hair (hip), he really can't see me cutting it again. And guess what, NONE of our hair discussions have ever affected our marriage. Why should it?

There is some great advice ont his thread. Your original post did not say why your wife dislikes it. I agree that maybe there is some insecurity there of some type if something so minor has become a major issue. Do what adults do, sit down, lovingly discuss and see if a compromise can be reached. If it comes down to "cut your hair or we get divorced" then I would say there is a whole other matter underlying.

heynormy
September 6th, 2010, 01:56 PM
Oh my goodness! Your hair is absolutely gorgeous!
I agree with many of the other members. It is your hair and you should do with it as you please. Perhaps she is a little envious of your hair..I know I am!!:D

little_cherry
September 6th, 2010, 02:06 PM
Hi TeddyK!
Welcome to LHC :)

First of all, I'd sit down and talk to her abut how much you really enjoy taking care of your hair and how much you love your hair. She may have things that she does that you don't really like, but accept it because it is who she is...in that case, she should accept that this is something that you like. Many men have hobbies such as sports, cars, gaming, etc...and this is one of yours.

When my husband shaved off his beard and left a French looking mustache, I personally didn't like it (I wasn't used to it), but I knew how much he liked it, so I never pestered him about it.

If taking care of your hair truly makes you happy, let her know. :)

I wish you all the best.

Edit: By the way, your hair is fantastic! :D

Jammy
September 6th, 2010, 02:14 PM
It just kind of comes down to what is more important.

If she wants to leave you because you have long hair then you are getting a good idea of how she feels about the relationship. If you refuse to cut it even if she wants to leave then you are also showing how little you want to stay in the marriage.

sunrain
September 6th, 2010, 02:17 PM
Wow, your hair is amazingly beautiful! I have little advice to add, since nearly everyone has said what I would have suggested. I strongly encourage a good talk with your wife, or several talks. It may take more than one conversation to get to the heart of the reason, or for your wife to realize the reason. Me, I have a tendency to deny I have a problem with something, or I don't want to admit that there is a problem. :shrug:

Oh yes, welcome to LHC!

RitaPG
September 6th, 2010, 02:20 PM
Give her some time to get used to it:)
In the end it's your body, and your choice. Try to find out what is it about long hair that she doesn't like. You have nice hair, clean, healthy and gorgeous, and you very well deserve to be proud of it.
I'm not a guy but I've had people giving me a bad time with my hair length, and it's not even that long, just longer than average. Long hair is different, and many people can't deal with it.

Vijikanth
September 6th, 2010, 02:23 PM
I really dont know why many females are not accepting long hair on guys. I recently got in touch with a girl whom I had not spoken since 5 yrs. Even when I mentioned that I had grown my hair long in the phone, she requested me to cut it. The funny thing is she has not seen me with long hair at all.
I would suggest, go cool with your wife. No hard way. Explain to her that its still you. You have long hair or short hair..its still the same person she had loved earlier. Its after all hair, and it is giving some happiness to you. Request her to join the LHC...we'll take care of her.. :)

arwenevenstar37
September 6th, 2010, 02:28 PM
I am sorry to hear that your wife does not really like the length of your hair...It is beautiful and I think a lot of us would kill to have it so healthy and full as it is... Maybe try asking her what it is exactly that she dislikes about your hair or "long hair on guys" for that matter. I do believe that it is your hair though and even though her advice and preferences are accepted and considered it is your choice in the end and she should be happy wiht the man she chose regardless of his physical attributes...

breezefaerie
September 6th, 2010, 02:39 PM
I am adding to the general consensus that your hair is gorgeous.

cmnt831
September 6th, 2010, 02:45 PM
First off, your hair is gorgeous! My husband decided one day that he wanted long hair. All I did and have done is support him in that decision. It's not the most beautiful hair, but as long as he likes it, I'll back him up in his choice. That means having to defend it to family members and others who feel it's their right to tell him to get it cut.

Anyway, my point is that even if he wanted to shave it all off, I'd support him whatever he wanted to do with his hair. I only ask him that he not shave his beard for any reason. :p

Angeletti
September 6th, 2010, 02:46 PM
I think you should keep it if it makes you happy, it looks very nice and healthy. Being married myself I've come to support things my husband does even though I'm not crazy about some of the things, so hopefully she will realize it's your hair and support you whether she likes it or not.

juliaxena
September 6th, 2010, 02:49 PM
I'm all for chice but if your partner relly dislikes the look of something on you (it can happen, especially if they didn' meet you that way), it can become a problem. Wheter people accept this or not, it CAN be a problem. So this may not be as easy as: it's your hair. It's not because she's a bad or shallow person, people have some sort of inbuilt sence of what is beautiful and acceptable for them. This may be hard to digest, but it's the truth. You will have to judge for yourself how serious this is. It's not a perfect world.

Othala
September 6th, 2010, 02:55 PM
What beautiful, thick hair you have. I understand your problem, but if she loves and respects you, she will want what you want for yourself.

You can always try the line: "I am not here to decorate your world" which would sound interesting coming from a chap, I think.

littlenvy
September 6th, 2010, 03:06 PM
*eyes pop out*
OMG!!! I think that you have the hair that I have always dreamed about having!! The THICKNESS, the colour and the curl.

I think is very beautiful. :D

When you said she didn't like it I thought it was one of those "men hair" where it was all damaged and fuzzy and looking really bad. But that's not the case here.

Please let her read this thread and see that cutting your hair would be a crime!!!


PS ... if by chance you are not going to keep it ... could I have it? ;):p

Speckla
September 6th, 2010, 03:08 PM
My husband keeps his hair buzzed and I don't really like it but I keep my mouth closed. It's his hair, his head, and his likes/dislikes need to be respected. I'm getting used to the style the more he wears it.

slz
September 6th, 2010, 03:16 PM
Like everybody said, but it bears repeating : GORGEOUS.

Then, as GoddesJourney said :
assuming you don't try to control her appearance, she shouldn't be trying to control yours.. which you could have her understand next time she asks you to cut your hair with a comeback like : "Ok, if you loose 20 lbs in your bottom / get yoursel an E cup / have your nose filed down / dye your hair blue (...) " - I have no problems with being snarky and bordering hurtful when I'm trying to make a point on something I KNOW I'm in my right, so I'd choose something that really hits close to home :eyebrows: .

littlenvy
September 6th, 2010, 03:24 PM
PSS .. me again.
Why don't you try to have your wife make friends with your hair? Don't make it a battle but a friendly encounter. Say something like: "Wife, this is my hair, its here to stay and it would like to get to know you better. Hair, this is my wife, she is very lovely herself but just can't see your beauty yet. Make friends."
Then let her brush it, maybe braid it ;) And before you know it they will be fast friends.
And if that fails ... you can always use it to tickle her ... erotically.
If that fails ... then I'm out of ideas. lol

TeddyK
September 6th, 2010, 04:05 PM
THanks for all of the advice, hopefully it will work out. and thanks for the compliments.

Arianwen
September 6th, 2010, 04:07 PM
I'm stymied by her "letting" you grow your hair for a certain length of time. It is your body and your hair. Your decision. Would you tell her what she can and cannot do with HER hair? No.

Ursula
September 6th, 2010, 04:09 PM
It's a complex thing.

First of all, I agree absolutely that it is your hair and your choice.

But what are the factors that go into making that choice?

Your wife is her own person, and no one can reach into her head and make her like your long hair, or long hair on men in general, or even just make her like long hair.

There have been a lot of suggestions here about why she may not care for your hair long - jealousy, discomfort at a change in you that she doesn't understand, or just preferring short hair. The first thing is to talk to her about the situation, in a relaxed way, to try to understand her feelings.

For example, if she was attacked by someone in the past, who had long hair, and your long hair gives her flashbacks, that is a very different thing from if she's just confused because you're changing your appearance and she doesn't know why.

Everyone has their turn-ons and turn-offs. Some mild, some strong. If, for example, she finds short hair on men a strong turn-on, (likes the look, likes the feel of short hair under her hands, etc.) then you might consider how important it is to you to have an appearance that fits her turn-ons. My point being not that her preference should control how you keep your hair, but that, as your spouse, her preferences are presumably something that you routinely consider in your decision making, and vice-versa.

If she generally associates short hair with masculinity, and long hair with femininity, then she may, presuming that she's primarily straight, be getting mixed signals of "masculine" and "feminine" from your appearance, which may be sexually confusing for her. Putting some shared imagination into exploring the ways in which she can find your long hair sensual might be both fun and helpful.

But it all goes back to communication. You need to understand what she does and doesn't find appealing about your appearance in general and your long hair specifically. She needs to understand why long hair is something you're interested in. You both need to understand the way in which this affects the dynamic of your relationship, and you both need to work together to explore ways in which you can work with each other to keep both of you happy within your relationship.

IcarusBride
September 6th, 2010, 04:12 PM
I also don't generally like long hair on guys I'm dating, but your hair is incredible. I don't see why your wife should have a problem with your long hair as long as you keep it tidy and clean. Isn't love about accepting your partner even if there are some things you don't like about them? You'd think long hair wouldn't be such a big deal, at least you're (presumably) not an alcoholic or addicted to drugs, gambling, etc. I think she'll come around but you should sit down together and discuss that your long hair is important to you and your self esteem and what her misgivings with it are.

Rhianna
September 6th, 2010, 05:16 PM
Get absolutely ripped, tan a bit, and take your hair out of the ponytail.


<moderator snip> Image not acceptable under TOS

Seriously though? I have nothing worthy to contribute except your hair is gorgeous and it would be a shame to snip even an inch.

estherbeth
September 6th, 2010, 06:34 PM
Oh, my. Your hair is gorgeous. It's so thick and healthy! :thud:

It's your hair, your body, you should do with it whatever you want. Ask her how she would feel if you demanded that she shave her head or lose twenty pounds. I'd wager she wouldn't be happy at all about it. Despite being your wife (and this goes for any spouse or significant other, in my opinion), she does not have the right to dictate what you do with your body.

elliebean184
September 6th, 2010, 07:20 PM
I agree with many of the previous posters- your hair is lovely! and you can do what you want! My husband decided that after our wedding last year, he'd grow a mustache. I like it now, after the awkward-length phase passed, but I didn't utter a peep until I liked it. He did the same for me when I decided to henna, before it worked out to a color he liked.
I'd advocate for more communication- maybe it helps to say you're trying out something new and that the timescale for a hair-change is very different from that for a makeup-change. In a year or so, opinions can change, just wait for a while.
Good luck growing your lovely hair!

Pierre
September 6th, 2010, 08:37 PM
Maybe your ponytail looks too thick to her? Instead of cutting your beautiful hair any shorter, how about putting it up in various ways? You could try a braid (French, Dutch, or English), two braids one on each side, a crown braid, various kinds of buns, ... and see if she likes any of those better than the ponytail.

McFearless
September 6th, 2010, 09:18 PM
I think she should accept your hair the way you want it to be.

PS - I think your wife simply prefers your hair short. Im sure there is no jealousy involved. You have gorgeous hair baby, let it groooowwwwwwwwwwww

Jezerellica
September 6th, 2010, 09:26 PM
She never really liked it, just put up with it I guess. She doesnt really like long hair on guys.

I'm sorry to hear this. Your hair is incredible. To cut it would be so sad!!

kwaniesiam
September 6th, 2010, 09:30 PM
Your hair is very thick and gorgeous. Has your wife ever worn her hair in a way you didn't care for before? Didn't read the whole thread, sorry if this was already addressed.

beez1717
September 7th, 2010, 02:20 AM
I think that you should continue to do what you want to do. We all do things that people in our family may not like but we learn to get along with it right? Also, welcome to the LHC :)

julliams
September 7th, 2010, 02:39 AM
You do have very nice hair.

I feel that perhaps you both need to sit down and discuss it. Hair is part of your identity, and perhaps short hair on you is part of hers for you both as a couple (ie. if you met and married when your hair was short). I have to admit that I see my husband and I as a couple, it's me with long hair and him with short. If he wanted to grow his hair long I think I would be ok with it but it would be so different, kind of like if I came home with a short haircut one day. I did do this once and my husband didn't like it - he likes my hair longer than shoulder length. In saying that, if I wanted to cut it short that would be fine with him, he just prefers it longer. This may be the case with your wife as well. She may prefer it short.

Perhaps you can come to some kind of compromise whilst she gets used to the idea? It's not like she has said flat out "no", she has made a compromise in seeing how it goes for 2 years which is a fairly decent growing time. Perhaps she thought you might grow it, and then want to cut it again.

I have a neighbour who wears his hair in a ponytail. His wife got cancer and lost her hair so he shaved his head in support of her and it looked so much better as it was growing in short. But, he's back to the ponytail again now so obviously it's his identity.

ilovelonghair
September 7th, 2010, 03:35 AM
I can only say: I am jealous!!!!! (and: don't cut off!)

hmmm
September 7th, 2010, 03:53 AM
Get absolutely ripped, tan a bit, and take your hair out of the ponytail.

<moderator snip> Image not acceptable under TOS



:spitting:

practikalmagik
September 7th, 2010, 04:33 AM
IMHO if you were a woman and your husband was telling you to cut your hair I sincerly doubt people would say "cut it for your marriage", it would be more like "he's controlling!".

This is exactly the same, the way she's "allowed" you to grow it so far but changed her mind. It might not be meant in a horrible way but it's really not a nice thing to do. Perhaps you could turn it so she could understand how you feel by asking her how she would feel if you were instructing her to change, say her hair colour. How would she react?


Your body is your own and you can do what you want with it. Plus your hair is in wonderful condition, you've clearly worked hard for it so keep it how *you* want.

Fiferstone
September 7th, 2010, 05:46 AM
It's your hair, it's on your head, and the only person who gets a vote is you. Seriously, unless it's something that would threaten your livelihood (I know that is an issue for long-haired men more so than it is for long-haired women, it's just an unfortunate reality), I think you and she need to discuss just why it is she dislikes the idea of long hair on you. Perhaps she was tolerant because she was hoping this was a 'phase' you'd pass through, and having grown your hair long, you would now be willing to cut it and be 'done' with this particular 'phase.' I too think that your hair looks wonderful. My DH has hair that's down to his mid-back, and unfortunately the top is thinning a bit, but I still like how he looks in long hair ;). Though he did go through that horrible awkward stage where the layers in the bog-standard guys haircut he had just did not look good at all. If she could stand that stage, I can't understand why she'd have a problem with your hair now, which looks very neat, very well-kept, and quite healthy. It's definitely worth a discussion with her. Perhaps she'll be more open to it if she has more of an understanding of why you want long hair.

Good luck, and welcome to LHC :).

WaitingSoLong
September 7th, 2010, 07:15 AM
IMHO if you were a woman and your husband was telling you to cut your hair I sincerly doubt people would say "cut it for your marriage", it would be more like "he's controlling!".

:applause

Good point!

yvsa
September 7th, 2010, 07:48 AM
Anyway it is now getting to where I am finally feeling real good about the length and how it looks. It is exciting for me, but its as if she just cant take it any more or something. Unfortunately I really like my hair and am very proud of

It's difficult to give advise but; my goodness your hair is looking fantastic:cheese:. The important thing is that you feel good with your hair because it's a big part of how you feel alltogether. Maybe you could talk about this with your wife. Did she explain why she does not like your hair?

Deborah
September 7th, 2010, 10:54 AM
I think it depends on WHY your wife doesn't like long hair on men, including you. If she is a Christian, and believes the Bible teaching in the New Testament on long hair, she will never like long hair on men. I Corinthians 11:14 asks the rhetorical question "Does not even nature itself teach you that it is a shame for a man to have long hair?" If she honestly believes this, then she cannot change her mind and come to like long hair on you. It would be contrary to her Christian belief system, and therefore not possible for her. Depending on you, she might have to tolerate it, but she would never like it. Most Christians view long hair on a man as effeminate.

Now, if she dislikes long hair on men for other, non Bible-related reasons, then what I have just written is probably not applicable. But, even if she is not a Christian with this belief, she may have grown up knowing about this belief, and may therefore somewhere deep inside still believe that long hair on a man is shameful. If so, you probably won't be able to change her thinking or feelings.

All this is not to say that you can't keep your long hair. You'll just have to decide whether keeping your hair long, which may be offensive to her, is what you want. From what you have written I don't get the impression that she is demanding this change, rather that she would prefer that you wear short hair. I don't really know her motive, but I don't think we strangers should assume that her motive is in some way bad or against you, her husband.

Ursula
September 7th, 2010, 11:10 AM
I think it depends on WHY your wife doesn't like long hair on men, including you. If she is a Christian, and believes the Bible teaching in the New Testament on long hair, she will never like long hair on men. I Corinthians 11:14 asks the rhetorical question "Does not even nature itself teach you that it is a shame for a man to have long hair?" If she honestly believes this, then she cannot change her mind and come to like long hair on you. It would be contrary to her Christian belief system, and therefore not possible for her. Depending on you, she might have to tolerate it, but she would never like it. Most Christians view long hair on a man as effeminate.


I'll have to disagree with this.

I know many Christians who don't have a problem with long hair on men. They look at that verse, and decide interpreting it as Paul telling men to keep hair short and women hair long is a mistake.

After all, nature doesn't give men short hair and women long hair, nature gives both men and women hair capable of growing long, and hair that can be easily and safely cut. So they decide that Paul is telling people to not stress too much about such stuff - after all, to say that it is "natural" for men to have short hair and women long hair is nonsense, and Paul is pointing out that nonsense to get people to stop focusing on superficial stuff like appearance and hairstyle. He's being sarcastic, because he's completely exasperated with petty argument among the faithful. Jesus taught "love God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself" not "men cut your hair, women, don't" and when Paul was writing to a congregation that was getting into fights about hairstyle, he was telling them to stop fighting about the little things.

I also know many Christians who change their beliefs over time, a they grow more mature and get a more nuanced understanding of the Bible and the context it was written in.

Even if she's uncomfortable because she's been taught a particular understanding of a particular Bible verse, it doesn't mean that her understanding now will be the understanding she always has, or that her understanding is the only "Christian" one.

Claiming that any interpretation of the Bible is the only "Christian" one is a lie, as there are, in fact, many Christians who interpret the same verses in different way.

Sundial
September 7th, 2010, 11:31 AM
I don't have a solution to your problem, but I had a look at the picture and just had to chip in to say that your hair is gorgeous. My first reaction was "wow!".

Hope you figure something out soon!

florenonite
September 7th, 2010, 11:33 AM
I think it depends on WHY your wife doesn't like long hair on men, including you. If she is a Christian, and believes the Bible teaching in the New Testament on long hair, she will never like long hair on men. I Corinthians 11:14 asks the rhetorical question "Does not even nature itself teach you that it is a shame for a man to have long hair?" If she honestly believes this, then she cannot change her mind and come to like long hair on you. It would be contrary to her Christian belief system, and therefore not possible for her. Depending on you, she might have to tolerate it, but she would never like it. Most Christians view long hair on a man as effeminate.

Most Christians? I and many others I know don't, and besides that don't have a problem with effeminacy in men, even (potential) partners :shrug:

To the OP: It's your hair, keep it how you like it, it doesn't really affect her. She loves you for you, not for what's on your head.

mariika
September 7th, 2010, 11:45 AM
boy, your hair looks photoshopped!

RecklessCharlie
September 7th, 2010, 11:53 AM
Um...how could anyone hate THAT hair? You've been blessed with some stunning hair, sir!

I understand the idea of trying to make your spouse happy but...it is your head and body to do with what you will and I'm not sure I see how having long hair is really that large of an issue. I mean, its just hair. Presumably she didn't marry you for your hair, long or short, so why should it matter at all?

Wally
September 7th, 2010, 11:54 AM
Welcome to LHC. We can always use more guys.

I'm confident that even before you posted you realized the support and admiration you were going get here. Your hair looks terrific!

I'll come down a little more on the side of compromise than what I am feeling is the predominant repsonse here. A good relationship is more important than hair length. You need to discover the reasons for the adverse opinion and then you can go from there.

You are about 6 months ahead of me (and much thicker, lucky). I get a neutral response from DW. She's never said she doesn't like it, but never said she likes it. So that's supportive to keep going. She hates the pulled up/back pony I wear to bed (looks like a blooming flower on my head), and makes me take it out for 'personal' time. No problemo! :eyebrows:

Good luck, and talk it out. Consider to offer a shorter style as a compromise for now. She might miss your hair and then you'll be home free.

RecklessCharlie
September 7th, 2010, 11:56 AM
Depending on you, she might have to tolerate it, but she would never like it. Most Christians view long hair on a man as effeminate.
I say, didn't Jesus have long hair? My parents are of the Christian faith and I've never once had any reason to believe that long hair is somehow effeminate on men. If God didn't want men to have long hair then it wouldn't grow.

Deborah
September 7th, 2010, 12:16 PM
I say, didn't Jesus have long hair? My parents are of the Christian faith and I've never once had any reason to believe that long hair is somehow effeminate on men. If God didn't want men to have long hair then it wouldn't grow.


Actually no, Jesus did not have long hair. Paintings and carving from the time of Christ show him with short hair. The images we have of Him with long, flowing hair were done much later, and were based upon models used at that time in Italy.

Deborah
September 7th, 2010, 12:21 PM
Even if she's uncomfortable because she's been taught a particular understanding of a particular Bible verse, it doesn't mean that her understanding now will be the understanding she always has, or that her understanding is the only "Christian" one.

Claiming that any interpretation of the Bible is the only "Christian" one is a lie, as there are, in fact, many Christians who interpret the same verses in different way.

The point is not what you or I or anyone else on this list believes, it is what this man's wife believes. If she believes the Bible more literally than some others do, then she is not likely to change her beliefs to please other people.

vanity_acefake
September 7th, 2010, 12:33 PM
Wow! Your hair is amazing. So healthy and thick. The only advice i can give you is that life is too short for regrets - if you love your long hair then explain to your wife how you feel. Tell her how importsnt it is to your selfesteem and confidence. Even bring up famous men with long hair that women adore - Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Mel Gibson in Braveheart etc. Good luck and i hope you can turn your wife's opinion around.

lapushka
September 7th, 2010, 02:44 PM
First, you are NOT your hair. If your wife loves you, the marriage is a strong and caring partnership, the length of your hair should be somewhat a non-issue. She might not really much care for it long, but it shouldn't be making life difficult for you, or causing undue marital discord.

ITA!

You have gorgeous hair.

We all have our preferences, and none of us can help it; some things are the way they are. I prefer short hair on men, myself, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't live with someone with long or longer hair or that I'd break up with someone for changing their hairstyle (sheesh!). The thing is, your partner shouldn't force you into something you're not comfortable with, and something this minor cannot be a deal breaker. I'm sure that if she realizes how important it is to you, that she can live with your choice of keeping it long. At least, I hope so.

Welcome to LHC!

LadyJennifer
September 7th, 2010, 02:54 PM
Actually no, Jesus did not have long hair. Paintings and carving from the time of Christ show him with short hair. The images we have of Him with long, flowing hair were done much later, and were based upon models used at that time in Italy.

People had longer hair in that time period. They didn't even bathe as much as we do, I have a hard time believing they cut their hair that often. Absalom (King David's son) cut his hair once a year, and it weighed out to 5 pounds. That is some serious hair, and not short!
Some (like Samson) were Nazirites and were under an oath to not cut their hair for a time period (or for a lifetime, like Samson). If growing hair long was wrong biblically, then the ones who were closest to God and were under oath to Him, then doesn't it make sense that God would want them to have the shortest hair?
Anyway, everyone's version of long or short is different. Women in that time probably had hair down to their knees commonly (what most consider freakishly long), even men with shoulder length lair compared to that would be short, or even waist length for that matter.

littlenvy
September 7th, 2010, 03:03 PM
I think we might have lost focus here.
OP never mentioned anything about his wife’s beliefs, so I tend to think is a matter of attraction rather than that of religion.

Some people are attracted to long hair men and some are not. And that’s that.

share801
September 7th, 2010, 03:19 PM
Maybe she is jealous? My hair doesn't look that nice, and I'm female!

virgo75
September 7th, 2010, 03:42 PM
I love it!
This thread is 9 pages long and the OP has only made 3 posts in the whole forum. :lol:

Alun
September 7th, 2010, 03:48 PM
IMHO if you were a woman and your husband was telling you to cut your hair I sincerly doubt people would say "cut it for your marriage", it would be more like "he's controlling!".

This is exactly the same, the way she's "allowed" you to grow it so far but changed her mind. It might not be meant in a horrible way but it's really not a nice thing to do. Perhaps you could turn it so she could understand how you feel by asking her how she would feel if you were instructing her to change, say her hair colour. How would she react?


Your body is your own and you can do what you want with it. Plus your hair is in wonderful condition, you've clearly worked hard for it so keep it how *you* want.

That's it in a nutshell, and I'm a guy (the beard is such a giveaway).

My wife doesn't appeared bothered by my hair, although she's not especially into it, but she always knew me with long hair.

Welcome to LHC!

RecklessCharlie
September 7th, 2010, 03:55 PM
I think we might have lost focus here.
OP never mentioned anything about his wife’s beliefs, so I tend to think is a matter of attraction rather than that of religion.
Quite right - thank you for refocusing us. My apologies for adding to the 'thread-wander' :)

OP, I hope you and your wife can discuss this and come to an agreement that suits you both!


IMHO if you were a woman and your husband was telling you to cut your hair I sincerly doubt people would say "cut it for your marriage", it would be more like "he's controlling!".

This is exactly the same, the way she's "allowed" you to grow it so far but changed her mind. It might not be meant in a horrible way but it's really not a nice thing to do. Perhaps you could turn it so she could understand how you feel by asking her how she would feel if you were instructing her to change, say her hair colour. How would she react?


Your body is your own and you can do what you want with it. Plus your hair is in wonderful condition, you've clearly worked hard for it so keep it how *you* want.
Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to get across in my original post - you managed it in far more eloquent terms!
Sounds as though there may be a bit of a double standard going on here- as there sadly are in many female/male relational issues.

TeddyK
September 7th, 2010, 05:54 PM
Just wanted to let you know that I took advantage of the holiday to work it out with my wife and everything turn out well. While she says she doesn't find it attractive she can get used to it if its that important to me. She said she didnt anticipate me growing it this long and keeping it so it took her aback a bit. So any way I will be keeping my hair. I did take someone's advice and joked that she could style it for me, but she turned me down saying that I did fine on my own and that she prefers my "impressive" ponytail to my attempts at buns or when i use a claw clip to put it up, if its going to be long. So i figure I can oblige her with that when practicality doesnt get in the way, and I actually like my hair in a ponytail best anyway. Thanks again for the support. And good luck everybody.
Also I figured I would attach a picture of my hair down since that seems like what everybody does here: http://i1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa340/zdizzle2/100_1625-2-1.jpg?t=1283899559

missfortune9335
September 7th, 2010, 06:02 PM
Hey! That's wonderful news, I'm glad it worked out well. :D We were rooting for you!

sunrain
September 7th, 2010, 06:16 PM
Yay, glad it went well! Your length picture made me do this: :thud:
Such amazing waves and curls!

lora410
September 7th, 2010, 06:40 PM
I wish I had your hair!!!!!!!!!! Glad you worked out everything.

Peter
September 7th, 2010, 07:58 PM
Great news Teddy!

Hope to see you around here more. :)

McFearless
September 7th, 2010, 09:05 PM
See! I knew your wife was sweet. I just think she needs to get used to it. Glad things worked out:)

dreamsofnorns
September 7th, 2010, 09:46 PM
Your hair is so beautiful!
Maybe some sort of braid? I like how you are wearing it in the picture.

30isthenewblack
September 7th, 2010, 09:46 PM
I love a happy hair ending. Good to hear everything worked out. I agree with everyone else - you do have lovely thick and healthy looking hair. Your wife can't complain that you don't look after it!

ghost
September 7th, 2010, 09:59 PM
Your hair looks great! I'm so glad you and your wife worked things out.
The color, length and thickness of your hair are awesome, I'm so jealous.

clichepithet
September 7th, 2010, 10:49 PM
boy, your hair looks photoshopped!

Thank you. I thought I was the only one and didn't want to ruffle fur and say anything... :(

Sha-na-na
September 8th, 2010, 12:16 AM
I dislike long hair on men. Personally, it is a gender-role thing. On my husband, nooooooooo way. He feels the same about my hair and gets nervous when I get a trim. This is totally a personal choice. I secretly want to braid a man's hair if it is long, but as far as it actually being "sexy"? No.

Glad everything worked out for you! Communication is always key!

practikalmagik
September 8th, 2010, 02:43 AM
I'm really pleased you've worked things out :)

Pixna
September 8th, 2010, 05:47 AM
That's wonderful news, Teddy!!! I'm so glad to hear it worked out well. And welcome to LHC! I hope we'll see (and hear) a lot more from you.

Speedbump
September 8th, 2010, 08:54 PM
Oh my WORD, TeddyK, your hair is just ... :thud: . I find it hard to believe your wife doesn't appreciate THAT. Wow. I have nothing to offer but a huge thumbs up from the LHC Peanut Gallery for your beautiful hair. The only reason why I would EVER cut that is if it meant divorce if I didn't. And even then, I would have to *seriously* consider it. :lol:

ETA: Just saw the congrats on it working out somehow right after I posted. That's what I get for not reading the replies... :o

arwenevenstar37
September 8th, 2010, 09:02 PM
I am very happy to see it worked out :)

christine1989
September 8th, 2010, 09:06 PM
Your hair is amazing! Its so thick and the color is lovely. :) Try explaining to your wife how tough it is to grow long, healthy hair and how proud you are of it (as you should be!) It may be that she is a bit jealous of your great hair. Afterall, few women have hair like yours but most all of them want it.

Wanderer09
September 8th, 2010, 10:29 PM
So glad you were able to work out a compromise! If I had your hair I wouldn't cut it no matter what a partner said. ;)

Like everyone else has said, it's important to know how to pick your battles in a relationship. Ultimately, hair length is an individual preference and shouldn't be dictated by a spouse. My boyfriend likes his hair short and while I like to playfully complain each time he gets it cut, I respect his choice in the matter and would never force him to grow it long, just like he'd never force me to cut mine. It's what's inside that's most important, not hair length.

yzkaloha
September 9th, 2010, 12:29 AM
Glad it all worked out!!!!

toaster
September 9th, 2010, 05:32 AM
Sorry I'm late to the party TeddyK. I'm in exactly the same situation as you.

She wanted a beard, so I grew it. She wanted an earring, so I got pierced. She's way more important to me than vanity.

I grew my hair because I wanted to. She doesn't like it, she's very vocal about that; however, she has yet to tell me to cut it. She wants me to, but I think out of respect for my wishes she hasn't asked me to. If she did, I would, in a heartbeat. I'm glad she hasn't, I hope she doesn't.

I hang out here so that I have incentive to keep it looking nice, so that she doesn't start hating it more.

Reds11
September 11th, 2010, 09:25 AM
It looks fine. I don't know if you like rock music or lot but a lot of rockers have long hair and so it might be worth checking out some of the styles? pointing at pics of Jared leto or sawyer from losts long hair and say look see these guys look good!

Nenyath
September 11th, 2010, 10:35 AM
Not much to say to help, it's exceptionally beautiful hair you've got there though, the length, the thickness, the waves, the colours.. Wow! Let her get used to it though, I know from myself that sometimes you just need some time to get used to see something on your loved one!

Glad to see it worked out!

Demetrue
September 11th, 2010, 04:40 PM
Good - I'm glad you were able to communicate and work it out together ;>)

EtherealOde
September 11th, 2010, 07:00 PM
I bet you have a pretty thick braid happening when you wear it that way. :thudpile:

I am glad you two worked things out, cutting that hair would have been a shame. I love lush hair on men, when it is well-maintained like yours. Happy growing and welcome to LHC. :)

talecon
September 15th, 2010, 06:51 AM
shes just jealous ;)
umm I cant add anything other than it your hair, do what you want with it. if it makes you feel good and you like the way it is then let it be. I for one would not chop my hair if the guy I was with didnt like it. many people dont like my piercings but I like them so I'm not going to take them out.

talecon
September 15th, 2010, 06:58 AM
Just wanted to let you know that I took advantage of the holiday to work it out with my wife and everything turn out well. While she says she doesn't find it attractive she can get used to it if its that important to me. She said she didnt anticipate me growing it this long and keeping it so it took her aback a bit. So any way I will be keeping my hair. I did take someone's advice and joked that she could style it for me, but she turned me down saying that I did fine on my own and that she prefers my "impressive" ponytail to my attempts at buns or when i use a claw clip to put it up, if its going to be long. So i figure I can oblige her with that when practicality doesnt get in the way, and I actually like my hair in a ponytail best anyway. Thanks again for the support. And good luck everybody.
Also I figured I would attach a picture of my hair down since that seems like what everybody does here: http://i1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa340/zdizzle2/100_1625-2-1.jpg?t=1283899559

seriously - you can be in a pantene pro-v commercial :D
I'ze jealous :o

Sunsailing
September 15th, 2010, 10:15 PM
I've seen those pictures before about a year ago, but can't remember where....

I think most of the people who responded had good intentions, yet some lack the experience of being married (I've made it 17 years so far.) In a marriage, you can't be as self-serving as you can when you are single. Good points were made about a wife loving her husband enough so that hair length shouldn't matter. Others made great points about a loving husband considering the likes and dislikes of his wife.

Just saying that "it's your hair, do whatever you want" is very self-serving and not very considerate of a spouse. One spouse should never control the other in ANY way. Yet desires, likes, dislikes, wants, and etc. of your spouse should be considered in any decision.

Supporting each other is the only way a marriage works.

I know my wife doesn't like long hair. I kept it short for a long time. But she was the one who came to me and told me to grow it. She did this out of love for me because she knew I wanted long hair. She has not asked me to cut it. If she did, I would have to really consider her request. But I know she won't ask.
She asks that I keep it pulled back in a ponytail out in public, which I do to please her. Some people might tell me to wear it however I desire, but I compromise out of my love for her.

Glad you worked it out.



[I liked Ursula's post :)......and Jesus probably had dark, curly hair regardless of length....]

-j-
September 16th, 2010, 01:10 AM
TeddyK, yous hair is gorgeous! :)

Glad you worked things out.

In my opinion, one does not have the right to tell the spouse, how she/he should have her/his hair. I just don´t find it a right thing to do. Of course, everyone is different, and if they have such a big issue, maybe it should be discussed.

When I cut my hair short some time ago (of which everybody was really shocked!), I did talk about it to my man beforehand. I wouldn´t have changed my intents because of him anyway but I found it a nice thing to do to discuss it first.

He didn´t like the idea, but agreed that it´s my hair and my body and he doesn´t have a right to tell me what to do about it. He was very considerate about it, he never ever has told me that the short hair is not nice, or that it turns him off or something like that.

Personally, I would be devastated if my man cut his hair short, but I would adapt to it. And I don´t think it would affect our relationship. People do change, after all, and I think one has to be ready to accept it.

JulietCapulet
September 16th, 2010, 08:17 AM
I'm not sure what to say...I guess everyone has the right to style their hair the way they want to. I guess it's also good to want to make our partner happy if we can. Like if I had a partner who didn't want me to cut off my hair I wouldn't as a sign of respect for him. But I don't know what to say about the other way around. If If I had a partner who didn't want me to grow my hair I wouldn't listen.

Teakafrog
September 17th, 2010, 02:23 AM
I say do what you want. My husband had long gorgeous hair when I met him, actually it was the first thing I noticed about him. I have always LOVED long hair on guys. :eyebrows: But a few months before we got married he went and chopped it all off without asking me anything about it. I cried for 3 days. Then I got over it. It was his hair, he could do what he wanted. Honestly, he never did look as good, but, by that point, I guess I loved him, so....:rolleyes:
Moral of the story: your hair is gorgeous, and there are plenty of women out there who would be happy to let you keep it. :cheese:

And before anyone starts, it's called sarcasm. Yes, I'm in a mood with aforementioned husband..

aenflex
September 17th, 2010, 10:45 AM
I'll say right away that I don't mean to offend. I'm going to stick my neck out there and offer my opinion. I'm a female, and even through the 80's and 90's, I never was attracted to long hair on men. I'm very open-minded when it comes to gender roles and personal choice. Your hair IS lovely, without a doubt. I don't know your wife, but if she is anything like me, the physical, arousal-aspects of intimacy with a long-haired man are difficult. Perhaps it is that?
I really don't want to set any fires, I am sincerely being honest. Something about long hair is just so feminine to me, it's ingrained....
That being said I really hope you and she are able to solve this problem to mutual satisfaction. I have never allowed my long term boyfriend to influence a single hair decision in 10 years. I don't try to do his, either. :)

archionblu
September 17th, 2010, 01:27 PM
*jaw drop* your hair is gorgeous! Like, wow! Try and reason with your wife. You have hair that is worth showing off!